Monday, July 26, 2010

Life WAS Hard like a balancing stick..

Alternate Title: "Week 4: July 26th-August 1st"

Wednesday I had a planned night off... I had planned on going to Weight Watchers but didn't.
I cleaned and organized my life. I cleaned all night. Made an amazing sandwich. Took a candle lit bath.
and had a self-realization that I do best when everything in my life is disciplined. Everything is in control. My personality most enjoys life the most in a time where I am focused on the most important pieces of my life: body & working out, nutrition, yoga, cleaning house, on time to work & working hard all day, always drinking enough water & taking vitamins, finances, indulging in taking care of myself (ie. hair, nails trimmed, eyebrows perfect, shaven always) and everything that is most important to me: extreme relaxation and loving on those I love.
I know its crazy but my life does best when perfectly balanced. It makes it so I feel successful. And it makes it so that I can enjoy all of those things equally... when I'm unbalanced I hate almost all of those things (minus those I love... which causes stress on them because I want them to help keep me happy). But when I'm doing the balanced life deal, I love them and don't get annoyed when they have other things to take care of. I can love them the way they deserve.
Its not what you've lost but what you find. :)

Week 4:
Monday: 60 mins cardio & 20 mins weights (arms & chest)
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: 75 mins cardio & 45 mins of weights (legs & abs)
Thursday: Yoga
Friday: 60 mins cardio & 30 mins of weights (back)
Saturday: Yoga
Sunday: Rest... Possibly a big long bike ride

Results from Week 3:

Monday: Holy beautiful yoga. FULL ON PRANA. Its amazing when you begin to discover what feels right. That you can push yourself because you have learned to steady your breath and understand the posture. And the strangest thing happened, I swear...
A little background, I almost sliced off the top of my thumb on Saturday when I was chopping some onions. During Eagle I swung my arm around and happened to catch part of the nail on my thumb and started bleeding... THEN, during standing Forehead to Knee, I was so concentrated on the bleeding that I didn't even notice that I had held the posture for a good 15 seconds! Which is a record for me!!! It was an amazing feeling knowing I could do it. :)
And honestly, before yoga... I was crying. But the release and control at the same time... It IS such a catalyst for clarity.
Thank you yoga, namaste.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Spine Strengthening Never-ending Painful Series

Dear back & spine & nerves,

I love you. I really do. I want us to be friends. I want to make you feel better so you can make me feel better.
Last night during yoga, we were at war. Spine you would move, and pinch nerves, which would make stomach feel like it was going to puke up all the nothing that was in it. And not only that, but cause serious muscle spasms even later... after yoga.
How can we do this? How can I help you? Help me help you! We just gotta make it until August 18th for the next doctor visit. 

Help me help you.

Thanks and luurrrrve you,

Friday, July 16, 2010

Week 3... Reload

We're not even going to talk about how I did during week 3. All you need to know, is I kept to my diet completely and we're going to repeat week . And no, I didn't go get weighed. So we'll just hope for a big loss this Wednesday. :)

Monday: Yoga
Tuesday: No workout (lots of walking, however)
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Yoga
Friday: 60 mins cardio + full body workout
Saturday: Yoga or 60 mins cardio (depending if I can get into class)
Sunday: Rest

Monday, July 12, 2010

Week 3: July 12-18th

My very first week putting on the new weights schedule. Wednesday was my first true double. However, week 3 will be my first week with the real schedule.

This inspired me on Tuesday and I challenged myself to meditate on it during yoga:
"I feel neither heat nor cold in the yoga room. I do not have to “deal” with them. I do not know they exist when I practice. I am beyond the temperature of the room. I am suspended animation. I am the Present Moment." -Mary Jarvis, master yogini

Monday: Yoga
Tuesday: 45 mins cardio in the am & Yoga in the pm
Wednesday: 60 mins cardio w/Lower Body & Back workout
Thursday: 45 mins cardio in the am & Yoga in the pm
Friday: 60 mins cardio w/Shoulders, Arms, & Abs workout
Saturday: Yoga
Sunday: Rest

