Yoga Love and the Miracle of Hot Yoga while Pregnant (or not pregnant)

I absolutely love the studio I've gone to for years. They treat me like family every time I'm there and I am constantly learning more and more about my practice. Being knocked up has given me the opportunity to learn even more about the practice, and how continuing can be very beneficial for baby and for pregnancy symptoms. Skip to the below post if you'd rather read this than read my Knocked Up Updates. ;)

Week: 10!    Official due date: April 29th! I was a bit farther along than we initially thought. 

Weight Gain: 2 lbs (At 125lbs, my goal weight gain is 20 lbs.. So, around 140-145.)

Minka, making sure her presence is known ;)

Sleep: Getting harder. I was an 80's kid before SIDS was linked to tummy sleeping, so not being able to sleep on my tum tum is pretty lame, and some nights I wake up still sleeping on my belly. And I'm a really light sleeper so I suspect my days of sound sleep are basically gone. Although, we have resolved the dog issue.

Miss Anything?  HOT BATHS. I take a much hotter bath than most, practically scathing, much like a hot tub.. So I really miss just soaking in a hot bath (to my standards). I just like being warm... Hot baths, hot yoga, steam rooms... Yeah, you guys know.

Symptoms: More mood swings, brain fog, constant fatigue, and my belly hurts a lot... Sometimes its the round ligament at the bottom of my belly and sometimes its higher, which I've read is probably my organs & internal tissues getting soft... not a lot of places for a baby to go in a woman my size. :) Sometimes the pains are worrisome, but I've been told not to.

My smells are on overdrive lately too! I smelled gasoline in our home and threw up everywhere! Funny thing was I could never figure out where the smell was coming from! Bad breath has made me throw up, the smell of the parking garage being cleaned at work... grease anywhere (like fast food type grease). 

Mostly it's a lot of barfing. For all the women who never had this, you have NO CLUE how lucky you are. It's impossible to predict when it will come for me. The other day it was in a meeting. On Saturday, it was DURING breakfast. Surprisingly, the prenatal vitamins don't seem to affect the nausea.

Women have suggested to me everything under the sun, and I've tried absolutely everything... Unisom, crackers at night, crackers during the night, crackers as soon as I wake up, ginger root supplements, ginger chews, ginger ale, ginger tea, tons of water, many small meals (which I do anyway), pregnancy teas, Preggie Pops (which do seem to help if I'm far from food, and am feeling the nausea come... although, I can't seem to find WHY these help. The ingredients are all sugars and essential oils. Tasty tho!), extra B6 during the day.. And still throwing up 6-7 times a day. I have no desire to be on any medication for this (Hello! Thalidomide was a disaster!), and am hoping I'm just hitting my peak of nausea & sickness.

Mood: Depends on my hunger or level of tiredness. :) Mamas, you know what I mean. The mood swings are CRAZY! I feel pretty bad for the hubs.. I really REALLY need to do something nice for him. He really is amazing.

Cravings: Fruit.. Except Bananas.. I am ENDLESSLY hungry. I have to deny myself a lot, but not like prep. I'm just denying things that sound instantly good but we know are completely empty - soda, ice cream... I've tried to turn to some FiberOne Bars just to keep my fiber up and avoid the dreaded pregnancy constipation yet still satisfy some sweet craving. Have been craving home food as the weather has gotten colder as well.. I made the BEST chicken pot pie last night!

Diet: Not that I'm complaining or anything, but this is so counter-intuitive for a bikini athlete/bodybuilder. Craving and eating loads of fruits lately. I binged on an entire carton of strawberries the other night. Mmmm! :) But honestly most of my diet is dictated by how I'm feeling... If the nausea is high, I'm tempted to only eat carbs, my breakfasts have pretty much only been bagels or cereal... Eggs, sausage, bacon.. all sound awful! But then also have to be careful about indigestion. I learned that on Cheez-It's a week or two ago. So, fruits have been my best option.

The saddest thing happened though this week, my taste buds changed... and coffee tastes awful. :( WAHHHHHH!!! Everyday my brain tells me I want coffee, but I have dumped an entire coffee every day this week. So, will probably just be making a switch to tea. (WOAH. Pregnancy really IS comparable to prep! haha)

Still working out: Baby and I have been doing hot yoga and cardio a couple times a week depending on where my nausea is at, but will discuss my love for hot yoga at the end of this post. My sickness has also dictated this, if I feel really sick... I don't work out.

Also, this isn't saying that I have loads of energy, it's mostly the opposite. I've been good about packing fruits and things to raise my blood sugar when I get too sleepy. But this is also a challenge when trying to keep up on my workouts. The fatigue is truly physical, but the battle is mental. It's easiest to compare this feeling to prep-depletion: Just get to the gym. I always feel better once I'm done!

The Sacred Pregnancy Obedience Rules: Okay, I quit Seafood.. And as far as the catbox, I just started wearing  a mask. Probably will eat clam chowder at some point. ;) I'm an excellent pill taker though, so the vitamins aren't an issue.

Goals for the next week or two:
We finally started our nesting projects! We did clean out and paint our master bedroom this weekend, so the next project is still one of my original goals:
1. Clean out the effing back room! It is a cluttery mess.

Onto My Real Post.... The Miracle of Hot Yoga (while or while not pregnant): 
With pregnancy comes loads of unsolicited advice. If you're a patient person, this might not bug you... but I, however, am not. I also used to be a GIANT people pleaser, so I now take any advice with a large grain of salt. A rock of salt, if you will. When I'm cranky and uncomfortable, I really want to tell some people to shove it.

"Do you really think you should be doing that given your condition?!" (Yeah, I heard that for real, last week)

I smiled as pleasantly as I could, although I'm sure she could see the irritation behind the smile, and informed her that I felt good and was perfectly healthy to keep up my exercise routine. I love how people think when you're pregnant, that you WANT to be squatting a large barbell or doing an hour of cardio (Okay, I do want to be squatting a large barbell, just not right now). On the contrary, in this first trimester, I don't feel awesome. But I ALWAYS feel awesome when I'm done!

