Coming Into the Final Lap (or, 12 Weeks Out)

I'm sure some of the moms I know are just going to flat out laugh at this post, and that's fine. I tend to be ambitious and over commit ahead of time. :) I know this about myself, and that's okay.

We are gearing up for baby! I was waiting until I was completely full term before prepping these meals, more as kind of a mind bender that there was NO WAY I would have a premature baby (like I am able to control that LOL). Whatever, mind tricks. But have taken the time to start stocking up on spices and buying loads of freezer containers.

Right Now Goals:
1. Have 5 weeks worth of clean freezer meals prepped for after delivery.
2. Room Ready
3. Continue workouts/yoga 3-4x a week until labor

Post-Birth Goals:
1. My overall goal is to breastfeed Chloe for a full year.
2. Have a meal plan laid out, and clean up my eating immediately after delivery (without lowering any kind of calories to ensure my body still produces milk. Lowering calories can tell your body that you don't want to produce. Our bodies are fickle and amazing).

Macro split: 40-40-20, calories starting at 2,400... I'm going to see how this goes for me. I've heard that some women have an insane metabolism while breastfeeding and it just depends on your genetics.
I tend to be mostly a mesomorph, meaning that I tend to gain muscle easily. So, I'm going to start high with minimal exercise and see how that goes for me. Changes will be made in the event that I stop producing milk or don't lose weight.

3. Start with walks around the block (which is 3 miles in the country :) ) within a week after delivery until my body is ready for an easy weight lifting split (no cardio, only a 10 minute walk warm up). I'm excited to give my body the chance to reset my metabolism!
4. Enjoy every minute of my time with my little one :)

I will be working on the meal plan in the next few weeks, and will be ABSOLUTELY be looking for good clean freezer meal recipes, so feel free to share! :)

Week: 28! Officially at my 3rd Trimester and 12 weeks from meeting our sweet Chloe (I'm actually at 29 tomorrow)

Weight Gain:  30 lbs (@ 155 lbs) - Gaining weight like a champ! LOL! Yes, that does mean that I've gained 12 lbs in the last two months. And this is the one time in my life that I'm not giving myself a hard time over the gain. :)

Sleep: Pretty awful, but let's be honest... It isn't going to get better anytime in the next year or so. I'm just praying little Chloe has inherited her papa's sleeping habits: HARD as a log. 

Miss Anything? Lots of things. Mostly margaritas and non-pregnant sex. It's true, having a little person in the bed is very similar to knowing your dog is watching you. 

Symptoms: I hate telling people this, but I'm still getting sick. And often, like 3-4x a week still. Again, I haven't been diligent about keeping up with preventative measures because I'm really tired of doing the fruitless preventative measures.

I also have at times unbearable back pain, but yoga is a tremendous help with this. Something new, I'm experiencing a new nerve compression - It feels like the baby is an alien and is going to come crawling out of my abdomen. But seriously, like a really intense sunburn on your upper abs. This is due to my posture being off and compressing a nerve in my upper thoracic spine. Awesome.

Mood: Depends on what minute of the day it is and the last time I ate. Right now I feel fine. Ask me in a few hours, and I might have a meltdown. haha! Mostly I just crave holding my little baby in my arms. 

Cravings: Fruit, cinnamon, and chocolate. I found myself getting wrapped back into a cinnamon roll habit (Okay, just to reiterate.. these rolls are pretty amazingly delicious... made with biscuit dough and not too much icing... They are so fantastic with coffee in the morning), but quickly realized that my craving for these was simply due to wanting/craving cinnamon! (Okay, that and comfort eating from getting sick nearly every morning still.) So, I quickly bought some cinnamon cream cheese for my P28 Bagels, and BOOM! Breakfast is now both satisfying and filling. 

Diet: Not too bad. Now that I've come to grips with the fact that the nausea and sickness I experience is never going to change until little Chlo makes her arrival, I'm trying not to get too caught up into eating everything in sight just because I'm STARVANG and wanting to comfort eat. I allow myself one treat per day, which usually is something like angel food cake and strawberries, and am also eating a good amount of fruit everyday. 

Still working out: In the last few weeks, I've only made it to yoga twice a week and the gym another 1-2x a week. This is a VERY busy time for us business-wise (taxes, W2's, etc.), so I'm giving myself the flexibility and sympathy I don't typically when it comes to my workouts.

Stretchmarks: They're happening. I mean, I already had them so I'm not concerned about it. It's just re-stretching out my old ones on my love handles. Luckily, none ON the front side of my belly yet. :)

And introducing another new category... "Belly Button Watch"
Still In. :) But getting shallow. 

Baby Room Progress: 

WE DID IT! Actually, Mr. Bang did ALL of this. I wish I had a good before picture, because this room was CRAPPY! It was seriously our junk room that we kept the door closed to when we had people over.
Mr. Bang painted the entire room, including the trim... He painted the dresser gold, the cabinet in the closet white, and the cute little pink table. He also completely put together the crib and the glider with ottoman... And he put up the cute letters I wrapped in yarn. Now, it's just time for details... organizing the closet, getting some drapes put in, and pictures on the walls.

So yeah, we are moving right along. This little baby will be here before we know it, and it is so hard to believe that we'll have a new person living with us! And it's time to get on making my freezer meals, so PLEASE share any great recipes you have! 

Have a great strong week friends! Spring is around the corner! :)

The Next Phase, Part 1: Meal Plan & Preggie Update

Well, I've finished out my 1st trimester and this is when I hear life gets a little easier.. I say that I hear that because I still got the pregnant barfies. In most women this is gone by now, but I guess I've never been one to be "normal."

Week: 15 - Beginning of the 2nd trimester! In the life of a fitness competitor, wouldn't it seem more fitting to count DOWN the weeks? ;) I'm now 25 weeks out! WOOT! Still feels like forever.  

Weight:  132 lbs (7 lb gain.)

Sleep: I have been feeling somewhat better, so I've been working out more... So, I've been sleeping a little better at night. Although, HOLY HELL, DREAMS! My dreams are sooo vivid (hormones).. Ahem, sex dreams are theeeee best. 

Symptoms: Better, sort of... Nausea and sickness are still around frequently... Please don't feel that you need to fix this because my doctor has stated that I just might be one of those women that gets sick all the way through, and I have tried EVERYTHING aside from taking medication, which I refuse to do.

The fatigue has pretty much hung around.. I walk around like I'm on a sleeping pill all day trying to fight off its effects... But its really just hormones.

Just imagine having PMS always. ALWAYS. I'm trying to be good about telling people when I just feel plain old grumpy for no reason. All the ladies seem to get it, and the husband appreciates it. ;)

Miss Anything? Competing. Training hard. Ordering new bikinis. Wearing bikinis. Having abs. The Olympia just happened and it sucks to not really be able to focus on that right now... Or anytime soon. Maybe late next year? Its kind of far fetched considering you're not *supposed* to workout for 6 weeks past giving birth (this will be a WHOLE other post, I don't totally agree with this logic).

But the best way to beat the crummy attitude about that, is to continue working on my diet and exercise! Am I right?! Makes me feel less insecure about my changing body & body composition.

Mood: BETTER ALSO. Well, mostly. Trying to be better about recognizing when my crazy pregnancy hormones are just making me angry. :) I'm calling that... Pregangry.

Cravings: Pickles and apples. Not together. But a LOT of apples.

Also, everything.

Diet: Towards the end of week 13, I really noticed my tummy was queasy less often, and I was shakey less often.. So I took it upon myself to get back to making good solid lunches with a variety of foods... fruits, veggies, mostly gluten free carbs like rice cakes and rice noodles, and some high protein bagels. Unfortunately for me, I've been sick SO much that I can only hold down carbs first thing in the morning. I tried making spinach & fruit shakes, but they almost made me sicker. For weeks on end all I could hold down in the mornings were bagels, so the P28 bagels REALLY came in handy!