Results from Week 2:
Weight from Wednesday (7/7): 132.2
Monday: This day was absolutely amazing. Went to Yoga at 9 am, with only half an apple before. I was able to spend the rest of the day relaxing and doing chores to prep for this week.
Tuesday: Yeahhhh, uh... totally didn't make it for my am workout. Fart! Also, my yoga practice was pretty bad. My back was having spasms. But today is a new day, and I'm over it. Thursday will be better.
Wednesday: Totally made it to my workout at 5am! But! I guess I didn't take into account that I need a few minutes in the locker room before and after the workout as well as time to get to the bus... So in reality, I'm not gonna be able to do a full 60 minutes every morning, only about 45 minutes.
Anyway, very tired by the time I got home. Wednesday is my super long day as I'm gone from 4:30 am to 7:30 pm. Ugh. And not to mention fatigued, hungry, dirty, and dehydrated.
Thursday: 45 minutes cardio... Done. My muscles were sore so it felt good to get the blood flowing nice and early. The gym was DEAD so I got the chance to play around with arm straps for ab workouts as well as the Smith Machine, that way I don't have to look dumb trying to do it with people around. (Yes, I am one of those that doesn't wanna look dumb at the gym) Anyway, I had a smaller coffee this morning so we'll see how I do in yoga tonight.
Yoga: I felt a bit shaky during the whole thing, but I did push myself and felt that I did my best.
Friday: Today, the workout was good! 45 mins of cardio and had time for a good 20 mins of weights. I did work on my full arms and shoulders as well as did some ab work with some hanging leg lifts (by the way, I wasn't ever sure if I could do these, much easier than it sounds).
Saturday: Yoga felt good. Yoga = good. Haha! I did wake up super late so I didn't have time to eat beforehand (And! "Side note": I accidentally walked right through a movie set and didn't even know what happened until someone yelled at me) and had the worst case of "out of it" syndrome. Yoga was difficult but I spent my time focusing on the inner calm instead of pushing myself to my capability.
Sunday: Total rest and relaxation. That's a lie. Partial rest and relaxation. Spent some time in the sun and back at home. I wanted just to relax but I can't ever fully relax when I want to clean my home. Hmm.
Relaxing by the river

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Calming the Mind

Last night I was sitting at home (post-yoga) and realized that I was experiencing some missing of being married and started to go for some ice cream (what I call a "Red Light Food"). And then all of a sudden, I just didn't. I think missing marriage may have been just the idea that it's comfortable and secure. But then again, nothing is secure. And eating sure doesn't make you feel secure when you eat for anything other than hunger and nutrition. Then I felt happy again.

Nothing is forever. You live your whole life trying to kill yourself. Until you do. Even so you came in to this world with nothing, you will leave with nothing.

Justis, an instructor at the Bikram class I attend, always says that:

You live your whole life trying to kill yourself.

As someone who was raised Christian, that never sat right with me. Not that I disagree, but it must be the term "kill yourself."

But how true is it? Is anything we do truly good for our bodies? We smoke, we drink alcohol, we eat processed foods, Americans don't drink enough water, most people do not get the bare minimum of exercise they are supposed to. Yeah, I suppose we are trying to kill ourselves.

Comfort eating, when you eat to feel better
Punish eating, when you eat to punish yourself
Injury eating, when you eat to injure yourself
Eating to prevent further development
(the last two are probably more bi-products of one of the first two. Or both)

When I am stressed, I eat to comfort myself and to get that extra energy to go through (mental or emotional energy) what is needed to go through. To comfort myself I prefer ice cream. Processed sugar is not good for my system so I harm myself and then at yoga I can’t work as hard as I want to due to an “airy” stomach and this is a very good way to hinder development so I am punished for wanting to develop.

And so, eating the sugary and dairy filled ice cream starts this entire circle and chain of psychological events that all are interlinked together and triggers it to continue. The vicious circle, as they call it. I've never met "them", but "they" aren't wrong. The vicious circle kills.

Being aware is the first step towards the next step. :)

Monday, July 5, 2010

July 5-11th: Week 1-Done and Gone. Good. Moving on.

Holy Cow. I'm more than excited that this week is over. It was HARD! Getting back into my protein habits, religiously taking my multivitamins and supplements, and rediscovering control over my diet! AND trying to remember what helped me succeed in getting to this point.

Weight from Wednesday (6/30): 134 lbs. Yikes, gained 2. I'm SO not beating myself up about it though. I blame it on constipation. I know, I know. But seriously. I don't feel that is accurate. If anything, I bet I maintained.

