Deadly Sins: Vanity and Anger

I have deadly sins. Deadly to fat. lol

I read something tonight that was rather inspirational to me. My girlfriend who also has been going the distance in her weight loss goals said, "...identifying what's great about me is something completely new." And I think we are much the same. I began to think about what about me is good... And I just remember back when I was a kid, I would pride myself in being athletic or fit or pretty. My mother, the cockiness hunter, would quickly reprimand me, "Quit looking at yourself in the mirror!"

But part of me has found that being vain, isn't that bad... Especially when it is only half vanity. Yes I look and fix, no I don't think I'm perfect. And especially when you see the fault, and work to fix it. Nothing can be wrong about that.

As I lay here thinking about it, the more I get angry about trying to get passed this wall. Usually, if this happens, I begin to lose my motivation. Lose my determination.

But this time, as laying around here goes, you wind up watching reality tv. Somehow, I've gotten into Dog: The Bounty Hunter. I'm sure everyone has seen this guy, but he is very eccentric. And he can be aggressive, fierce, determined, and serious about catching these wanted fugitives. The more I watch this guy, the madder I get about wanting what I want. Lord, I want that feeling of accomplishment in reaching my goals. And not two minutes ago, as I lay here getting mad, Dog was sitting in a stake-out and said something very pertinent to my cause: "The sitting around bothers me. Even though you're sitting, your adrenaline is at this edge of peaking. (vibrating noise) You know because you're just trying to guess every possibility of what could happen."
Woah. Could he really have said into words exactly what I was feeling? How timely.

However. The longer I sit here, the more I get a righteous anger. Angry enough to find a fierce determination. Mad enough to try new things. Pissed enough to let it sink in. And I feel like the longer I can let this anger sit in, the more in control I can be and the longer this motivation will last once I go.

I finished out the week feeling better. I never went over my calories this week, and by Wednesday my calories and protein were back to normal. I ended up getting in 2 workouts.. P90x and 2 sets of cardio. I ordered a food scale for meticulous meal tracking, a pre-filled workout journal, and a blank journal to use as my workout journal in case I don't like the pre-filled ones. I am going to try some new protein powder flavors just to mix things up for me and treat this new round of working out like this whole deal is brand new.

If this is something I really want, this has to be my mindset all the time. I'm finding all sorts of motivation for it. My friend who is a trainer, said today, "Sometimes I get cocky and say 'I'm too strong for my puny weights.'" This is exactly how I need to be thinking. All the time. I think it is feasible to use my deadly sins to crush my goals. And I think it is acceptable to embrace this side of me to get what I want, when I want.

So I think I'll embrace my vanity and anger. 

P90x: Fail.

My biggest beef with P90x is that I do it at home. Part of why I love going to the gym is exactly that, I go to the gym. I'm not distracted with all the things in my home that I need to do.

"I'll just start that load of dishes and THEN start my dvd." -typical words out of my mouth.
"I'll just throw some laundry in the wash and THEN throw in the dvd..." -Also very ordinary words for me.

Well, it turns out that I'm not good at doing my workouts at home. And not because I can't, but because the ADD in me just can't handle the distractions. Also, it is very loud in our apartment. I mean, we're on the top floor with wooden floors... jumping around is very loud, it also shakes everything, and there isn't a lot of room. I feel that I may be able to handle this when we move into our house. The living room is HUGE and I won't have to worry about disturbing our neighbors.

The reality is that, I can't really start it right now. FRIG! I'm so very discouraged at not being able to follow through with my goals. At the beginning of 2010, my resolution was to hit 120 lbs. Which I have done, and the sense of accomplishment has since become an aphrodisiac.. Also, I got sick. Again. 

In 2011, what can my goals really be? I've been told when creating resolution that one should choose things they truly want. What do I want? Hmm.
-I'd love to get out of debt, or at least get done with my small debts and work on student loans.
-Get down to 14-16% body fat permanently.
-Complete a 30 day Bikram Challenge.
-Compete in a figure competition.

I'm one of those people who can't focus on too much at one time. Especially because three of those goals are long term.

So I am going to focus on the first two for now. So, I have a new workout... Again. lol to start on next week. Since I'm sick, again, I will just do cardio at the gym once I start feeling better.

I don't know how end this really. I mean, how many challenges have I promised myself and not followed through with?? It seems like hundreds. But I do have to keep giving myself props for doing the major one... Losing that much weight is a major feat. And has honestly changed my life. Given me strength to tackle my other weaknesses.

