How did I get here?

Man, I'm in like the most surreal life at the moment. Last time we talked I was 8 weeks out, ready to murder my FG, and struggling to hang on to the whirlwind of busy life. So much has happened since then.

First of All.
I don't like being busy all the time. By nature, I'm somewhat of an introvert and very much of a homebody. I crave time at home and really try to leave Sundays for just that. I feel that by being super busy, I pull in more than I can actually handle... Meaning, once I start saying yes to anything, I start saying yes to everything. I've started and not posted at least 3 blogs describing how overwhelmed I felt.

So to deal with my crazy life, and not reward myself with food, I started booking all my shizz for my shows to keep myself distracted and looking forward to things. I made sure my tans were in order for both shows. I've confirmed my hair and waxing appointments. I have been tracking the shipping on my suit, and buying things for my show.

Bling!

This is a stage bracelet I picked out :)

I bought myself a silk robe, because I read that it doesn't take off the tan as much as cotton or velour.

I also bought new shoes. As you can see above that my old shoes on the left were just trashed. Although I had never worn them on stage, I practiced A-LOT! I also chose to go with the ankle straps this time, I never quite felt secure in the style of my old ones.

My suit should be here any day... :)

Swagger.
My prep coaches have been showering me with swagger lately! I told them that is how you keep your clients loyal, give them swagger! LOL!

We got this a few weeks ago. Pretty awesome loose tank!

My prep coaches wife made this, a bag for my shoes, but I'm gonna use it for my suit.

Awesome hoodie! Its so warm I just love it.

And my tanning appointment vendor sent me this in the mail for the Emerald Cup! WORD! :D

Cardio.
Still hanging out doing about 60 minutes a day. I've been taking it down a notch on the elliptical just to make sure I'm not getting sick. SOMEHOW I have managed not to get sick even though I took care of sick Patrick for a whole week.

Weights.
Strength is decreasing but overall I'm having really good workouts. Getting to that point where working out is getting exciting because its so close to the show.

Diet.
NBD. Just kind of hanging in there. This week I finally felt like I found my stride, and the diet got easier. Really not tempted around the house (finally). I started to incorporate more fish this week, just to get myself used to it for what is coming. And it IS coming lol.

5 Week Check-In.
Doing well, my body is starting to shrink in quite a bit.  Weighing in at 109.5lbs which is putting me at 11% body fat. Right on track to hit my weight/body fat goal for stage day.

Not much is changing this week, and the extra fish will help adjust me naturally to the next steps in my diet plan. Protein powders will be phased out very soon, I am sure. In which I am prepared with TONS of extra fish and chicken. Joy!

In Other News.
I'm an engaged woman! I got caught completely by surprise on Friday night when out to dinner at a cheat meal where I THOUGHT we were going to look at rings! I had no idea it was coming. Come to find out he had actually planned on doing it next month after my competition, but couldn't wait. :) He had the cutest planned speech, and I'm so glad that he somehow was sneaky enough to get it all on video because now I can barely remember what he said. The whole time he was going through his speech I was going, "Is this it?! Is this happening right now?! Is this IT?!" He did it at my favorite restaurant, which is right by our house and kind of a homey little romantic place that I adore.

This is so much prettier than anything I had in mind! And Sparkley-er!

I have to get it sized, its huge on my finger but I don't want to part with it! I'm just enjoying being engaged and hopefully it won't become a big stressor... I think we're going to take steps to make sure we're not stressed much by the planning as well as the finances as we'll be paying for it ourselves... AND we're probably getting married in August. So soon!

If nothing else, I can plan wedding stuff to give my mind something to focus on aside from prep!

Have a great week everyone! :)

Putting In Work!

Disclaimer: This is a bitchy post.

Sometimes I put a disclaimer like that on my post, and feel like I'm supposed to say something bitchy right away or explain myself right away. I don't have a big long story to tell you or anything, this is just the culmination of many things that are just getting to me. Well, more than getting to me. I'm borderline breakdown currently, I'm just doing all I can to hold on. And sometimes that's all we can do.

Diet.
WAHHHHH! Diet was going really good, well and it is… But I'm tempted beyond belief. Sometimes I'll be going through a whole day kicking myself and notice that I'm more or less punishing myself for even thinking about cheating. Here's my issue(s).