Monday: Gah. I don't even feel like blogging about this class. Side stitch was awful and my back hurt a lot. Not even going to continue with how I lost my pride. LOL
Tuesday: What a horrible day. I fell down the stairs at 6 am and sprained my right ankle. Even through that and my hurting back and side stitch I still had every intention of going to yoga. Until I dropped a huge lock on my left foot. At that point I threw my hands in the air and said "F IT! I'm going to bed." I didn't go to bed, but isn't it strange how when one thing goes wrong it completely throws us off?! I didn't go to yoga and I was immediately tempted to order a whole medium pizza for myself. Then I changed it to small. And then I talked myself out of it and into having a ham sandwich (In honor of Ardha-Chandrasana and the Japanese Ham Sandwich... except I had bread haha!).
Wednesday: MAN! Super busy. As you probably have noticed in my previous blog I had a burst of self-awareness in what I want and what I need to do. I had no intention of going to the gym this day, but I went home and made a couple of protein shakes then went to the gym for some cardio, walked up to Weight Watchers and later went for a walk. Lots of activity this day and felt fine the day after.
Thursday: Today I thought about my fitness all day. I feel a bit frustrated but am trying to plow through it. Like I said in my last blog, it has been hard to keep my calorie intake at a minimum but still take in enough to not get dizzy during yoga. And has been hard to keep my calorite intake at a minimum and still get everything I need... My protein shakes add up to 8.5 points per day! That is exactly half of what I am allowed. And I don't even burn that many during yoga. Yikes. So here's what I did:
This day my breakfast was: coffee, water, 1/2 c scrambled eggs and a banana. My lunch was: a lettuce, tomato, and 1/4 c of guacamole. I also allowed myself a snack of 1/2 a protein shake.
During yoga: Wow. I felt calm and collected. For once. I felt strong during Balancing Stick (Tulandasana) and Triangle (Trikanasana) and really focused on my breathing as well as relaxing fully in Savasana. Frustration = gone. Yoga is such a powerful thing when you maintain a presence and look at the practice for how beautiful it really is.
Friday: I WOKE UP feeling awake and strong. This NEVER happens! So, I decided to do some cardio in the morning, I was a bit slow moving to get all my stuff together, eat and get out the door... I did about a half hour of cardio and then got on the bus to work! I. Feel. In. Control. And now I know I can handle some two-a-days. :)
By the way, I'm really REALLY excited. I'll be stoked when my BMI is where I want it and can perform the yoga postures how I desire, fully and without fat getting in the way of crossing my arms, or legs, or lifting my chest off the floor (the fat on my belly restricts my movement upward).
Saturday:Yoga was great. Triangle Pose (Trikanasana) is still SO hard for me! Workin on it though. :) Which in reality, its all you can do. Just work on it.
Sunday: Went hiking! Except it was awful and ugly and the lamest hike I've ever been on. Haha!

This next week is going to be different:
Monday: Yoga (In the morning since we have the day off!)
Tuesday: 60 mins cardio with abs & back workout in the am & Yoga in the pm
Wednesday: 60 mins cardio w/ Lower Body workout
Thursday: 60 mins cardio in the am & Yoga in pm
Friday: 60 mins cardio with Shoulders & Arms workout
Saturday: Yoga!
Sunday: Rest

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Here I am.... AGAIN.

As I was getting ready for work, I put on a larger pair of pants and realized that I was bloated. Even though I've always liked these pants, I don't want to fit in them... I want them to be huge. And as I was walking to work, I thought about a few things. I felt like I did the best in yoga when I was also realllly doing cardio and weights and taking in a lot of protein. Hmm. And that's the point. I want to feel good during yoga and not feel like I have weight hindering me in my postures!

I did say that for 6 weeks I was just going to go for endurance and not weight loss... Hmm. Well, here I am 6 weeks later without a pound lost (and actually 2 lbs gained but I attribute that to constipation) and re-gained my addiction to good tasting food. Awesome (I hope I am radiating the sarcasm I feel). So, I want to be back in it. In it to win it! I need to figure out a way to get in cardio and weights at least another 3 days a week, aside from my 3-4 days of yoga. Weekends are often hard as they tend to be very busy.

I don't have that many pounds to lose and I can freakin do it! I am notorious for starting projects and not finishing them... I want this to be the ONE thing I get to the finish line on.

So here I am. Again. Rediscovering my motivation... And I have to find it quick. I want my energy level back and the feeling of feeling strong and in control. I have lost control of my eating. Parameters always help me so here are mine for this next 6 week round: (and that's all I'm giving myself to meet my goal... IN IT TO WIN IT!)
-Obvious: maximum water intake
-Back to my high protein. Trying for 100g per day
-Yoga on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and sometimes Saturday
-60 mins cardio on Wednesday, Friday and the Saturdays I don't do yoga, paired with a 30 minute weight set
-Try for cardio on Monday or Tuesday mornings
-Only small coffees on Yoga days, to help with the hydration
-Back into being nutso over keeping up on my multivitamins
-Tracking all meals thru Weight Watcher's webiste (Good thing too because I thought my protein shake was only 4 points... Turns out it was 8!)

It is so much harder than it seems. It seems like I burn so many calories during yoga but I don't actually put out that many, I just sweat a lot. Which is why I would like to try to get in some kind of cardio before work or something. And it is hard to keep my food intake at a minimum when I have yoga days. Ugh.