Bringing Back the Body: Weeks 1 & 2

I'm super squishy! And yes, this makes me happy!! My fat is all soft all over, which I love because that means its starting to break down.

Bringing Back the Body - Week 1 has been a success, which means I am a success! But I made this week really easy on myself so compliance wouldn't be an issue and momentum will continue to pick up. I feel like my body is tightening up, and I haven't once had the temptation to weigh myself. My clothes are fitting better, and I even fit back into some size 2 pants! Okay, okay, they were snug, but we won't talk about that. ;)

Diet.
I'm following about the easiest diet plan ever. This may be something I come back to post-prep (whenever that may be)... While I don't believe in sharing meal plans, as everyone's should be customized to them only, I will say that this week... here is what I LOVE about my meal plan this week...

Funny story: I was at work a few days ago and finished off my shake during a meeting. Afterward, I  was talking to a doctor who inquired about my shake. After I described the ingredients he goes, "That's nice. I'm gonna go get a donut." No one realizes how tasty these really are! 

Breakfast: Spinach, cucumber, fruit & egg white shake. I usually use some fresh strawberries or frozen blueberries, but man... tasty treat on my way to work!

But be careful if you use blueberries... You may inadvertently look like a wino in the morning. Which is never a good thing.

I always have to go and learn things the hard way...

Workouts.
Although I want to say that my workouts were easy, they were not for me. TONS of core work, my back is so very sore and tight... but I'm doing my best to get in lots of stretches and yoga.

For example! I love to incorporate BodyRock workouts. I think those girls' bodies speak for themselves, and they are tight!! Today, I did the Don't Wake Me Up Workout with some asanas at the end, mostly the spine strengthening series. Check this out!

I did 4 rounds instead of 3, pushed my hardest when I could... but the squats at the end got kinda taxing on my back so I had to take it slow and steady. Concentrating hard on my form, and being less concerned with pumping out reps.     Busted my ass! ;)

Progress on Goals.
GOT MY GARDEN PLANTED! Ahhh country life. :)

Here's what I have planted, let's just hope I can keep it all alive: Sweet corn, kale, green onions, red onions, sweet onions, green beans, red leaf lettuce, green leaf lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, carrots, red potatoes, spaghetti squash, watermelon, hothouse tomatoes, roma tomatoes, jalapenos, chives, rosemary, dill and cilantro!!! And my strawberries & raspberries came back from last year.

The only things I didn't plant that I still want to are asparagus, spinach & sweet potato. What is it about fresh home grown organic vegetables that I love?! Everything. Plain and simple. Everything.  (BTW, my hubs deserves major kudos - he put those huge raised beds made of rock together for me! AND he did all the dirt shoveling... AND!!!! He set up automatic timers to come on every 12 hours, so I don't even have to worry about watering. Just weed and pick veggies. Yes. - Mr. Bang, you just made a dream of mine come true.)

And prep...
Today marked one year from my first and only show. And I'm certainly getting that itch to get to work in starting a journey to the stage. I'm falling in love with girls' suits! I broke out my Cinderella heels, and have been aching to get to work on bigger lifts... But first things first, I really can't take it far until I'm out of the woodwork with my pain and tightness level.

Let's take a break and focus on some animal cuteness.... My babies.. 

Minka the snuggler

Andy hurt his foot a week ago and had to wear the Cone of Shame,  Zeke was keeping him company :)

Big dogs give big lovin.

Goals This Coming Week:

I did NOT make it to yoga these last two weeks. While I have been doing yoga at home, I'd really prefer to be making to a class where my form can be corrected. So, YES -> Yoga. 

Measuring. I have not been consistent about measuring my food, specifically the cream for my coffee and I have been eyeballing my brown rice. :) So, I'm gonna own up to that this week. Haha.

Posture! This past week I was walking to work, and as I was walking through a skywalk from the parking garage to the hospital, I noticed that I looked like I had a SEVERE bubble butt. And by that I mean, I think I was kind of hunching forward so it looked like my butt was really sticking out. And I think this is a hip flexor issue. So, this week... I vow to really try to stand up straight and walk with my hips forward, even if I have to walk slower. 

How many of you incorporate BodyRock type workouts into your workout schedule? If so, how often??

What are your goals this coming week?? If you haven't thought about it - Set some! It's a good practice to constantly have goals you're working toward! Have a wonderful weekend and week!! 

Changing My Capacity

I've recently received some random emails and comments on this blog and I just want to set one thing straight: I am not a trainer, nor do I claim to be.... And this blog, is for me. I'm not out here trying to get more followers or strengthen my brand as an athlete. Although its something I have wanted, I also need a place to express my feelings and sentiments... Judge if you wish, but this is a place for women to be empowered and find a friend in someone who struggles with their weight. I do not claim to be perfect, in fact, this is a major struggle of mine.

Please know, that if you visit this blog and need a friend in someone who battles with food issues, you will find it here. :) Also know, that if you visit this blog, I'm brutally honest about myself. Haha

Physical Therapy Status.

Ugh I hate talking about this. Not because I don't want to share, I just wish my news was a little bit more exciting. My SI strain is a slow healer. Originally my thoughts were to share my journey, but I'll be honest... Videos of me doing planks... Isn't like watching Erin Stern doing... anything. Jump squats, sprints, talking, anything. LOL! But seriously, isn't she amazing..

In discussing this journey, it really is the most boring, most basic, and yet most important work I could be doing. It has occurred to me that people who really do take it all the way back to basics, and work their strength back from the ground up, can have even more symmetrical bodies. 

And that is exactly what I'm doing! You want to talk basic? Let's talk 30 second planks, perfectly. Or doing balancing acts with only resistance bands. On one hand its completely humiliating, coming from a girl who once considered herself to be an athlete. At one point, I wondered if 8 separate exercises per body part with 4 sets a piece might  need to be cut back. LOL! 

But taking the time to basically start over in my fitness, is allowing me to fix any kind of muscular imbalances I have. I guess when I really first started lifting, I didn't work my core enough and now I'm on a mission to fix that. And maybe its cocky of me, but I think I'm going to have stellar abs when its all said and done. 

So, maybe a little humility was exactly what I needed. Don't take your own health and fitness for granted, that's the lesson to learn here.

Prep on the Brain.

All I can think about is prep lately. I'm sure it has something to do with all of my competitor-friends prepping, and I think its because I have achieved some clarity about what I would do differently next prep, and post-prep! But I think its also about the fact that I was my strongest at the end of last prep. Although depleted and completely weak, I was at my strongest. 

Changing my Capacity for All Things.

