Funny things happen as you get older. Most of them go unnoticed. However, this birthday I feel strangely aware of the fact that my body is getting older. I do not feel wiser nor do I feel older. But I am aware of it.
However aware I am is of no consequence. I suppose it is what I do with it, right?
Yesterday I had an old meal. Not old as in aged, but old as in a timeless meal that I once loved. It was something I could eat huge amounts of and never get sick or sick of it. It is my favorite chicken broccoli casserole that my mother made -major comfort food- jam packed full of calories, fat, TRANS fats, carbs, sugars, everything. Mayo, chicken, broccoli, cheese, and buttered bread crums.
I have been amazing in keeping to my meal plans so I decided to treat myself to this horribly amazing meal. I kept with a small portion, but honestly, that portion was enough. It was so rich, my body couldn't handle much (paired with the mimosas... yes, multiple mimosas). And it occurred to me while I was battling a stomach-ache afterward, that change is what I have to embrace. Although the casserole was something that I loved, its not something I'll always be able to handle.
Something that has been on my mind is the simple fact that cravings always get me. I don't always give into them, but I do have cravings. This casserole was a craving. The point, however, is that the craving may be what your mouth wants, but isn't always what your body needs. And my body had a pure reaction to how deliciously horrible it was.
I don't have to have cravings. And even when I'm craving something, I now don't feel like I have to have it after that birthday belly-ache.
And consequently, I got a beautiful angel for my birthday from my co-workers, with this written on her:
"Embrace change. Begin today, surround yourself with good people. Surrender your fear. Feel the brightness of being alive. What is calling you? Take flight toward your dreams. Wear red shoes. Believe in possibility. Be brave."
It is all so beautiful. I have experienced so much change in the last year. I should not fear and I should be brave to sacrificing to get to my goal... And will.
Friday, March 19, 2010
For much of my adult life, I have been overweight. At my heaviest, I was 184 lbs. I'm only 5'0".
In the beginning, this blog will be dedicated to my own personal struggle to be healthy and achieve my goals. I haven't always been a goal oriented person, and those that know me, know that I'm fantastic at planning but horrible at executing. This is my attempt to change my confidence, looks, health level, and my drive to reach my goals. Eventually, I hope for this to evolve into a journal of maintaining a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle.
As a person who has been there, there is so much negative connotaion towards being overweight. However, if you have not been there, then you have no idea how hard it is. Not only to drop the weight, but to be overweight. It wears on every part of your mind and emotions (and body, obviously). Over time, losing weight seems more and more hopeless. However, I was not a girl who had been overweight for years and years and tried numerous things. For me, it was just a matter of making it work. I did try Weight Watchers a couple of times, and it did work for me. I just couldn't quite make it past the 150 mark.
I am currently at 140 lbs.
My goals are quite lofty, but not unattainable. After all, I have already lost 35 lbs. But they say that the last 20 lbs are the hardest to drop. And here are the goals:
135 by April 2nd
128 by May 1st
121 by June 15th with a body fat of 21%.
At first, this whole weight loss thing was just to lose weight and to get healthy. But now it has turned into an experiment of seeing if I can sculpt my body into what I want to see. Not skinny, more toned but still look feminine. No Madonna arms (Sorry Madonna). Feminine. But really that is much harder.
So, I do have all of those weight goals but I'm making small goals (like for eating or exercise each day) to help me reach those. Past goals have all been diet, trying to get in 120 grams of protein each day, eat 5-6 small meals a day, cut table salt from my diet, etc. My current goal (which has been very challenging) is to be DONE eating by 6pm and completely cut all sugars from my last meal of the night (which includes dairy, any carbs, and fruit). So pretty much only protein and vegetables. Extremely hard to do. Once I can do that for a straight week, I plan to add in another goal that could help. My current intake still follows the Weight Watcher's point system but making the most of those points to help me lose at the maximum.
My activity level has been high, but in order to not continue to lose muscle, my heart rate has been kept at a low. This is my current exercise schedule:
Monday: Train for 15 minutes with my trainer (pain is only 15 minutes, but I swear its all you need)
Tuesday: 90 minute Bikram Yoga session
Wed-Saturday: 60 minute cardio session with heart rate between 117-125 (very low, but specific to my height to lose maximum fat)
Sunday: Rest, sigh.
So there it is friends,
Special Thanks to Doug Conner for coming up with the name to my blog. There, you greedy hooker.