Monday, February 27, 2012

Putting In Work!

Disclaimer: This is a bitchy post.

Sometimes I put a disclaimer like that on my post, and feel like I'm supposed to say something bitchy right away or explain myself right away. I don't have a big long story to tell you or anything, this is just the culmination of many things that are just getting to me. Well, more than getting to me. I'm borderline breakdown currently, I'm just doing all I can to hold on. And sometimes that's all we can do.

WAHHHHH! Diet was going really good, well and it is… But I'm tempted beyond belief. Sometimes I'll be going through a whole day kicking myself and notice that I'm more or less punishing myself for even thinking about cheating. Here's my issue(s).

EVERY EFFING DAY my man is bringin home new delicious foods. Last prep he was really good about suffering with me. This time? Not so much. Bringing home carrot cakes, and chocolate zucchini bread (GRRRR!!!) and just having things around that are making this awful for me. And when he wants me to make something its always cookies, or bacon, or something there is no way I can have and I would love to have. And my irritation level is hitting the point where this might become a fight soon. Really this needs to be a conversation before it does become a real fight. lol

But honestly, my FG (Fat Girl) is really struggling in other areas of my life which makes sticking to the diet harder. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm tearing up as I type this. This is an area that is really starting to require more attention to detail and will be changing in the very near future, :( And I really need support. My FG is tempted to shove whole chocolate filled donuts down my throat to soothe the other areas of emotional crisis.

My FG is shouting "HELP!" and My Athlete ego is desperately trying to pull FG down the prep road. If you've never had food issues, you probably can't relate. Holla at me if you can!

I did find out in the last couple of weeks that Gluten is going to be a no-go forever in prep. FOREVER! (Say it like in The Sandlot) FOR-EV-VER! I had a burrito for my cheat meal a week ago, with flour tortillas, and it took my body the whole week to recover from it. A whole week lost in prep history. Lame. I got that dumb crampy feeling on the right side of my belly button during cardio the WHOLE WEEK.

Still on 45 minutes a day. Its cool, I'm not having any problems getting it in. I'm mixing it up with the intensities and HIIT levels every day, which is fun. I FINALLY made my way to fleet feet and they recommended some New Balances (duh! I can't believe I got talked into anything else!). They are making a HUGE difference in my PM Cardio sessions, which are always more intense. My shins are now "Good Workout Sore" and not "Muscle Tearing Off The Bone Sore." Yipee!

Really loving the improvements my abs and legs are making. I have begun to split up legs again, and am spending all of my sessions focused on what I want to see onstage in that body part. "SLATE flat abs!" "Quad separation!" "Lean ASS!" No joke. Say whatever you want, but its helping me stay focused. And whatever helps us get the job done, right??

1- The Internet at home has been touch and go. If you're in the Spokane area, don't ever sign up for Century Link! They will EFF you right over!
2- The Internet at work is fine, but the browsers are outdated and I can't update at our big hospital, that's a hospital decision. So I can't ever post my blogs. Thus why I'm only posting every few weeks.
3- Chocolate Zucchini Bread. Where do you get off existing and placing yourself in my home?! Don't ever do that again. EVAR.
4- Where the hell is my tax refund? It’s a week late. So dumb, but grrrr!
5- Work. I'm really REALLY effing overwhelmed and worn down. I think about quitting my job every day. Its genuinely starting to wear on my self-esteem. A promotion is only worth the extra stress, if your pay makes it worth it. And mine isn't.
6- I need girlfriends. I have ZERO in Spokane. All the girlfriends I have/had in this area either all got sick of my fitness fanaticism or started having babies in which they have no time to have friends. I'm actively working on making girlfriends at the gym. But most people (much less females) don't really get my brash/sarcastic sense of humor. Plus I'm so not about female drama, and somehow that makes me not click well with women. I genuinely feel closer to some of the ladies I interact with online than I do my friends in Spokane.
7- I might need to change gyms. Its really stressing me out. I'm kinda not sure I should talk about it (if you're concerned let's email) but Crazy Trainer will be a blog post someday. I promise. :)
8- I miss coffee. 9 more weeks. And bacon.
9- I miss Patrick. He has had to work so much lately that I feel like I never see him. :( And he leaves his delicious/crappy food when he goes. I need my rock right now!

The Positives.
1+ I ordered my stage jewelry! I bought a bracelet and some new earrings. I have a ring already that I think is blingin enough for the stage.
2+ I ordered new stage shoes! Believe it or not, although I have not stepped on stage in my shoes… they are DIRRRRTY! I wear them all the time and we live in the country so dust is everywhere. Might be nice to have a separate pair of shoes for practice and the stage anyway.
3+ I got confirmation that my new suit is on its way! I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR THIS THING ON STAGE!
4+ I made my tan & hotel reservations for the Emerald Cup. As soon as I get that tax refund, the entry fee will be paid! Its ON!
5+ Weight is still about 110-111 lbs. Only 5 pounds to lose in 8 weeks?! Its so awesome I just have to giggle.
6+ This coming week I will start meeting with Jacques (prep coach) every week. I think I'm ready for that and need it.

