Monday, February 27, 2012

Putting In Work!

Disclaimer: This is a bitchy post.

Sometimes I put a disclaimer like that on my post, and feel like I'm supposed to say something bitchy right away or explain myself right away. I don't have a big long story to tell you or anything, this is just the culmination of many things that are just getting to me. Well, more than getting to me. I'm borderline breakdown currently, I'm just doing all I can to hold on. And sometimes that's all we can do.

WAHHHHH! Diet was going really good, well and it is… But I'm tempted beyond belief. Sometimes I'll be going through a whole day kicking myself and notice that I'm more or less punishing myself for even thinking about cheating. Here's my issue(s).

EVERY EFFING DAY my man is bringin home new delicious foods. Last prep he was really good about suffering with me. This time? Not so much. Bringing home carrot cakes, and chocolate zucchini bread (GRRRR!!!) and just having things around that are making this awful for me. And when he wants me to make something its always cookies, or bacon, or something there is no way I can have and I would love to have. And my irritation level is hitting the point where this might become a fight soon. Really this needs to be a conversation before it does become a real fight. lol

But honestly, my FG (Fat Girl) is really struggling in other areas of my life which makes sticking to the diet harder. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm tearing up as I type this. This is an area that is really starting to require more attention to detail and will be changing in the very near future, :( And I really need support. My FG is tempted to shove whole chocolate filled donuts down my throat to soothe the other areas of emotional crisis.

My FG is shouting "HELP!" and My Athlete ego is desperately trying to pull FG down the prep road. If you've never had food issues, you probably can't relate. Holla at me if you can!

I did find out in the last couple of weeks that Gluten is going to be a no-go forever in prep. FOREVER! (Say it like in The Sandlot) FOR-EV-VER! I had a burrito for my cheat meal a week ago, with flour tortillas, and it took my body the whole week to recover from it. A whole week lost in prep history. Lame. I got that dumb crampy feeling on the right side of my belly button during cardio the WHOLE WEEK.

Still on 45 minutes a day. Its cool, I'm not having any problems getting it in. I'm mixing it up with the intensities and HIIT levels every day, which is fun. I FINALLY made my way to fleet feet and they recommended some New Balances (duh! I can't believe I got talked into anything else!). They are making a HUGE difference in my PM Cardio sessions, which are always more intense. My shins are now "Good Workout Sore" and not "Muscle Tearing Off The Bone Sore." Yipee!

Really loving the improvements my abs and legs are making. I have begun to split up legs again, and am spending all of my sessions focused on what I want to see onstage in that body part. "SLATE flat abs!" "Quad separation!" "Lean ASS!" No joke. Say whatever you want, but its helping me stay focused. And whatever helps us get the job done, right??

1- The Internet at home has been touch and go. If you're in the Spokane area, don't ever sign up for Century Link! They will EFF you right over!
2- The Internet at work is fine, but the browsers are outdated and I can't update at our big hospital, that's a hospital decision. So I can't ever post my blogs. Thus why I'm only posting every few weeks.
3- Chocolate Zucchini Bread. Where do you get off existing and placing yourself in my home?! Don't ever do that again. EVAR.
4- Where the hell is my tax refund? It’s a week late. So dumb, but grrrr!
5- Work. I'm really REALLY effing overwhelmed and worn down. I think about quitting my job every day. Its genuinely starting to wear on my self-esteem. A promotion is only worth the extra stress, if your pay makes it worth it. And mine isn't.
6- I need girlfriends. I have ZERO in Spokane. All the girlfriends I have/had in this area either all got sick of my fitness fanaticism or started having babies in which they have no time to have friends. I'm actively working on making girlfriends at the gym. But most people (much less females) don't really get my brash/sarcastic sense of humor. Plus I'm so not about female drama, and somehow that makes me not click well with women. I genuinely feel closer to some of the ladies I interact with online than I do my friends in Spokane.
7- I might need to change gyms. Its really stressing me out. I'm kinda not sure I should talk about it (if you're concerned let's email) but Crazy Trainer will be a blog post someday. I promise. :)
8- I miss coffee. 9 more weeks. And bacon.
9- I miss Patrick. He has had to work so much lately that I feel like I never see him. :( And he leaves his delicious/crappy food when he goes. I need my rock right now!

The Positives.
1+ I ordered my stage jewelry! I bought a bracelet and some new earrings. I have a ring already that I think is blingin enough for the stage.
2+ I ordered new stage shoes! Believe it or not, although I have not stepped on stage in my shoes… they are DIRRRRTY! I wear them all the time and we live in the country so dust is everywhere. Might be nice to have a separate pair of shoes for practice and the stage anyway.
3+ I got confirmation that my new suit is on its way! I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR THIS THING ON STAGE!
4+ I made my tan & hotel reservations for the Emerald Cup. As soon as I get that tax refund, the entry fee will be paid! Its ON!
5+ Weight is still about 110-111 lbs. Only 5 pounds to lose in 8 weeks?! Its so awesome I just have to giggle.
6+ This coming week I will start meeting with Jacques (prep coach) every week. I think I'm ready for that and need it.

7+ I'm still here and still in it! I've only gotten sick once this prep, last prep I had been sick into my 3rd time by now. I'm determined to finish and get on that stage this time. I have begun thinking about the off-season, in which will probably be a nice long one. At least 6 months. We are thinking about doing some mountain hiking over the summer with my dad, maybe a triathlon, but definitely relaxing. I only took off a few weeks between seasons this time, and before that had dieted for about 2 years… I'll be ready to figure out what healthy living looks and feels like as part of real life, and not just prep life. And then figure out some future contests. As you all well know, I'm always looking to what's next. Which brings me to my next point…

We can all push and push harder. When you find yourself having a difficult time:

Focus only on what's next. Even in the minute details of your day, there is nothing more than what's next.