EVERY EFFING DAY my man is bringin home new delicious foods. Last prep he was really good about suffering with me. This time? Not so much. Bringing home carrot cakes, and chocolate zucchini bread (GRRRR!!!) and just having things around that are making this awful for me. And when he wants me to make something its always cookies, or bacon, or something there is no way I can have and I would love to have. And my irritation level is hitting the point where this might become a fight soon. Really this needs to be a conversation before it does become a real fight. lol

But honestly, my FG (Fat Girl) is really struggling in other areas of my life which makes sticking to the diet harder. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm tearing up as I type this. This is an area that is really starting to require more attention to detail and will be changing in the very near future, :( And I really need support. My FG is tempted to shove whole chocolate filled donuts down my throat to soothe the other areas of emotional crisis.

My FG is shouting "HELP!" and My Athlete ego is desperately trying to pull FG down the prep road. If you've never had food issues, you probably can't relate. Holla at me if you can!

I did find out in the last couple of weeks that Gluten is going to be a no-go forever in prep. FOREVER! (Say it like in The Sandlot) FOR-EV-VER! I had a burrito for my cheat meal a week ago, with flour tortillas, and it took my body the whole week to recover from it. A whole week lost in prep history. Lame. I got that dumb crampy feeling on the right side of my belly button during cardio the WHOLE WEEK.

Cardio.
Still on 45 minutes a day. Its cool, I'm not having any problems getting it in. I'm mixing it up with the intensities and HIIT levels every day, which is fun. I FINALLY made my way to fleet feet and they recommended some New Balances (duh! I can't believe I got talked into anything else!). They are making a HUGE difference in my PM Cardio sessions, which are always more intense. My shins are now "Good Workout Sore" and not "Muscle Tearing Off The Bone Sore." Yipee!

Weights.
Really loving the improvements my abs and legs are making. I have begun to split up legs again, and am spending all of my sessions focused on what I want to see onstage in that body part. "SLATE flat abs!" "Quad separation!" "Lean ASS!" No joke. Say whatever you want, but its helping me stay focused. And whatever helps us get the job done, right??

Frustrations.
1- The Internet at home has been touch and go. If you're in the Spokane area, don't ever sign up for Century Link! They will EFF you right over!
2- The Internet at work is fine, but the browsers are outdated and I can't update at our big hospital, that's a hospital decision. So I can't ever post my blogs. Thus why I'm only posting every few weeks.
3- Chocolate Zucchini Bread. Where do you get off existing and placing yourself in my home?! Don't ever do that again. EVAR.
4- Where the hell is my tax refund? It’s a week late. So dumb, but grrrr!
5- Work. I'm really REALLY effing overwhelmed and worn down. I think about quitting my job every day. Its genuinely starting to wear on my self-esteem. A promotion is only worth the extra stress, if your pay makes it worth it. And mine isn't.
6- I need girlfriends. I have ZERO in Spokane. All the girlfriends I have/had in this area either all got sick of my fitness fanaticism or started having babies in which they have no time to have friends. I'm actively working on making girlfriends at the gym. But most people (much less females) don't really get my brash/sarcastic sense of humor. Plus I'm so not about female drama, and somehow that makes me not click well with women. I genuinely feel closer to some of the ladies I interact with online than I do my friends in Spokane.
7- I might need to change gyms. Its really stressing me out. I'm kinda not sure I should talk about it (if you're concerned let's email) but Crazy Trainer will be a blog post someday. I promise. :)
8- I miss coffee. 9 more weeks. And bacon.
9- I miss Patrick. He has had to work so much lately that I feel like I never see him. :( And he leaves his delicious/crappy food when he goes. I need my rock right now!

The Positives.
1+ I ordered my stage jewelry! I bought a bracelet and some new earrings. I have a ring already that I think is blingin enough for the stage.
2+ I ordered new stage shoes! Believe it or not, although I have not stepped on stage in my shoes… they are DIRRRRTY! I wear them all the time and we live in the country so dust is everywhere. Might be nice to have a separate pair of shoes for practice and the stage anyway.
3+ I got confirmation that my new suit is on its way! I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR THIS THING ON STAGE!
4+ I made my tan & hotel reservations for the Emerald Cup. As soon as I get that tax refund, the entry fee will be paid! Its ON!
5+ Weight is still about 110-111 lbs. Only 5 pounds to lose in 8 weeks?! Its so awesome I just have to giggle.
6+ This coming week I will start meeting with Jacques (prep coach) every week. I think I'm ready for that and need it.