So, I've actually had to mess around with this a LOT. I've worked on a different meal plan almost every week simply because nothing was working with the nausea like I had hoped. Here's what my meal plan looks like for the next few weeks:
7am - Coffee and a P28 bagel with cream cheese
10am - Yogurt & Fruit
12pm - Some kind of salad loaded with veggies, a lean meat and any dressing of my choosing, trying to avoid choices like cheese or olives. 
2pm - a protein candy bar. ;) Okay, its usually a cliff bar or a promax bar, but they taste like candy.
5pm - Yoga days: an apple & coconut water; Lift days: apple & protein shake
630ish - Anything, but something well rounded... A veggie, a lean meat and a whole grain of some sort... This has often ended up in the form of a good pasta or burrito. :) And sometimes breakfast for dinner.
9ish - Protein crepes with fruit, or a FiberOne Bar... Although I should make more crepes. They are fabulous and really fill me up overnight.

Goals:
We got our back room cleaned out and even got the office organized! It was giant dump run and Goodwill run, but soooo worth it. Now we can officially start moving the furniture out of the office but we also have a few walls to get knocked out... We have a little house, only 2 bedrooms in 1200 sq feet, so the plan is to knock out a wall between our living room & dining room so we can make room for our gigantor desk in the living room. Its a lot to handle but Baby Bang has given us a reason to be motivated. :)

Well, new stuff happening! We get to find out the gender in another couple of weeks, which has felt like an ETERNITY! And I've been fighting the urge to feel annoyed with my doctor who likes to wait to find out the gender until 19-20 weeks. Ugh... We do have names picked out for either sex, but will wait until we find out to share them. :) We tried sharing our boy name with some family and got a whole lot of "WHAT??" So, we're just waiting.

Pregnancy in general is pretty weird. You just have to be okay with it. And I've not ever been one to just concede and be fine with miscellaneous stressors, or a body I'm uncomfortable in, so this has been a challenge. I'm usually one to change whatever I don't like about myself or my situation so this is quite the new experience. It challenges my self-esteem to make a choice to love my body right now, when it doesn't reflect what I'd like it to, among other things.

My goals right now are:
1. Keep up on my water intake & pre-established meal plan
2. Eat only what's on my pre-established meal plan. (This is for a couple of reasons: First, of course, I want to gain weight at a healthy pace, not blow up. And also, high blood pressure runs in my family and any weight gain sets this in for me, so monitoring my food helps me monitor my sodium intake to keep my blood pressure low.)
3. Gym workouts 3-4x times a week and trying for hot yoga 2x a week. This is too much for many, and I wouldn't recommend this unless you were doing it pre-pregnancy, which I was. (Obviously this is me balancing creating strength and working on flexibility. Gotta take advantage of all the excess human growth hormone!)

Exercise Routine: Also towards the end of week 12 since I was feeling less sick, I started to get back to, at the VERY least, cardio. And on days I was feeling okay for it, I did some strengthening exercises... Body weight squats, pushups, hip thrusts, etc. Basically back to 3-4 times a week by week 15. And these last two weeks its been 3 days a week, with body parts split up and elliptical, at the gym... with 2 days of yoga. Yeah! Feels great to sweat hard again. Maybe in another week I'll have the coveted GLOW?!

Next week I will post my workout plan, which I feel very good about. More on that next week.

Question: Would registering for new VersaGrips be acceptable on my baby registry? I mean, that's ultimately what I'm going to NEED post-partum. ;)

Yoga Love and the Miracle of Hot Yoga while Pregnant (or not pregnant)

I absolutely love the studio I've gone to for years. They treat me like family every time I'm there and I am constantly learning more and more about my practice. Being knocked up has given me the opportunity to learn even more about the practice, and how continuing can be very beneficial for baby and for pregnancy symptoms. Skip to the below post if you'd rather read this than read my Knocked Up Updates. ;)

Week: 10!    Official due date: April 29th! I was a bit farther along than we initially thought. 

Weight Gain: 2 lbs (At 125lbs, my goal weight gain is 20 lbs.. So, around 140-145.)

Minka, making sure her presence is known ;)

Sleep: Getting harder. I was an 80's kid before SIDS was linked to tummy sleeping, so not being able to sleep on my tum tum is pretty lame, and some nights I wake up still sleeping on my belly. And I'm a really light sleeper so I suspect my days of sound sleep are basically gone. Although, we have resolved the dog issue.

Miss Anything?  HOT BATHS. I take a much hotter bath than most, practically scathing, much like a hot tub.. So I really miss just soaking in a hot bath (to my standards). I just like being warm... Hot baths, hot yoga, steam rooms... Yeah, you guys know.

Symptoms: More mood swings, brain fog, constant fatigue, and my belly hurts a lot... Sometimes its the round ligament at the bottom of my belly and sometimes its higher, which I've read is probably my organs & internal tissues getting soft... not a lot of places for a baby to go in a woman my size. :) Sometimes the pains are worrisome, but I've been told not to.

My smells are on overdrive lately too! I smelled gasoline in our home and threw up everywhere! Funny thing was I could never figure out where the smell was coming from! Bad breath has made me throw up, the smell of the parking garage being cleaned at work... grease anywhere (like fast food type grease). 

Mostly it's a lot of barfing. For all the women who never had this, you have NO CLUE how lucky you are. It's impossible to predict when it will come for me. The other day it was in a meeting. On Saturday, it was DURING breakfast. Surprisingly, the prenatal vitamins don't seem to affect the nausea.

Women have suggested to me everything under the sun, and I've tried absolutely everything... Unisom, crackers at night, crackers during the night, crackers as soon as I wake up, ginger root supplements, ginger chews, ginger ale, ginger tea, tons of water, many small meals (which I do anyway), pregnancy teas, Preggie Pops (which do seem to help if I'm far from food, and am feeling the nausea come... although, I can't seem to find WHY these help. The ingredients are all sugars and essential oils. Tasty tho!), extra B6 during the day.. And still throwing up 6-7 times a day. I have no desire to be on any medication for this (Hello! Thalidomide was a disaster!), and am hoping I'm just hitting my peak of nausea & sickness.

Mood: Depends on my hunger or level of tiredness. :) Mamas, you know what I mean. The mood swings are CRAZY! I feel pretty bad for the hubs.. I really REALLY need to do something nice for him. He really is amazing.

Cravings: Fruit.. Except Bananas.. I am ENDLESSLY hungry. I have to deny myself a lot, but not like prep. I'm just denying things that sound instantly good but we know are completely empty - soda, ice cream... I've tried to turn to some FiberOne Bars just to keep my fiber up and avoid the dreaded pregnancy constipation yet still satisfy some sweet craving. Have been craving home food as the weather has gotten colder as well.. I made the BEST chicken pot pie last night!

Diet: Not that I'm complaining or anything, but this is so counter-intuitive for a bikini athlete/bodybuilder. Craving and eating loads of fruits lately. I binged on an entire carton of strawberries the other night. Mmmm! :) But honestly most of my diet is dictated by how I'm feeling... If the nausea is high, I'm tempted to only eat carbs, my breakfasts have pretty much only been bagels or cereal... Eggs, sausage, bacon.. all sound awful! But then also have to be careful about indigestion. I learned that on Cheez-It's a week or two ago. So, fruits have been my best option.

The saddest thing happened though this week, my taste buds changed... and coffee tastes awful. :( WAHHHHHH!!! Everyday my brain tells me I want coffee, but I have dumped an entire coffee every day this week. So, will probably just be making a switch to tea. (WOAH. Pregnancy really IS comparable to prep! haha)

Still working out: Baby and I have been doing hot yoga and cardio a couple times a week depending on where my nausea is at, but will discuss my love for hot yoga at the end of this post. My sickness has also dictated this, if I feel really sick... I don't work out.