My primary concern is growing a healthy baby. My secondary concern is keeping myself healthy and strong for a natural delivery. I've read from different sources that yoga is very helpful in keeping your abs & legs strong for delivery, and had even followed blogs in years past where women kept up their hot yoga practice throughout their pregnancies. All of them delivered completely natural, and had perfectly healthy babies. The power and grace these women exuded convinced me long ago of my intention to continue my hot yoga practice throughout any pregnancy I would have in the future.

And I have already been getting dirty looks of distress regarding continuing hot yoga into my pregnancy. However, you can find the Pregnancy Modifications to Bikram Yoga here, developed by Bikram's "wife". (I put wife in quotations because everyone knows Bikram is a giant man whore. He has two major rape lawsuits going on currently, which is why I don't necessarily feel the need to go to a designated "Bikram Yoga" studio. Did you know he charges studios $15K a YEAR to use his name?! Ludicrous. - Side note: I had to look up how to properly spell Ludicrous... Damn you Ludacris. LOL!)  I also found a posture by posture look at the alterations on bikramyogarichardson.com. This site is fabulous, it tells you at what stage in your pregnancy to begin altering what posture, and is way more comprehensive than Rajashree's guide.

Courtesy of Bikram Yoga Richardson - This woman looks so powerful in her postures!

Anyway, I was seriously doing yoga from weeks 1-6, obviously not aware I was knocked up, and felt perfectly fine! So, here I am, 10 weeks along and going to hot yoga fully aware I am with child... and suddenly I'm just supposed to quit??  If you're already accustomed to the heat, it actually feels amazing (and I suspect it really will as we head into the cold months). I walked into the hot room really just wanting to take a nap in there it felt so so good! As the first breathing exercise starts, Pranayama breathing, it is a challenge but once the second set has been completed, my energy level has picked up. Deep breathing and flushing my body with freshly oxygenated blood... Ahhh.

Yes, saunas & hot tubs are contraindicated for pregnancy. However, if you look into the science of hot yoga, if you are consistently practicing in the hot room, your body becomes accustomed to not raising its internal temperature in order to make it through an entire class. Which is why you see yoginis never getting sick throughout a class. But some women bring a thermometer and test themselves just to be sure (which I'll probably do). Bonus: The studio I go to has a class called "Beats" which is the same Bikram style series, but to low lights, music and minimal words. Perfect for a yogini to just do yoga and meditate into the practice. I love to talk to my baby during this and invite growth and love into our body.

Since I've had the soreness in my belly, which I guess is the stretching of the round ligament in your lower belly, and totally normal for a first pregnancy, I focus on the postures that stretch the belly. Half Moon feels wonderful, especially the backbend which I've been able to do at about 75%, once I feel the stretch, I don't push it further.

The only postures that are uncomfortable at this point are the backbends that push your belly into the floor like Floor Bow or Full Locust, but I got the chance to learn most of the alterations for when I get too big to do do the tight forward bends, which I suspect will be soon. I intend to give up the spine strengthening series in the next couple of weeks, and add in some Vinyasa/Flow postures. However, CAMEL... Give me this! I feel like the most powerful woman in the universe coming out of this backbend, and once I get to the ground, my body feels like it's melting into the earth. Camel is meant to flush and pump your cerebrospinal fluid (which is why many newcomers get dizzy and sick in camel, it can have those effects if you're not used to it), and I can only imagine that baby is reaping those benefits too.

My approach to practice has had to change, however.. I typically went into yoga as an athlete ready for the long haul, deep into every posture, pushing 100%, but now, slow and steady wins the race. I listen to my body, when I feel sick or dizzy I sit down until my heart rate has lowered completely. I leave yoga on cloud 9, my body feels good and surging with energy. And in fact, my pregnancy symptoms are not as intense the next day. I don't feel AS fatigued, or AS sick, nor as crazy with mood swings! It also relieves my body of any edema (holding water)!

After yoga (and my gym workouts), I give myself plenty - I snack on strawberries and chug coconut water on my way home. And sometimes a protein shake, depending on where I'm at nausea-wise. Sometimes the protein exacerbates it.

I just want to say this, that getting knocked up has really reinforced my desire to be who I am, and not  change my preferences and routines just because others wouldn't do it themselves, or because their pregnancy experience was bad. It is very easy to absorb the stresses and worries that others have, but my stress and worry is eased with the passing days. But I feel that their worries, are really none of my business. Just like my body, is none of theirs. Absorbing their stress, will not help me or baby. So, thanks... but no thanks. :)

How is everyone else doing these days??? Say Hi when you can!! Love you all!! :)

Bringing Back the Body: Weeks 1 & 2

I'm super squishy! And yes, this makes me happy!! My fat is all soft all over, which I love because that means its starting to break down.

Bringing Back the Body - Week 1 has been a success, which means I am a success! But I made this week really easy on myself so compliance wouldn't be an issue and momentum will continue to pick up. I feel like my body is tightening up, and I haven't once had the temptation to weigh myself. My clothes are fitting better, and I even fit back into some size 2 pants! Okay, okay, they were snug, but we won't talk about that. ;)

Diet.
I'm following about the easiest diet plan ever. This may be something I come back to post-prep (whenever that may be)... While I don't believe in sharing meal plans, as everyone's should be customized to them only, I will say that this week... here is what I LOVE about my meal plan this week...

Funny story: I was at work a few days ago and finished off my shake during a meeting. Afterward, I  was talking to a doctor who inquired about my shake. After I described the ingredients he goes, "That's nice. I'm gonna go get a donut." No one realizes how tasty these really are! 

Breakfast: Spinach, cucumber, fruit & egg white shake. I usually use some fresh strawberries or frozen blueberries, but man... tasty treat on my way to work!