Inspiration of the day:

Sonia Gonzales: IFBB Bikini Pro

The reason I love her so much, she is only 5'1" and she was a Figure Pro turned Bikini Pro. Which is incredibly difficult to do. This may not be understandable for most people, but think about your own goals... Physical or artistic or career. Now, imagine if that goal would determine what you ate, drank, your schedule, your sleep schedule for months and months out of your life. She has done this... TWICE! She once changed her body to bulk up and then she had chiseled off muscle, that kind of determination is fierce. What a beautiful woman inside and out. And that is what I love about what I am choosing to do with my body.

No One Gets It.

Just last night, after doing my P90X (which was Polymetrics and an awesome burn)... I was sitting in a bath and talking to Handsome. And it occurred to me...



Miss this feeling :(

Last summer, my favorite moment of the day was after yoga, walking home, drinking a LARGE coconut water
ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.

Feeling the oil seep out of my pores because yoga had completely flushed them out. Feeling my lips so dry because they've had salt on them for the last 90 minutes. Feeling sweat run down my neck because my hair was still holding tons of it.

I miss how my skin used to glow for days afterward. Even if I go to yoga now, I don't even get close to that.

I miss what yoga used to be to me... MORE than just the best workout of my whole life. My body feels tired and flat. I used to feel toned and worked. I may consider driving the 2.5 hours to the Tri-Cities or doing yoga in a steam room at the gym just to get the same effects.

Can anyone tell I'm tired and am feeling depressed from missing Bikram?! There is no remedy at this moment. Just great desire.

Week 1: Overall

I was feeling rather proud of myself.
Until I got my body fat taken.
I've plateaued for 6 weeks at 24.7%.

And this took a lot of concentration.

Not cool.

My only idea is to do something drastic. I know P90x is a program many don't finish, and many look at it as sort of... cookie cutter. Well, I'm willing to do anything different at this point.

And when have I ever completed a challenge? P90x... here I come.

Week 1: Day 4 & Body Fat Test

I just want to point out that there is no better feeling than a workout you finish when you were contemplating not even going to the gym.

I almost skipped this. After work I got in my car and seriously contemplated just driving home. I had to keep telling myself "Just get there. Just get yourself to the gym."
Once I got to the gym, it was a mental struggle through the whole workout. Kept wanting to skip a set or skip a run but battled my mind all the way through it.



Feeling proud after that last set of running!

Day 4 workout: (Legs & Glutes)
1st Set: superset-Dumbell Reverse Lunge (55 lbs-12 reps) & Decline Leg Curl (30 lbs-12 reps)
2nd Set: superset-Goblet squat (40 lbs-12 reps) & Assisted Dumbell Lunge (60 lbs-10 reps)
3rd Set: superset-Good morning (50 lbs-12 reps) & Bulgarian Split Squat (60 lbs-12 reps)
4th Set: superset-Machine Leg Press (250 lbs-12 reps) & Calf Raise (250 lbs-12 reps)
5th Set: superset-Barbell Hack Squat (30 lbs-12 reps)
Complete each set 3x with 1 min running in between each.

Body Fat test! I have to admit... I was rather excited to see my progress:
1/26/10 - 35.2%
2/16/10 - 33.4%
3/9/10 - 32.3%
4/8/10 - 29.3%
8/11/10 - 26%
9/29/10 - 28%
10/28/10 - 24.7%
12/16/10 - 24.9% ... Seeing a plateau. I'm considering just doing something new... I've lifted for almost a full week... I think I might start P90X just to shake things up for the next couple of weeks.


And just because I'm feeling rather proud:

I wore this to a Christmas Party the other day... I'm feeling proud of my calves. They've never looked so toned and slim. Good job gals. ;)

Week 1: Day 3 & Supplements

Today's workout: (Abs & Shoulders)
1st set: Arnold Press (15 lbs-12 reps) & Incline Reverse Crunch (tried to make it to 20 on each set)
2nd set: Scaption (10 lbs-12 reps) & Bosu Side Bridge (10 each side)
3rd set: Rear Lateral Raise (12 lbs-12 reps) & Decline Twisting Ab Crunch (12 lb Medicine ball-12 reps each side)
4th set: Incline Shoulder Rotation (10 lbs-12 reps) & Hanging Leg Raise (10 reps)
5th set: Bar Upright Row (40 lbs-12 reps) & Kneeling twisting cable crunch (80 lbs-12 reps)
Repeat each 3x with 1 min running in between

Shoulders are a ROUGH day for me! My shoulders are a pretty weak body part. But I'll get there! :)