Also, this isn't saying that I have loads of energy, it's mostly the opposite. I've been good about packing fruits and things to raise my blood sugar when I get too sleepy. But this is also a challenge when trying to keep up on my workouts. The fatigue is truly physical, but the battle is mental. It's easiest to compare this feeling to prep-depletion: Just get to the gym. I always feel better once I'm done!

The Sacred Pregnancy Obedience Rules: Okay, I quit Seafood.. And as far as the catbox, I just started wearing  a mask. Probably will eat clam chowder at some point. ;) I'm an excellent pill taker though, so the vitamins aren't an issue.

Goals for the next week or two:
We finally started our nesting projects! We did clean out and paint our master bedroom this weekend, so the next project is still one of my original goals:
1. Clean out the effing back room! It is a cluttery mess.

Onto My Real Post.... The Miracle of Hot Yoga (while or while not pregnant): 
With pregnancy comes loads of unsolicited advice. If you're a patient person, this might not bug you... but I, however, am not. I also used to be a GIANT people pleaser, so I now take any advice with a large grain of salt. A rock of salt, if you will. When I'm cranky and uncomfortable, I really want to tell some people to shove it.

"Do you really think you should be doing that given your condition?!" (Yeah, I heard that for real, last week)

I smiled as pleasantly as I could, although I'm sure she could see the irritation behind the smile, and informed her that I felt good and was perfectly healthy to keep up my exercise routine. I love how people think when you're pregnant, that you WANT to be squatting a large barbell or doing an hour of cardio (Okay, I do want to be squatting a large barbell, just not right now). On the contrary, in this first trimester, I don't feel awesome. But I ALWAYS feel awesome when I'm done!

My primary concern is growing a healthy baby. My secondary concern is keeping myself healthy and strong for a natural delivery. I've read from different sources that yoga is very helpful in keeping your abs & legs strong for delivery, and had even followed blogs in years past where women kept up their hot yoga practice throughout their pregnancies. All of them delivered completely natural, and had perfectly healthy babies. The power and grace these women exuded convinced me long ago of my intention to continue my hot yoga practice throughout any pregnancy I would have in the future.

And I have already been getting dirty looks of distress regarding continuing hot yoga into my pregnancy. However, you can find the Pregnancy Modifications to Bikram Yoga here, developed by Bikram's "wife". (I put wife in quotations because everyone knows Bikram is a giant man whore. He has two major rape lawsuits going on currently, which is why I don't necessarily feel the need to go to a designated "Bikram Yoga" studio. Did you know he charges studios $15K a YEAR to use his name?! Ludicrous. - Side note: I had to look up how to properly spell Ludicrous... Damn you Ludacris. LOL!)  I also found a posture by posture look at the alterations on bikramyogarichardson.com. This site is fabulous, it tells you at what stage in your pregnancy to begin altering what posture, and is way more comprehensive than Rajashree's guide.

Courtesy of Bikram Yoga Richardson - This woman looks so powerful in her postures!

Anyway, I was seriously doing yoga from weeks 1-6, obviously not aware I was knocked up, and felt perfectly fine! So, here I am, 10 weeks along and going to hot yoga fully aware I am with child... and suddenly I'm just supposed to quit??  If you're already accustomed to the heat, it actually feels amazing (and I suspect it really will as we head into the cold months). I walked into the hot room really just wanting to take a nap in there it felt so so good! As the first breathing exercise starts, Pranayama breathing, it is a challenge but once the second set has been completed, my energy level has picked up. Deep breathing and flushing my body with freshly oxygenated blood... Ahhh.

Yes, saunas & hot tubs are contraindicated for pregnancy. However, if you look into the science of hot yoga, if you are consistently practicing in the hot room, your body becomes accustomed to not raising its internal temperature in order to make it through an entire class. Which is why you see yoginis never getting sick throughout a class. But some women bring a thermometer and test themselves just to be sure (which I'll probably do). Bonus: The studio I go to has a class called "Beats" which is the same Bikram style series, but to low lights, music and minimal words. Perfect for a yogini to just do yoga and meditate into the practice. I love to talk to my baby during this and invite growth and love into our body.

Since I've had the soreness in my belly, which I guess is the stretching of the round ligament in your lower belly, and totally normal for a first pregnancy, I focus on the postures that stretch the belly. Half Moon feels wonderful, especially the backbend which I've been able to do at about 75%, once I feel the stretch, I don't push it further.

The only postures that are uncomfortable at this point are the backbends that push your belly into the floor like Floor Bow or Full Locust, but I got the chance to learn most of the alterations for when I get too big to do do the tight forward bends, which I suspect will be soon. I intend to give up the spine strengthening series in the next couple of weeks, and add in some Vinyasa/Flow postures. However, CAMEL... Give me this! I feel like the most powerful woman in the universe coming out of this backbend, and once I get to the ground, my body feels like it's melting into the earth. Camel is meant to flush and pump your cerebrospinal fluid (which is why many newcomers get dizzy and sick in camel, it can have those effects if you're not used to it), and I can only imagine that baby is reaping those benefits too.

My approach to practice has had to change, however.. I typically went into yoga as an athlete ready for the long haul, deep into every posture, pushing 100%, but now, slow and steady wins the race. I listen to my body, when I feel sick or dizzy I sit down until my heart rate has lowered completely. I leave yoga on cloud 9, my body feels good and surging with energy. And in fact, my pregnancy symptoms are not as intense the next day. I don't feel AS fatigued, or AS sick, nor as crazy with mood swings! It also relieves my body of any edema (holding water)!

After yoga (and my gym workouts), I give myself plenty - I snack on strawberries and chug coconut water on my way home. And sometimes a protein shake, depending on where I'm at nausea-wise. Sometimes the protein exacerbates it.

I just want to say this, that getting knocked up has really reinforced my desire to be who I am, and not  change my preferences and routines just because others wouldn't do it themselves, or because their pregnancy experience was bad. It is very easy to absorb the stresses and worries that others have, but my stress and worry is eased with the passing days. But I feel that their worries, are really none of my business. Just like my body, is none of theirs. Absorbing their stress, will not help me or baby. So, thanks... but no thanks. :)

How is everyone else doing these days??? Say Hi when you can!! Love you all!! :)

Baby Bang on the Way!

Turns out that the next stage I will be stepping on won't be a bikini stage, it will be the parenting stage!!

I am due probably somewhere around the end of April/beginning of May. Okay, admittedly, last time I had my cycle, it started on a random day that wasn't planned, and I forgot to chart it. :) This baby was a surprise, clearly, but a completely welcome and wanted and wonderful one!

In my last blog I posted:

{It's not about how many times you get knocked down, it's about how many times you get knocked down and continue to get up.}

Turns out I just got knocked up instead. Hahahahaha! Sorry, married and pregnant humor. Might not be totally appropriate, but I think the term knocked up is hilarious. Way better than preggo.

Luckily, I have so many sisters that they have collectively been through this 6 times, and by the time I give birth, 7 times. I get to inherit tons of books, maternity clothes, bits of wisdom, and the experience of being pregnant as the same time as my older sister! 

And as with any of life's surprises, the plan must change. We learn to be flexible to fit in our goals, but my goals also have to change! My health is no longer about me, it's about growing a healthy baby! Mr. Bang, of course, wants a son... I just want healthy.

My mother-in-law's reaction. ;) I should have gotten MY mom's! I can't believe I didn't!

So... Of course my next project is going to be documenting my goal of staying healthy and active during my ENTIRE pregnancy. I am elated to be pregnant, and in love, and ready to focus on being a healthy mom.

