P90x: Fail.

My biggest beef with P90x is that I do it at home. Part of why I love going to the gym is exactly that, I go to the gym. I'm not distracted with all the things in my home that I need to do.

"I'll just start that load of dishes and THEN start my dvd." -typical words out of my mouth.
"I'll just throw some laundry in the wash and THEN throw in the dvd..." -Also very ordinary words for me.

Well, it turns out that I'm not good at doing my workouts at home. And not because I can't, but because the ADD in me just can't handle the distractions. Also, it is very loud in our apartment. I mean, we're on the top floor with wooden floors... jumping around is very loud, it also shakes everything, and there isn't a lot of room. I feel that I may be able to handle this when we move into our house. The living room is HUGE and I won't have to worry about disturbing our neighbors.

The reality is that, I can't really start it right now. FRIG! I'm so very discouraged at not being able to follow through with my goals. At the beginning of 2010, my resolution was to hit 120 lbs. Which I have done, and the sense of accomplishment has since become an aphrodisiac.. Also, I got sick. Again. 

In 2011, what can my goals really be? I've been told when creating resolution that one should choose things they truly want. What do I want? Hmm.
-I'd love to get out of debt, or at least get done with my small debts and work on student loans.
-Get down to 14-16% body fat permanently.
-Complete a 30 day Bikram Challenge.
-Compete in a figure competition.

I'm one of those people who can't focus on too much at one time. Especially because three of those goals are long term.

So I am going to focus on the first two for now. So, I have a new workout... Again. lol to start on next week. Since I'm sick, again, I will just do cardio at the gym once I start feeling better.

I don't know how end this really. I mean, how many challenges have I promised myself and not followed through with?? It seems like hundreds. But I do have to keep giving myself props for doing the major one... Losing that much weight is a major feat. And has honestly changed my life. Given me strength to tackle my other weaknesses.

Inspiration of the day:

Sonia Gonzales: IFBB Bikini Pro

The reason I love her so much, she is only 5'1" and she was a Figure Pro turned Bikini Pro. Which is incredibly difficult to do. This may not be understandable for most people, but think about your own goals... Physical or artistic or career. Now, imagine if that goal would determine what you ate, drank, your schedule, your sleep schedule for months and months out of your life. She has done this... TWICE! She once changed her body to bulk up and then she had chiseled off muscle, that kind of determination is fierce. What a beautiful woman inside and out. And that is what I love about what I am choosing to do with my body.

No One Gets It.

Just last night, after doing my P90X (which was Polymetrics and an awesome burn)... I was sitting in a bath and talking to Handsome. And it occurred to me...



Miss this feeling :(

Last summer, my favorite moment of the day was after yoga, walking home, drinking a LARGE coconut water
ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.

Feeling the oil seep out of my pores because yoga had completely flushed them out. Feeling my lips so dry because they've had salt on them for the last 90 minutes. Feeling sweat run down my neck because my hair was still holding tons of it.

I miss how my skin used to glow for days afterward. Even if I go to yoga now, I don't even get close to that.

I miss what yoga used to be to me... MORE than just the best workout of my whole life. My body feels tired and flat. I used to feel toned and worked. I may consider driving the 2.5 hours to the Tri-Cities or doing yoga in a steam room at the gym just to get the same effects.

Can anyone tell I'm tired and am feeling depressed from missing Bikram?! There is no remedy at this moment. Just great desire.

Week 1: Overall

I was feeling rather proud of myself.
Until I got my body fat taken.
I've plateaued for 6 weeks at 24.7%.

And this took a lot of concentration.

Not cool.

My only idea is to do something drastic. I know P90x is a program many don't finish, and many look at it as sort of... cookie cutter. Well, I'm willing to do anything different at this point.

And when have I ever completed a challenge? P90x... here I come.

Week 1: Day 4 & Body Fat Test

I just want to point out that there is no better feeling than a workout you finish when you were contemplating not even going to the gym.

I almost skipped this. After work I got in my car and seriously contemplated just driving home. I had to keep telling myself "Just get there. Just get yourself to the gym."
Once I got to the gym, it was a mental struggle through the whole workout. Kept wanting to skip a set or skip a run but battled my mind all the way through it.



Feeling proud after that last set of running!

Day 4 workout: (Legs & Glutes)
1st Set: superset-Dumbell Reverse Lunge (55 lbs-12 reps) & Decline Leg Curl (30 lbs-12 reps)
2nd Set: superset-Goblet squat (40 lbs-12 reps) & Assisted Dumbell Lunge (60 lbs-10 reps)
3rd Set: superset-Good morning (50 lbs-12 reps) & Bulgarian Split Squat (60 lbs-12 reps)
4th Set: superset-Machine Leg Press (250 lbs-12 reps) & Calf Raise (250 lbs-12 reps)
5th Set: superset-Barbell Hack Squat (30 lbs-12 reps)
Complete each set 3x with 1 min running in between each.

Body Fat test! I have to admit... I was rather excited to see my progress:
1/26/10 - 35.2%
2/16/10 - 33.4%
3/9/10 - 32.3%
4/8/10 - 29.3%
8/11/10 - 26%
9/29/10 - 28%
10/28/10 - 24.7%
12/16/10 - 24.9% ... Seeing a plateau. I'm considering just doing something new... I've lifted for almost a full week... I think I might start P90X just to shake things up for the next couple of weeks.


And just because I'm feeling rather proud:

I wore this to a Christmas Party the other day... I'm feeling proud of my calves. They've never looked so toned and slim. Good job gals. ;)

Week 1: Day 3 & Supplements

Today's workout: (Abs & Shoulders)
1st set: Arnold Press (15 lbs-12 reps) & Incline Reverse Crunch (tried to make it to 20 on each set)
2nd set: Scaption (10 lbs-12 reps) & Bosu Side Bridge (10 each side)
3rd set: Rear Lateral Raise (12 lbs-12 reps) & Decline Twisting Ab Crunch (12 lb Medicine ball-12 reps each side)
4th set: Incline Shoulder Rotation (10 lbs-12 reps) & Hanging Leg Raise (10 reps)
5th set: Bar Upright Row (40 lbs-12 reps) & Kneeling twisting cable crunch (80 lbs-12 reps)
Repeat each 3x with 1 min running in between

Shoulders are a ROUGH day for me! My shoulders are a pretty weak body part. But I'll get there! :)

Supplements. This is always a funny subject for people. I don't recommend everything I take for everyone. But I take everything I do, on purpose.
I take 2 multi-vitamins a day, these are for active women. Also, 3 fish oils (as oils help you synthesize proteins), iron (because I tend to be on the anemic side especially as an extremely active woman), 3 glucoasmine (this is for joints... it helps your joints resynthesize cartilege... I have creaky knees and back), Vitamin C (duh), Vitamin-D & Calcium (because I'm a growing girl), and... Vitamin E.
Vitamin E, which not everyone knows, helps protect your body against free radicals. It is also important in the formation of red blood cells (which helps with muscle recovery) and helps the body use Vitamin K. The reason I take this as a supplement is because it tends to be high in foods I can't eat a lot of... Like corn, wheat and olives.
I also take a supplement before and after my workouts called Essential Electrolytes. This helps the body balance all of the vitamins and minerals it has for optimum performance. I used to get really bad side stitches before and after yoga and this has always helped... So why not take it when lifting also?!

