Yoga has contributed to many things in my life... Healing, joy, pride, calm, love... I really could go on forever about it. But the most interesting part about it, in my opinion, are the negative emotions yoga brings to the surface. I've dealt with muscle spasms, side stitches, and a painful divorce on that mat. And currently, anxiety.
In all honesty, I'm glad it's happening. In my experience, at the end of a negative issue that I work through... I ALWAYS experience a joyous and healing breakthrough. When I first started dating my Honey, which was really my first serious relationship after the divorce I went through, I dealt with all of my insecure emotions in that Hot Room. Many times I would lay in Savasana and literally TRY to let go of the fear I felt inside. Weep in the dimmed room and pray that my heart would not fail me again.
And then it happened. I walked into the studio and the studio owner looked at me and said, "Teacher Training." I was both shocked and excited. I never thought I would be approached for training! So, here I am... And I can't stop thinking about how to make this work. The studio owner is endorsing two students right now, myself and my yoga BFF. Time off? Should I start on the dialogue now? What do I need? Ahhhhhhhhh....?!?!?!
Beth suggested that during Pranayama breathing that I think of the thing that makes me most happy in the whole world. And as I am breathing and practicing continuing to let myself feel that feeling and choose to cultivate that joy and let everything else fall away. Maybe it's cheesy but the feeling of love that my Man gives me... Due to his kindness and honesty and patience with me... Seeing my absolute worst and deciding that I'm still worth it? Anxiety and insecurity falls away. So I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I'm still worth it... And my anxiety and insecurity falls away. And not only that, but knowing that I can change my life and that my practice is changing enough for the studio owner, Beth, to want me to teach... Yeah, that definitely helped the anxiety.
Something new I started this week is a workout journal...
I was pretty excited... It really helped me be honest with what I'm eating and no one else will see it.
And not only that, but I can share my thoughts and feelings and hopefully keep track of what I need to cultivate on the inside. :)
Week 3: (September 7th-12th)
PM: 60 mins cardio & 45 mins weights (legs & back), run home from WW
Saturday: Hopefully a hike or a run Or if I'm super lucky, Sfeetypee will want to go to Yoga!