In monitoring my last couple of weeks, here's what I've got going on: :)

Squishy and growing.

Week: 6-7. For most, this would seem like too early to share the news.. But I know I am perfectly healthy and have a very strong sense that I will carry my little one to term.

Weight Gain: None yet, feel squishy though.

Sleep: Not bad, aside from my dogs who are going crazy about the howling coyotes at night. They whine outside our bedroom, but we are trying to be diligent about not giving in! If they go out one night, they'll want to go out every night. I've also been good about doing some yoga before bed, which helps me get some good, deep sleep.

Miss Anything? Wine. A bit. I will admit that it was the FIRST thing I wanted when I read the results of the test! It was like, "Oh man. I can't even process this without a nice red right now." Haha, I had NO idea what to do with myself!

Symptoms: I am feeling it, definitely. I want to be really honest about this, and you all know that I am pretty honest about my experiences... It feels like intensified PMS right now. Pressure on my uterus (Bye, male followers... Sorry...), my boobs are crazy tender. I have suddenly been crying at baby ANYTHING. Holy crap, and hello maternal instinct. Nice to meet you. Also some nausea, but not bad some days.

Mood: Elated. I can only compare my mood to the moment when my husband proposed, or when he made me his wife. It's incredible. 90% of my worry was that my husband would be scared, and he hasn't been for a moment. I also had a meltdown about not being sure I was ready. For a very long time, we were unsure and undecided about children. We were both concerned with our goals, and I didn't want to have one until I was sure. Turns out, when it was a surprise, it was perfect. After I got over my initial fears, which lasted a whole 10 minutes, I was over the moon. A lot of women have difficulties with fertility, and I'm thankful that I wasn't one of them. Should it have turned out that I wanted a baby on my own terms, and it was hard to get there, I don't know that I would have had the emotional fortitude to bear through it.

Cravings: Spicy food... Pepperoncicis have been my favorite snack. Definitely chocolate, but also a lot of fruit & cottage cheese. Mineral & sparkling waters have also become a regular habit.. sooo good with some coconut pineapple Dasani drops. But I will tell you, the hunger is insatiable. It's like prep amplified by 10.

Diet: Have mostly kept my diet the same, but have allowed myself to become a little bit more liberal with fruits, healthy fats.. avocado, fruit, cottage cheese, and yogurts where those weren't really in my regular diet. Allowing myself coconut water everyday, a healthy carb at night every night. I still keep with our protein crepes every night. :) They taste even more amazing right now!

Still working out! I didn't workout at all last week, I was battling some nausea but it's subsided the last few days so I plan to still do yoga a few times a week, and cardio with light weight workouts a few times a week. I feel good right now, and feel like working out will help me get through some of the pregnancy symptoms.. My logic is, if I can sweat some of the water weight out I won't feel so squishy? Perhaps.

Pregnancy Obedience: Okay, there is a LOT of information out there that tells you what and what not to eat. Mostly what not to eat... And it genuinely feels like everything right now. Seafood, deli meats, eggs, pineapple, milk, unpasteurized cheese like feta and goat cheese, medicines, ibuprofen... So, I'm taking it in stride and using my best judgement. I had seafood buffet on Friday, which was amazing, but I listened to myself and stopped when it didn't taste right. The clams had some residual shell.. not ideal if you have some texture issues. I also had some canned tuna the other night. Whatevs. It was delicious and got some good nutrition from it. Isn't seafood high in iron? Baby does need more of that! I am on the prenatal vitamins, so that's one point for me!

Personal Goals this Week (or two): 
1. Continue concentrating on my meal plan. I seriously get hungry an hour after I eat an entire plate of pasta or burger & fries. Being as small as I am, my RMR as a pregnant woman is only 1600 calories, so I'm giving myself more around 2000 calories being active. And what I really want to do is give myself plenty of nutrition, instead of reaching for any random craving. We all know that we can control what we give ourselves.
2. Focus on lots of water. Again, the hunger is nutso, trying to get in more water to make sure its not just dehydration before I reach for my next meal 2 hours too early.. :)
3. Start cleaning out the office. Our home is two bedrooms right now, in which we currently use it as an office. Aaaand storage. We also have a utility room, which is packed full of stuff. I really need to organize, go to the dump, and take some stuff to the GoodWill in the back room... Specifically so II can really get some stuff out of the office, and organized into the backroom before I'm too uncomfortable to do stuff like that. We do have some plans to remodel the house this winter, so that will help once that is done.

We won't find out the sex of the baby until probably Thanksgiving or Christmas, but we definitely want to know. Our first sonogram is on Thursday, September 19th, so that should be enlightening.

Welcome to my fit-pregnancy journal! I completely understand if the subject matter isn't for everyone, but eventually I hope for this to become my journal back to fitbody post-baby! :) 

Changing My Capacity

I've recently received some random emails and comments on this blog and I just want to set one thing straight: I am not a trainer, nor do I claim to be.... And this blog, is for me. I'm not out here trying to get more followers or strengthen my brand as an athlete. Although its something I have wanted, I also need a place to express my feelings and sentiments... Judge if you wish, but this is a place for women to be empowered and find a friend in someone who struggles with their weight. I do not claim to be perfect, in fact, this is a major struggle of mine.

Please know, that if you visit this blog and need a friend in someone who battles with food issues, you will find it here. :) Also know, that if you visit this blog, I'm brutally honest about myself. Haha

Physical Therapy Status.

Ugh I hate talking about this. Not because I don't want to share, I just wish my news was a little bit more exciting. My SI strain is a slow healer. Originally my thoughts were to share my journey, but I'll be honest... Videos of me doing planks... Isn't like watching Erin Stern doing... anything. Jump squats, sprints, talking, anything. LOL! But seriously, isn't she amazing..

In discussing this journey, it really is the most boring, most basic, and yet most important work I could be doing. It has occurred to me that people who really do take it all the way back to basics, and work their strength back from the ground up, can have even more symmetrical bodies. 

And that is exactly what I'm doing! You want to talk basic? Let's talk 30 second planks, perfectly. Or doing balancing acts with only resistance bands. On one hand its completely humiliating, coming from a girl who once considered herself to be an athlete. At one point, I wondered if 8 separate exercises per body part with 4 sets a piece might  need to be cut back. LOL! 

But taking the time to basically start over in my fitness, is allowing me to fix any kind of muscular imbalances I have. I guess when I really first started lifting, I didn't work my core enough and now I'm on a mission to fix that. And maybe its cocky of me, but I think I'm going to have stellar abs when its all said and done. 

So, maybe a little humility was exactly what I needed. Don't take your own health and fitness for granted, that's the lesson to learn here.

Prep on the Brain.

All I can think about is prep lately. I'm sure it has something to do with all of my competitor-friends prepping, and I think its because I have achieved some clarity about what I would do differently next prep, and post-prep! But I think its also about the fact that I was my strongest at the end of last prep. Although depleted and completely weak, I was at my strongest. 

Changing my Capacity for All Things.

While I'm working intensely on the healing process, I'm also considering my goals and where I want to be. I'll be honest here, I didn't intend on gaining 20 lbs after prep and instead of beating myself up for it, its time to change it. I'm changing my capacity for it all. While life is so extremely busy (did I mention my husband got a job while our Lawn Care business is exploding?), I'm changing my capacity to take it all in and handle one thing at a time... But things for myself, above all else. 

During all of this, I've rearranged my schedule to allow myself consistency. Starting so so slow, with about the lowest cardio you could ask for: 10 minutes. It could be so easy to add in a bunch of cardio, and take my diet down to lose some poundage, but its times like this you must take advantage of your own metabolism. I don't mean abuse it, but let's be honest. My diet hasn't been 100% clean, and I'll be the first to admit that my workout schedule has been anywhere from 2-3 days a week for the last 9 months or so. NOT what I wanted for myself, but what I needed at the time. 