Week 1: Day 2 & Diet

Day 2 workout: (Triceps & Chest)
1st Set: superset-Lying Triceps Extension (25lbs-12 reps) and Incline Dumbell Fly (12lbs-12 reps)
2nd Set: superset-French Press (30lbs-8 reps) and Single-Arm External Rotation (8lbs-12 reps)
3rd Set: superset-Incline Barbell Bench Press (40lbs-12 reps) and Cable Triceps Overhead Extension (40lbs-12 reps)
4th Set: superset-Cable Triceps Pushdown (40lbs-12 reps) and Cable Crossover (10lbs-12 reps)
Repeat each 3x with 1 min running in between each.

In case anyone ever wants to try something like this, I figured I'd post my diet. This is something very specific to me: My height, weight, and goals. I only track calories because I used to do Weight Watchers (which I think is probably the best program to get people out of the slump of being overweight) but as time went on, I really needed to track a few more things.
For example: protein, carbs, and fat. The reason I track all of those things is NOT because I'm trying to scale back or diet them. The reason I track them... is because I need them. And actually have trouble getting them. -With proteins, I had a really hard time getting enough in during the day when I first started losing weight, because I always figured a lot of protein was bad for your body. Not so! Read my post on proteins and why you need it (click here).
-Carbs are important as they help give one energy. Always important to eat slow burning carbs, like whole wheat pastas, brown rice, and sweet potatoes. Complex carbs will help you burn calories more quickly. And even high carbs after a workout can help speed up recovery.
-Another factor that took me a while to decide on tracking was Fats. And this was due to the fact that I was taking in so much meat etc, that I forgot that all bodies need healthy fats and oils. So I began tracking it to make sure I was getting enough.

So here is what my basic diet looks like. Remember that all meats are subsitutable for other meats and same with veggies. Should I choose to do a competition, I will post my pre-competition diet.
Also, This is how I count my stats: (calories-protein-carbs-fat) Makes it easier to track during the day.

0700: 2 egg whites & 1 whole egg, & 1/2 c oatmeal (258-17-13-9)
1000: 1 oz turkey, 2 oz sweet potato, 10 baby carrots (129-15-18-2)
1300: 2 oz chicken, light yogurt, 12 almonds, and 1/2 banana (357-28-35-14)
1500: (pre-workout) 1 scp for protein shake (120-22-4-2)
1700: (post-workout) 1 scp for protein shake (120-22-4-2)
1830: 3 oz chicken, 1/2 c brown rice, and 1 c green beans (318-34-31-7)

Total: 1302 calories, 138g protein, 105g carbs, 36g fat (this is actually very low)
(If I'm feeling really full at night, I will also leave out the brown rice or my carb in the pm)



Hehe! My breakfast. Oatmeal, eggs, decaf, supplements, and water!

 The advice that I give anyone when they are trying to determine their diet, is choose things that you LOVE that are healthy and build your diet around that. For example, I don't like egg whites all that much... I really LOVE runny egg yolks. So what I do, is at work, I will buy 3 hard boiled eggs and 1 soft boiled egg. I eat the whites off the hard-boileds and the yolk from the soft-boiled, mixed together. Boom.
Or I love sweet potatoes (which are high in protein, low in carb and have a low Glycemic Index score) but my honey doesn't like them, so I boil a bunch on sundays and prepare my lunches for the rest of the week.

At any rate, if there is a will there is a way! If you even remotely want it to work, you can make it work! The body follows intention!

Week 1: Weekly Plan & Day 1

Good morning!

And here we go! I've decided to do a 12 week transformation challenge. 12 weeks is a GOOD amount of time to pump out what I want to accomplish... but is it enough time to get me where I need to be to compete? We'll see! As time goes on I will continue to post my results, photos, decisions, diet, supplements, and increases in workout routine.

Week 1 Schedule: December 13th-December 19th
(This is likely to stay as my workout schedule throughout the 12 weeks. But will switch which exercises after 4 weeks)
Monday-PM-HIIT-Abs & Back w/20 mins elliptical for cardio
Tuesday-AM-45 mins elliptical cardio
     PM-HIIT-Triceps & Chest
Wednesday-AM-45 mins elliptical cardio
    PM-HIIT-Abs & Shoulders
Thursday-AM-45 mins elliptical cardio
    PM-HIIT-Legs & Glutes
Friday-HIIT-Abs & Biceps
Saturday & Sunday-Rest

If you don't know what an HIIT is, it means High Intensity Interval Training. Basically it is where you do a set of heavy weights and then go run for a minute to get your heart rate up... Great for fat burning and building muscle at the same time.

Day 1:
Today's workout: (back & abs... This will remain as my day 1 for each week for the next 4 weeks)
1st set: superset-barbell bent-over row (60 lbs-12 reps) & zercher squat (60 lbs- reps)
2nd set: superset- dead lift (50 lbs-12 reps) & barbell side bend (50 lbs-12 reps)
3rd set: superset-dumbell bent-over row (25 lbs-12 reps) & incline y raise (10 lbs-12 reps)
4th set: superset-Lat pulldown (70 lbs-12 reps) & cable standing close row (100 lbs-12 reps)
5th set: superset-Cable close grip pulldown (70 lbs-8 reps) & cable straight arm pull-down (50 lbs-12 reps)
6th set: superset-Swiss-ball oblique back extension (no weight, 20 reps) & bosu Russian twist (12 lbs-10 reps)
Repeat all 3x with 1 min running between each set. Damn good workout! It will be time to up some more weight on each next week!
 
Workout was awesome. I upped my weight and am starting to lift really heavy. Its probably time to get some lifting gloves as these heavy rows can develop some serious calluses.
Diet was perfect for today. It does get easier as you lose your sugar addiction.... Which I will post about later. I'm keeping carbs low today as my carbs were pretty high over the weekend. However, I do not condone "punish eating." EVER. If you eat bad early in the day or yesterday, NEVER skimp out on your eating later. More on this will be covered on my diet post later this week.

Bonus! I also happened to apply for a training scholarship (I know that sounds weird) with Nicole Wilkins Lee, my idol as she is just as strong as she is sexy, who was Ms. Figure Olympia 2009!!! She emailed me personally and asked if I would be interested in her online training for free! YAY!!! So, hopefully with her guidance and help my body will become what I want! :)

With Nicole's help, I feel like the Figure competition is feasible. She's my same age, and there is no reason I can't do the same! If you go to her website (click here), you can even see how she has helped people change! Her client success stories are incredible... Hopefully I can be one!

What Does A Hardbody Do?

Yes, I leave the gym while its still dark and realize that I've been there twice between work yesterday and today. YES, I eat egg whites cold. Yes, I hide chocolate from myself. Yes, I am a hard body.

So, you ask, what does a hard body do when the car is stuck in the snow and I can't get to yoga or the gym?

RUN. Run to work in the snow. And run home.



These treads rock! They're like Chains! For your shoes!

The other day, I attempted some hardbody bravery. Running in the cold is hard work! So... I ran to yoga, which is kinda far. And in the snow. Its a few miles through our downtown area... Lots of dodging cars. But luckily those treads helped me not slip when I had to stop suddenly.

As I tend to be someone who thrives on making and meeting goals, and given that I'm not able to find a sense of meditation in yoga right now I figured that this would be a good time to put myself through another focused training set for a few weeks..

I have a rockin' 4 day a week lifting schedule which leaves room for yoga 1-2x a week. I want to take this opportunity to finally get where I want to be. Even through the holidays. I want to prove that holiday diets can work if you really set your mind to it.