7+ I'm still here and still in it! I've only gotten sick once this prep, last prep I had been sick into my 3rd time by now. I'm determined to finish and get on that stage this time. I have begun thinking about the off-season, in which will probably be a nice long one. At least 6 months. We are thinking about doing some mountain hiking over the summer with my dad, maybe a triathlon, but definitely relaxing. I only took off a few weeks between seasons this time, and before that had dieted for about 2 years… I'll be ready to figure out what healthy living looks and feels like as part of real life, and not just prep life. And then figure out some future contests. As you all well know, I'm always looking to what's next. Which brings me to my next point…

We can all push and push harder. When you find yourself having a difficult time:

Focus only on what's next. Even in the minute details of your day, there is nothing more than what's next.

Sometimes it truly is all we can do from falling apart. But genuinely, if I fell apart I would have nothing to be proud of. Knowing that I'm staying in it although my life is more than difficult is all I have to be proud of and look forward to at this moment. And I know that when this is over, I will be that much stronger because I did choose to hold on.

I hope you all are having a great week and pushing hard. I'm trying to at least read everyone's blogs even if I don't comment. Miss and love you all! 8 weeks out!

10 Weeks Out: All Things Prep

LOL! Sooo.... I started this post TWO weeks ago. I can't believe I haven't posted since 13 weeks out!!! And I also can't believe I'm 10 weeks out! Holy shit... that freaks me out a little. lol I have a lot to say since I haven't talked to y'all... But I have to apologize and confess, I used to blog at work (I know, I know) however since being so busy, I haven't had time but then we have been without Internet at home, so there really hasn't been any opportune times to blog. Super lame.

I CAN'T!
Naw its just hard. I notice I'll be full in and hard on cardio, and my mind chimes in "I.... CAN'T!"
We struggle. That's life. We all have struggles, things we recognize that probably need changing whether we want to or not, or maybe that we desperately want to change. Prep gives off a different kind of struggle, and its different for everyone. My new mantra:

Work the plan. Live the plan. BE the plan.

1st ONLY Prep Sickness.

I got sick last week. And I think most of you remember how terribly I struggled with getting sick last prep, total of 5 separate times over 14 weeks. Yeah, it straight BLEW. Anyway, since I had pneumonia I worked REALLY hard not to get sick again. They say that after you have pneumonia, you're much more susceptible to getting it, so I wasn't really willing to go there.

Anyway, I got a sinus infection starting on Thursday. Sadly, I have been beyond swamped at work so I HAD to go in. I left early both Thursday and Friday and by Monday was feeling tons better. I was healthy for 4 straight months, and honestly was just so happy about that I hardly minded being sick.

Doesn't blowing your nose rock? As a little kid, my mom never really pushed us that when your nose is plugged, you blow it. In her defense, she was a single mom of 3 for a while. It took me until 27 years old to learn this lesson. BUT! Its awesome! I'm blowing my nose constantly, and since I've been sick I've been that gross sweaty chick who is blowing their nose on the treadmill and everyone around is going "EW! Why is she working out?! She should be home and not spreading her sick!" I'm not sick, I'm congested. Plus I wipe down my equipment well. Calm down, you crazy people.

Diet: I'm effing loving this.

Yeah, you read that right. I'm still being allowed some higher sugar veggies like squash and red pepper. I'm almost certain these will be cut in the next couple weeks. But how awesome! I'm getting all the way down to 10 weeks out and still loving on things I love?! Yes please.

I'm having absolutely no issues with getting the food down now, its really ALL being eaten within a matter of minutes.

Cardio: Beef. It's what's for Afternoon Snack.

Cardio has been awesome. I couldn't even say with more joy that I am still only on 45 minutes a DAY of cardio! Do you guys remember what my cardio was last time? Double that. All the way through.

However, here's my beef with running. I've been working on my athleticism and different goals within prep. Prep is a really good time to get better at any one thing (aside from strength lol) physically. You're dropping body fat, so your body can withstand your own weight more easily, you're hydrated, you're nourished, your body is operating completely clean. Anyway, I'm not a natural runner, but I want to be a better runner. I run every day, even threw out a 30 minute run on Thursday when I hadn't run that long since last prep. So, the first part of my beef is really just associated with having had pneumonia. My lungs still do not absorb as much oxygen as they used to, so maintaining a more intense pace and keeping my heart rate steady is difficult, I'm just going to have to BULK up my lungs. :) And by "bulk" I mean, run my ass off until I can't breathe and/or puke. Rinse and repeat.