While I'm working intensely on the healing process, I'm also considering my goals and where I want to be. I'll be honest here, I didn't intend on gaining 20 lbs after prep and instead of beating myself up for it, its time to change it. I'm changing my capacity for it all. While life is so extremely busy (did I mention my husband got a job while our Lawn Care business is exploding?), I'm changing my capacity to take it all in and handle one thing at a time... But things for myself, above all else. 

During all of this, I've rearranged my schedule to allow myself consistency. Starting so so slow, with about the lowest cardio you could ask for: 10 minutes. It could be so easy to add in a bunch of cardio, and take my diet down to lose some poundage, but its times like this you must take advantage of your own metabolism. I don't mean abuse it, but let's be honest. My diet hasn't been 100% clean, and I'll be the first to admit that my workout schedule has been anywhere from 2-3 days a week for the last 9 months or so. NOT what I wanted for myself, but what I needed at the time. 

Since I know what my schedule has been, I don't need to add in a ton more for it to be effective on my metabolism. At this point, any consistent working out and clean eating will change my body. 

New Goals.

Entering the month of May, I've decided to take on some new goals. I'm a month away from my certification at work, so it will be time to take on some more. :) 

Bringing Back the Body Goal: I'm taking the next 12 weeks to put my clean eating skills to the test, with an easy meal plan and workout schedule. My goal is to add on a few pounds in muscle, and tighten up some inches. I no longer have any desire to have a weight goal, but more of a look I want. 

Prep Goal: I'd like to be able to prep again next winter, or sooner depending. 

Fitness Goals: This one in particular is long term, but I'd like to be able to squat 50 lbs again. 

I want to be able to run a 5K by the end of the summer.

This Week's Goals: Keep on with my nutribullet shakes (hell yeah!), commit to the new workout schedule, get my ass to yoga at least once (day of my choosing), and get my garden planted so I can make delicious organic home grown food this summer. :)

What are your coming goals?? :) If you're just coming out of prep, what are your goals post-comp??? Can't wait to hear what everyone is planning this summer!!

One Lesson To Learn

I often find myself enthralled with T Nation. If you've ever been on the website, it is NOT geared towards women. LOL! Its a funny thing to admit that it is genuinely the only fitness website that I subscribe to weekly emails. However, the men that write for T Nation really know their shizz, and even though they are mostly talking about extreme male body building, the lifting techniques discussed are applicable even to this 100 lb bikini babe (BIKINI BEAST!). I came across the following article in their weekly email yesterday, and it really spoke to my heart. (Please disregard any obscenities, for they are not mine haha)

Learn 1 Lesson in 2013 by Nate Miyaki
"My favorite T Nation series was the "X" Things I Learned in "Y" Year articles, in which top coaches gave us insights into the most valuable lessons learned each year.
These weren't bullshit health blurbs for entertainment purposes – a diversion that's become all too common in our industry today – these were raw and authentic lessons from legends; an accumulation of real-life knowledge chiseled down into some straightforward, practical tips. How can you beat that?
As 2012 came to a close, I thought I'd take a shot at constructing a similar piece.
Technically, my task should've been to give you the top 10 lessons I learned researching different nutrition approaches, writing educational material, speaking at companies, or working with private clients. And I have some pretty damn good lessons to share, if I do say so myself.
But as I started to put my pudgy fingers to keyboard, something began weighing on my conscience. I knew in my heart that all of these tips, while valuable, would really be useless until we solved an underlying problem much higher up the food chain.
Do you, at this moment, have a true purpose for executing any of the tips I was about to recommend, or any plan constructed by our elite coaches? Or would you just be going through the motions and wasting everyone's time?
Making my living as an author and consultant, I should be telling you that my nutrition approach is the one and only true "secret," the mythical key you've been waiting for to achieve all of your success in this upcoming year.
But I'd be lying.
The most valuable lesson I've learned in 2012 – and really over the last 15 years as a coach – has nothing to do with the nuts and bolts of training or diet. The true key, the secret to your success in physique transformation, strength sports, or any other sport, and maybe even in life, is this:

You gotta know what you're fighting for.

I could give you 9 more lessons I learned, but they'd really just divert attention away from the foundational one that's really going to make a difference.
Until you find what you're truly fighting for, all training programs and diets (even the best ones), will be relatively meaningless.

The Lost Generation

I'm going to sound like an old-timer here, but for the most part, our generation has become a bunch of whiney, lazy, entitled pussies.
People have lost their warrior spirit, their dedication, and their willingness to strive.
We've become highly skilled at acquiring facts and information, analyzing, and sounding intelligent, but we are doing less and less. We know distraction well, but discipline has become a foreign language.
We've gotten great at throwing forum and social media posts like right and left hooks, but run like cowards from any real life fights.
How do we change that?
Some modern guru is going to tell you it's all about drinking some magical tea and floating through space in a lotus pose. They'll spice it up with some mysticism and cultish codependency as well.
None of that is really necessary because, believe it or not, the answer is a lot more simple and straightforward.

Learn from Cinderella Man

If you haven't seen the movie, Cinderella Man, you should. But for our purposes now, here's the Cliff Notes synopsis:
It's based on the "true story" of James Braddock, a former up and coming boxer who retires due to injury. He works as a day laborer to support his family (wife and three kids) during the Great Depression. Having lost all his possessions and savings and unable to pay the bills, he gets an opportunity to return to the ring in a last-chance effort to save his family. Cinderella Man tells his comeback story.
As a side note, I give it a 4 Nutsack rating.
Some quotes from the movie show us the spirit of the movie. During his comeback, Braddock is pitted against a fighter that had beaten him earlier in his career. In the middle of this rematch, Braddock is winning, which initiates the following exchange between Braddock's opponent and his trainer in-between rounds:
Trainer: What are you doing? You beat this guy easy last time.
Fighter: He ain't the same guy.
Braddock had watched his family starve and suffer. Fueled by more than personal ego, vanity, or even mere competition, Braddock becomes a different animal in the ring, fighting for survival. He somehow finds a way to beat younger, stronger, heavier, and more skilled boxers. When asked by a reporter how the impossible became possible, he gives a simple answer:

"This time around, I know what I'm fighting for."