In 2010, I've managed to lose, to date, 53 lbs. And its not even about losing more weight. I just really want to tone up and get my body in optimal shape. And there are two things I am toying with in 2011:
-Bikram Yoga Teacher Training
-An amateur figure competition

Both of which, I really prefer to be a lot more in shape for. Not that I'm not in shape, but I'd really like to trim off some body fat and gain some muscle. I'd have to for a figure competition but I'd want to for training. Once a day yoga is already pretty difficult.

So, here's the deal. :) This weekend I plan to take pictures for my befores. I'll blog probably bi-weekly on my progress to keep me motivated!

And just for fun:

Christmas 2009

Thanksgiving 2010

This girl is about to make a hard body harder.

What's That Dumb Saying?

So, apparently this self-proclaimed winter phase is causing some sort of commotion in my mind. As I was feeling rather broken about not being into my practice, I started thinking about what I do during the winter.

Top Winter Activities for Lacey:
1. BAKE
2. Read Pride and Prejudice. Again.
3. Consider what I'm going to do after the Winter

I did plenty of baking this weekend (3 pumpkin pies and 1 pumpkin cheesecake) and I don't usually start Pride and Prejudice until December 1st... so, I'm considering things. Considering many a things.

Top Things to Consider for Lacey:
1. Spring Teacher Training

Uh oh. I've come down to crunch time to decide. But I fear a few things regarding training.

Top Things to Fear Regarding Teacher Training for Lacey:
1. Not being able to travel with my man during a prime traveling time.
2. Its expensive. How long am I seriously going to have to work for it to pay for itself?
3. How often am I really going to be expected to teach?
4. When the heck am I going to practice?

Which of those 4 are actually valid concerns? Only the last two. Honestly, I want to teach. I truly and honestly want to be part of the beautiful tribe that is Yarrow Yoga. I feel like I already belong to something bigger than what Yarrow Yoga is and has been. I may not have been practicing all that long, but I do feel like it is my studio and try to treat it as such. BUT... realistically I would only want to teach once or twice a week because the last thing I want is to neglect my practice (Although, arguably I already am...).

I suppose it is time to consider all the reasons why I should do it, instead of the fears. Bikram does say that newbies will always be scared and that is the biggest process... Getting past fear. Probably good idea to get a meeting going with my studio owner and express my concerns.

Anyone else wanna weigh in on the fears or excitement of Teacher Training?! I'd especially love to hear from peeps who are not doing it full time, but have another career or full time job they plan on keeping while teaching. :)

Winter

While commenting on another yogini's blog who has been having a hard time in her own practice and studio, it has occurred to me that while it is still technically Autumn in the Northwest that I am in the Winter of my practice. We all go through seasons in our lives, relationships, work, and now is really the first time I have experienced this season and feeling about something I love dearly.

Photo by Blown Up Studios

There have been changes in my practice, of course. We all experience the ups and downs, but since our studio moved... I didn't just experience a change or a low... This is a season. I am in the Winter of my practice. It may be due to the larger space, which feels obtuse and impersonal or it could be due to new teachers who aren't yet aware of my own capabilities and when to push me or it could be the simple fact that... our studio can't quite make it past 11% humidity. And I'll be honest, that humidity drives me and drives my meditation during yoga.

I will admit that for the last... month and a half, it has been like grinding teeth to get me to yoga. And not only that, my meditation is gone during my practice when I can manage to get myself there. I love my studio and I find yoga fascinating... I think about it all day long, practically. But when it comes to getting my body physically there, that is the hardest part. Practicing feels grueling.

I have experienced seasons. My "spring," filled with growth and enlightenment. My summer of basking and meditation in the heat. My autumn... well, frankly, fighting the depression that preceeds winter and longing for the sun. And I was feeling depressed about my practice, until this moment when I realized that it all comes and goes. "Fake it till you make it" has never felt more appropriate.

I am hoping that the studio will be hot today. HOT hot. I am a little sick and would love to just sit in the heat. I would be more than happy to enjoy this winter season of my practice, if I could just find that meditative spot of knowing, that Spring always comes after Winter.

You WILL start missing it...

The new studio has a glitch in the humidity. The class has been nice and hot... The humidity, however, has been wack!

I can tell you that my practice is sufferring for it. I still give my all but the humidity is surely missed. And not only that, but my skin is having a major break out from the lack in humidity!


Miss this feeling. :(


Come back to me, Humidity! I know we've had our differences and squabbles, but I love you now more than ever! Please come home to me!

Savasana

Not at all related to the topic of this post: Saturday I spent the majority of practice with the sun on (and in) my eyes. A 9am class and in the midst of November, which tends to be very cold and foggy in this part of Washington yet it was blue skies with the sun in my eyes. I loved it. You know how we tend to (or at least try to) spend our practice gazing at our own faces in the mirror, today I chose to look past noticing the sun in my face and stare at my own blue eyes that were glowing from the suns rays. I'm not one to toot my own horn, especially given that I struggle often with liking myself but I felt so beautiful in those moments. During the whole standing series, I felt love. Love for myself and just love.

At any rate, due to this post's title, I spent a lot of time noticing how my body feels in Savasana. Has any one else done this?

For example, when I come out of camel and lay in savasana, my body feels like the floor is rising up to cradle my body.
Or after fixed firm, feeling my body very warm from the increased circulation.

Savasana is really the most fascinating posture to me. It is the place we receive benefits, instead of trying to work for them. And the harder we try to work, the less we receive. We breathe and breathe and notice the tension in our bodies that doesn't release.

And what happens when we work or move in savasana? We don't receive. I like to think of the stillness as the act that prevents me from perpetual hell. No joke. We move to release the tickle from sweat in our ears or the lingering hair on our shoulder, but those little things are only temptations. Temptations to keep us from receipt of great emotional healing, beautiful body restoration, and mental stillness. Only to throw us into that perpetual hell of what our bodies currently feel like.

What does your perpetual hell feel like?

I can honestly say that my perpetual hell, which is the current state of my body that I continually work to come out of, feels like constant back aches. And rightfully so, having a broken spine really isn't wonderful, as some might think ;). My lower back aches, I have muscle spasms almost hourly, I am constantly leaning forward or backward to release tension. My left side is very inflexible (although some would argue that my half-moon is more than sufficient), and my right knee makes a grinding sound when I bend it. The idea that comes to mind as I lay in Savasana is that if I move, even an inch, I start all over again.

And in all of this time spent in yoga, how much have I given thought to the stillness in Savasana. Not enough. If I have any chance of wanting to release my human body from those pains, a quiet mind and body in Savasana is where I will find it.

Centering

Last night, I did some soul searching. Which I have done a lot lately. I feel that I have never been more ready to attempt the greatest challenge of life: working through insecurity and emotional baggage.

I have begun reading a book on abandonment and one of the questions to answer was: Describe your experience with lifting (the process of coming back to yourself, making you feel peaceful and confident). What experiences help you lift above pain, even if momentarily?

I was thinking back about when I first got divorced. And closed my eyes. I remembered yoga and what that felt like when I first discovered it... When I would cry on the mat, even though I was trying to hide it, I cried because it was the first time I felt peace. It was such a humbling feeling to calm my mind and trust that in that 90 minutes I could let go, even if it was for only 90 minutes... It was a period of time, where I could let it go. I would be free for over 100 minutes, because Savasana was my favorite place in the world.