But be careful if you use blueberries... You may inadvertently look like a wino in the morning. Which is never a good thing.

I always have to go and learn things the hard way...

Workouts.
Although I want to say that my workouts were easy, they were not for me. TONS of core work, my back is so very sore and tight... but I'm doing my best to get in lots of stretches and yoga.

For example! I love to incorporate BodyRock workouts. I think those girls' bodies speak for themselves, and they are tight!! Today, I did the Don't Wake Me Up Workout with some asanas at the end, mostly the spine strengthening series. Check this out!

I did 4 rounds instead of 3, pushed my hardest when I could... but the squats at the end got kinda taxing on my back so I had to take it slow and steady. Concentrating hard on my form, and being less concerned with pumping out reps.     Busted my ass! ;)

Progress on Goals.
GOT MY GARDEN PLANTED! Ahhh country life. :)

Here's what I have planted, let's just hope I can keep it all alive: Sweet corn, kale, green onions, red onions, sweet onions, green beans, red leaf lettuce, green leaf lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, carrots, red potatoes, spaghetti squash, watermelon, hothouse tomatoes, roma tomatoes, jalapenos, chives, rosemary, dill and cilantro!!! And my strawberries & raspberries came back from last year.

The only things I didn't plant that I still want to are asparagus, spinach & sweet potato. What is it about fresh home grown organic vegetables that I love?! Everything. Plain and simple. Everything.  (BTW, my hubs deserves major kudos - he put those huge raised beds made of rock together for me! AND he did all the dirt shoveling... AND!!!! He set up automatic timers to come on every 12 hours, so I don't even have to worry about watering. Just weed and pick veggies. Yes. - Mr. Bang, you just made a dream of mine come true.)

And prep...
Today marked one year from my first and only show. And I'm certainly getting that itch to get to work in starting a journey to the stage. I'm falling in love with girls' suits! I broke out my Cinderella heels, and have been aching to get to work on bigger lifts... But first things first, I really can't take it far until I'm out of the woodwork with my pain and tightness level.

Let's take a break and focus on some animal cuteness.... My babies.. 

Minka the snuggler

Andy hurt his foot a week ago and had to wear the Cone of Shame,  Zeke was keeping him company :)

Big dogs give big lovin.

Goals This Coming Week:

I did NOT make it to yoga these last two weeks. While I have been doing yoga at home, I'd really prefer to be making to a class where my form can be corrected. So, YES -> Yoga. 

Measuring. I have not been consistent about measuring my food, specifically the cream for my coffee and I have been eyeballing my brown rice. :) So, I'm gonna own up to that this week. Haha.

Posture! This past week I was walking to work, and as I was walking through a skywalk from the parking garage to the hospital, I noticed that I looked like I had a SEVERE bubble butt. And by that I mean, I think I was kind of hunching forward so it looked like my butt was really sticking out. And I think this is a hip flexor issue. So, this week... I vow to really try to stand up straight and walk with my hips forward, even if I have to walk slower. 

How many of you incorporate BodyRock type workouts into your workout schedule? If so, how often??

What are your goals this coming week?? If you haven't thought about it - Set some! It's a good practice to constantly have goals you're working toward! Have a wonderful weekend and week!! 

Week 1 of 30 Day Yoga Challenge



My current favorite posture - Bow Pose. Requires extreme quad strength to pull your upper body up. :)

Well, 7 days down of my 30 day yoga challenge (actually I've completed 8 now..). I've learned a great many things even in just the last 7 days.

What have I learned?

• You have good days and you have bad days in yoga. But you don't beat yourself up or act like anyone is watching. You do yoga for you.
• Techniques help. Let your body talk to you. If you're hurting a lot, don't push it. I started using a technique in yoga that I created that I call "Back N Forth." Now, I know some people won't agree with this. The idea in Bikram Yoga is that you give 110% all the time. Which I agree with! BUT I think when doing a 30 day challenge you have to treat it as a marathon, not a sprint. Idea behind Back N Forth: It is kind of taken from weight lifting techniques; Bascially you one day you focus more on going deeper in forward bends and barely do backbends and switch the next day. You still do the opposite action but you just don't go as deep as possible in that posture. For me, having a very sensitive back due to surgery & hardware I just can't push 100% everytime... just hurts too much.
• My skin is clearer and softer than it has ever been.
• My core is tighter than it has ever been, and I feel more power come from my belly than before.
• I have new favorite postures and postures I don't hate as much as I used to. I still struggle very much in certain postures that depend on hip flexibility and lower back strength.
• My hips suck. My hips are hugely inflexible which I have noticed largely affects how strong my lower back is. Also, I've noticed that since my hips are inflexible but my hamstrings are very flexible, that is the next step in my practice: Deep focus on hip flexibility. I feel that many postures I struggle with are due to the hip inflexibility and even the postures I rock but can't quite reach full expression, the lack of progression is due to those darn hips.
• I miss weight lifting. My yoga teacher just doesn't get this. :) I've made a point to focus on muscle activation to compensate the longing I have for training. Focusing on tricep activation when reaching, core activation in all forward bends, sitting deeper into awkward pose, kicking harder in bow poses, etc. It does help some, but the reality is I love the challenge of reps, sets, and cardio. I'm not totally sure how this will look coming out of the yoga challenge... Because my body feels the best when I'm actively doing both.
• Diet is hard. In yoga I tend to crave a lot of juice or coconut water. My first week on this keto diet was awesome, until I got a taste coconut water on my carb refuel. Trying to think about how to compensate for this. But I have read a lot that during a 30 day it is a good idea to give your body what it wants. :) But I am convinced that keto is for me and just as well that it will be what works for me in competition prep. Dieting is much easier when weight lifting as opposed to hot yoga.
• I know I go back and forth on this but for me its a serious decision: I'm rethinking being a yoga teacher. Part of me wants to. But part of me is very selfish and isn't sure how I would balance a second job as a yoga teacher as well as training for figure (and PRACTICE my yoga 3x a week at least). I need to decide which is more important, because I don't think I could juggle all of those things. But maybe I'm just one of those people who truly just needs for yoga to be my practice, not my job. Still unsure. :)

Happy week lifters & yogis!