Finding Your Fight

I don't know what that is for you my friends. And I don't think any life coach or guru can give you some magical formula to figure it out.
More than giving you any awesome diet or training plan, it would be my greatest pleasure in the world to be able to provide that answer for you. Unfortunately, I can't. I don't think even the great Ray Lewis could beat it out of you.
Ultimately, you're going to have to take some personal accountability, look at your life, look inside yourself, and come to your own conclusions.
As a matter of fact, part of finding your fighting spirit is realizing that you can't always rely on someone else, or wait for a savior to solve all of your problems. You have to solve them for yourself.
What I can do is tell you what has motivated others over my career. Maybe that will give you some ideas.
For some, it really was about survival. They had a health problem they had to fix, and their life, or quality of life, was suddenly on the line.
For some, their sport was how they made their living, and food on the table was dependent upon victories.
For some, it was to give them a competitive edge in a career outside of sports. Working out and eating right gave them better energy, cognitive function, and focus behind the desk, allowing them to push harder than the competition, and ultimately crush it.
For some, it was about being picked on as kids, and if the world wasn't going to give them respect, they were going to build themselves up and take it.
For some, it was just like what martial arts can be to others – a way to channel negative energy into positive, to learn lessons that translate to life, to find some kind of deeper meaning through physical challenges. Some used nunchucks; others used dumbbells. No matter, either served to fulfill their purpose.
For others, it was about getting to be a dick. By flexing their literal muscles in the gym and figurative muscles online, they take great pleasure in making themselves feel important, or making others feel bad about themselves. Although I don't necessarily agree with that approach, whatever works, man.
But don't let that hate fester in your heart like a bad, covered-wagon fart. It could become toxic and lead to your own undoing.
I can tell you some of the things I'm fighting for. I know you don't really give a shit about me personally, but it's just to give you ideas.
It's because I come from a family that's struggled with addiction, and linking my identity to athletic pursuits has given me a better obsession.
It's because I think we're all searching for the same three things in life: a passion, a sense of purpose, and peace of mind. We just go about it in different ways. It just so happens that I've been lucky enough to find all three in this game, and don't think I could find it anywhere else.
It's because I'm kind of a hippie, and I don't want to get a haircut and a real job. If I can make it through life and provide for my wife without ever having to "clock in," well I'll know I've accomplished something I set out to do, as meaningless as that might be to anyone else.

How Do You Know, So You Know

I might not be able to tell you how to find your fight. But I can certainly tell you how you'll know when you've found it.
There will be no more beginnings or getting back on track. There will be no defined ends as some 90-Day programs promise. There will only be putting one foot in front of the other, in the next step of a never-ending journey.
Days will run into months, months will run into years without ever having to start over. You'll just keep moving forward.
You won't complain of the struggles. You'll embrace them, because you'll know that your ability to push through is what will ultimately separate you from the rest of the pack.
There will be no more New Year's resolutions, only daily ones. And sticking to them will not be an option. It will be a necessity.
You will not find excuses. You'll find ways.
You'll stop looking for short cuts and quick fixes, because you'll know that a worthwhile mission lasts a lifetime.
You'll stop training for gym or virtual high-fives, but rather for personal satisfaction and accomplishment.
You won't have a sport or a hobby. You'll have a way of life
All of a sudden those 20 different diet and training programs that didn't work in the past, will all work.
I'm not saying it's going to make the road any easier. Excellence is never easy – that's the point. There will be ups and downs, adversity, and setbacks. There will be days where you will absolutely want to quit.
But when you know what you're fighting for, you will find a way to persevere.
This is life, man, not the movies I keep quoting. The obstacles are never-ending. That's why it's imperative that you find a true reason to keep going, not some make-believe, self-induced, bubble gum fitness one.

Wrap Up  

The path to success lies in the purpose, not the person. We're all capable of great things.

Ordinary men that had a purpose have achieved great things. Extraordinarily gifted men with no mission have chronically underachieved. Society provides plenty of examples of both.
Rule #1 – Find what you're fighting for.
Rule #2 – First learn rule #1. Everything else is just details."

Do I even need to expand on why this is so awesome?? :)
Love. Love. Love.

To Think or Not To Think

I'm a stalker. Always in this board or that, just reading what people have going on and seeing if there is anyone out there that I can identify with and to offer some fit-encouragement. Recently in a board on FB, one particular comment was noticed upon reading that she felt certain things were funny that she did, but it was "all part of the lifestyle!"

Its very easy when you first get going on a healthy lifestyle to think about every. teeny. little. thing. To question whether something is effective and worth your time is a valid thought! Especially when we all have so little time to give.

In looking back at my own journey back into fitness, I did this all day long! If I was going to exert myself beyond my capacity, it had to be worth it. There had to be results and it HAD to continue to motivate me. I read all about weight lifting, techniques, rep schemes, effective cardio, watched videos on how to do a Push Press and learned what kind of training techniques would bring me results that I wanted. I researched supplements and found myself feeling adventurous!

As time went on, and I entered into prep, the diet became more rigorous and began to include food items that I wasn't used to and didn't always enjoy, and consequently, exclude items that made getting healthy the reason I had become successful. Fitness & my health became more about just trying to eat the things I was supposed to, instead of loving eating healthy.

Bad foods became a "can't have" instead of a "don't want."

Anyone who has done considerable dieting, knows that eventually you have to QUIT THINKING! Its one thing to think about something, and another to do. Managing your thought process will determine the outcome of your success. 

What happens when you overthink on the negative? You force yourself out of it. You begin thinking about all the things that can and will go wrong, so they do. It doesn't take an expert to tell you that will never move a person toward their goals. Definitely nothing good.

But it is also possible to overthink on the positive! You may find yourself day dreaming, scarcely getting through work, suffering from insomnia because your mind is so active you can no longer find rest. This can make you more tired and even somewhat miserable, because it takes SO Much focus to stay on task.

So, my suggestion: Quit thinking about it.

I have never wondered to myself, "I wonder if Erin Stern thinks about being healthy?" Of course she doesn't! Or do you think that Nicole Wilkins obsesses about what she can't have on prep? No. Healthy people, and people living a fitness lifestyle, don't think much about it because its simply routine.

Allow yourself to love the healthy, and to love the way your body and mind feels. Your mind can feel clearer, if you simply live.

So my only goal this prep: Is to live. Not think, and love the healthy life we have chosen for ourselves. I refuse to be scared, but to look forward to my workouts like I do in the off-season! 

My biggest mistake last prep, was that I spent way too much time with being concerned on all of the little things that I analyzed would help me achieve perfection, that I thought would help me get ahead, or that I thought was going wrong in my body, instead of living my life and loving my life! So much freedom. :)

18 Weeks Out: Off Season Gone in a Flash

There was a time, a few weeks ago, where I wasn't even sure if I was going to prep. I tend to get a little hard on myself, and the guilty feeling can weigh on a person like no other. However, it IS coming. I do not wish to continue wasting any more time... I want to see the improvements I have made in my muscularity, and I KNOW they are there! My booty is SUPA round... Am I itching to see some good booty contest photos? HELLS YES!

18 Weeks Out... From What?
I am currently 18 weeks out tomorrow from the Emerald Cup in Bellevue, WA (Seattle for those across the country). I have a few other shows I am considering, but really want to experience a big show like the Emerald. I am also considering the Empire Classic, which is the following weekend here in Spokane. A gf of mine wants to do the Tanji Johnson at the end of March, but I'm certain I won't be ready by then.