The second part of my beef is mostly about my running technique. My girl Lisa gave me some good tips and I'm gonna make my way out to Fleet Feet, hopefully this weekend, so they can analyze my technique. I feel like my calves are working really hard. I had started feeling what I thought were shin splints right before prep, so I bought new shoes. However, it didn't go away. I think my foot is striking the ground in the wrong spot or I'm overstriding... Not sure yet, but I'll be excited to see the video that Fleet Feet takes!

Yeah. Running, we have a beef you and I. And it's gonna change this week, just a head's up.

Weights & Weight.
My weight sessions are rocking. I noticed only a slight decrease in strength, which I'm sure will only get worse in the next 10 weeks. :) However I'm incredibly sore EVERYWHERE. My legs are pretty much ready to secede from the union. I did hamstrings Tuesday, they were still sore Thursday when I hammered out that long run, and Friday they really wanted to kick me in the face when I pumped out some hard cardio and quads. No mercy on those babies. I'm seeing some definite changes in the areas I set out to work on in my short off-season, particularly in the abs. I can see the line down the middle, which I have NEVER had.

So, I am down to 113 lbs, which puts me at around 13% body fat. I've dropped 5 lbs in prep, and based on taking my measurements, I've lost an inch in my waist, a full inch off each of my thighs, and a HALF inch off my calves (big progress for me!). Which also means I have 10 more weeks to drop 7lbs. Sa-WEET! There is no room for fear when you're positive you're doing everything possible to obtain the impossible. And without further ado:


I seriously need to try to take pictures in better lighting. Also expecting my suit in a few more weeks, canNOT wait to be wearing that one!! :)

 I promise it won't be so long between blog posts. ;) I miss talking to all of you! Make sure you say hi to me on Twitter or Facebook! I'm ALWAYS on Twitter. Haha!

Have a great week CHAMPIONS! Don't sell yourself short of what you know you're capable of this week! Believe you're the best and workout accordingly! :)

GO Week!

This week was GO WEEK! I woke up on Monday, knowing it would be. And I told myself every single day, that this was THE week, the chance to change.. GO Week.

What is GO Week you ask?
GO week is that week you decide to push yourself even just a little bit further. GO week is that week you finally push through your food cravings. GO week is that week you push through how tired you are becoming. GO week is that week you want it just a little more. GO week is that week you find yourself with just a tad more confidence. GO week is the week you find out what you're made of. GO week is when you don't give up no matter how badly your body feels. GO week is when you really start to see results. :)

Diet.
Diet hasn't changed, I've cut out beef just because it doesn't really sound good without a tortilla. Not having an issue eating on time anymore, its really been fitting it all in... I get a whole lot more food this prep, and it has been hard fitting in another meal during the day! I'm going to try to get egg white protein for the last meal before my workouts.

I found myself having an issue with breakfast, that it would take me almost 90 mins to eat! And let me tell you why, when I get to work every morning at 630, I do my make up at my desk and get things ready. Then I head down to our cafeteria in the hospital where I buy 1/4 c oatmeal and 8 hard boiled eggs w/salsa. So, I get to my desk, crack the eggs and dive in...? Not quite.

In reality, the eggs are piping hot! So, I get to my desk and crack them. Wait a bit and eat my oatmeal. Then I peel the shells off, wait a bit because those are super hot! Then I wait even longer, to strip the whites off the yolks (seems so sad wasting all those yolks every day... I say a little prayer for those yolks that they will not be lost in vain). Then by the time I actually eat the whites with my red pepper and a tad of salsa... its been like 90 minutes.

What I started doing as of Thursday, is I bought a 5 dozen egg pack, and hard boiled half of them. Then over the weekend, I could take my sweet time peeling, and putting the whites in with my red pepper. Boom. When I get to work now, throw my eggs & peppers in the microwave while I get my oatmeal. Done. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you over come eating obstacles! ;)

Workouts.
Quick and HARD! I'm still on 45 mins of cardio a day so I am BUSTING ASS the whole time I'm in the gym. Hot sweaty mess every single time. Because its GO time.

My AM steady rate cardio is going harder, I'm pouring sweat and putting in that work even when my legs feel like lead... And there ARE days where my legs feel like lead.

My PM HIITs have picked up the pace. I am beginning to range my sprints from 10-12mph for a full 30 seconds, with 1 minute recovery of fast walking. My goal this prep, is to be able to complete full running HIITs... Meaning my recovery will be jogging, but my heart rate control just isn't there quite yet. Inclines begin next week with the sprints. Woot!

And update on that! On Saturday, I did only a 5.5 min full running HIIT with no walking, but still! 5 minutes! Now I can try for 10 minutes! Here's what it looked like in case you want to try!