Yoga Challenge Day 1

Yep, I started early. Admittedly, I'm selectively OCD and like to start all things on Mondays.


I will have this dude's quads.

Today is my first day doing 2 things. And I have a reason for both. So, I started my 30 day yesterday. My yoga bff, Mona, had mentioned she would start yesterday and well... I like having a buddy and support system so I figured, "Hey! Why not?!" in addition to my selective OCD.

Secondly, I'm starting a trial run of a competition diet. During my first trial run of carb cycling, I knew that wasn't for me. First of all, I can't handle only tuna & lettuce on some days and have lots of brown rice on another. I can't cycle. Period.

What am I good at? Doing the same thing over and over. Yes, insanity. Hence my repetitive diet plans and my love for a yoga that repeats the same class everytime. Same postures, different experience. :)

I'm trying a version of a Ketogenic diet that will hopefully help me from losing muscle during my 30 Day Yoga Challenge whilst burning fat. Again, I'm also continuing my lifting and training in the AM starting next week- I'm leaving this week to yoga only to let my body adjust. And yesterday, I was actually really excited about this! Until today when the brain fog set in. I keep wondering when that and the headache will go away. On the other side of it, I'm positive that if I can put in 30 days of it while doing the Yoga Challenge then it will be the correct diet for prep in a couple months. I'm also positive that if I can get through 30 days of yoga while on this diet I will have no problem completing 100 classes during Teacher Training.

Ahhhh for the love of goals. :)

30 Day Yoga Challenge

If anyone can recall, one of my goals in 2011 was to complete a 30 day yoga challenge. And I'm doing the Bikram style yoga so it is always the same: 90 minutes of the same sequence of 26 yoga postures in a room at 105 degrees & 40% humidity. If you've never experienced a session of Bikram...

It freaking rocks.

What The???

I recommend it to anyone (which is why I'm going to be a teacher full-time [someday]). In May, I will complete 30 days straight of yoga. And actually, I'm starting a week from today, April 27th, so I end May 26th. It occurred to me that Memorial Day is coming and we'll probably head out of town; I think Handsome will appreciate that I decided to plan my fitness goals around our personal life for once, instead of the other way around. :)

Why Am I Doing This?!

• I want to levitate. Not literally, emotionally. I'd like to balance myself and work out my insecurities before going into contest prep mid-July (see below). Yoga got me through a divorce, I'm positive it can strengthen my heart during this season of my life.
• I plan on becoming a yoga teacher in the fall, and one must complete at least a 30 day challenge beforehand. PS-Teacher training includes 60 days of straight yoga and most days are 2 classes a day. :)
• May is the only time I can fit it in before competing in October and beginning teacher training around the same time.

What is my plan of action regarding competing?????

• Yes, I did make the decision to compete! :) I have decided on an October show as my first.
• I plan to continue lifting in the mornings (M-F yoga classes will always be at 4, and Sat-Sun will always be at 930am), I plan to continue on creatine on my lifting days, and I plan on adjusting my diet slightly to intake some more protein so as to pro-actively ensure I do not lose any muscle mass during this time.

Am I afraid of anything regarding this???

• Although I have been afraid in the past, I am making the decision to not be afraid and just do it.
• I will, however, admit that I am afraid concerned on how this will affect my muscles. I've been working really hard for my muscle size and am concerned this may bring a stringy-lengthy look to my muscles. (If any figure competitor out there has any suggestions on what I can do to prevent this, please PLEASE tell me! :)

Where am I doing this at?

• Yarrow Yoga Hot Yoga & Wellness Studio in Spokane. Check out their website if you like!

PS: I'd love friends to join me during this 30 days! If you've ever wanted to try it, please let me know so we can make plans to hot yoga it up during May!

Here's to strength, vitality, and beauty! Bring it on, yoga.

Snow Bunny

The deepest forward bend of the series

Rabbit pose. Not known for being beautiful or acrobatic or anything you should wish to accomplish. BUT incredibly powerful and one of the most difficult to master. I am constantly amazed at postures that seem to be difficult for me, odd now that I think about it. I'm pretty flexible in backward bends but not so much in forward bends.

My worst postures:

• Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee
• Locust (more because of the back strength needed)
• Rabbit

I have read that often the postures that are most difficult physically for you tend to be the ones you need the most, due to their benefits. After spending some time on OhMyBikram, it is no wonder I need to work on this posture.

Benefits:

• Helps with depression
• Helps with insomnia
• Releases issues with taking on responsibility for the happiness of others
• Helps improve conditions of the sinus, common cold and chronic tonsillitis

Holy eff... I struggle with all of those things. A few weeks ago, ended up sitting out both sets of this posture. And not because I wanted to, my lungs were acting up the second I entered the posture and I could not stop coughing, the compression I suspect, as it can be difficult to breathe in this. I struggle with depression when I feel scared about myself or life. I struggle with insomnia when I'm stressed. I've been known to take on too much of the happiness of others, in my younger years I was called a "people pleaser" more times than I can count (I was very shy and didn't know how to make friends), and I had my tonsils removed because I would get a sinus infection almost monthly.

At any rate, I really believe that continuing my yoga practice is going to help throughout my contest prep. Keep me mentally stable and flushing through my organs and glands to keep my metabolism going strong along with the water weight off. And not only that, but continuing to work on my postures will ground me. Yoga is what I love. I also love weight training. But yoga was and is my first love. I adore the meditation during yoga and the true mental fortitude it takes to battle through a difficult class and come out on the other side sweating out of your BRAIN! Kinda like the mental strength it takes to prepare for a figure comp! Word.