I have really been wanting to do the Emerald Cup (I cancelled on this last year due to a tight budget), and as we found out at my first competition last year, my muscularity is a bit more than the local shows. :)  At the Empire Classic, they were looking for a “softer” look in Bikini… (Side Rant: This seriously pisses me off. It’s an effing Body Building competition and judges were looking for a soft look?!) But I’m an adult and will be gracious about my placing (HAHA). It just goes to show that my physique would probably do better in a bigger show.

I've got a couple tricks (and perhaps a few more shows) up my sleeve, but we'll talk about that when the time comes. :)

Oh, improvement season.
Yeah sure, I liked my off season alright. A little too much some days. I can still barely imagine having gone through prep last year like I did. My work life went crazy and I'm a bit nervous about juggling it all again, in addition to Bang’s Lawn Care again… Which I fully expect to be busier than last year. Holy prep gods, help me.

But to be really honest, I found the off season just to be confusing! I almost felt like I ended up with a skewed view of food and working out. It took me a LONG time to not feel conflicted about eating a whole wheat english muffin with almond butter. And it took all of my mental strength not to use working out as a "punishment" for eating bad.

On the other hand, it was really nice to not NEED to be concerned with EVERYTHING! I slept in, I drank sugary coffees when I felt like it, I did lifts with NO CARDIO. Bliss.

Other bonuses about off season? Lifting heavy, bigger boobs, not being all shakey & depleted all the time. Oh yeah, and HAVING time!!

My main offseason focuses were the BOOTAY and my abs. I have had no abs to this point, and can't wait to see them poke out like little hawaiian sweet rolls (yeah, prep time=food analogies). And that ass has been hurting all year. I tried a difficult rep scheme & weekly schedule geared towards gains to see what I could pull out. I get accused of over-training ALL. The. Time. from people in the gym, but I'm not a huge believer in overtraining. I think its a lot more difficult to overtrain than people think. With proper nutrition, your body can do amazing things you couldn't even fathom.

That all being said, I trained my glutes 3x a week in my off season (Monday - quads/glutes, Weds- hams/glutes, Fri-glutes), and my abs 3x a week. Spaced all appropriately for rest, it was difficult and my legs always hurt. It is important to have the proper nutrition, sleep, and stretching if going this route! I will admit that I struggled with stretching toward the end of this year, and therefore hurt my SI (again) but this is a feasible thing if you're looking to make big improvements! Really hoping to see some big improvements in the leg overall! Quads, glutes, hams... I want it all!

Prep Time.
Lets go. Starting off nice and easy with low low cardio. Just nice, steady and consistent! I have a hard enough time getting the will to do cardio, so starting slow is my best bet. I’m starting at a higher weight this year, since I didn’t do as great of a job at keeping lean year round… Happy marriage weight! I guess it's just another chance to learn that lesson.

I’ve been dragging my heels a bit on the morning cardio, but it will happen! Diet is in lockdown, and I’m gearing up for a hard 5 months of training.

Who Makes Goals During Prep?
I want to know... Who out there has goals to reach within prep? Do you have a weight goal? Or a body fat goal? Are you looking for improvement photos?? I just want to know.

My top goal this prep, is to see improvements on my physique. I've continued to lift and lift a lot and lift a lot of heavy things, so I NEED to see what's under here. :) And the real improvement I want to see, is AGAIN the booty lol... I want stage Glutes better than this! (Justine Munro glutes, anyone?)

Let’s go BIKINI BEAST!!!

Suits For Sale!

Hey ladies! 

I'm selling a couple of suits - Always looking ahead into what I want to do with my look this year! ;)

Both are Suits For You pieces, with padded rounded B-Cup that would fit an A-C cup. Scrunch Back Bottoms fit a 0-2 jean, made for a 25 inch waist/around 32" hips.
Coral Lycra Suit - with Thin Silver Connectors, never worn on stage, paid $120 for it - will take $50 OBO.
The Burgundy suit -  Burgundy Mist Hologram fabric w/large silver connectors and Custom Crystal Galaxy detail. Was only worn once and was cleaned immediately after stage use. I paid $380 for the suit, will take $200 OBO.

Email me if interested! - AndAwaySheGoes@Yahoo.com - Never too early to think about a new suit for the upcoming season! :)

Digging Deep

When one rarely posts anymore, one also has no clue how to start this thing! As you may or may not have noticed, I've barely been on here.. Blogging is a luxury I simply haven't had time for. With juggling such a crazy schedule, I feel bad for taking that time to sit and write. :( And blogger has been blocked at work (where I used to do my blogging... whuuups). Its so sad to me how busy I am, but there is no end to that in sight. Working approximately a 60 hour work week at the hospital, and another 5-10 to Bang's Lawn Care.

I found myself crying in a bath the other night just from feeling so weary and bummed that I barely see my new husband, and something in me made my heart realize that we work so hard to create a better future. The lessons I learned in prep, have also become useful in life lately.

Such a hard lesson to learn, but happiness is the best choice. Whatever situation you're in, choosing to go with the flow and still be happy with your life will make it seem so much more beautiful and fulfilling. 

Mrs. Bang.
Being Mrs. Bang is the shit though! So much fun to be had calling myself and being called Mrs. Bang... BWAHAHAHA! I don't even need a back up stripper name! LOL! ;) Teasing, teasing... I don't get the chance to say things like that working at a Catholic hospital.

My dear friend Madeleine married us, and we got married in front of this mantle that is now in our house!

hehe! Our guests rated our first kiss!

And! My husband is THE best. We are going through a transition with Bang's Lawn Care, into the end of the season so he is looking for Winter alternatives. Even with how busy I am, he takes the time to come have breakfast with me some days and has picked up the slack in chores. And nesting into our home has been so much fun.

Not sure who is interested in a Wedding post... If I get enough requests I'll put up some slide shows. ;)

OOH! You haven't met Anderson!

Such a cutie!

SUPER big puppy

Just a big baby, like all Danes :)

We got this pup a few weeks ago to keep Zeke company during the long days while we're both away. And they're pretty good buddies so far! :)

He is SO dang cute! He has the happiest, sunny personality... He wags his tail with his whole body, his paws are so big and heavy that he's really cute & clumsy, and he gives kisses like no body's business!

He's about 4 months old and I think a little over 50 lbs now. Might be a BIG boy! 

Like I always say, we have a little habit of getting in over our heads really quickly... Haha!

Digging Deep.
Now, while I am insanely busy... I am digging deep for my goals. Although I gained a little more fat than I wanted in my off-season, I have successfully added a couple pounds of muscle and I'm pretty sure its mostly in my legs & abs... Only time will tell as I am dropping fat. But my lil booty is tightening up in a big way! And I really just want to impress myself in the improvements I've made from last prep.