1 min @ 7mph
30 sec @ 10mph
1 min @ 7mph
30 sec @ 10 mph
1 min @ 7 mph
30 sec @ 10 mph
1 min @ 7mph
96 calories burned in only 5.5 minutes! Can I get a HELL YES for burn mode?!

PM Lifts are going awesome too. I love Mondays and Fridays... I feel extra energy on those days due to diet, Thursday I get a few extra carbs and weekends are just a lot of food fit into fewer waking hours, so I feel good on Mondays. Save my hardest workouts for those days, which are abs & shoulders on Monday and legs on Friday. I gotta say, I am LOVING that part of prep right now.

Prep Problems.
Hello insomnia, we meet again. Yeah, it happened... I'll admit fully that my mind wants to think about being on that stage all night long, maybe because that it is my only silence of the day and I can envision myself. Don't bother recommending melatonin... It doesn't work for me. I have strong sleeping drugs that my mind will decide not to respond to at times.

Thursday night, I took a med 30 mins before bed and I was still wide awake at midnight. I just dream about every detail, I think about how I will smile, how I will look at the judges, how I will flip my hair... Getting mentally ready to knock their socks off.

But that always gives way to practicing my posing, I spent a good hour last night... Which is a lot of time and my back muscles are genuinely sore... Bikini posing is so much back strength!

Cheat Meal!
I was lucky enough to be in the early stages of prep for Patrick's birthday this time around. CRAB DINNER.

My birthday dinner on the other hand, will probably be fish. And probably asparagus. Woot. As at that point I will be 4 weeks out from comp... WOOT to THAT!

Oh wait. Prep Problems Revisited.
So, for current competitors this will really just be commiserating what you already know. For non-competitors or competitors going about their first try at prep, this might be informational. ;)

Turns out, prep is NEVER easy! Good news! lol because now, whenever you're finding yourself saying you're having a rough time, you can know that its always hard! LOL!

I found myself the other night, getting mad at the snow... Mad that I couldn't get around in it, couldn't get to the gym, mad that I couldn't eat mashed potatoes and things I want when its frickin freezing... Telling myself that "Prep was so much easier in the summer! When I could pick fresh veggies out of our garden, and prance around in my heels and bikini cuz it was warm out, getting to the gym was so easy. Prep was so much easier!"

Yeah, except during my prep in the summer I was saying "I'm so much better at dieting in the winter! Because no one wants to do anything so I have no temptations."

Good news, prep is never easy. :) Buck up and GO! (Saying this to myself. Again.)

Ready for another GO WEEK? I AM! I'm now 13 weeks out, counting down to 12 and prep is flying! I've lost 3lbs so far, and looking for another 9-10 to go. I can't figure out why people get so bent out of shape at how little I get... I'm a LITTLE person. I'm 4'11". 105lbs is reasonable at that height. I'm lean. Get over it.

I can hardly believe that I only have 12 weeks to go. Weird! Prep was so grueling last time around, this is feeling somewhat strange. My focus feels different at this point, I'm leaner than I was at 12 weeks out... And last prep when I was struggling just to get through every day and every workout and every meal... This prep, I'm excited to be doing it. My days fly by and all of a sudden its cheat meal day. And then rest day, and another week. SCORE!

I promise progress pics this weekend! Hope you all have a wonderful, joyous week reveling in your hard and sweaty workouts! :D

Survey Monkey..

 I am stealing this from Tenicia at Boobs, Barbells and Broccoli who stole it from Christina at Hungry Meets Healthy ;) Just so much fun for us all to get to know each other..

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:30... I have no excuse. We played Bejeweled on our phones until 10... and then watched Looney Tunes in bed in the morning. :)

2. How do you like your steak? Medium Rare.

3. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? Woah, its been a while... I think we saw the new Nightmare on Elm Street...?

4. What is your favorite TV show? Robot Chicken, Impractical Jokers, CSI, Sons of Anarchy, Weeds.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Sicily or Thailand.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal & chocolate protein powder.

7. Do you wear glasses or contacts?  Nope! I see 20/20.

8. What food do you despise? Miracle Whip.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Chaps. Straight up. Its an AWESOME restaurant by our house, they serve amazing coffee (Bumper Crop), great original cocktails (Did someone say Mojito Mimosa?), incredible pastries (Enter my favorite Maple Scone that will MELT in your mouth) and night time music with comfort food (best dish I've ever had - Lobster Macaroni & Cheese with house salad). The owner, Celeste, is our neighbor and the sweetest woman in the world. Everything about this place screams "home" to me. Having dinner in front of their giant fireplace is one of my favorite memories with Patrick.