Since I know what my schedule has been, I don't need to add in a ton more for it to be effective on my metabolism. At this point, any consistent working out and clean eating will change my body. 

New Goals.

Entering the month of May, I've decided to take on some new goals. I'm a month away from my certification at work, so it will be time to take on some more. :) 

Bringing Back the Body Goal: I'm taking the next 12 weeks to put my clean eating skills to the test, with an easy meal plan and workout schedule. My goal is to add on a few pounds in muscle, and tighten up some inches. I no longer have any desire to have a weight goal, but more of a look I want. 

Prep Goal: I'd like to be able to prep again next winter, or sooner depending. 

Fitness Goals: This one in particular is long term, but I'd like to be able to squat 50 lbs again. 

I want to be able to run a 5K by the end of the summer.

This Week's Goals: Keep on with my nutribullet shakes (hell yeah!), commit to the new workout schedule, get my ass to yoga at least once (day of my choosing), and get my garden planted so I can make delicious organic home grown food this summer. :)

What are your coming goals?? :) If you're just coming out of prep, what are your goals post-comp??? Can't wait to hear what everyone is planning this summer!!

18 Weeks Out: Off Season Gone in a Flash

There was a time, a few weeks ago, where I wasn't even sure if I was going to prep. I tend to get a little hard on myself, and the guilty feeling can weigh on a person like no other. However, it IS coming. I do not wish to continue wasting any more time... I want to see the improvements I have made in my muscularity, and I KNOW they are there! My booty is SUPA round... Am I itching to see some good booty contest photos? HELLS YES!

18 Weeks Out... From What?
I am currently 18 weeks out tomorrow from the Emerald Cup in Bellevue, WA (Seattle for those across the country). I have a few other shows I am considering, but really want to experience a big show like the Emerald. I am also considering the Empire Classic, which is the following weekend here in Spokane. A gf of mine wants to do the Tanji Johnson at the end of March, but I'm certain I won't be ready by then.

I have really been wanting to do the Emerald Cup (I cancelled on this last year due to a tight budget), and as we found out at my first competition last year, my muscularity is a bit more than the local shows. :)  At the Empire Classic, they were looking for a “softer” look in Bikini… (Side Rant: This seriously pisses me off. It’s an effing Body Building competition and judges were looking for a soft look?!) But I’m an adult and will be gracious about my placing (HAHA). It just goes to show that my physique would probably do better in a bigger show.

I've got a couple tricks (and perhaps a few more shows) up my sleeve, but we'll talk about that when the time comes. :)

Oh, improvement season.
Yeah sure, I liked my off season alright. A little too much some days. I can still barely imagine having gone through prep last year like I did. My work life went crazy and I'm a bit nervous about juggling it all again, in addition to Bang’s Lawn Care again… Which I fully expect to be busier than last year. Holy prep gods, help me.

But to be really honest, I found the off season just to be confusing! I almost felt like I ended up with a skewed view of food and working out. It took me a LONG time to not feel conflicted about eating a whole wheat english muffin with almond butter. And it took all of my mental strength not to use working out as a "punishment" for eating bad.

On the other hand, it was really nice to not NEED to be concerned with EVERYTHING! I slept in, I drank sugary coffees when I felt like it, I did lifts with NO CARDIO. Bliss.

Other bonuses about off season? Lifting heavy, bigger boobs, not being all shakey & depleted all the time. Oh yeah, and HAVING time!!

My main offseason focuses were the BOOTAY and my abs. I have had no abs to this point, and can't wait to see them poke out like little hawaiian sweet rolls (yeah, prep time=food analogies). And that ass has been hurting all year. I tried a difficult rep scheme & weekly schedule geared towards gains to see what I could pull out. I get accused of over-training ALL. The. Time. from people in the gym, but I'm not a huge believer in overtraining. I think its a lot more difficult to overtrain than people think. With proper nutrition, your body can do amazing things you couldn't even fathom.

That all being said, I trained my glutes 3x a week in my off season (Monday - quads/glutes, Weds- hams/glutes, Fri-glutes), and my abs 3x a week. Spaced all appropriately for rest, it was difficult and my legs always hurt. It is important to have the proper nutrition, sleep, and stretching if going this route! I will admit that I struggled with stretching toward the end of this year, and therefore hurt my SI (again) but this is a feasible thing if you're looking to make big improvements! Really hoping to see some big improvements in the leg overall! Quads, glutes, hams... I want it all!

Prep Time.
Lets go. Starting off nice and easy with low low cardio. Just nice, steady and consistent! I have a hard enough time getting the will to do cardio, so starting slow is my best bet. I’m starting at a higher weight this year, since I didn’t do as great of a job at keeping lean year round… Happy marriage weight! I guess it's just another chance to learn that lesson.

I’ve been dragging my heels a bit on the morning cardio, but it will happen! Diet is in lockdown, and I’m gearing up for a hard 5 months of training.

Who Makes Goals During Prep?
I want to know... Who out there has goals to reach within prep? Do you have a weight goal? Or a body fat goal? Are you looking for improvement photos?? I just want to know.

My top goal this prep, is to see improvements on my physique. I've continued to lift and lift a lot and lift a lot of heavy things, so I NEED to see what's under here. :) And the real improvement I want to see, is AGAIN the booty lol... I want stage Glutes better than this! (Justine Munro glutes, anyone?)

Let’s go BIKINI BEAST!!!

Make Yer Own Protein Bars

I'll be the first to admit, I'm very much a foodie. Although my body doesn't really like gluten or dairy, I LOVE to bake and cook. And I'll also be the first to admit, that when I'm flipping through channels at home, I ALWAYS am making a stop on the Cooking Channel or Food Network. :) And I freaking LOVE LOVE Alton Brown's Good Eats, specifically because I like the science of baking & cooking and figuring out what I can do to make a particular food how I want it without having to FIND that *perfect* recipe.

Can anyone relate to that? I never seem like I can just find what I want. If I want a cheesecake that is a bit more sour over creamy, how do I do that? Or, if I want a very cakey cookie versus a flat crunchy cookie, Alton Brown taught me how to do that!

As I was flipping through channels last night, and happened upon on the Food Network as well as happening upon Good Eats to find he was featuring Making Your Own Protein Bars! If you love learning the science behind cooking your own protein bars (instead of buying expensive protein candy bars), then you'll probably love the following videos!

The 1st video is mostly informational:

Who is Captain Power anyway?

BUT! The 2nd video completely goes into the process of making the commerical Protein Candy Bars. And how to make your own high protein bars:

There are some great recipes out there and it just takes a bit of looking to find ones you might like on bodybuilding.com or other sites. But I like knowing how to make something so I can be creative with it!

Now, I'm off to make my own! :)

Post-Contest Blues?

Alright, I mean I had heard and read of the post-contest blues before. And I fully prepared myself that it would probably happen with me.

I started into my first week fully on plan. Fully expecting the blues to come.

But they didn't come. More like post-contest bliss.

Day after contest, Patrick and I took the dogs for a hike. :) Zeke was in like 7th heaven! Check out that long tongue! (He only does that when he's really really happy)

The belly bloat came and stayed, and I recognized when I should stop and didn't. Its easy to tell yourself that you're going to have a clean eating day, doing it yourself is much harder when you don't HAVE TO! But seriously, the belly bloat... I'm sure many of you have experienced holding water... but hopefully not like I did. Within 6 days of post-contest, I had gained 10lbs of WATER. Literally, and it looked like I was holding that much water (to me it looked like 30lbs). And unfortunately on a little person like me, with a history of high blood pressure, holding that much water makes my blood pressure go up and is really bad for my heart. Luckily with prescription diuretics, I've been able to drop about 6lbs of the water, and still have 2 more days on this script. Bliss back on!