So, I'm thinking prep is going to start at the beginning of the year. I've got a few shows in mind but dates aren't tied down on all of them yet, and I want to be sure I'm ready! And knowing that I have a bit more fat to lose, I'm in the middle of a few weeks stint of "prep". Tightening up the diet and still pulling out 2-a-days.

It stinks! It means I get up at 4am and don't get home until after 6pm. But everyday I wake up and remind myself that I am working so hard to make a better future. I don't want to be in the same place I am right now in 5 years.

So I bust ass, try to juggle it all, try not to disappoint those I love, while not getting down on myself when I do... And sometimes... That's all you can do!

And I know you are all digging deep every day! What shows are you all planning on this year?? If you're not competing, what are your goals??

Peak Week!

This post originally started out as a timeline journal... And then it turned into a rant. And it is kind of a rant, but its really just me being carb depleted/hungry/sore/exhausted, bitchy AND sick. ;)  Also kind of a hodgepodge of what's going on and questions I have for any and all that want to answer!

Troubles.
I'm getting really damn clumsy about now. Carb depleted + zoning out at work = papercut on my eye, knocking over coffees, etc.
I got really sick on Tuesday. At first I thought maybe I was breaking a threshold... I threw up all over my office. In front of my boss who already loves the fact that I do this, no less (note sarcasm), and during a teleconference I started vomiting fish & asparagus. Lovely. Consequently, I bloated big time. Throwing up apparently made my body hold absolutely every molecule of water and my mind freak the hell out. A few days of consistent nutrition and water and I'm back to normal. :)
However, Friday night I was feeling kinda sinusy... So I took EXTRA care of myself... Did the nedi med, took Mucinex and Afrin (which is what my doc has said to do when I feel that way. I get a lot of sinus infections.). Early Saturday morning I woke up... sick. 

Diet.
Most of the time when I think about food lately, its having to do with just wanting more... Just more rice. Or more sweet potato. More oatmeal with protein powder. By the way, oatmeal and cinnamon is sucking right now. I usually spend almost my whole workday saying one of two things (in my head, of course):
"Can I just go now?"
"Shit! I took so damn long to eat my last meal that its time to eat again."

Workouts.
I have only 3 days left of lifts... OMG I can't believe this is here! I have to admit that I have a little anxiety about my body. Not much, but I think this has to do with a couple of things... Firstly, I've never done a competition before. I don't know what judges are looking for at a local competition or if my physique will be anything like what they're looking for. I know I shouldn't be concerned with my placing, but you know what?! I'm someone who likes to do well at what I commit myself to, and I'm not ashamed of that. Second, I'm currently sick and a lot has to happen in the next week for the bloating to come off.

Abs seem like they take EVERYTHING I have to work them well, and since abs have been a focus during my offseason and prep, its important that I get it in until the very end! I'm so excited to do a few full body workouts next week just for something different. Cardio has been awesome. Running when I can and elliptical or bike when I can't run. However, I almost never have energy to run... I just set the treadmill at running speed and GO.

I had to have a conversation with Patrick about how life in our home will be this week... Especially since I'm sick...
Look, for the next 6 days...
-I will barely be doin laundry. I already don't separate whites from dark's and already use my washing machine as a laundry basket... But I will probably not be putting it away... Only taking what I need out of the dryer.
-I can't promise that I'll stop for every stop sign. Or do the speed limit, clearly.
-I also can't promise that I'll smell good. Or care.
-Bathroom breaks take precedence over any important conversation. Unless you want to clean up THAT mess.

I keep being told how awesome I look. And you know, for how shitty I feel right now... I had frickin better look awesome! ;)

Post-Contest.
Yeah so... we know that I'll be planning a wedding and stuff, but I'm also the kind of person that needs another goal. I don't want the blues, which I know will happen anyway, but I like goals and want one. I think I want to try to run a 10K.. And my question is, has anyone reading ever successfully gone from a contest diet to a runners diet? I'm sure my mind partially has to do with this anxiety about switching diets, but honestly the change will be semi-extreme if I was to go RIGHT into the runner's diet. So, I probably won't make the switch drastic or immediate... Because that would mean going from a very low carb, high protein diet straight into high carb. Anyway, like I said I'm sure its partially my mind playing with me... But I think we ALL know that going straight into high carb never works out well post-contest.

Special shout out to my amazing Momma! She took time out of her saturday to help me wax my back for me! Not like she's never seen all I got, but I still appreciate the kind of loyalty she gives! Love you Momma! You are the best mom for me. :)

Anyway, I'm on a mission to finish this one. I've only got 6 days. 6 workouts. And only have a 3 day work week... I can do anything for that amount of time. Its amazing that I've found the one and only time that my mind is genuinely stronger than my body. Boo! But at the same time, that is kind of encouraging. To know I am truly stronger on the inside, will give me power to make my body stronger as a whole.

Have a great week everyone! I promise to update as the week progresses! :) Peak Week is HERE!!!! HOLLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 Days Out

2 weeks. Actually, 11 days. That's it. Every single day my body is changing and its absolutely unbelievable. I've always read girls' blogs, but never really knew for myself that this is true… But the biggest changes really do happen in the last few weeks. I've started taking progress pictures every other day, because that is really how much I notice it changing.

Diet.
I've been without a cheat now for 4 weeks, which has been interesting. The more that time passes, the more I forget that I've been without. I only look forward… To pancakes, that is. :) I'm mostly on fish & egg whites, by choice sort of. The fish I've been told to. The egg whites really are because chicken has been giving me indigestion! I'm completely off of whey protein now, and was completely off casein at night on Saturday. Wahhh!!! ;( I started phasing off of it last week. Some part of me desperately is holding onto the "dessert before bed" thing, in which a chocolate casein shake is awesome! However, its time to let that go for a couple weeks. Last night, however, I have to admit that hot egg whites with hot sauce in bed... Was pretty awesome. That's probably because I'm fricking starving.

But let's talk about these pancakes a second...
I will be having, on contest day, gluten free pancakes with blueberries and a little sugar-free syrup. Along with some black coffee. Yes. 11 days to pancakes.

Cardio.
Cardio has been hard. I mean HARD hard. Doing the same amount I have been for a while, and only 60 mins a day, but it takes so much more energy to do it than it has in the past. New music, apps, & twitter keep me nice and distracted... But sometimes, even the best music can't gear you up for even the most minimal cardio session when you have absolutely no energy left. Calf cramps are completely gone now that I have incorporated Essential Electrolytes regularly into my supplement regimen.