I seriously challenge any of my weight lifting friends to take one of these classes in your area and prepare to get your world rocked! You will DEFINITELY notice a huge workout in your back. You can count it as your back day! ;)

In other news: My diet has been hard. Believe it or not, going from eating about 1200 calories a day to 1700 is rough. I feel bloated and over-full. But its all clean! No workouts yet. Will do 20 mins of am cardio tomorrow. And that's it. I know it seems weird to prep in this way but it really does help clear your metabolism, gets it all ready and used to being high so once you begin the cut your body responds phenomenally. :)

Insomnia Thursday

I did not sleep a WINK last night! For the love of sweet baby Jesus on Christmas morning, stress needs to take a hike! (and so do the constant thoughts of competition)

Thursday's Wish: NO emotionally tired eating. Many times if I'm over-tired, I will comfort eat in hopes that it will ease how tired I am. This is an education in self. I'm quite aware that competition prep brings out a LOT of food issues that a person has inside of them. And "tired" eating is one of mine which I am learning to fight through. My goals do not stop just because I'm tired.

This is a point to all my ladies considering competition, think about it right now before you start competition diet... Think about WHEN you eat aside from your normal meals and outside of your pre-outlined diet. I recently got over "punish" eating. When I feel like I've eaten bad, I'll "punish" myself by eating too little. Lesson learned: Do bad. Move on and do good right now. No penance needed.

Workout: I had planned on AM cardio, but since I got no sleep I stayed in bed trying for some extra Z's until 6. But I did make it to hot yoga at 4pm, which actually is an amazing feat considering how exhausted I was. But I needed to flush through my organs, and focus on welcoming rest into my body. I had a fantastic class with a lot of energy, and not only did my man have dinner waiting, but a bath drawn. I was in bed and fast asleep by 730... which gives one much energy to get up at 4 for am cardio. :)

Eats:
700: 1/2 c oatmeal, 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, coffee w/cream (w/2 mv, 1 fo, & 1 gluc)
1300: 2 oz chicken, 1 oz sweet potato, 1 c lettuce, 1 c cherry tomatoes, 1/4 c shredded cheddar, 6 black olives, and 2 tbsp light ranch (w/1 gluc, vit-D, & vit-C)
1000: 1 oz turkey, 12 almonds (just wasn't that hungry...) (w/1 fo, 1 gluc, & iron)
1500: 1 Lipo & 2 Essential Electrolytes pre-yoga
1730: 36 oz of coconut water
1830: 1 large chicken wrap with veggies and cilantro cream cheese... I also added 1 tbsp olive oil mayo (w/1 fo & vit-E)

Total: 1455calories, 138g protein, 110g carbs, 48g fat

No One Gets It.

Just last night, after doing my P90X (which was Polymetrics and an awesome burn)... I was sitting in a bath and talking to Handsome. And it occurred to me...



Miss this feeling :(

Last summer, my favorite moment of the day was after yoga, walking home, drinking a LARGE coconut water
ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.

Feeling the oil seep out of my pores because yoga had completely flushed them out. Feeling my lips so dry because they've had salt on them for the last 90 minutes. Feeling sweat run down my neck because my hair was still holding tons of it.

I miss how my skin used to glow for days afterward. Even if I go to yoga now, I don't even get close to that.

I miss what yoga used to be to me... MORE than just the best workout of my whole life. My body feels tired and flat. I used to feel toned and worked. I may consider driving the 2.5 hours to the Tri-Cities or doing yoga in a steam room at the gym just to get the same effects.

Can anyone tell I'm tired and am feeling depressed from missing Bikram?! There is no remedy at this moment. Just great desire.

What Does A Hardbody Do?

Yes, I leave the gym while its still dark and realize that I've been there twice between work yesterday and today. YES, I eat egg whites cold. Yes, I hide chocolate from myself. Yes, I am a hard body.

So, you ask, what does a hard body do when the car is stuck in the snow and I can't get to yoga or the gym?

RUN. Run to work in the snow. And run home.



These treads rock! They're like Chains! For your shoes!

The other day, I attempted some hardbody bravery. Running in the cold is hard work! So... I ran to yoga, which is kinda far. And in the snow. Its a few miles through our downtown area... Lots of dodging cars. But luckily those treads helped me not slip when I had to stop suddenly.

As I tend to be someone who thrives on making and meeting goals, and given that I'm not able to find a sense of meditation in yoga right now I figured that this would be a good time to put myself through another focused training set for a few weeks..

I have a rockin' 4 day a week lifting schedule which leaves room for yoga 1-2x a week. I want to take this opportunity to finally get where I want to be. Even through the holidays. I want to prove that holiday diets can work if you really set your mind to it.

In 2010, I've managed to lose, to date, 53 lbs. And its not even about losing more weight. I just really want to tone up and get my body in optimal shape. And there are two things I am toying with in 2011:
-Bikram Yoga Teacher Training
-An amateur figure competition

Both of which, I really prefer to be a lot more in shape for. Not that I'm not in shape, but I'd really like to trim off some body fat and gain some muscle. I'd have to for a figure competition but I'd want to for training. Once a day yoga is already pretty difficult.

So, here's the deal. :) This weekend I plan to take pictures for my befores. I'll blog probably bi-weekly on my progress to keep me motivated!

And just for fun:

Christmas 2009

Thanksgiving 2010

This girl is about to make a hard body harder.

What's That Dumb Saying?

So, apparently this self-proclaimed winter phase is causing some sort of commotion in my mind. As I was feeling rather broken about not being into my practice, I started thinking about what I do during the winter.

Top Winter Activities for Lacey:
1. BAKE
2. Read Pride and Prejudice. Again.
3. Consider what I'm going to do after the Winter

I did plenty of baking this weekend (3 pumpkin pies and 1 pumpkin cheesecake) and I don't usually start Pride and Prejudice until December 1st... so, I'm considering things. Considering many a things.

