Last night, I did some soul searching. Which I have done a lot lately. I feel that I have never been more ready to attempt the greatest challenge of life: working through insecurity and emotional baggage.
I have begun reading a book on abandonment and one of the questions to answer was: Describe your experience with lifting (the process of coming back to yourself, making you feel peaceful and confident). What experiences help you lift above pain, even if momentarily?
I was thinking back about when I first got divorced. And closed my eyes. I remembered yoga and what that felt like when I first discovered it... When I would cry on the mat, even though I was trying to hide it, I cried because it was the first time I felt peace. It was such a humbling feeling to calm my mind and trust that in that 90 minutes I could let go, even if it was for only 90 minutes... It was a period of time, where I could let it go. I would be free for over 100 minutes, because Savasana was my favorite place in the world.
And "lifting" is an excellent word to describe this yoga. We become present in ourselves. The mirrors force us to face who we are on the inside. And force us to love what we see, even if we are only mentally and emotionally capable of doing that for 90 minutes.
Most people don't like themselves. Isn't that profound?! There are always going to things people don't like about themselves, but the question is really... what do you do with that?
Most people continue to just let it sit there, and fester. And let it writhe inside of them like a self-esteem-eating-worm. I think there can be a line. I think there can be a line where we decide that there.. is something in ourselves that isn't working properly and we want to change it versus not liking something and leaving it.
Tonight, I went to yoga and practiced the same. I stopped being focused on the postures themselves, and focused on myself. Because this yoga is for me, and no one else.
I am beautiful and I am worthy and in those 90 minutes, even if for only 90 minutes, I can love myself.