If you have any kind of a cramp issue, and have never tried the EE's… they're AMAZING! EE's have changed my life. They really do help balance your electrolytes, and have no sugar so they can be taken throughout prep! No calf cramps, no middle of the night cramps, no side stitch.

Weights.
Weights have been even harder. I mean, and I'm pretty little so my strength is just nuthin! I'm pushing and getting through it, but I'm also allowing myself the grace to be okay with 5 lb weights. Just as long as I'm getting it in! Luckily, a good friend Maggie has been working out with me on my hamstring/glute day which has been SO helpful. This is about the period of time where I genuinely don't mind when people want to talk, because the distraction helps me get through it without having to think about it. And the encouragement helps in a major way.

However, the changes make it all worth it. They keep me going! Quad separation is something I only day dreamed about before… And now its coming in. The abs, oh man, the abs. My abs come out more all the time, its amazing. Every day I get more and more excited. And not to sit here and pick myself apart, but I'm praying to the prep gods that my calves come down. Right now my calves are about as big as my thighs (or so it seems). Its literally the last place my body is holding fat. I genuinely don't think my calves are large, I think that's where my body wants to hold fat on top of well defined calf muscles. And when I pinch, the pinches are thick. Anyway, this is what keeps me on this diet. If I felt like I looked perfect, I might be tempted to cheat. However, I continue to work so hard just to ensure they come down… even if its down to the last day!

By the way, you know how I promised I wouldn't weigh until about 2 weeks out? Well, I didn't… Until about 2 weeks out… And I'm down to 105.0 lbs. So crazy! I've dropped 2.5 lbs in just the last 2 weeks, definitely the leanest I've EVER been at about 9% bf. I do love, also, that the fat has come off less in my face as it has in the past. I think keeping some fat in my face looks better, I don't want to look gaunt & skinny! I want to look healthy!

Contest Prep Realities.
More as the days go on, I have to remind myself that now isn't the time to pull out my baking stuff I've had in storage for the last 15 weeks. But I desperately want to bake. I miss baking. Baking was a therapy for me (so was eating the baked goods, but we won't go there). However, also more as the days go on, the less baked goods sound good to me. Butter & flour right now genuinely sounds like it will just make me ill. You know what I want right now?? A banana. Anything that I know would truly give me good burnable energy.
Also as the days go on, the less I am concerned with smelling or looking good. My make up is generally half-assed. My hair pretty much always looks slept on. I'm very fuzzy right now so I'm always working out in long shirts, which make me not smell so good when I sweat. Whatever. I bet I just wreak of fish & eggs when I'm on cardio.

Also also as the days go on, the more interesting life gets. I feel like I'm simply witnessing all these things happening while I only sit here and observe my own life. lol! Here... Let me give you an example...

Monday.
I shit myself. Yeah, you read that right. And here are the realities of contest prep ladies, I eat so much protein for my small stature (250g+ per day) that I got so backed up, that one too many cups of coffee made it so I couldn't QUITE make it to the bathroom. In my defense, the closest restroom to my office is about a football field away. It wasn't noticeable to anyone else but myself, but still enough to have me want to change my pants. I decide to take my lunch to go home. I have 30 minutes to take exactly a 30 minute trip.

So I go home, change my pants, start a wash, kiss my dogs and get on my way.

Going just a tiny bit fast in order to get back to work on time, I pass a cop knowing that I'm going 5 over.. And figure he won't pull me over because its only 5 over. WRONG! I full-on (I'm not sure what a "Full-on" ticket is, but I got one) get a ticket for going only 5 over. I don't even try to fight him also in order to get back to work close to on time.

By the way, the whole time I'm over my meal timing requirements. I get back to work feeling like "I had better eat before I DIE."

In hindsight, I now wonder what the cop would have did if I had said to him when asked why I was going so fast:

"I was going so fast because I shit my pants, had to run home on my 30 minute lunch, and am going a tad fast in order to get back to work on time."

Patrick thinks I should have fought him some. Que Sera.

Another reality is how effing difficult it is to get about of bed about now... In order to make sure I do, this has been done:

Yeah, that happens every morning. Just to make sure.

Stage!
In regards to stage stuff… wow, I have a whole lot coming. This weekend I got my hair done and am so excited! I haven't had my hair colored in MONTHS. I've also been tanning regularly just as a form of therapy to myself… So as to not reward myself with food. I hate to say that I'm not shaving anymore (UGH! I hate being fuzzy), as I'm getting my body waxing done this weekend and the bikini wax next week. My suit fits awesome, and I can't wait to show it to you guys! I've got my nail appointment set for the weds before my show… And I have nothing more to say other than I'm so excited! Excited, exhausted, depleted, short on patience, very short on energy and so so happy.

In other news..
Bang's Lawn Care is up and running! Patrick is going full force into this and is doing awesome! He has been able to help me do so much around the house since I've been way way too tired/busy to do much. I love that I have a partner that will willingly pick up the slack when needed. All women should have that.

Wedding plans are slow going, but I'm alright with that for now… I've got ALL summer to plan the wedding. However, we have scheduled our engagement photos for May 12th and am SO excited for that. The slow moving of the planning is kind of giving me time to decide more, think more, and just day dream. :) I'm sure you guys all know that since we live in the country, although we don't listen to country, we love country/rustic/romantic weddings. And that's exactly what I want… Relaxed, rustic, and romantic. And do it all with a BANG (pun intended. Hehe!) (In case people aren't getting that, my married last name truly will be Bang. Lacey Bang. LOL! It makes me laugh every time I read it.)!

Love you guys! Can't wait to share contest photos with you all! :)

Rollercoasters

In all reality, the only true thing for every competitor is that contest prep is a rollercoaster. One minute you find yourself so low that you barely know how to handle anything, the next you find yourself so amped about the progress you're making and just want more. And then the next hour, you feel like life is going soooo fast. And then later that night, life feels perfect. 


The ego and super-ego always seem to be at war. Because sometimes you'd be willing to slay a dragon for a cookie-dough ProMax bar and a cup of blueberries. Dragons don't exist. Delusional? Yes. Whatever.


The Lows.
What is that quote from the movie Dogma? Something like.. "I think its better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier.."


And I guess a plan is just that, a plan. You can change it as time goes on. Then why do I feel like such a jerk when I cancel plans?

-Contests-
Well, so it turns out I'm not doing the Emerald Cup in Seattle on April 21st. Things have gone nutso in my personal life. Aside from getting engaged, it turns out Patrick is heading full force into his landscaping business. - "Bang's Lawn Care" -Which means we have no idea what our finances are going to look like this year. And in order to be sure that we can afford our wedding this year (which we are paying for ourselves), we both had to make sacrifices. And in my case, that means giving up one comp. I mean, we're gonna be saving on gas money, hotel expenses, hair expenses, tanning, etc. It can add up to a lot. 