10. Favorite dressing? Ceasar.

11. What’s your favorite movie? Pride and Prejudice.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Yoga pants and a sports bra.

13. Where would you visit, this weekend, if you had the chance? I'd want to go to Victoria, BC for the weekend. Maybe a stop over in Seattle for shopping. ;)

14. How many tattoos do you have? Zero. I've wanted one, but I kind of like my body without.

15. Where would you want to retire? Tucked away in the mountains, or the country... By a lake if I can.

16. What is your desktop photo? A water lily.

17. Where were you born? Spokane, WA.... At the very hospital I work at. :)

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ultimate Fighting!

19. How many siblings? 4 gorgeous sisters! :) They're my best friends.
20. Favorite pastime/hobby? Working out, baking. Seriously. lol

21. Coffee Drinker?  I am a coffee SNOB. I LOVE coffee.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? GOOD MORNING!

24. Do you have any pets?  We have two Great Danes, Molly aka Sweetheart & Ezekiel Hammer, aka Zeke, aka Mr. Big Jowls, aka Teddy Bear, aka Santa Claus, aka Mr. Lotsa Jowls, aka Mr. Giant Puppy. ;)


Before we had Zeke, Molly really seemed like a BIG dog... Now he just TOWERS over her. :) I love their respective largeness.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Um, I don't think so... ?

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A mom, I think because my mom was and is a really good one. :)

27.  What is your favorite color? Currently, and it does change, its powder blue.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? I'm an animal person. :) I love kitties, and puppies, and birdies...

29. Are you married? Not yet. :) But I do live with my significant other, Patrick aka Handsome and I'm sure I'll be living with him for a very long time... Married or not. :)


 

30. Always wear your seat belt? Always. Deer come out of nowhere round my house.

31. Been in a car accident? Yup! Quite a few...

32. Any pet peeves? People who talk sh!t behind your back, drivers who cut you off on the freeway, soggy bread, crybabies.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese. My ideal pizza is a chicken garlic.

34. Favorite Flower? Peonies. I have very vivid memories with the smell of peonies.

35. Favorite ice cream? Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Zips... Its a Spokane Thing.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I failed the written twice, and passed the driving test first shot.

38. From whom did you get your last email? Jacques Pitcher, my prep coach. 

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target, White House/Black Market, or Nordstrom Rack.

40. Like your job? Sigh, I would say that I like my job. Am I sure I want to do it for a long time? No. But I never am... I am currently the Credentials Specialist at Providence Sacred Heart Medical Center... Which basically means I am the person that makes sure your doctor is really a doctor... I check his license, education directly from schools, board certifications, DEA License, background checks, malpractice insurance, peer references, and even check to be sure he is good at what he says he is... If he claims he specializes in reattaching limbs, we want to be sure he is good at it! Haha! And we have had occurrences of bad doctors! I've denied physicians positions on staff, I've suspended physicians for bad behavior, I've taken physicians off staff for no malpractice insurance. Which makes for a considerable amount of stress, for a peacemaker like myself. But I basically protect patients at the most basic level... Which does feel good. However, I'd like to be a business owner someday. Patrick and I have a 5 year plan to pay off our debt to begin to set up for a family business.:)

Overwhelmed With Support!

I have to admit, I really didn't expect to receive the amount of support I did in the last week! I mean, of course I know I'll get support on here but wow! You guys are sure encouraging!

No Time?
Well, I had originally had this whole thing written out about how I wasn't really feeling stressed by time... Days later, I had to delete ALL OF IT. Because the stress of time, has entered lol. And let me tell you...

Overtime at work = Overrated

Dealing with the stress of a new job, albeit, a very legal job on a diet, has been a very large challenge. I've officially been in this job for 4 weeks... For the first two, I could barely eat on time. When I would eat, a lot of it was comfort eating. Now, I have to be on my game all day long. Chocolate on the table in plain view of my desk? Too bad. Pumpkin muffins right next to the oatmeal? Too bad.

I've started to sip on earl gray all day, which helps. What does everyone else do to keep yourself sane during a hectic workday?