Top Things to Consider for Lacey:
1. Spring Teacher Training

Uh oh. I've come down to crunch time to decide. But I fear a few things regarding training.

Top Things to Fear Regarding Teacher Training for Lacey:
1. Not being able to travel with my man during a prime traveling time.
2. Its expensive. How long am I seriously going to have to work for it to pay for itself?
3. How often am I really going to be expected to teach?
4. When the heck am I going to practice?

Which of those 4 are actually valid concerns? Only the last two. Honestly, I want to teach. I truly and honestly want to be part of the beautiful tribe that is Yarrow Yoga. I feel like I already belong to something bigger than what Yarrow Yoga is and has been. I may not have been practicing all that long, but I do feel like it is my studio and try to treat it as such. BUT... realistically I would only want to teach once or twice a week because the last thing I want is to neglect my practice (Although, arguably I already am...).

I suppose it is time to consider all the reasons why I should do it, instead of the fears. Bikram does say that newbies will always be scared and that is the biggest process... Getting past fear. Probably good idea to get a meeting going with my studio owner and express my concerns.

Anyone else wanna weigh in on the fears or excitement of Teacher Training?! I'd especially love to hear from peeps who are not doing it full time, but have another career or full time job they plan on keeping while teaching. :)

Winter

While commenting on another yogini's blog who has been having a hard time in her own practice and studio, it has occurred to me that while it is still technically Autumn in the Northwest that I am in the Winter of my practice. We all go through seasons in our lives, relationships, work, and now is really the first time I have experienced this season and feeling about something I love dearly.

Photo by Blown Up Studios

There have been changes in my practice, of course. We all experience the ups and downs, but since our studio moved... I didn't just experience a change or a low... This is a season. I am in the Winter of my practice. It may be due to the larger space, which feels obtuse and impersonal or it could be due to new teachers who aren't yet aware of my own capabilities and when to push me or it could be the simple fact that... our studio can't quite make it past 11% humidity. And I'll be honest, that humidity drives me and drives my meditation during yoga.

I will admit that for the last... month and a half, it has been like grinding teeth to get me to yoga. And not only that, my meditation is gone during my practice when I can manage to get myself there. I love my studio and I find yoga fascinating... I think about it all day long, practically. But when it comes to getting my body physically there, that is the hardest part. Practicing feels grueling.

I have experienced seasons. My "spring," filled with growth and enlightenment. My summer of basking and meditation in the heat. My autumn... well, frankly, fighting the depression that preceeds winter and longing for the sun. And I was feeling depressed about my practice, until this moment when I realized that it all comes and goes. "Fake it till you make it" has never felt more appropriate.

I am hoping that the studio will be hot today. HOT hot. I am a little sick and would love to just sit in the heat. I would be more than happy to enjoy this winter season of my practice, if I could just find that meditative spot of knowing, that Spring always comes after Winter.

You WILL start missing it...

The new studio has a glitch in the humidity. The class has been nice and hot... The humidity, however, has been wack!

I can tell you that my practice is sufferring for it. I still give my all but the humidity is surely missed. And not only that, but my skin is having a major break out from the lack in humidity!


Miss this feeling. :(


Come back to me, Humidity! I know we've had our differences and squabbles, but I love you now more than ever! Please come home to me!

Savasana

Not at all related to the topic of this post: Saturday I spent the majority of practice with the sun on (and in) my eyes. A 9am class and in the midst of November, which tends to be very cold and foggy in this part of Washington yet it was blue skies with the sun in my eyes. I loved it. You know how we tend to (or at least try to) spend our practice gazing at our own faces in the mirror, today I chose to look past noticing the sun in my face and stare at my own blue eyes that were glowing from the suns rays. I'm not one to toot my own horn, especially given that I struggle often with liking myself but I felt so beautiful in those moments. During the whole standing series, I felt love. Love for myself and just love.

At any rate, due to this post's title, I spent a lot of time noticing how my body feels in Savasana. Has any one else done this?

For example, when I come out of camel and lay in savasana, my body feels like the floor is rising up to cradle my body.
Or after fixed firm, feeling my body very warm from the increased circulation.

Savasana is really the most fascinating posture to me. It is the place we receive benefits, instead of trying to work for them. And the harder we try to work, the less we receive. We breathe and breathe and notice the tension in our bodies that doesn't release.

And what happens when we work or move in savasana? We don't receive. I like to think of the stillness as the act that prevents me from perpetual hell. No joke. We move to release the tickle from sweat in our ears or the lingering hair on our shoulder, but those little things are only temptations. Temptations to keep us from receipt of great emotional healing, beautiful body restoration, and mental stillness. Only to throw us into that perpetual hell of what our bodies currently feel like.

What does your perpetual hell feel like?

I can honestly say that my perpetual hell, which is the current state of my body that I continually work to come out of, feels like constant back aches. And rightfully so, having a broken spine really isn't wonderful, as some might think ;). My lower back aches, I have muscle spasms almost hourly, I am constantly leaning forward or backward to release tension. My left side is very inflexible (although some would argue that my half-moon is more than sufficient), and my right knee makes a grinding sound when I bend it. The idea that comes to mind as I lay in Savasana is that if I move, even an inch, I start all over again.

And in all of this time spent in yoga, how much have I given thought to the stillness in Savasana. Not enough. If I have any chance of wanting to release my human body from those pains, a quiet mind and body in Savasana is where I will find it.

Centering

Last night, I did some soul searching. Which I have done a lot lately. I feel that I have never been more ready to attempt the greatest challenge of life: working through insecurity and emotional baggage.

I have begun reading a book on abandonment and one of the questions to answer was: Describe your experience with lifting (the process of coming back to yourself, making you feel peaceful and confident). What experiences help you lift above pain, even if momentarily?