And in my post-contest bliss, I'm already phasing into some good food choices... Check out my new finds!

Calorie Free jam by Walden Farms. Picked these up on Netrition.com in both Blueberry & Raspberry (they're sweetened with Splenda) for $3.79 a jar.

Zevia soda! This diet soda is made with Stevia, also from Netrition.com, and I bought it in Mountain Zevia (like Mountain Dew sort of? It tastes more like Sprite to me), Creme Soda, Cola, & Cherry Cola.. Although it comes in different flavors! They're about $5 for a 6-pack, but if you don't drink much soda anyway, its worth it to me.

If you're not sure what would make Zevia different than any diet soda, it is lower on the Glycemic Index as far as how much it would raise your blood sugar levels after drinking it, and therefore less likely to gain fat while drinking it.

Arrowroot. This shit rocks! I purchased this to replace Cornstarch in my diet, and actually just trying to reduce the amount of corn in my diet. We come from the northwest where gravy should be its own food group. But I'm trying to reduce the amount of total sugars and this crap works just like any flour or thickener! Also picked up on Netrition.com for only $5.59 for 20oz.

Coconut Milk French Vanilla Creamer. OMG... this may have just saved my life! Being close to dairy free is going to be MUCH easier with options like this! The coconut milk creamer is much thicker than any other dairy free creamer. :) Only $2.49

And so I'm out to prove that I'm better even that I think I am. We all know about post-show blues and bloat. And while I am still somewhat bloated, I'm out to prove that I can recover post-show and ease into normal living. I can do this. Okay, and seriously... I had so much fun on stage that I'm really itching to plan my next shows. My 10K training starts today, and my total cardio is starting to decline today.. WOOT! I genuinely missed heavy and challenging lifting. Challenging, meaning: having enough carbs in my muscles to push my strength to the max, prep is a whole other type of challenging. LOL!

I've got some posts comin round the bend, but if there is anything anyone is interested in reading about... Let me know! :) Have a great week everyone!

I Heart Mini Meatloaves

I keep being asked for this recipe! :) Here it is for all!

Jamie Eason's Thai Chiciken Mini Meatloaves

1 pound ground chicken (could also substitue ground turkey)
1/2 red pepper, finely diced ( I have actually never added this; I never have red peppers in my house, so will just put in ground red pepper)
1/4 lb finely chopped green beans (Play with this!! I have also added in onion, green onion, tomatoes, mushrooms, etc)
3-4 serranos, finely chopped (same with the red pepper)
1 cup cooked brown rice
2 droppers (about 36 drops) stevia (or two stevia packets)
4 cloves garlic, pressed
2 T dried basil OR 4-6 T fresh basil (rosemary and/or chives are also great!)
4 T fish sauce OR lite soy sauce (adding in less will make it taste more like meatloaf)
2 egg whites (or 1/3 c Egg Beaters Whites)


Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray muffin tin with olive oil spray. Place mixture in muffin tins, dividing evenly between 12 muffins. Cook at 375 for 30-40 minutes. Remove and cool. These freeze and travel really well.

Per Each:
Calories: 73, Protein: 11g, Carbs: 4g, Fat: 0.7g

Still good reheated! 3 makes the perfect lunch!! :)

Woot! Here's to tasty AND healthy food!!

Somewhere Between 12 & 16

I had this whole post written out about my off-season plans weeks ago, and I wasn't totally sure if I was going to share this or not, but I'm getting a few emails about my plans... Since we all know that by the time I actually compete... I will have spent... 16 MONTHS preparing for this! LOL! I am starting to feel like this is a team effort to get me to the stage, and you all are my team! :) So, thanks for keeping me going Team!

About 12 weeks away from the Night of Champions, something occurred to me:

I am leaner than I have ever been. In better shape than I have ever been. The last thing I want is to gain a bunch after the most proud moment of my life, only because I dieted for 18 weeks and can't control my binging.

And what does my friend Kari Keenan always say? "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Little does Kari know, I take all her words to heart.

The plan? Well, I only wanted to gain back 5 or 6 lbs. (Update: At the doctor last night I weighed 111.5 lbs, which is actually only up by 3 lbs from my lowest prep weight!)

One of the things I learned in my very first competition prep, is obviously how my body responds to a great many things. I had no clue, let me rephrase, NO CLUE how my body would react to the "stress" of Contest Prep. And by "stress" I mean:
-Different diet than I was used to: Extremely high protein, upwards of 200g per day and very high volume of food.
-Excess cardio: Every morning 6 days a week, and every afternoon 6 days a week, and continuing to go up from there.
-Time! I had no time! EVAR!
-Anxiety: I had some anxiety about competing, strutting my stuff on stage in a teeny-tiny bikini, and fear that I wouldn't bring my body fat down enough. Ha! Why do we worry about dumb things? lol
-Anxiety also led to: insomnia, teeth grinding, crying, neglecting Handsome, forgetfulness, etc.

But the one thing I learned about myself, which is probably the more important thing to take away from this is... I'm curvy. My body retains a curvy shape (thanks mom!). I truly have hip & butt muscles. Hello! :) Also, my muscles get stringy the moment I go off creatine. I cycled off creatine the last week in July and first week in August and those whole 2 weeks, I just noticed that my body almost wanted to go bikini. Kind of like my brunette hair wanting to be blonde.

It became a thought at about 11 weeks out, more of a discussion at 9 weeks out, and a decision at 6 weeks out. I have nothing but love and a special admiration for girls who do figure... I seriously think these women are SO SEXY!!!, but believe that my physique is better suited in the Bikini Division, especially after some posing. The look of the bikini girl is just as hard to achieve as a figure girl, and am inspired by their lifestyles.

I feel that I have made a well informed decision and am excited for what will really be only 3-4 months of off season will bring to my body. Training for figure brought me confidence I could have never achieved in going straight into bikini. I also feel that training for figure has brought me to a more muscular point, which seems to be what judges are looking for (me!)... And I couldn't be more proud of the round shoulders I've built or the nice muscular back I worked on for months.

I have to admit, I have been excited for this for weeks. I began planning my off-season about a month prior to NOC and finalized it that entire week I was out with pneumonia. I had quite a few reasons and ideas in mind:
* Trying to by-pass the post-competition blues by having a plan to move right into.
* Succeed at by-passing the post-competition blues by having a plan I'm excited to move right into!
* Tapering off cardio, so I'm not stuck with loads of new pounds... (but with pneumonia, this didn't happen... Cardio went to a grinding halt and I had to purely rely on diet. A strength I never knew I had.)
* Having a post-comp diet plan to move right into that supplements my tapering off cardio & moving into a build... with loads of foods I've missed so I can be excited about it and not feel the need to cheat all the time.

Kinda funny now, I had all those plans and pneumonia really messed up everything. BUT! I have my diet and workouts planned through the end of the year. Of course I always leave myself the freedom to change whenever I want, but I enjoy having a focus and a plan.

Like I mentioned, my body is in a prime condition to build right after leaning out for a comp, which I had been doing for 18 weeks, shed 15 lbs & went from 21% body fat all the way down to 10% (ish). Before that, I spent 8 months adding muscle. So, my body is getting used to this cycle: Build up, lean out, build up, lean out.

Going back, since I have spent 18 weeks on a very low carb, no fat, very high protein diet... My muscles literally had NO glycogen stores by the time I was home sick with pneumonia. After my first cheats, I was willing to bet my muscles would soak all that up! Might as well use that energy to work on the body parts NOW and not when I think its time that I might be ready for a build. I am ready now!

My first 4 weeks post-prep (I can't really call it post-comp can I, lol?), like I've mentioned before, are moving right into a build.