Sometimes it truly is all we can do from falling apart. But genuinely, if I fell apart I would have nothing to be proud of. Knowing that I'm staying in it although my life is more than difficult is all I have to be proud of and look forward to at this moment. And I know that when this is over, I will be that much stronger because I did choose to hold on.

I hope you all are having a great week and pushing hard. I'm trying to at least read everyone's blogs even if I don't comment. Miss and love you all! 8 weeks out!

Monday, February 13, 2012

10 Weeks Out: All Things Prep

LOL! Sooo.... I started this post TWO weeks ago. I can't believe I haven't posted since 13 weeks out!!! And I also can't believe I'm 10 weeks out! Holy shit... that freaks me out a little. lol I have a lot to say since I haven't talked to y'all... But I have to apologize and confess, I used to blog at work (I know, I know) however since being so busy, I haven't had time but then we have been without Internet at home, so there really hasn't been any opportune times to blog. Super lame.

Naw its just hard. I notice I'll be full in and hard on cardio, and my mind chimes in "I.... CAN'T!"
We struggle. That's life. We all have struggles, things we recognize that probably need changing whether we want to or not, or maybe that we desperately want to change. Prep gives off a different kind of struggle, and its different for everyone. My new mantra:

Work the plan. Live the plan. BE the plan.

1st ONLY Prep Sickness.
I got sick last week. And I think most of you remember how terribly I struggled with getting sick last prep, total of 5 separate times over 14 weeks. Yeah, it straight BLEW. Anyway, since I had pneumonia I worked REALLY hard not to get sick again. They say that after you have pneumonia, you're much more susceptible to getting it, so I wasn't really willing to go there.
Anyway, I got a sinus infection starting on Thursday. Sadly, I have been beyond swamped at work so I HAD to go in. I left early both Thursday and Friday and by Monday was feeling tons better. I was healthy for 4 straight months, and honestly was just so happy about that I hardly minded being sick.

Doesn't blowing your nose rock? As a little kid, my mom never really pushed us that when your nose is plugged, you blow it. In her defense, she was a single mom of 3 for a while. It took me until 27 years old to learn this lesson. BUT! Its awesome! I'm blowing my nose constantly, and since I've been sick I've been that gross sweaty chick who is blowing their nose on the treadmill and everyone around is going "EW! Why is she working out?! She should be home and not spreading her sick!" I'm not sick, I'm congested. Plus I wipe down my equipment well. Calm down, you crazy people.

Diet: I'm effing loving this.
Yeah, you read that right. I'm still being allowed some higher sugar veggies like squash and red pepper. I'm almost certain these will be cut in the next couple weeks. But how awesome! I'm getting all the way down to 10 weeks out and still loving on things I love?! Yes please.

I'm having absolutely no issues with getting the food down now, its really ALL being eaten within a matter of minutes.

Cardio: Beef. It's what's for Afternoon Snack.
Cardio has been awesome. I couldn't even say with more joy that I am still only on 45 minutes a DAY of cardio! Do you guys remember what my cardio was last time? Double that. All the way through.
However, here's my beef with running. I've been working on my athleticism and different goals within prep. Prep is a really good time to get better at any one thing (aside from strength lol) physically. You're dropping body fat, so your body can withstand your own weight more easily, you're hydrated, you're nourished, your body is operating completely clean. Anyway, I'm not a natural runner, but I want to be a better runner. I run every day, even threw out a 30 minute run on Thursday when I hadn't run that long since last prep. So, the first part of my beef is really just associated with having had pneumonia. My lungs still do not absorb as much oxygen as they used to, so maintaining a more intense pace and keeping my heart rate steady is difficult, I'm just going to have to BULK up my lungs. :) And by "bulk" I mean, run my ass off until I can't breathe and/or puke. Rinse and repeat.

The second part of my beef is mostly about my running technique. My girl Lisa gave me some good tips and I'm gonna make my way out to Fleet Feet, hopefully this weekend, so they can analyze my technique. I feel like my calves are working really hard. I had started feeling what I thought were shin splints right before prep, so I bought new shoes. However, it didn't go away. I think my foot is striking the ground in the wrong spot or I'm overstriding... Not sure yet, but I'll be excited to see the video that Fleet Feet takes!

Yeah. Running, we have a beef you and I. And it's gonna change this week, just a head's up.

Weights & Weight.
My weight sessions are rocking. I noticed only a slight decrease in strength, which I'm sure will only get worse in the next 10 weeks. :) However I'm incredibly sore EVERYWHERE. My legs are pretty much ready to secede from the union. I did hamstrings Tuesday, they were still sore Thursday when I hammered out that long run, and Friday they really wanted to kick me in the face when I pumped out some hard cardio and quads. No mercy on those babies. I'm seeing some definite changes in the areas I set out to work on in my short off-season, particularly in the abs. I can see the line down the middle, which I have NEVER had.

So, I am down to 113 lbs, which puts me at around 13% body fat. I've dropped 5 lbs in prep, and based on taking my measurements, I've lost an inch in my waist, a full inch off each of my thighs, and a HALF inch off my calves (big progress for me!). Which also means I have 10 more weeks to drop 7lbs. Sa-WEET! There is no room for fear when you're positive you're doing everything possible to obtain the impossible. And without further ado:

I seriously need to try to take pictures in better lighting. Also expecting my suit in a few more weeks, canNOT wait to be wearing that one!! :)
 I promise it won't be so long between blog posts. ;) I miss talking to all of you! Make sure you say hi to me on Twitter or Facebook! I'm ALWAYS on Twitter. Haha!

Have a great week CHAMPIONS! Don't sell yourself short of what you know you're capable of this week! Believe you're the best and workout accordingly! :)