Supplements. This is always a funny subject for people. I don't recommend everything I take for everyone. But I take everything I do, on purpose.
I take 2 multi-vitamins a day, these are for active women. Also, 3 fish oils (as oils help you synthesize proteins), iron (because I tend to be on the anemic side especially as an extremely active woman), 3 glucoasmine (this is for joints... it helps your joints resynthesize cartilege... I have creaky knees and back), Vitamin C (duh), Vitamin-D & Calcium (because I'm a growing girl), and... Vitamin E.
Vitamin E, which not everyone knows, helps protect your body against free radicals. It is also important in the formation of red blood cells (which helps with muscle recovery) and helps the body use Vitamin K. The reason I take this as a supplement is because it tends to be high in foods I can't eat a lot of... Like corn, wheat and olives.
I also take a supplement before and after my workouts called Essential Electrolytes. This helps the body balance all of the vitamins and minerals it has for optimum performance. I used to get really bad side stitches before and after yoga and this has always helped... So why not take it when lifting also?!

Week 1: Day 2 & Diet

Day 2 workout: (Triceps & Chest)
1st Set: superset-Lying Triceps Extension (25lbs-12 reps) and Incline Dumbell Fly (12lbs-12 reps)
2nd Set: superset-French Press (30lbs-8 reps) and Single-Arm External Rotation (8lbs-12 reps)
3rd Set: superset-Incline Barbell Bench Press (40lbs-12 reps) and Cable Triceps Overhead Extension (40lbs-12 reps)
4th Set: superset-Cable Triceps Pushdown (40lbs-12 reps) and Cable Crossover (10lbs-12 reps)
Repeat each 3x with 1 min running in between each.

In case anyone ever wants to try something like this, I figured I'd post my diet. This is something very specific to me: My height, weight, and goals. I only track calories because I used to do Weight Watchers (which I think is probably the best program to get people out of the slump of being overweight) but as time went on, I really needed to track a few more things.
For example: protein, carbs, and fat. The reason I track all of those things is NOT because I'm trying to scale back or diet them. The reason I track them... is because I need them. And actually have trouble getting them. -With proteins, I had a really hard time getting enough in during the day when I first started losing weight, because I always figured a lot of protein was bad for your body. Not so! Read my post on proteins and why you need it (click here).
-Carbs are important as they help give one energy. Always important to eat slow burning carbs, like whole wheat pastas, brown rice, and sweet potatoes. Complex carbs will help you burn calories more quickly. And even high carbs after a workout can help speed up recovery.
-Another factor that took me a while to decide on tracking was Fats. And this was due to the fact that I was taking in so much meat etc, that I forgot that all bodies need healthy fats and oils. So I began tracking it to make sure I was getting enough.

So here is what my basic diet looks like. Remember that all meats are subsitutable for other meats and same with veggies. Should I choose to do a competition, I will post my pre-competition diet.
Also, This is how I count my stats: (calories-protein-carbs-fat) Makes it easier to track during the day.

0700: 2 egg whites & 1 whole egg, & 1/2 c oatmeal (258-17-13-9)
1000: 1 oz turkey, 2 oz sweet potato, 10 baby carrots (129-15-18-2)
1300: 2 oz chicken, light yogurt, 12 almonds, and 1/2 banana (357-28-35-14)
1500: (pre-workout) 1 scp for protein shake (120-22-4-2)
1700: (post-workout) 1 scp for protein shake (120-22-4-2)
1830: 3 oz chicken, 1/2 c brown rice, and 1 c green beans (318-34-31-7)

Total: 1302 calories, 138g protein, 105g carbs, 36g fat (this is actually very low)
(If I'm feeling really full at night, I will also leave out the brown rice or my carb in the pm)



Hehe! My breakfast. Oatmeal, eggs, decaf, supplements, and water!

 The advice that I give anyone when they are trying to determine their diet, is choose things that you LOVE that are healthy and build your diet around that. For example, I don't like egg whites all that much... I really LOVE runny egg yolks. So what I do, is at work, I will buy 3 hard boiled eggs and 1 soft boiled egg. I eat the whites off the hard-boileds and the yolk from the soft-boiled, mixed together. Boom.
Or I love sweet potatoes (which are high in protein, low in carb and have a low Glycemic Index score) but my honey doesn't like them, so I boil a bunch on sundays and prepare my lunches for the rest of the week.

At any rate, if there is a will there is a way! If you even remotely want it to work, you can make it work! The body follows intention!