And "lifting" is an excellent word to describe this yoga. We become present in ourselves. The mirrors force us to face who we are on the inside. And force us to love what we see, even if we are only mentally and emotionally capable of doing that for 90 minutes.

Most people don't like themselves. Isn't that profound?! There are always going to things people don't like about themselves, but the question is really... what do you do with that?

Most people continue to just let it sit there, and fester. And let it writhe inside of them like a self-esteem-eating-worm. I think there can be a line. I think there can be a line where we decide that there.. is something in ourselves that isn't working properly and we want to change it versus not liking something and leaving it.

Tonight, I went to yoga and practiced the same. I stopped being focused on the postures themselves, and focused on myself. Because this yoga is for me, and no one else.

I am beautiful and I am worthy and in those 90 minutes, even if for only 90 minutes, I can love myself.

If worries were nickels....

Yeah, so Handsome has gone to Dubai. I'm not only jealous but its been over a day and I haven't heard a word from him. Okay, any girl who lives with a man knows... We worry. All I want is just to know he's okay. Ugh.

So, I need yoga.

I'm gonna be ALL OVER those back bends today to flush out the worries in my head. I could realllllllly use that. When he and I first got together I was full of worry and yoga was the only thing that kept my head clear so my heart could feel (because my mind lies to me all the time, convinces me of things that aren't).

Everyone Has Their Own Struggles

A yogini, whose blog that I absolutely love, posted this quote: "Be kinder than necessary, because everyone is fighting his own inner battle."

This really made me think. I have been dealing with issues for many months and many years of abandonment.

Problem with abandonment as opposed to other types of grief is that it eats away at your self-esteem. The closure becomes incomplete because the person did not simply die, he or she has simply... decided not to be with you anymore. And your rage tends to be directed towards self.

This plays out in a multitude of fashions. People who deal with this tend to have a rough time making friends. Which I do. They play into their own solitude. Which I do, I tend to tell myself that "I like my alone time." They cling to the relationships they do have. Which I do. They tend to self medicate with shopping, food, and alcohol. Mine is shopping and working out.

I was married to an abandoner. Strangely, he found a girl who had abandonment issues. My ex had left his previous wife. And their son. To move to Spokane. He had bounced back and forth between Spokane and Bend, Oregon numerous times. He had also left his ex that he had a daughter with. And then he left his wife. He was a serial abandoner.

If there was a profile of an abandoner, he would have fit the mold to a T. Seriously, I truly feel now that he got a sense of power from his abandonment. Even to exert his "anger" over my agonized desire for my husband.

And now? I feel awakened. Inside and out. And I feel like I am looking at myself on the other side of the glass through a window and for the very first time in my life, embracing myself. With real love. Not fake and not loving myself with only a half love. Not loving my potential. I am really seeing these problems and having compassion for myself. I can't tell you how many times I have said "And I hate that about myself sometimes." That can't be healthy! And it can't be good for my self-esteem. Because, it isn't.

I feel thankful and lucky that I discovered Bikram and it discovered me. Literally. I feel thankful to have friendships, regardless of age, sex, skin color, creed, origin, or political affiliation that there are people out there that love me and love the world and we do have things in common. I do have friends that understand that in that hot room, we discover things about ourselves. And Bikram did discover me. Within that hot room, the real Lacey has been found.

Life Changes

I'm really excited about the current changes in my life!

So Happy Togetherrrr!!!

My handsome man moved in with me this last weekend, his house is almost sold, and soon we will be moving into a house!

I have started a new Blog that will be more based on my personal life outside of yoga and lifting that will be all about our home and changes to it!

Feel free to follow along! :)

Onto The New (Studio)

Our studio has outgrown itself. And rightfully so. Our studio happens to be the only hot yoga and/or Bikram Yoga studio in Spokane, WA. Seriously. You'd think being a larger small city we'd have at least a couple hot yoga studios. But we don't.

At any rate, my studio's owner, Beth, started this thing in the basement of her home as she didn't have any other room or clientele. She had room for 12 students and 14 if we all squished in real tight like sardines.

And last night, myself, Mona and Ara took a bow to say goodbye to the hot room we all had experienced so much in.

Ara took care of an emotional time and a heavy burden of caring for a severe special needs child and a 15 year old with extreme ADHD. I dealt with the divorce and finding out who I am again. Many tearful hours spent in the back row. Mona handled body kinks and misalignments as well as it helped her kick her smoking habit. There is no limit to what this yoga can do for you.

So. Mona and I found it only fitting that we break in the new studio properly by both pulling doubles. We both are going to be doing teacher training at the same time and have been dubbed the Doublelicious Twins (Double your flavor, double your fun!). Kicking it off there with high energy and momentum!

It was a tad hard to find but:

It may not say *Bikram* but it is the only kind of hot yoga we do


And the torture chamber is amazing!

One of our teachers painted this beautiful mural. I wish it was on the ceiling so I'd have time to gaze at it in Savasana.
And one of my favorite things:


Its such a girly thing to love a bathroom but seriously! She even put out bowls of Q-Tips and hair bands!

It is such a lovely studio. I feel so proud of Beth and Eric and had to congratulate them both so many times.

Follow Directions

As far as I am concerned, the most important skill a yogi can learn is to:

FOLLOW DIRECTIONS

No joke. And let me tell you why. And I will use myself as the silly example.

There is a point to staying with the teacher, things are in a specific order and specific timing. I don't know why but I get royally annoyed when yogis bring the hand up to the center of their chest too early during Tree Pose. I just say in my head "Yes, everyone can see that you know how the posture goes."

And I will admit that I have done that. You get excited that you know what's next and that you are starting to "get it."

This is a rabbit trail but let me finish it out... ;) And I am working hard on focusing on my own practice, but there are some habits you lose when you don't practice for even a small amount of time. Like staring at yourself in the mirror. I consider yoga my "me time" and somehow I look at everyone but myself. I hear teachers say all the time that Savasana is often the hardest thing to do in yoga because we feel the need to constantly be busy.

I disagree. I think the hardest thing to do for a yogi or yogini is to concentrate on yourself. It is your time to fix yourself and deal with all the issues in your life and body. It feels so uncomfortable to look at just yourself, to see yourself for what you really are. Most people feel such negative emotions when looking at themselves. And the challenge is to look in the mirror, see yourself in an honest light, and love yourself. A very difficult feat.

Back to my story. So, here I am. I've been practicing for over a year now and we were prepping for Awkward.  Arms up, arms parallel to the floor, fingers together, triceps tight... and.... Boom. I sit into the chair too early. And not only that, I brought 3 other people down with me.

Now, I felt silly. I stood back up and waited to sit until my hips touch the chair with the rest of the class.

I realized my mistake and corrected it. But there are the people who don't. And they are usually the ones who have been practicing for just a couple of months. They are starting to lock their knee more and learning to breathe only through the nose, and feel stoked that they can anticipate what comes next in the class.

Now that I think about it, my main topic and rabbit trail do tie in together!

As I am learning to pay attention only to my own practice, I am not as affected by the girl who starts kicking out too early in bow pose. Or the other girl who goes into Balancing Stick too early, and her earliness ALWAYS causes her to fall, which sometimes causes me to fall if I am not focusing on my own practice.

It is a realization that staying with the teacher causes the group momentum and energy to stay high. And it is not realized because they have never truly felt what the momentum feels like. To feel so many bodies moving at the same moment. Such power and it's tangible.

We are perfect

This is what I want to find.