1. October: My first 4 weeks (once I'm back from being sicky) was going to be focused on tapering off cardio from 80 mins a day, down to 15-20 by the end of October. However, since I more or less just STOPPED doing cardio, I don't feel a huge need to taper off. Once I get back, I'm sticking to 15-25 mins a day. Diet intake has to increase by quite a bit to build, and that has certainly already happened. I plan to go back on creatine only during these 4 weeks to truly supplement this build. I am looking to add a little muscle in the hamstrings, glutes, & abs. 
2. November: November is going to be a few things. More cardio just to lean out some of the fat I most likely put on during October. I really want to make more room for other things this month... Maybe some TRX workouts with some old football cone & T-Drills (I LOVE conditioning/cardio work... maybe another reason Bikini is better suited for me), definitely a lot of yoga, and some fighting classes! I do plan on going back into my first phase of contest diet for the month.
3. December: December will be about building once more. This will depend on how my physique shaped out in my first build. If my trainers and I feel that I need just a little more, then I will go that route. I expect to still need to add a little... I have zero abs right now lol. I want abs.      Abs.
4. January: January will be much like November, but with less cardio. Because I expect to start Contest Prep sometime in January for heading to the Emerald Cup (& maybe the Empire Classic... its the week after the Emerald... we'll see what Handsome thinks about this...). January 30th is 12 weeks out but when I start will depend on what I look like in January. But I would like to make 12 weeks my goal, which will hopefully keep me focused thru the holidays.

I think next time going into a competition, I will be more excited for prep. I have a lot more figured out this time... Meal prep, what works, what doesn't... I will have a LOT less weight to lose and figure my prep will be 12 weeks and not 18... And probably less cardio because of that as well! :) AND! Patrick and I will be much more prepared financially.

So! What am I working on??
I took the opportunity to have my prep-coach evaluate my physique once I was about a week out. I was finally lean enough to see exactly what I wanted to work on in my own body. I felt like I couldn't really see the muscles until that point. By then, I also felt like I was seeing myself as I was. Its hard to not have distorted vision on your own body during contest prep since you are CONSTANTLY evaluating your body lol! Also by that point, I knew I was going to continue in Bikini.

Although many say that the Bikini division is so subjective, and it is, there is some science to it. Judges are looking for certain muscles to be round, some to look athletic, etc.
* BOOTAY - This muscle will be built. And in Bikini it is a LOT about the booty. Which I have a lot of, but want just a bit more to appear really tight as I lean out.
* Hips & Inner Thighs - No kidding. I feel like I need only just a little more muscle in each, but I feel like it will help my existing fat pockets grip to my body more easily. Will help shape the fat, since I can't always get rid of it. :) Good plan, eh?
* Abs & Obliques - I want to create that definition, and again... give my fat some muscle to cling to.
* Lower Back - Just slightly. I want to also increase strength here, more than I'm looking for size. Will help me stick that booty out. LOL! There IS a reason for this, the fusion in my spine (T12-L2) is directly on my waist, so I can't flex backward much right there. I have to rely on my lower back for this.
* Hamstring Tie-In - I am more or less happy with the size of my hamstrings, but really want to work on that tie in. This will pretty much just be a whole lot of lunges, single leg presses, and split squats.
* Biceps & Shoulders - Both only slightly. Both I would just like more round.
*I am currently very happy with the size of my triceps, my upper back (traps & lats), and quads. 

So, since we are all in this together, I am making a committment to myself and to all of you. You all have given me much encouragement and insight on my journey to the stage, that I feel an avenue for progress is exactly what I need in the next 4 months. You can expect from me (and feel free to yell/slap me if I miss one):
*Progress pictures at the end of every month
*Detailed progress of my previous month, including weight. I really want to be sure I maintain. For those of you who don't know my philosphy on weight, it is just a measurement of progress.... NOT a measurement of
value. I like to know my weight, so I know how much lean body mass I have.





So I am leaving you with these photos, not ones I wanted to share... In fact, I really wanted to keep these to myself, as I feel kind of self-conscious since the physique you see is definitely not my peak.  These two photos are from 12 days out, where I was about 108 lbs & 10% bf (which we can tell I hold almost completely in my lower body). But I feel they will be important for progress. PLUS! How much fun is it going to be for all of us to compare when I go into contest prep and we can see the new booty I've built?! :)

Loads of fun ahead! I might even ask you all to help me pick a new suit! Alright, I'm kinda indecisive and am not sure about my Barbie Pink suit. It really didn't look as bright online as it is in person, but I have no idea how it will look under stage lights and with a tan. Possible off-season project!

I am now cleared to workout consistently so.....

Let Operation BOOTAY commence! Dangerous curves ahead! ;)

The No-Comp Blues?

I got flowers for being bummed, sick, and loved. (Yep, even my dogs get fed well on fish & sweet potato.)

I'm bummed. I really am. I was trying really hard not to be. But I feel that I am faced with an internal conflict. I am torn with how I feel about myself right now. I'm feeling like I can talk the talk but not walk the walk, so to speak. Am I that kind of person? Does gaining back a couple of pounds within the first couple of days make me that person? And OF COURSE we all know that just isn't true... But these are the kinds of feelings I am being faced with.

Saturday I woke up at 5:35 A.M. and knew instantly that is what time I would have been getting up if I had competed. I made my breakfast of just oatmeal and egg whites knowing that I would have been eating pancakes and having coffee right when my sister would have got there to do my makeup. And I went to the show.

The show is at a casino that is close to 10 minutes from our house. All the women up there were amazing. It was incredible to see my girlfriend Ashley from Getting To Goal up there, she smiled bigger than anyone on stage and she deserved to! She worked her ass off to be up there!

It was also awesome to see Carrie (who I know from Twitter @girlandcoconut) win Master's Overall! She was the best poser of all of them! And she worked her BOOTY off on that stage and deserved that trophy
And even watch my own trainers compete! Check out Kris & Jacques' photos! They were awesome!
But I also was very bummed. Figure Class A had 0 women enter!!! I would have won my class. I can't believe that. And I truly believe I would have given Bikini Class A a run for their money.

So do I feel these things about myself? Or do I feel that I am building perseverance? That now is the time not to indulge, but the time to be smart: Taper off cardio, keep up on water, slowly add carbs back in, build, and plan for my next contest. Because indulging really only makes depression worse.

But isn't it easier to eat your feelings? 

My first post-prep treat: A mocha & a maple scone (on my fun halloween plates!)





Sunday treat: French Pressed coffee with homemade chocolate hazelnut scones...
I kind of have a thing for scones lately...



And APPARENTLY, everyone knew I would eat my feelings because EVERYONE seems to have ESP today and have written about their diet getting off-track. Erin at Figure Journal wrote about her own struggles with excuses, Chelsea at Git It Girl even wrote about diet pitfalls written by someone else (Christian Thibaudeau... His diet articles are incredible!)! And T-Nation included an article in their Weekly Email entitled "Choices." Ouch. ;)

Yes. It is easier to eat my feelings. Its much easier to give in. It is much easier to put junk in your tummy, instead of giving it food it needs. Sugar, dairy, and wheat... All the things I haven't had in weeks, I can now *technically* have... but do I want them...?

My first day back to work yesterday, my co-worker asks me, "SO, how does it feel to eat normal again?"

My answer, again, felt conflicted. Because SURE, "normal" foods taste good. But they sure made me feel like crap. And if you have ever tried going a certain amount of time without dairy, any sort of fat (oil, butter, etc), wheat, gluten at all, and refined sugar you would know that the second your body gets used to living life without those things... You never feel the same eating them again. But also, there is a certain amount of emotional conflict eating "normal" foods. Because all of a sudden, you realize that those foods do NOT do anything good for your body... But somehow you still have an emotional attachment to that food.