Hungry?
Not really hungry much. Yet. I mean, I'm hungry by the time its time to eat... but... not starving like I expect to be. I have learned that we cannot focus on what we can't have, focus on what you can have and need to get in during a day. You want to meet a hungry puppy though? (like he doesn't get enought food. Pshhh)


Ps. He's SO soft. All those folds of fat under his neck, I just love to roll my fingers in it. :)

Haha, Zekey is now a year old and likes to hang out in the kitchen while I make dinner at night... He pretty much takes up the WHOLE rug in front of my sink but I enjoy the company. :) And to think, just a year ago he looked like this!

 Lil Biter! Good thing he really just likes sticks now, and not my Uggs.

And sometimes he really likes to LAY on the rug... Enter GINORMITY....


Can anyone tell that I love my puppy? He's still got another 30+ lbs to put on... Good thing he's in a house of body builders and athletes.

Workouts? Pssshhhh. What workouts? I'm dominating those suckers. Been kind of feeling like a pimp, working hard, sweating my arse off and pushing beyond my limits. Still only at 45 mins of cardio a day, which if you've prepped before you know that this is actually a relatively small amount of time for cardio on prep! I'm using them all pretty much on sprinting HIITs. Which helped me realize my stupid running shoes were way too old to go through another prep.

Did someone say NEW SHOES?
Yeah, I let the guy at Runner's Soul talk me into purple Adidas. If you know me, I'm not much of a bright purple gal. The dude said almost no women want black shoes. Pshh. I think this pretty much convinced me that I need to be a two-pairs-of-running-shoes-type-of-gal.

Resolution?
Its progress! My resolution has been to de-clutter my house... So I have been working on one room at a time, I started with what we call the Office, which really is the second bedroom that we store crap in. Yeah, everytime I go into that thing... It really reminds me that Patrick needs a shop. I need all of his "man cave" crap out in his own space... and not in mine. He's putting in the shop in March, which will help me get clutter out of here. I'm stoked to get our house cleaned up in a major way this year.

Team Sexy!
LOL! This is what Patrick has started calling us. Hehe! Everyday he is texting me with stuff like "I smell a champion" and putting forth a full effort into doing what he can to help me with prep. I love that. :) He's also working on putting on mass while I'm doing the lean out, which has been a huge plus for me... He hasn't been doing anything with bad carbs & sugar so that has been helpful! Also, he is committing to dieting and leaning out while I'm in my last month of prep! I think that is going to be so awesome for both of us. He'll be eating the same foods as me (no more making him tacos while I eat fish!?!?!) and we'll both be seeing great results, which will be incredibly motivating! Go Team Sexy!

Stride.
I'm starting to set myself up for a pretty good pace in this prep. I'm feeling more confident going into this prep, and more prepared! New clothes, new shoes, new workout clothes, new running shoes, new tupperware, new supplements and loads of food prepped. Word.

I feel like I'm being "all business" but I suppose that a lot of my energy is focused right now, on just enjoying what's going on. Enjoying being in the moment, and being prepared for the next. My weight hasn't decreased much, I'm only down to 117.5 which is only a .5 lbs loss... I can't say I'm surprised though, my body has been going on a lot of the same foods as I do during prep and quit dairy a few weeks ago, so I'm sure that the "water weight" point has passed. Although, I do feel my body switching into burn mode. Hot flashes are back, which proves that this is a SWEET indicator from my body that my metabolism is up. Its like a present! My spotting, however, is also back. Which we now know occurred until I got below 12% body fat. Kind of gives me some good motivation to push hard now, and get there soon(er?). :)

Alright, I was trying to distract you all with cute puppy pictures and not show you a progress pic, but I snapped one this morning and am feeling somewhat good about it... Although my weight hasn't changed, my body certainly has...



Ps, I had a cheat meal just last night, kind of helps me see why I'm not seeing my obliques a ton...

Week 14 is on! I can't believe 2 weeks are already down. Its starting to fly! I'm working hard, using my workouts to de-stress, and enjoying every second of being home when I am. Have a great week everyone!

3rd Times a Charm

16 Weeks. Here it is. I was lucky enough to have Monday off from work, which always helps get my mind in focus mode. I was able to take time to rest, prep food, workout and meet with my prep coach.

Prep.
So! My initial plan in coming off my last prep, wasn't to gain much. And I think for having gone through my first prep to off-season, I did a pretty good job. Today my weight is 118.0 lbs, which is literally only up 10 lbs from prep. I really need to give myself more credit for that, considering that at times my mouth was like a black hole so powerful that I could birth sugar cookie stars from the depths of my neverending mouth (insert laughs from other science geeks). I would like to lose 12-13 lbs this prep, I want to come in leaner than I would have last prep, but we shall see. I don't want to put pressure on myself for a certain amount of pounds, only use weight as a measurement tool.