Right now, Handsome and I are extremely busy. We got an offer on the house, it was accepted and now the whole home inspection thing is going to happen. And when Handsome gets busy, I never hear from him. Which is hard as I am a spending time person.

Since I can remember, I have dealt with a number of insecurities. Some got better with time, but pretty much any kind of self-esteem I had was torn down with the divorce. And anyone who really knows me, knows I am extremely emotional. And sometimes I hate that about myself, which I know I shouldn't hate anything about myself. But I cry all the damn time. Growing up, my dad would tell me all the time that I was too emotional (which would usually make me more emotional. But seriously, why would you tell your hormonal daughter who is sensitive that she is TOO sensitive?! It is likely to make her more so.) But I can't help it! It is the way I am. I don't know how to control it other than trying to be happy and stay happy and do yoga, which seems to regulate those feelings.

When the divorce happened, I spent many many days crying it out on the mat. Yoga really helped me sort through how I was feeling and how I felt about myself. And I got much happier and much more confident. I lost weight etc and started perfecting myself on the outside as I was working on the inside. I love being active and I love exercise. But have realized, just today, that I took it to an extreme.
It seems that one MORE thing that I love about yoga is how it is telling you that where you are today is perfect. A new teacher that I LOVE, Katie, is always saying that what you can do today is perfect.

And where I have been has been perfect and there is nothing to do but let go of control and just smile. Although I tend to go through periods where I freak out and really try to control things by controlling my body. When I feel that I can't control anything, my body is the one thing I feel in control of, which I can see is almost a disorder. But yoga makes me feel perfect the way I am, that I don't have to strive to be better. That if I want fries, there is nothing wrong with that. And what I can do in yoga, is perfect for what I need mentally and emotionally.

However today, I think I made actual progress emotionally and with my practice.
In Yoga, I noticed more and more that my legs are really stretching out. Seriously. In all of the postures where the goal is truly to LOCK THE KNEE I do it. In all postures, the standing leg is able to stay seriously "locked, solid, concrete, lamp post, unbroken, I have no knee" (btw, that was totally from memory... I haven't even gotten to studying dialogue... It was probably wrong though! ;) haha). However, when you go through the postures I have found my goals are increasingly not worrying about those parts so much which is an absolute relief!
-Hands to Feet: Legs are truly almost locked and is becoming a back stretch down... My head is literally only a couple inches from the tops of my feet!
-Standing Head to Knee: Legs are both kicking out and elbows are almost below the calf (damn muscular calves lol)
-Standing Separate Leg Stretching: This has become more of a back stretch now, head is almost between the feet on the floor!
-Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee: I can now focus more on the compression of the throat as opposed to locking both legs.
-Sit Ups: Both knees are locked and it is EASIER to really perform the sit up correctly to focus on the abs.
-Head to Knee with Stretching: Legs are seriously locked and the chest is truly reaching the shins... My toes are only about 2 inches from my forehead.

Seeing all the progress and realizing that where I am at today is perfect. When I can surrender myself to the yoga and let go of all my negative emotions, look at myself in the mirror, and like what I see- That is perfect.

Yoga Brain

Yoga Brain. [yoh-guh  breyn]
-adjective. A term used to describe the state the brain after yoga which is usually indicated by a number of astounding symptoms like, but not limited to: lacking in the ordinary ability to function properly in simple tasks like walking or using a yo-yo, the desire to drown ones stomach in coconut water, and the incapacity to articulate simple words or really remember anything at all.
-noun. A term used when one has Yoga Brain and explaining ones intellectual incapacitation. (i.e. "Forgive me, I can't really remember what my last name is right now... I have Yoga Brain.")


Btw, I still have Yoga Brain from last night. And feel a little like this:

A child dancing on the beach. No wonder I can't think! :)

Last night was my first practice in about a month. And it was lovely. Sometimes we all need a break from the thing we love in order to regain our perspective as well as our deep love for the thing. My issue is that I love too many things... Like weight lifting, which I had been out of practice of that for months.

It is amazing how my weight lifting has really affected my practice in a positive way. I didn't expect that. I honestly expected to come back and have my muscles be tight, my back stiff and struggle a ton. But I felt very strong during my practice. The first back bend during Half Moon I was able to go to my deepest point immediately and my sit ups were 10 times stronger. Apparently, taking a month off and lift weights has a different affect than just taking a month off period. And, surprisingly enough, I felt like I could handle any amount of difficulty associated with my practice. Like I really could give 110%.
So, in regards to Yoga Brain, I thought of a beautiful moment during my practice last night that I really wanted to blog about... but it's gone now. :)

Side information you probably didn't want to know:
I geeked out last night when I had a self-realization moment. I was eating dinner in the kitchen as I was cooking my lunch for today and checking out my muscles in the window (I was kind of practicing some postures as well as practicing some figure competition moves) and wondered if anyone ever caught me...? Also wondering what they would see... Would they see a blonde in her underwear snacking on chocolate pudding sticking out her ass? Or would they see an athletic chick in no makeup in her underwear snacking on protein pudding and practicing a yoga posture? Funny stuff. Especially with Yoga Brain.



Interruptions.

My hugest pet-peeve ever... Being interrupted.

What that says to someone is "what I have to say is more important than what you have to say." I feel that I used to have a major problem interrupting people and I took a long period of time to just... listen.
Now, I find that I notice when people interrupt me and it is HUGELY irritating.

But as I think about life and working out and my yoga practice, life is just one long string of interruptions in the nice & neat row of plans that we make.

Within the topic of weight loss, we are encouraged to switch up our routines so: 1) we don't get bored and 2) our bodies don't get bored. It is true that our bodies are adaptable animals. Certain workouts will only work for so long doing the same thing over and over. After a while our bodies really decide to just... fake it. So we interrupt it. We interrupt our bodies from doing the same thing. We force our bodies to make a change by interrupting routines.

And until this moment, the idea of diet interruption never occurred to me. Why on some weeks do we lose more? Or why do we suddenly plateau? Maybe because my body gets bored with what I eat and how much.

Speaking of interruptions. Since I had my body fat taken I have changed up my diet to be getting in more protein and changed my workout to be spending more time lifting. A LOT more time. My ass is pretty much killing me right now... but that's how you shape a nice ass, people! ;) Also, I am incorporating more vitamins as I bought some Vitamin E & Fish Oil (to help with my knees as I'm lifting) and some glutamine (for recovery). Although I have lost a good amount of muscle, I feel very strong right now.

This made me giggle this morning. Oatmeal, eggs, supplements, protein shake, water, tea and my workout journal. I must seem like a FANATIC. Haha!

Measurements..

Wow. Dilemmas. So, as I like to do I have posted my measurements below. As you can see my body fat content has gone up. I'm not even worried about my weight number so much as I am my body fat content... Again, this is more about reaching my goals than it really is about the numbers.

Date:       1/26             2/16            3/9           4/8         8/11        9/26      
Weight:      150.5        146             141         138          125           121            
(Circumference In inches):
Bicep:          13        12.5          12          11.75            11                11
Chest:          37        37             36.5          35              34                32
Waist:          36.5     35.5          34.5          32              31               31
Hips:           41.5      40.5         39.5         38.75       37.5            34
Thigh:         25          24.5         24             23           22                  22
Calf:           16          16            15.25        15          14.75              14

BMI:          35.2%   33.4%     32.3%      29.3%      26%        28%              

As I met with a trainer yesterday, the only logical explanation of my weight decreasing and my body fat content going up is... I'm burning Lean Muscle. Suck. Body, that was NOT the deal. The deal was I'd work out and you'd burn fat.