Example: I LOVE my mother's chocolate chip cookies. They do have tons of sugar, bleached flour, butter and shortening (btw, why doesn't ANYONE call this what it is anymore...? LARD. That is what they called it before they realized it makes you look like lard, so they changed the name to make everyone feel better. Or at least that is my assumption. LOL! Back to my story...). I link a memory to those cookies of Christmases and holidays and sick days. Truly the epitome of comfort food. And now? They taste like sugar, bleached flour, butter and lard. They don't even comfort like they used to. And it is really easy to get stuck putting more in your mouth to achieve the same comforts. But they never will anymore.

Comforts don't comfort like they used to. The feelings of pride in knowing I'm giving my body what it needs comfort now. And I can be satisfied with that. Especially when I cannot do cardio like I could before (before pneumonia, its still hard now..). Not being able to do as much cardio makes diet, and taking pride in my diet,
all that much more important.
So, after my HUGE long rambling about this... Do I still feel like I can't walk the walk?

Not remotely. Because at this point in my "prep" for the stage, the choices are mine. I am NOT being forced into cardio, or weights, or diet. The choice is mine to get to cardio in the morning now. Do I want my goals? Or do I want to sleep in? Do I want to recover on my diet so I can make my contest prep easier next time around? Or do I want to slip back into old nutritional habits... Just because it was a habit?

I make the choices for me ... And I want to step on stage in April knowing I look better than I would have this October. :)

9

Are we ready for this???

So, I have 9 days left of this madness, then cycling off my diet & so much cardio over the coming weeks. I have loved this process and am stoked to be in the best shape of my life and leaner than I have ever been. But I am ready for an off-season. I am ready to be my boyfriend's girlfriend. I am ready to make soup again every Sunday and bake whenever I felt like it. I am ready to have more time at home with my dogs and more time to give to my whole family in general. I am ready for some R&R (literally in every capacity).

But not yet. :)

Facts.
This coming week will mark my 18th full week on Contest Prep and mark the 10th month I have been preparing to step on stage. I haven't loved every minute of it, I am ready for it to be over... BUT I am very thankful for it. I spent a solid 6 months building my back, shoulders & shaping everything. Then to have spent a long 18 weeks leaning out... I am beyond thankful. Contest Prep has put me into a pattern and I am embracing that, especially with my off-season plans.

I'm hungry.

Diet.
Sunday brought a change. No more casein before bed. Wahhhh! We are trying to let my system flush out anything processed and therefore shed any of the water weight it causes. I had the option of doing any meat source I wanted, so I've decided to do egg whites before bed...
First attempt: Egg whites, cinnamon, a dropper full of vanilla stevia, sea salt. Was trying to go for the breakfast for dinner kind of thing... It was alright!
Second attempt: Egg whites, pumpkin pie spice, a dropper of stevia & sea salt. It was okay this time. I liked the flavor better, but towards the end of my dish... It seemed less than appealing.
Third attempt: Went with hot sauce because I was too tired to be creative.

Diet Stories.
On Wednesday, I was peeling egg whites off of hard boiled eggs (like I do..), and my co-worker asked if she could have one of my eggs (... she meant just the yokes)... I can tell you I almost lost it. I freaked out, turned bright red, started sweating as I tried to explain to her that I am just on the bare minimum of nutrition and need EVERYTHING to keep going. As she explained she just wanted my yokes, I felt my blood pressure go down. But seriously people, don't ask to have my food. I will give you an emphatic and loud "NO!"
(Okay, Wednesday I was hitting a new level of crazy)
THEN, I got my diet plan for Saturday thru Peak Week. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!! That was the light at the end of the tunnel that I needed. And what is on it for show day?? PANCAKES! I can't believe carb up time is ALMOST here!! But until then, I have noticed I am always hungry. ALWAYS. Again, I'm eating every 2-2.5 hours... but getting hunger anxiety around an hour (Before my family chimes in that I'm not being healthy, I am getting PLENTY of water, electrolytes, vitamins, minerals, and protein). I can do this... Only a few more days...

Training.
Monday I went into cardio with full force. I had some extra energy somehow and pumped it out like nothing. To the point where I left the gym before work excited to go back in the afternoon to show myself what I was made of!
Tuesday I was tired. Almost always to be expected after pushing really hard one day. Except this time, I want to feel like I've done everything I could. And its my last chance. I was exceedingly tired and somehow pushed thru a run around in the country surrounding our home. :) It was incredible. I just kept saying in my head, "F**k this, I can do it." I keep being told to conserve my energy and walk if need be, but if I have the energy or desire, why not? What is the worst that could happen? I lose energy and walk like I was supposed to? I was proud of myself and went to bed feeling like a goddess. Because having the opportunity to go home gave me extra time for laundry and to catch up around the house. :)
Wednesday I woke up extra tired as for some reason, and for as tired I was... I didn't sleep a wink. I considered going for a run in the middle of the night, but don't really want to be eaten by anything. I got up at 345 and made it to cardio.

Posing.
Every day this week. There is no reason not to at this point. I might be tired etc, but it is necessary being this close. :) Fact, there were a couple days in there this week that I practiced before and after my PM workout session.
AND! On Tuesday, I got to pose in front of a lovely new friend, Stacy, who also uses my trainer for her nutrition! Thanks for being my guinea pig Stacy!! :) I am definitely trying to practice in front of new people, helps me take the edge off.
I do just want to say however, that I know that the point of this period of time is to squeeze every molecule of glycogen out of the muscles, but DAMN! I look super skinny. I look deflated and tired. I am very much looking forward to my rest day on Sunday and carbing up next week.

Stage Stuff.
All my appts are booked like I've said, but now its just waiting for them to happen.

Off-Season.
SO excited for a build. Like I mentioned last week, my body will be in prime condition for a build... I have been losing fat for so long (18 weeks, 12%, and 12 lbs later, maybe more before ...), my muscles are aching for something to hold onto. And I am going to give them just that! :) All of my off-season plans will be enclosed in a later post, but again... Just so excited to build in certain areas. I spent a good long time building before contest prep, and have much more experience this time around. But, I am looking at my physique as it is... and as I am very lean now... and seeing what muscles I want to improve... Its hard to wait when you want to work on something! Just like it was hard to wait for contest prep! ;)
But in all body-builder seriousness, that's kind of just what you do... You build, and then lean out... you build, and then lean out. Woot!

Misc.
*Chelsea, I know exactly what you mean. My list of recipes is getting very long. VERY long. :)
Although I have a thousand things I need to bake, I am limiting myself. But this way it (whatever I make) does continue to be viewed as a treat, and not normalcy that I can have everyday. Except for Sunday right after my contest. Sunday, I am allowing myself to bake 4 items. And most of it will be taken to various people that deserve a treat for putting up with my crazy these last 10 months, in this order:

1. Caramel Macchiato Cheesecake
2. Hazelnut Chocolate Chip Scones
3. Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies
4. Apple Crisp

I think that will suffice for my first bake-a-thon. After that, I plan to only choose 1 item a week to bake.
*Wednesday night, I didn't sleep again. I had taken medication last night to help me sleep, and I don't remember waking up at all... But at some point, I realized that I was awake and thinking. I didn't get back to sleep. Sleep and I need to be very intimate friends tonight. I am very much a zombie today.
*Still hanging out at 108 lbs, but I don't expect this for long. My hot flashes have been acting up allllll week. And I think we all know what that means!!! :) (my metabolism is up, just in case I was wrong and you all don't know lol)
*New Prep Pet Peeve: Slow down on dirt roads if you see someone running! The dust is killing my lungs...

Bloggers.

Oh my word I love you guys so much! You all are such a huge encouragement and I feel so flattered that you all think of me enough to say something every week! You all have made a huge difference in my prep and I thank each and every one of you!