I was thinking back about when I first got divorced. And closed my eyes. I remembered yoga and what that felt like when I first discovered it... When I would cry on the mat, even though I was trying to hide it, I cried because it was the first time I felt peace. It was such a humbling feeling to calm my mind and trust that in that 90 minutes I could let go, even if it was for only 90 minutes... It was a period of time, where I could let it go. I would be free for over 100 minutes, because Savasana was my favorite place in the world.

And "lifting" is an excellent word to describe this yoga. We become present in ourselves. The mirrors force us to face who we are on the inside. And force us to love what we see, even if we are only mentally and emotionally capable of doing that for 90 minutes.

Most people don't like themselves. Isn't that profound?! There are always going to things people don't like about themselves, but the question is really... what do you do with that?

Most people continue to just let it sit there, and fester. And let it writhe inside of them like a self-esteem-eating-worm. I think there can be a line. I think there can be a line where we decide that there.. is something in ourselves that isn't working properly and we want to change it versus not liking something and leaving it.

Tonight, I went to yoga and practiced the same. I stopped being focused on the postures themselves, and focused on myself. Because this yoga is for me, and no one else.

I am beautiful and I am worthy and in those 90 minutes, even if for only 90 minutes, I can love myself.

If worries were nickels....

Yeah, so Handsome has gone to Dubai. I'm not only jealous but its been over a day and I haven't heard a word from him. Okay, any girl who lives with a man knows... We worry. All I want is just to know he's okay. Ugh.

So, I need yoga.

I'm gonna be ALL OVER those back bends today to flush out the worries in my head. I could realllllllly use that. When he and I first got together I was full of worry and yoga was the only thing that kept my head clear so my heart could feel (because my mind lies to me all the time, convinces me of things that aren't).

Onto The New (Studio)

Our studio has outgrown itself. And rightfully so. Our studio happens to be the only hot yoga and/or Bikram Yoga studio in Spokane, WA. Seriously. You'd think being a larger small city we'd have at least a couple hot yoga studios. But we don't.

At any rate, my studio's owner, Beth, started this thing in the basement of her home as she didn't have any other room or clientele. She had room for 12 students and 14 if we all squished in real tight like sardines.

And last night, myself, Mona and Ara took a bow to say goodbye to the hot room we all had experienced so much in.

Ara took care of an emotional time and a heavy burden of caring for a severe special needs child and a 15 year old with extreme ADHD. I dealt with the divorce and finding out who I am again. Many tearful hours spent in the back row. Mona handled body kinks and misalignments as well as it helped her kick her smoking habit. There is no limit to what this yoga can do for you.

So. Mona and I found it only fitting that we break in the new studio properly by both pulling doubles. We both are going to be doing teacher training at the same time and have been dubbed the Doublelicious Twins (Double your flavor, double your fun!). Kicking it off there with high energy and momentum!

It was a tad hard to find but:

It may not say *Bikram* but it is the only kind of hot yoga we do


And the torture chamber is amazing!

One of our teachers painted this beautiful mural. I wish it was on the ceiling so I'd have time to gaze at it in Savasana.
And one of my favorite things:


Its such a girly thing to love a bathroom but seriously! She even put out bowls of Q-Tips and hair bands!

It is such a lovely studio. I feel so proud of Beth and Eric and had to congratulate them both so many times.

Follow Directions

As far as I am concerned, the most important skill a yogi can learn is to:

FOLLOW DIRECTIONS

No joke. And let me tell you why. And I will use myself as the silly example.

There is a point to staying with the teacher, things are in a specific order and specific timing. I don't know why but I get royally annoyed when yogis bring the hand up to the center of their chest too early during Tree Pose. I just say in my head "Yes, everyone can see that you know how the posture goes."

And I will admit that I have done that. You get excited that you know what's next and that you are starting to "get it."

This is a rabbit trail but let me finish it out... ;) And I am working hard on focusing on my own practice, but there are some habits you lose when you don't practice for even a small amount of time. Like staring at yourself in the mirror. I consider yoga my "me time" and somehow I look at everyone but myself. I hear teachers say all the time that Savasana is often the hardest thing to do in yoga because we feel the need to constantly be busy.

I disagree. I think the hardest thing to do for a yogi or yogini is to concentrate on yourself. It is your time to fix yourself and deal with all the issues in your life and body. It feels so uncomfortable to look at just yourself, to see yourself for what you really are. Most people feel such negative emotions when looking at themselves. And the challenge is to look in the mirror, see yourself in an honest light, and love yourself. A very difficult feat.

Back to my story. So, here I am. I've been practicing for over a year now and we were prepping for Awkward.  Arms up, arms parallel to the floor, fingers together, triceps tight... and.... Boom. I sit into the chair too early. And not only that, I brought 3 other people down with me.

Now, I felt silly. I stood back up and waited to sit until my hips touch the chair with the rest of the class.

I realized my mistake and corrected it. But there are the people who don't. And they are usually the ones who have been practicing for just a couple of months. They are starting to lock their knee more and learning to breathe only through the nose, and feel stoked that they can anticipate what comes next in the class.

Now that I think about it, my main topic and rabbit trail do tie in together!

As I am learning to pay attention only to my own practice, I am not as affected by the girl who starts kicking out too early in bow pose. Or the other girl who goes into Balancing Stick too early, and her earliness ALWAYS causes her to fall, which sometimes causes me to fall if I am not focusing on my own practice.

It is a realization that staying with the teacher causes the group momentum and energy to stay high. And it is not realized because they have never truly felt what the momentum feels like. To feel so many bodies moving at the same moment. Such power and it's tangible.

Yoga Brain

Yoga Brain. [yoh-guh  breyn]
-adjective. A term used to describe the state the brain after yoga which is usually indicated by a number of astounding symptoms like, but not limited to: lacking in the ordinary ability to function properly in simple tasks like walking or using a yo-yo, the desire to drown ones stomach in coconut water, and the incapacity to articulate simple words or really remember anything at all.
-noun. A term used when one has Yoga Brain and explaining ones intellectual incapacitation. (i.e. "Forgive me, I can't really remember what my last name is right now... I have Yoga Brain.")