Plans? Hmm. This is a toughie. Plan is to decrease cardio to just 30-40 minutes a day and heart rate LOW. Lift more, no interval training (meaning high cardio between sets), with real rests between sets of higher weight and 8-12 reps at a time. This is serious business.

I've been told that it would be a good idea to increase both my protein and carbs. I've been eating like a fat girl who is trying to lose weight. Which is now over. Its time to eat like a girl who is trying to cut fat & gain muscle. Right? I think I'm way too afraid of eating too much and getting big again.

Also, I've been thinking of hiring this trainer again. This guy is HUGE and seems to understand the basics of reallllly getting someone to trim fat and build muscle. I guess its something to consider even though trainers can be rather expensive, plus the cost of the gym, plus the cost of protein & supplements. Plus the cost of my real love, yoga. Why does being healthy cost so much?!

Anyway, I'm gonna get started on a new eating plan and workout schedule. Hope it works!

Smiling happy.. Punch someone in the face..

Weight 121.8 lbs... And as 121 was my original goal, I'm feeling pretty good. However, my body doesn't feel like I expected it to at 121... So I am going to try to gain a little muscle and take off a little more fat. I want to look... AMAZING in my dress in November. ;) And buy boots. Boots are the big one.

But mostly I feel like punching someone in the face.

 

I feel annoyed that everywhere I turn I just can't get a break on eating. I want this to be easy dammit! ESPECIALLY with the people around me who are "trying to lose weight." They keep coming up with excuses and celebrations. Boss just asked if we could all go out to lunch sometime soon... NO! I don't want to go to the Davenport and be seduced by prime rib and fatty sandwiches. I just want to sit at work and hate my banana, almonds and carrots for lunch. Leave me alone! (not you guys, but the peeps that try to tear this down).

 

 

 

This was my meal last week. Seriously, I eat a lot of chicken, always a veggie and sweet potatoes (sometimes mashed)... but it seriously is awesome!

 

And I feel pretty bummed about this... My studio owner is herself a Bikram Certified Teacher. But her studio is not, as there are no Bikram studios in the little city of Spokane, WA. However, the style she teaches is pure Bikram and she's very strict on the dialogue. So, the plan was to apply for the scholarship to Spring teacher training... But I can't. Turns out, that since she doesn't own a Bikram studio, she can't endorse me.

 

Boss, I love your yoga but you really piss me off. I am trying to be respectful but this whole deal just sounds like you're trying to make money out of all of this... NOT help people. Grrr! What the hell did people do when Bikram was JUST starting out! Its just lame. I have the utmost respect for Boss but I am not happy with him right now... Because honestly, I can't afford the THOUSANDS of dollars to go through training as well as afford to be off work. My Handsome thinks we can, but I feel rather depressed about it.

 

I think I need to blog about the random things that make me happy... So many things feel so overwhelming right now.

Throat Choked..

There was a period of time I felt very strong. And not only strong, but in control.

Lately, I find myself feeling very very weak. And sick and feeling like I can't control myself for food. And also for exercise because I don't have the proper nutrition.

My most difficult posture, Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee

Takes so much self-control to hold the forehead to knee..

However, there was a period of time I found myself thinking about what I need to do day to day. Thinking, "this will get me to my goal." By doing or not doing a thing would get me one ounce closer, one centimeter closer to what I want for myself. But I don't just measure pounds and inches, I measure self-control and I measure the feeling of pride and strength in myself.

It is strange because the reasoning behind it started about losing weight. I started hitting my goals. But over time, the reason of losing weight became less important. Being healthy became only a by product. I don't view skinny people as what is beautiful by any means or a measure of worth of a woman. My goals evolved into hitting that goal. Slapping that goal on the face and slapping my insecurity on the back of the head.

This is for a commitment to myself. I set a goal. But a goal can mean nothing. Unless you reach it. Then it is everything. 

Everything comes in and tries to take my will. And I just let it. The point is not what tries to come in and steal my prize from me, it is whether or not I let it.

Focus is just a word, if you don't have it.

It is about having what I want. And the path that got me there. I want to endure and I want to hold on until I've reached the end.

Eyes Open

I have to apologize. I am sorry. My darling love, whom happens to be an incredible encouragement giver and motivator... I put my failure onto him for the last couple of weeks.

The reality is that when you begin to fall in love you become exceedingly happy and as you continue to fall in love you let your guard down and find that comfortable place that you've never felt before. Which is all true. I fell in love with this man and I let my guard down as well as found a very comfortable happy place. And then don't we all know it, we wanna do something nice to make the Handsome happy... Like make him food. I whipped out my favorite family recipes on the daily just to find something new and tasty for him! And I knew it.

As I sit in my work chair today -not working- thinking about how to overcome this period of time where I can't seem to find the motivation to eat well over the weekends, I thought, "Maybe I need to talk to him about it... Tell him that I need to not have such rich meals and ask him to help me decide on healthy meals on the weekends."

Although it is a pretty good idea to have him help me decide on healthy meals for the weekends, my problem is that I put my burden on him. I know this man will eat whatever I give him. And Handsome WILL eat anything. But I get off on the "MMMMM! UH-HUH! Oh baby, THIS! This is amazing!" (-Handsome, in August when I made him crab cakes... But! He'd never EVER had crab cakes before! I HAD to!)

I wanted to put my burden onto him. I need to eat healthier on the weekends, when Handsome is around. To cut myself a little slack, I do love that man and love to make him happy... but we also have been extremely busy and on the go on the weekends.  But that is no reason to blame it on him. It isn't his fault. I have the full power and will to eat perfectly daily. So, I'm sorry Handsome. :)

Time to start thinking about how to accomplish the better eating lifestyle together.

over it.

FYI, this is a complaint.

Every time I start to get my motivation back, something happens to 1) come between me & my motivation, 2) break the motivation in half, 3) frustrate me beyond belief, 4) show me that I can't have what I want or 5) all of the above.

Let me just tell the story:
My mother just had spinal surgery on Monday so I was planning on taking medical leave to take care of her but also take the opportunity to get my house in order (I'm going through all my stuff since I'll be moving sometime in the coming months), use my time with her to journal and blog etc so I could spend my own time doing yoga at 6:30 AM and run in the afternoons. I stayed with my mom in the hospital until close to 11pm... She was having a rough time going to sleep so I stayed. I got into bed around midnight, which those who know me know that would be like me getting into bed around 6 AM. My alarmed sounded at 6:00 AM, and I felt it. That's right. Sick. Great. Damn! ... I try to suck it up. I get up and get all my crap and everything I need for the day (which was like 3 sets of clothes. ha!) and I head to the park for a run. I get about a half mile into it... My knee decided to develop a sharp pain. I give up. I want to make myself feel better with a nice cup of coffee. I rush to my nearest Starbucks to tempt myself with something I shouldn't have, and get through it with only an Americano and only to spill it all over myself within 2.5 minutes of driving away. I give up and get to the hospital. All was well for a little bit. And then the nurse wanted to take out mom's stitches...
I was getting real sick real fast. Anyway, I got her home and then was informed that I shouldn't be around her while being sick. Which is true, and I can appreciate that she cannot afford to get sick while she's healing. AND she's very susceptible to getting sick while her immune system is a tad low from surgery... And I couldn't get my honey to come take care of me.

Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for so many things. And I know I will find it again, but I just want to be feeling good about my time and know that I can have what I want.

Something has to happen and something needs to change. I'm going to take a break from blogging to find out what that is.

Week 3 to 4: The Mystery

There is still something so compelling and mysterious about yoga.

There is always something I feel like I don't know. That maybe there is more than what meets the eye. Maybe the determination of it brings understanding. And possibly life itself. Or see god while using the greatest creation to it's best. For the extreme of what it is meant to do and the extreme of how it is meant to perform. That possibly the question of what life is meant for can be or is answered. Be kind to ourselves and kind to others. Be kind to yourself and smile because you have granted yourself the greatest gift. Because we found the key to the kingdom of life.

I felt my momentum falling apart this week. Just feeling tired again and sleeping a lot. But my diet is finally getting back on track... I'm able to resist fatty tasty meals no problem and the protein is high again. Also adjusting to the many small meals thing. Starting to feel the control come back and that feeling is incredible. Not being a slave to my body and what it wants... but purely giving it what it needs. Not an easy thing to accustom your body to.

Also, I've been given a new supplement to try: Lipo6x Black Hers. It's supposed to boost my energy prior to workouts. I'm trying it out for the first time today (Friday). Which is a good thing because I have a rather ambitious workout today... 60 mins cardio, 30 min run & 30 mins of weights! I'm hoping this is the thing I need to take off my last 10 lbs of fat!! And maybe a little more if I end up being really ambitious... which is both likely and unlikely. It's unlikely that I will want to (keep dieting etc) but it's also likely that I won't be satisfied until that is gone and I can fit into some DAMN BOOTS!
Later Friday: I had an awesome workout! I only did 20 mins of cardio but did what I had planned on the rest. This product truly does work!

Week 4: (September 13th-19th)

Monday:
5:30 Yoga
Tuesday:
AM: 60 mins cardio, 30 mins weights (arms ) PM: 4:30 Yoga
Wednesday:
6:30 AM Yoga, 30 minute run, 930 Weight Watchers for weigh in
Thursday:
4:30 Yoga
Friday:
PM: 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs), 30 minute run
Saturday: 9:30 AM Yoga
Sunday: Rest

Titanium Spine

I just think these pictures are pretty sweet. Yep, that's my spine... Full of titanium and screws and all!

A frontal view of my spine:

Side view:

I'm pretty stoked to see this knowing that yoga helps it every day. :)

A Wee Complaint

Okay, I'm not one to complain (or at least I don't like to) and there is almost no one I can say this to (because all of my coworkers are over 50 and I have a lot of people around me who wouldn't understand), So, I'm just gonna say it just so I can get the complainy bone removed from my body.

Sag. My body is saggy. My boobs are saggy and it stinks. Okay, just so we're clear... Losing 50 lbs is awesome and I'm stoked to be healthy and active. But let's be honest, when you lose 50 lbs and work on it for months, you want stellar results. But my boobs and belly sag and the stretch marks are very apparent now.

A note of advice to all my ladies out there: If you want to lose weight, do it now. Time goes on and your fat won't sit in the same place as it did when you were 20 and the shit sags.

That is all.

Namaste. lol :)

Week 2 to 3: Anxiety and Teacher Training

Yoga has contributed to many things in my life... Healing, joy, pride, calm, love... I really could go on forever about it. But the most interesting part about it, in my opinion, are the negative emotions yoga brings to the surface. I've dealt with muscle spasms, side stitches, and a painful divorce on that mat. And currently, anxiety.

In all honesty, I'm glad it's happening. In my experience, at the end of a negative issue that I work through... I ALWAYS experience a joyous and healing breakthrough. When I first started dating my Honey, which was really my first serious relationship after the divorce I went through, I dealt with all of my insecure emotions in that Hot Room. Many times I would lay in Savasana and literally TRY to let go of the fear I felt inside. Weep in the dimmed room and pray that my heart would not fail me again.

And then it happened. I walked into the studio and the studio owner looked at me and said, "Teacher Training." I was both shocked and excited. I never thought I would be approached for training! So, here I am... And I can't stop thinking about how to make this work. The studio owner is endorsing two students right now, myself and my yoga BFF. Time off? Should I start on the dialogue now? What do I need? Ahhhhhhhhh....?!?!?!

Beth suggested that during Pranayama breathing that I think of the thing that makes me most happy in the whole world. And as I am breathing and practicing continuing to let myself feel that feeling and choose to cultivate that joy and let everything else fall away. Maybe it's cheesy but the feeling of love that my Man gives me... Due to his kindness and honesty and patience with me... Seeing my absolute worst and deciding that I'm still worth it? Anxiety and insecurity falls away. So I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I'm still worth it... And my anxiety and insecurity falls away. And not only that, but knowing that I can change my life and that my practice is changing enough for the studio owner, Beth, to want me to teach... Yeah, that definitely helped the anxiety.


Something new I started this week is a workout journal...
I was pretty excited... It really helped me be honest with what I'm eating and no one else will see it.

And not only that, but I can share my thoughts and feelings and hopefully keep track of what I need to cultivate on the inside. :)



Week 3: (September 7th-12th)
Tuesday:
PM: Yoga
Wednesday:
PM: 60 mins cardio & 45 mins weights (legs & back), run home from WW
Thursday:
PM: Yoga
Friday:

PM: 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs).
Saturday: Hopefully a hike or a run Or if I'm super lucky, Sfeetypee will want to go to Yoga!
Sunday: REST

Halloween...

I know all the yogis out there love Summer... But I love Autumn. And in honor of Autumn coming, 3.5 hours prior to September...

I put up my Halloween decor.

 Yes... My door does say fire escape on it.

I know its not much... but I love how glowy my pantry gets with the orange lights. :)

 Same with the kitchen & living room! Sigh... Anyone else love Halloween (and Autumn for that matter) like I do? :)

Week1 Sucked: Anemia, Insomnia and Clean Eating..

This week was hard. Let me re-phrase... Ahem... This week... BLEW. This whole post turned out different than I both wanted and expected. So let me explain.

Monday thru the weekend, honey was really sick. I consequently forced myself into a plateau. But in all honesty it was probably good to load up on some fattier foods for multiple reasons: 1-once I start eating better again and working out it shocks my body into losing weight and 2-since having a few foods I was craving I won't feel so deprived the next few weeks. Forced plateaus are the shit.

The first few days of eating clean are always difficult. But today, its gonna happen. I haven't wanted my goal more than after eating bad for a few days... the bloat and laziness makes me realize that this feeling isn't wonderful. I adore the strong feeling my body gets after a workout.

Anyway! Thursday, I went to yoga and was a mess on the mat. It felt like I was dealing with some anxiety in the room. It probably wasn't related to the heat, but more due to an emotional anxiety. Which lead to my next issue..

Insomnia.

Thursday night. I don't know if this was completely due to some kind of emotional anxiety or stress... Or if it was me being upset that I barely did my yoga practice, but I woke up staunchly at 2:30 AM and did not sleep. The rest of the night.

Iron Deficiency?

Okay... So in the last few weeks (and I am keeping in my mind diet hasn't been what it was, meaning clean eating- low sugar, high protein), I've noticed a few things going on that were bugging me: Insomnia...  (at first, I attributed this to my honey sleeping over quite a bit more and I'm a super light sleeper... but it has really become more than that), very tired during the day although I'm well hydrated, often very cold throughout the day, very tired during even light exercise mostly feeling very heavy on my way to work which is a short 20 min walk mostly uphill, and very random headaches.