BUT! I'm still going forward with the Empire Classic on April 28th. And that is extremely exciting for me…


The Highs.
because! Duh-da-da-DUHHHH (got that?)!!!! I hit my weight goal from the end of last prep, actually, I BEAT it! And on my birthday, no less! I hit 107.5lbs on Thursday the 22nd when I ended last prep at 108lbs, which puts me around 10.5% body fat. I haven't weighed myself since then and probably won't for 2 more weeks... I want to give myself the drive to make that scale move. AND I have 4 more weeks!! WHAT?!


I wonder what having ab definition and quad separation is going to feel like? :) Probably awesome!


I got in my new suit! :) I won't be posting a pic on here, gotta leave myself some kind of an edge over my competition. You never know who is lurking haha.


The Real. 
Cardio.
Still at 60 minutes a day! So excited that isn't 80 or 90 like last prep. But doing HIIT is getting difficult. Its taking quite a bit more focus to perform effectively. But also I have to admit that not focusing on my weight whatsoever, has helped me focus on getting enough water during cardio. I know its kinda silly, but my brain would subconsciously not have me drink water when I knew I was going to weigh myself soon.
 
Weights.
I have the strength of a wee girl. Seriously now, 10lb lateral raises for 15? Ugh. Bicep curls 10lbs for 15? Double ugh. However, the looks I get during Romanian Deadlifts from every woman in the gym is getting kinda funny with my booty and legs getting more shapely.
 
Diet.
I wish I had something more to say on this other than I'm hungry. Hungry, irritable, exhausted and indescribably happy. :) I've run out of SuperPump this week, which means I'm done with that for the rest of prep. I've also run out of whey as of today, which means I'm on whole foods. Mostly egg whites and fish right now. Casein gets phased out for food in 2 weeks. And I'm done with cheats! This is making me so excited to see what my body has in store! (I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought lol).

The simple fact that I feel like I have 4 weeks to NOT pay attention to my weight, gives me 4 weeks of straight progress. I'm liking what is going on with my abs, and I'm really liking what my legs are doing. I feel like my body is taking a shape that I like.
By the way, I'm still not putting out the idea of doing Figure someday. :)  


In Other News. 
My wedding planning checklist is telling me that now is a good time to start getting in shape. Good to know! ;)
 
Its true, this blog will probably have some wedding updates and such as time goes on. This off-season is going to be fun, but also its definitely going to be interesting in figuring out what real life looks like again. I've completely stopped tracking my food. This happened really because my iPhone broke (long story) and I had to be without my Food-Log App for a few days. And all of a sudden, I felt such freedom in just eating the right things! Last fall, I was completely freaked out about how I would handle adjusting into off-season. This time, I'm not even remotely nervous for it. 


But let's not get ahead of ourselves, there are many maple scones to be eaten. And many MANY a beer to be had!
 
Wedding Plans?
I am so excited to get married to Patrick. I mean, not to get all mushy and shit, but he genuinely wants me to have the kind of wedding I want… And he never minds discussing ideas and plans. I'm not stressed out, and I'm just enjoying this time. However, when I'm tired and hungry and its taking all of me to focus and just make it prepared to the next day... Its easy to be affected by people. Everyone has an opinion about what you SHOULD do, and honestly its making me not even want to think about planning. So, I'm pretty much putting off everything until after my competition. Sometimes you just have to focus on one thing at a time. 
 
Have a lovely week friends! I'm still stalking blogs even though I'm not always posting. I've got 28 days until this ride ends. Happy, very healthy, in love, and surrounded by people (even virtually) that support me! What else could I ask for? :)

How did I get here?

Man, I'm in like the most surreal life at the moment. Last time we talked I was 8 weeks out, ready to murder my FG, and struggling to hang on to the whirlwind of busy life. So much has happened since then.

First of All.
I don't like being busy all the time. By nature, I'm somewhat of an introvert and very much of a homebody. I crave time at home and really try to leave Sundays for just that. I feel that by being super busy, I pull in more than I can actually handle... Meaning, once I start saying yes to anything, I start saying yes to everything. I've started and not posted at least 3 blogs describing how overwhelmed I felt.

So to deal with my crazy life, and not reward myself with food, I started booking all my shizz for my shows to keep myself distracted and looking forward to things. I made sure my tans were in order for both shows. I've confirmed my hair and waxing appointments. I have been tracking the shipping on my suit, and buying things for my show.

Bling!

This is a stage bracelet I picked out :)

I bought myself a silk robe, because I read that it doesn't take off the tan as much as cotton or velour.

I also bought new shoes. As you can see above that my old shoes on the left were just trashed. Although I had never worn them on stage, I practiced A-LOT! I also chose to go with the ankle straps this time, I never quite felt secure in the style of my old ones.

My suit should be here any day... :)

Swagger.
My prep coaches have been showering me with swagger lately! I told them that is how you keep your clients loyal, give them swagger! LOL!

We got this a few weeks ago. Pretty awesome loose tank!

My prep coaches wife made this, a bag for my shoes, but I'm gonna use it for my suit.

Awesome hoodie! Its so warm I just love it.

And my tanning appointment vendor sent me this in the mail for the Emerald Cup! WORD! :D

Cardio.
Still hanging out doing about 60 minutes a day. I've been taking it down a notch on the elliptical just to make sure I'm not getting sick. SOMEHOW I have managed not to get sick even though I took care of sick Patrick for a whole week.

Weights.
Strength is decreasing but overall I'm having really good workouts. Getting to that point where working out is getting exciting because its so close to the show.

Diet.
NBD. Just kind of hanging in there. This week I finally felt like I found my stride, and the diet got easier. Really not tempted around the house (finally). I started to incorporate more fish this week, just to get myself used to it for what is coming. And it IS coming lol.

5 Week Check-In.
Doing well, my body is starting to shrink in quite a bit.  Weighing in at 109.5lbs which is putting me at 11% body fat. Right on track to hit my weight/body fat goal for stage day.

Not much is changing this week, and the extra fish will help adjust me naturally to the next steps in my diet plan. Protein powders will be phased out very soon, I am sure. In which I am prepared with TONS of extra fish and chicken. Joy!

In Other News.
I'm an engaged woman! I got caught completely by surprise on Friday night when out to dinner at a cheat meal where I THOUGHT we were going to look at rings! I had no idea it was coming. Come to find out he had actually planned on doing it next month after my competition, but couldn't wait. :) He had the cutest planned speech, and I'm so glad that he somehow was sneaky enough to get it all on video because now I can barely remember what he said. The whole time he was going through his speech I was going, "Is this it?! Is this happening right now?! Is this IT?!" He did it at my favorite restaurant, which is right by our house and kind of a homey little romantic place that I adore.