Btw, I still have Yoga Brain from last night. And feel a little like this:

A child dancing on the beach. No wonder I can't think! :)

Last night was my first practice in about a month. And it was lovely. Sometimes we all need a break from the thing we love in order to regain our perspective as well as our deep love for the thing. My issue is that I love too many things... Like weight lifting, which I had been out of practice of that for months.

It is amazing how my weight lifting has really affected my practice in a positive way. I didn't expect that. I honestly expected to come back and have my muscles be tight, my back stiff and struggle a ton. But I felt very strong during my practice. The first back bend during Half Moon I was able to go to my deepest point immediately and my sit ups were 10 times stronger. Apparently, taking a month off and lift weights has a different affect than just taking a month off period. And, surprisingly enough, I felt like I could handle any amount of difficulty associated with my practice. Like I really could give 110%.
So, in regards to Yoga Brain, I thought of a beautiful moment during my practice last night that I really wanted to blog about... but it's gone now. :)

Side information you probably didn't want to know:
I geeked out last night when I had a self-realization moment. I was eating dinner in the kitchen as I was cooking my lunch for today and checking out my muscles in the window (I was kind of practicing some postures as well as practicing some figure competition moves) and wondered if anyone ever caught me...? Also wondering what they would see... Would they see a blonde in her underwear snacking on chocolate pudding sticking out her ass? Or would they see an athletic chick in no makeup in her underwear snacking on protein pudding and practicing a yoga posture? Funny stuff. Especially with Yoga Brain.



Week 3 to 4: The Mystery

There is still something so compelling and mysterious about yoga.

There is always something I feel like I don't know. That maybe there is more than what meets the eye. Maybe the determination of it brings understanding. And possibly life itself. Or see god while using the greatest creation to it's best. For the extreme of what it is meant to do and the extreme of how it is meant to perform. That possibly the question of what life is meant for can be or is answered. Be kind to ourselves and kind to others. Be kind to yourself and smile because you have granted yourself the greatest gift. Because we found the key to the kingdom of life.

I felt my momentum falling apart this week. Just feeling tired again and sleeping a lot. But my diet is finally getting back on track... I'm able to resist fatty tasty meals no problem and the protein is high again. Also adjusting to the many small meals thing. Starting to feel the control come back and that feeling is incredible. Not being a slave to my body and what it wants... but purely giving it what it needs. Not an easy thing to accustom your body to.

Also, I've been given a new supplement to try: Lipo6x Black Hers. It's supposed to boost my energy prior to workouts. I'm trying it out for the first time today (Friday). Which is a good thing because I have a rather ambitious workout today... 60 mins cardio, 30 min run & 30 mins of weights! I'm hoping this is the thing I need to take off my last 10 lbs of fat!! And maybe a little more if I end up being really ambitious... which is both likely and unlikely. It's unlikely that I will want to (keep dieting etc) but it's also likely that I won't be satisfied until that is gone and I can fit into some DAMN BOOTS!
Later Friday: I had an awesome workout! I only did 20 mins of cardio but did what I had planned on the rest. This product truly does work!

Week 4: (September 13th-19th)

Monday:
5:30 Yoga
Tuesday:
AM: 60 mins cardio, 30 mins weights (arms ) PM: 4:30 Yoga
Wednesday:
6:30 AM Yoga, 30 minute run, 930 Weight Watchers for weigh in
Thursday:
4:30 Yoga
Friday:
PM: 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs), 30 minute run
Saturday: 9:30 AM Yoga
Sunday: Rest

Week 2 to 3: Anxiety and Teacher Training

Yoga has contributed to many things in my life... Healing, joy, pride, calm, love... I really could go on forever about it. But the most interesting part about it, in my opinion, are the negative emotions yoga brings to the surface. I've dealt with muscle spasms, side stitches, and a painful divorce on that mat. And currently, anxiety.

In all honesty, I'm glad it's happening. In my experience, at the end of a negative issue that I work through... I ALWAYS experience a joyous and healing breakthrough. When I first started dating my Honey, which was really my first serious relationship after the divorce I went through, I dealt with all of my insecure emotions in that Hot Room. Many times I would lay in Savasana and literally TRY to let go of the fear I felt inside. Weep in the dimmed room and pray that my heart would not fail me again.

And then it happened. I walked into the studio and the studio owner looked at me and said, "Teacher Training." I was both shocked and excited. I never thought I would be approached for training! So, here I am... And I can't stop thinking about how to make this work. The studio owner is endorsing two students right now, myself and my yoga BFF. Time off? Should I start on the dialogue now? What do I need? Ahhhhhhhhh....?!?!?!

Beth suggested that during Pranayama breathing that I think of the thing that makes me most happy in the whole world. And as I am breathing and practicing continuing to let myself feel that feeling and choose to cultivate that joy and let everything else fall away. Maybe it's cheesy but the feeling of love that my Man gives me... Due to his kindness and honesty and patience with me... Seeing my absolute worst and deciding that I'm still worth it? Anxiety and insecurity falls away. So I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I'm still worth it... And my anxiety and insecurity falls away. And not only that, but knowing that I can change my life and that my practice is changing enough for the studio owner, Beth, to want me to teach... Yeah, that definitely helped the anxiety.


Something new I started this week is a workout journal...
I was pretty excited... It really helped me be honest with what I'm eating and no one else will see it.

And not only that, but I can share my thoughts and feelings and hopefully keep track of what I need to cultivate on the inside. :)



Week 3: (September 7th-12th)
Tuesday:
PM: Yoga
Wednesday:
PM: 60 mins cardio & 45 mins weights (legs & back), run home from WW
Thursday:
PM: Yoga
Friday:

PM: 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs).
Saturday: Hopefully a hike or a run Or if I'm super lucky, Sfeetypee will want to go to Yoga!
Sunday: REST