Winter

While commenting on another yogini's blog who has been having a hard time in her own practice and studio, it has occurred to me that while it is still technically Autumn in the Northwest that I am in the Winter of my practice. We all go through seasons in our lives, relationships, work, and now is really the first time I have experienced this season and feeling about something I love dearly.

Photo by Blown Up Studios

There have been changes in my practice, of course. We all experience the ups and downs, but since our studio moved... I didn't just experience a change or a low... This is a season. I am in the Winter of my practice. It may be due to the larger space, which feels obtuse and impersonal or it could be due to new teachers who aren't yet aware of my own capabilities and when to push me or it could be the simple fact that... our studio can't quite make it past 11% humidity. And I'll be honest, that humidity drives me and drives my meditation during yoga.

I will admit that for the last... month and a half, it has been like grinding teeth to get me to yoga. And not only that, my meditation is gone during my practice when I can manage to get myself there. I love my studio and I find yoga fascinating... I think about it all day long, practically. But when it comes to getting my body physically there, that is the hardest part. Practicing feels grueling.

I have experienced seasons. My "spring," filled with growth and enlightenment. My summer of basking and meditation in the heat. My autumn... well, frankly, fighting the depression that preceeds winter and longing for the sun. And I was feeling depressed about my practice, until this moment when I realized that it all comes and goes. "Fake it till you make it" has never felt more appropriate.

I am hoping that the studio will be hot today. HOT hot. I am a little sick and would love to just sit in the heat. I would be more than happy to enjoy this winter season of my practice, if I could just find that meditative spot of knowing, that Spring always comes after Winter.