This is so much prettier than anything I had in mind! And Sparkley-er!

I have to get it sized, its huge on my finger but I don't want to part with it! I'm just enjoying being engaged and hopefully it won't become a big stressor... I think we're going to take steps to make sure we're not stressed much by the planning as well as the finances as we'll be paying for it ourselves... AND we're probably getting married in August. So soon!

If nothing else, I can plan wedding stuff to give my mind something to focus on aside from prep!

Have a great week everyone! :)

Putting In Work!

Disclaimer: This is a bitchy post.

Sometimes I put a disclaimer like that on my post, and feel like I'm supposed to say something bitchy right away or explain myself right away. I don't have a big long story to tell you or anything, this is just the culmination of many things that are just getting to me. Well, more than getting to me. I'm borderline breakdown currently, I'm just doing all I can to hold on. And sometimes that's all we can do.

Diet.
WAHHHHH! Diet was going really good, well and it is… But I'm tempted beyond belief. Sometimes I'll be going through a whole day kicking myself and notice that I'm more or less punishing myself for even thinking about cheating. Here's my issue(s).

EVERY EFFING DAY my man is bringin home new delicious foods. Last prep he was really good about suffering with me. This time? Not so much. Bringing home carrot cakes, and chocolate zucchini bread (GRRRR!!!) and just having things around that are making this awful for me. And when he wants me to make something its always cookies, or bacon, or something there is no way I can have and I would love to have. And my irritation level is hitting the point where this might become a fight soon. Really this needs to be a conversation before it does become a real fight. lol

But honestly, my FG (Fat Girl) is really struggling in other areas of my life which makes sticking to the diet harder. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm tearing up as I type this. This is an area that is really starting to require more attention to detail and will be changing in the very near future, :( And I really need support. My FG is tempted to shove whole chocolate filled donuts down my throat to soothe the other areas of emotional crisis.

My FG is shouting "HELP!" and My Athlete ego is desperately trying to pull FG down the prep road. If you've never had food issues, you probably can't relate. Holla at me if you can!

I did find out in the last couple of weeks that Gluten is going to be a no-go forever in prep. FOREVER! (Say it like in The Sandlot) FOR-EV-VER! I had a burrito for my cheat meal a week ago, with flour tortillas, and it took my body the whole week to recover from it. A whole week lost in prep history. Lame. I got that dumb crampy feeling on the right side of my belly button during cardio the WHOLE WEEK.

Cardio.
Still on 45 minutes a day. Its cool, I'm not having any problems getting it in. I'm mixing it up with the intensities and HIIT levels every day, which is fun. I FINALLY made my way to fleet feet and they recommended some New Balances (duh! I can't believe I got talked into anything else!). They are making a HUGE difference in my PM Cardio sessions, which are always more intense. My shins are now "Good Workout Sore" and not "Muscle Tearing Off The Bone Sore." Yipee!

Weights.
Really loving the improvements my abs and legs are making. I have begun to split up legs again, and am spending all of my sessions focused on what I want to see onstage in that body part. "SLATE flat abs!" "Quad separation!" "Lean ASS!" No joke. Say whatever you want, but its helping me stay focused. And whatever helps us get the job done, right??

Frustrations.
1- The Internet at home has been touch and go. If you're in the Spokane area, don't ever sign up for Century Link! They will EFF you right over!
2- The Internet at work is fine, but the browsers are outdated and I can't update at our big hospital, that's a hospital decision. So I can't ever post my blogs. Thus why I'm only posting every few weeks.
3- Chocolate Zucchini Bread. Where do you get off existing and placing yourself in my home?! Don't ever do that again. EVAR.
4- Where the hell is my tax refund? It’s a week late. So dumb, but grrrr!
5- Work. I'm really REALLY effing overwhelmed and worn down. I think about quitting my job every day. Its genuinely starting to wear on my self-esteem. A promotion is only worth the extra stress, if your pay makes it worth it. And mine isn't.
6- I need girlfriends. I have ZERO in Spokane. All the girlfriends I have/had in this area either all got sick of my fitness fanaticism or started having babies in which they have no time to have friends. I'm actively working on making girlfriends at the gym. But most people (much less females) don't really get my brash/sarcastic sense of humor. Plus I'm so not about female drama, and somehow that makes me not click well with women. I genuinely feel closer to some of the ladies I interact with online than I do my friends in Spokane.
7- I might need to change gyms. Its really stressing me out. I'm kinda not sure I should talk about it (if you're concerned let's email) but Crazy Trainer will be a blog post someday. I promise. :)
8- I miss coffee. 9 more weeks. And bacon.
9- I miss Patrick. He has had to work so much lately that I feel like I never see him. :( And he leaves his delicious/crappy food when he goes. I need my rock right now!

The Positives.
1+ I ordered my stage jewelry! I bought a bracelet and some new earrings. I have a ring already that I think is blingin enough for the stage.
2+ I ordered new stage shoes! Believe it or not, although I have not stepped on stage in my shoes… they are DIRRRRTY! I wear them all the time and we live in the country so dust is everywhere. Might be nice to have a separate pair of shoes for practice and the stage anyway.
3+ I got confirmation that my new suit is on its way! I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR THIS THING ON STAGE!
4+ I made my tan & hotel reservations for the Emerald Cup. As soon as I get that tax refund, the entry fee will be paid! Its ON!
5+ Weight is still about 110-111 lbs. Only 5 pounds to lose in 8 weeks?! Its so awesome I just have to giggle.
6+ This coming week I will start meeting with Jacques (prep coach) every week. I think I'm ready for that and need it.

7+ I'm still here and still in it! I've only gotten sick once this prep, last prep I had been sick into my 3rd time by now. I'm determined to finish and get on that stage this time. I have begun thinking about the off-season, in which will probably be a nice long one. At least 6 months. We are thinking about doing some mountain hiking over the summer with my dad, maybe a triathlon, but definitely relaxing. I only took off a few weeks between seasons this time, and before that had dieted for about 2 years… I'll be ready to figure out what healthy living looks and feels like as part of real life, and not just prep life. And then figure out some future contests. As you all well know, I'm always looking to what's next. Which brings me to my next point…

We can all push and push harder. When you find yourself having a difficult time:

Focus only on what's next. Even in the minute details of your day, there is nothing more than what's next.

Sometimes it truly is all we can do from falling apart. But genuinely, if I fell apart I would have nothing to be proud of. Knowing that I'm staying in it although my life is more than difficult is all I have to be proud of and look forward to at this moment. And I know that when this is over, I will be that much stronger because I did choose to hold on.

I hope you all are having a great week and pushing hard. I'm trying to at least read everyone's blogs even if I don't comment. Miss and love you all! 8 weeks out!