over it.

FYI, this is a complaint.

Every time I start to get my motivation back, something happens to 1) come between me & my motivation, 2) break the motivation in half, 3) frustrate me beyond belief, 4) show me that I can't have what I want or 5) all of the above.

Let me just tell the story:
My mother just had spinal surgery on Monday so I was planning on taking medical leave to take care of her but also take the opportunity to get my house in order (I'm going through all my stuff since I'll be moving sometime in the coming months), use my time with her to journal and blog etc so I could spend my own time doing yoga at 6:30 AM and run in the afternoons. I stayed with my mom in the hospital until close to 11pm... She was having a rough time going to sleep so I stayed. I got into bed around midnight, which those who know me know that would be like me getting into bed around 6 AM. My alarmed sounded at 6:00 AM, and I felt it. That's right. Sick. Great. Damn! ... I try to suck it up. I get up and get all my crap and everything I need for the day (which was like 3 sets of clothes. ha!) and I head to the park for a run. I get about a half mile into it... My knee decided to develop a sharp pain. I give up. I want to make myself feel better with a nice cup of coffee. I rush to my nearest Starbucks to tempt myself with something I shouldn't have, and get through it with only an Americano and only to spill it all over myself within 2.5 minutes of driving away. I give up and get to the hospital. All was well for a little bit. And then the nurse wanted to take out mom's stitches...
I was getting real sick real fast. Anyway, I got her home and then was informed that I shouldn't be around her while being sick. Which is true, and I can appreciate that she cannot afford to get sick while she's healing. AND she's very susceptible to getting sick while her immune system is a tad low from surgery... And I couldn't get my honey to come take care of me.

Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for so many things. And I know I will find it again, but I just want to be feeling good about my time and know that I can have what I want.

Something has to happen and something needs to change. I'm going to take a break from blogging to find out what that is.