And luckily, because I have only gained 10 lbs, my diet changes this week aren't huge. I still get plenty of carbs, I can still have higher starch veggies (like squash, etc), and I still get lean red meat a few times a week AND my cardio is still only at 45 mins per day. :) In short, I'm not starving and/or exhausted just yet. I just got back into lifting starting Monday and that definitely felt great, my weights will be light as we don't want to put continued pressure on my back/hip.

16 Week Check In.
Meeting with my prep coach is always so encouraging. Even when I'm feeling really doubtful of myself, or just not quite motivated... Meeting with Jacques always puts things in perspective. I was telling Patrick on Saturday that I was nervous Jacques would tell me I need more time, but he doesn't feel that I do. And actually, he was telling me he almost expects to see people gain 20+ lbs after prep, so seeing me at only +10 lbs is a great starting point. Which is obviously exciting for me.

Other Stuff.
Work is still tiring, but I'm hoping it will be a good distraction from prep. The last few weeks have flown by just because I'm busy at work ALL DAY LONG. I mean, as a secretary I was busy... but not like this. lol! I mean, I have had to set timers for my meal times because I just become so involved with what I'm trying to accomplish I barely pay attention to the time. Alarms on my phone have been a mental-health saver at work. And I'm sure it saves everyone else from having to hear bitchy me come out just because I'm hungry and don't realize it. Also as a secretary, I was able to think about my own life things as I was doing work. Now I think I'm just going to be so busy that I won't even have time to think about the foods I'm craving etc, prep will just happen. No room to overthink this. haha

My Prep Code of Conduct.
I have decided that this prep, I will be different. But first, a plea to my friends and family:

Dear friends and especially family,
Please know, that my choice to do prep and diet down for a bikini competition is my dream and goal. I ask you please, don't make it harder for me than it is. There were times last year when I heard from people "You know that you're not on your diet tonight, right?" and you know who you are. Please know that in saying things like that, you are really telling me that you do not care about me reaching my goal and that you in no way want to help me. Getting together is not about food for me, it is about spending time with you.

However, if you can choose to be supportive I promise to do the following.... And actually, I just promise to do the following:

1. I will not complain about my diet. I recognize the the choice to be on one is my own, and I will not make others suffer even when I feel like I am.
2. I will choose to be happy. I have chosen this road and I will choose to live happy and thankful.
3. I will work hard at every session. Why go through the trouble of prep if I am not going to put in the work when it comes time?
4. I will return all phone calls, just because I am really busy doesn't give me a reason to neglect the people I love.
5. I will obey my prep coach at all times and not grumble.
6. I will not eye chocolates, I will not food porn, I will not nibble, I will not taste. I will, however, find ways to enjoy my prep food. Even if it is enjoying the feeling of being full for 5 minutes.

I just want prep to be easier overall, and I promise I can make it easier for everyone else by not hearing me complain. I know that the bodybuilding lifestyle is hard to understand for those that are not in it. Everytime I talk to my dad and he asks what's up my answer is almost always the same, "Not much, just workin & workin out!" But that's the reality. I spend 2 hours a day in the gym 6 days a week. My family doesn't understand that I genuinely don't see Patrick all that much as I get probably 45 minutes with him in the evening... when we both get home we have chores that cannot be neglected... Building a fire every night takes time. Feeding great danes requires great time (haha!). I leave the house everyday at 430 and don't get home until 530, not to mention time to take a shower, make dinner, pack lunches... don't even get me started on having time to myself. Or shaving for that matter. Ha! But I guess that's also the reality, I think body builders are overachievers by nature. Or OCD. We've just all found some place to focus our OCD and overachieving nature.

Resolution.
I decided to make a non-bodybuilding/fitness resolution. My resolution this year is to de-clutter my house. Anything I don't want, goes. Anything I'm iffy about, goes. Anything I'm holding onto just because, goes. I'm not going to keep a butter dish around if we NEVER eat butter. I'm not keeping large chip & dip tupperwares around if we NEVER use them. Nuff said.

Anyway, I hope I can make you all proud this time around and get up on that stage. I'm ready. I'm ready to finally meet a goal I set for myself.


Those dirty lying slut voices. Shame on them for being lying sluts, they could at least be honest sluts.

 Okay, progress pics next week I swear... Maybe at the end of the week if you're lucky. ;) Happy New Year Friends!!