Saturday, September 18, 2010

Throat Choked..

There was a period of time I felt very strong. And not only strong, but in control.

Lately, I find myself feeling very very weak. And sick and feeling like I can't control myself for food. And also for exercise because I don't have the proper nutrition.

My most difficult posture, Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee
Takes so much self-control to hold the forehead to knee..

However, there was a period of time I found myself thinking about what I need to do day to day. Thinking, "this will get me to my goal." By doing or not doing a thing would get me one ounce closer, one centimeter closer to what I want for myself. But I don't just measure pounds and inches, I measure self-control and I measure the feeling of pride and strength in myself.

It is strange because the reasoning behind it started about losing weight. I started hitting my goals. But over time, the reason of losing weight became less important. Being healthy became only a by product. I don't view skinny people as what is beautiful by any means or a measure of worth of a woman. My goals evolved into hitting that goal. Slapping that goal on the face and slapping my insecurity on the back of the head.

This is for a commitment to myself. I set a goal. But a goal can mean nothing. Unless you reach it. Then it is everything. 

Everything comes in and tries to take my will. And I just let it. The point is not what tries to come in and steal my prize from me, it is whether or not I let it.

Focus is just a word, if you don't have it.

It is about having what I want. And the path that got me there. I want to endure and I want to hold on until I've reached the end.