Luckily (In a number of ways)! I happen to work at a hospital... I ran into a sports medicine doctor today who I had told about my weight loss quest months ago. He commented on how good I looked in my weight loss (as I've lost a good 25 lbs since I saw him last) and I told him that I only have a few lbs left but had been feeling extreme fatigue which ultimately causes issues in trimming those last few. He probed a bit more into my diet and symptoms. He informed me that it sounded more like an iron deficiency... To which all of those symptoms could be explained. He said for a very active woman who is of childbearing age, even if my multivitamin said 100% for my daily intake, I really should be getting in about 36-40 mg a day. After speaking with him, I zoomed to my computer to check out what my multivitamin contained. Only 18mg!

The science of it makes sense: Hemoglobin which is a protein in your blood that helps carry oxygen throughout your body needs iron for blood cells to be made at all. If you are deficient in iron, it is going to prevent your total body, every cell, bones to skin get enough oxygen and consequently making you very tired and fatigued.

Something that can help this is: increasing your iron intake in your diet. But for someone who has a restricted diet, this can be more difficult. You need lots of fish to continue this (which can also get expensive). OR you can take iron supplements. Key factor here, is to take vitamin C with the iron supplements, as vitamin C helps your body absorb the iron - Kinda like Vitamin D to Calcium. :) I just started iron supplement on Thursday night. I have slept better (but I always do on the weekends), we'll just see how yoga works out for me tonight.

Week 2: (August 30th-Sept 6th... Accounting for Labor Day and possibly being out of town)
Monday:
PM: Yoga
Tuesday:
PM: Yoga
Wednesday:
PM: Run home from WW.
Thursday:
PM: Yoga
Friday:
PM: Run to the gym, 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs).
Saturday: Run to the gym, 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (back & legs)
Sunday: Rest.
Monday: Yoga

Ch-Ch-Changes

How often do we look at our lives and hope that in a year it will COMPLETELY different? Like night and day different? Never. And how often do we look at our lives and see that it is completely different than a year ago? Always.

The reality is that our lives are constantly changing. Our loves, relationships, tastes, wants, perceptions, needs, deep desires, the things we place importance on, our passions, our schedules, homes, vehicles, financial priorities, on and on and on.

"You have to give 110% to change 1%." -Bikram

It is funny how perceptions can and will change. There is something to lovely about being able to take your fears during yoga and using it to create your power. Can I be free in my practice knowing that if I give 110% I will always receive? Is that where my pulse really lies? To feel neither heat nor cold in the room. Or to not feel dizzy because really... I'm flying as I practice. Or my practice IS my rest, because I know I will change. My practice and my body and my mind will change.

Someone commented to me recently that I was very different from the person I used to be when I was overweight. And I was offended. How could I be different? I have not changed! My body has simply changed! But, falling in love with Bikram and falling in love with fitness has changed me. It may not seem positive to all. But what is truly important, is to have people around you that support your life and health. The people I love and that really love me, understand how important it is to me. And those that don't, will naturally fall away. We can mourn those, or we can accept that it is a natural part of life that relationships change as well. And I can give 110% to those who love and support me being healthy and balanced yogini.

Double-licious!

Holy Double-licious. I did my first double. My FIRST double. Evar.
I am completely aware that many yoginis do this often, but I just haven't been to that level, or at least feel comfortable to attempt to bring my practice to that level. It was amazing to go through the first class knowing that I still had a whole other class to do! Apparently, however this is not something many do in the small city I live in. Because everyone else in class... thought I was nuts. But let me tell you: In the 2nd class (get ready for this) I didn't feel the heat at all. Practicing felt like a dance. You get in a zone and feel your body and just go. Which made me very aware that up until this point, I have not been present in my body. The whole idea actually geeks me out, but so often we get focused on our image in the mirror and correcting that, instead of feeling what the posture feels like. You look at yourself in the mirror, but be aware of what the extension and compression feels like. This actually REALLY helped me in holding standing forehead to knee.
Feel the calm and the exertion at the same time. Feel the oxygen go in and out of your lungs, giving you all the nourishment you need. Be aware that you have all the oxygen in the room. And my friend Mona was right, during the second class Camel posture, you feel like you're in the palm of God. The instructor, Justis, opened up the door during Fixed Firm, and it was beautiful to see the sunset while making the bridge. It brought the calm back to my mind and my heart as well as a thankfulness to be able to bend my spine.

And a thought came to mind: Sometimes in Savasana, I can feel when I've made up my mind that I'm not going to do the next posture. There are many reasons: a pain in the body, a nauseated feeling, can't catch our breath. But could it be more that we don't want to do a certain posture or don't push ourselves during that time in Savasana to mentally catch our breath because we know we can have a breakthrough in the next posture and our bodies want to fight it? Or perhaps that we can't imagine that in the next posture we will have a breakthrough.

Its just like running or going to the gym. Perhaps when we push ourselves when we don't want to do it, is when we have the best time of our life.

Thursday: Grrr! I hate antibiotics. I know this is gross but I had a super infected spider bite on my leg. I got put on TWO different antibiotics totaling for 6 pills a day for 10 days! And now I'm itchy. VERY itchy. Everywhere. It woke me up in the middle of the night.  So I'm taking it easy the rest of the week. Will be back in hard on Monday.

So now that I'm thinking about it... Autumn is coming. I was walking to work this morning and I could feel how cold it was outside. Autumn is coming, seriously. Which isn't an issue. Actually Autumn is my favorite time of year! And I'm thankful that this year, I have someone to cuddle with and keep me warm. My Sfeetypee (don't ask... its our silly made up pet name. lol). ANYWAY! I love autumn and everything about it (especially the flavors of autumn) so I REALLY want to be done losing weight before October. I don't have a lot left and I am the type of person that when I pick up steam, I REALLY keep it going. I'm like a train. Or a boat. So.... I've talked to my honey and our meals are going to be super simple, to keep the calories down... I'm back to high protein (plus I need to buy a car, and having less groceries to buy means more money). I tend to love these whole 6 week deals, they really get me going. So I'm gonna start over. Yoga is going to be for me, so my cardio and weights are going to have to be fit in around Yoga. And daily.

 

 

Week 1: (August 23rd-29th)

Monday:
AM: Run to the gym, 45 mins elliptical. PM: Yoga
Tuesday:
AM: Run to the gym, 45 mins elliptical. PM: Yoga
Wednesday:
PM: Run to the gym, 30 mins cardio & 45 mins weights (legs & back), run home from WW
Thursday:
AM: Run to the gym, 45 mins elliptical. PM: Yoga
Friday:
PM: Run to the gym, 60 mins cardio & 30 mins weights (arms & abs).
Saturday: Hopefully a hike or a run Or if I'm super lucky, Sfeetypee will want to go to Yoga!
Sunday: REST
(Not sure why I wore red with an itchy body...)

I'm actually excited about this. I can be done and just run and have my yoga be my primary focus.

REWARDS: (these are important for anyone trying to get to a goal..)

• BOOTS
• New Jeans
• A black yoga outfit (And this I REALLY want. Bad. I keep adding some to my cart and almost buying it)
• Letting myself take doubles in yoga!
• Blogging only about yoga!
• Posting all my before and after photos! As well as weights and measurements!!

I can't tell you how excited I am... this is going to be soooo good! :)