7+ I'm still here and still in it! I've only gotten sick once this prep, last prep I had been sick into my 3rd time by now. I'm determined to finish and get on that stage this time. I have begun thinking about the off-season, in which will probably be a nice long one. At least 6 months. We are thinking about doing some mountain hiking over the summer with my dad, maybe a triathlon, but definitely relaxing. I only took off a few weeks between seasons this time, and before that had dieted for about 2 years… I'll be ready to figure out what healthy living looks and feels like as part of real life, and not just prep life. And then figure out some future contests. As you all well know, I'm always looking to what's next. Which brings me to my next point…

We can all push and push harder. When you find yourself having a difficult time:

Focus only on what's next. Even in the minute details of your day, there is nothing more than what's next.

Sometimes it truly is all we can do from falling apart. But genuinely, if I fell apart I would have nothing to be proud of. Knowing that I'm staying in it although my life is more than difficult is all I have to be proud of and look forward to at this moment. And I know that when this is over, I will be that much stronger because I did choose to hold on.

I hope you all are having a great week and pushing hard. I'm trying to at least read everyone's blogs even if I don't comment. Miss and love you all! 8 weeks out!


  1. You look wonderful! Keep fighting that inner FG. It is SOOOO hard and I totally understand, but you are doing a great job and look fantastic! A long time ago Kris Pitcher pointed out, when looking at that food that is beyond tempting, ask yourself if it will help you hit your goal. Doing this helps me when I seem to need it most. And, sorry I've been MIA as a friend. I've been pretty self absorbed for a long while now and need to say, "I'm sorry!" Text or call and let's really make a tea date or go for a walk or something! Miss you lady!

  2. You are hilarious and if we lived near easchother, I would gladly hang out. My thoughts after reading your post are: 1. Keep beating the FG down, she can have her day another day. 2. You are rocking it body wise, to me you have surpassed where you were last time. 3. Just keep swimming, like in Nemo.
    Take care!

  3. You look awesome! I hear ya on the FG, still struggle with her myself. I hear ya on the gf thing too, my dear. Sending lots o' love.

  4. You're looking great! My inner FG, unfortunately, wins sometimes. I don't know where my willpower goes at times. So, you remember that you are whipping it over her!
    You've got this~ By the way, I'm sitting here chewing a piece of mint chocolate chip sugar free gum because my inner FG is wanting the box of chocolates in the pantry...

  5. My inner FG & I are screamin' "HOLLA"!!!

    You are strong & capable - you can do this! Prep is a combination of positives & negatives - some days it feels like the negatives outweigh the positives but keep pressin' forward - beast mode, baby!!


  6. I think we all know how you feel about the inner fat girl!!! I for one, really wish mine would shut the "eff" up and let me do work. BUt it is SO hard sometimes, especially when fat girl heaven food is in the house.
    Even though we choose to do this prep.... we all still "get" that it is SO hard! I love that about reading your blog, I HATE it when people act like it is the easiest thing they have ever done in their whole life (or I hate more if it really is the easiest thing theyve ever done lol... cuz it is seriously a daily battle for me!)
    You are gonna rock that stage and we are all rooting for you from across the blog world. (I feel like I don't have any friends left too... someone said it the other day when I mentioned I think people are sick of my "healthy" lifetsyle... 'they are either on board with ya, or they are against ya.'
    so true.
    Keep workin it, my trainer tells me the more "bitchy" I get the better Ill do. lol

  7. holla!!!!!!!

    girl,you are looking awesome and all your frustrations can be a normal part of prep!!!!
    and like dreamingofarnold said,if we lived closer i would so hang out with you and would love love love to workout with you!!!!
    tenicia hit the nail on the head-you are STRONG and capable!!!
    fight that inner FG,keep pushing harder and exceeding your own expectations!!!
    you got this!!!!

  8. Your frustrations sound like normal prep stuff, but I know that doesn't make it any easier. Just know that there are people here who care about you and want you to succeed. Keep your end goal in mind and imagine standing on that HUGE Emerald Cup stage with a huge grin & the knowledge that you pushed through and gave your very best. The Emerald is my most favoritest show - it's well-run, it's huge, and it's a blast. Hang in there and keep telling your inner FG that she's not going to win - your Athlete ego WILL prevail!

  9. Hi Lacey! I'm new to your blog and I'm loving it! Girl, you look AWE-SOME!!! I'm feeling you BIG time when it comes to your food struggles and needing some new grilfriends. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the prize mama. It'll all be worth it once you strut your stuff on stage!!! Tell FG she don't want none of Athlete Ego!! ~ Icela (

  10. Hi Lacey,
    We can help with your Centurylink DSL issues if you email me your account & contact numbers Attn Corey


    Corey Tidwell
    Centurylink Help Team

  11. #6 - Liar! I'm here! Lets get together saturday and bitch all the bitching we can bitch out! I love you!

  12. Hi Lacey,

    I sooo get the friend issue! I'm right there with you. I'm currently still off-season but not by much... prep starts in 6 - 8 weeks! WOOT! Since this is my first show, none of my friends really understood what was coming down the path. Already they are withdrawling and looking at me funny. "You want even bigger muscles than you have now? Won't you be too big?" What they don't get is that my outside doesn't change my heart. It makes me more confident and stronger but I'm still the same girl. I have a feeling the we "fitness freaks" will be living in a very lonely world unless we band together. After we all go pro and have lots of money we can have conferences and meetings just for all of us "fitness freaks"! Lol! Hang in there, your time in the sun is coming soon and it will be more than worth it. YOu're going to kill it! <3

  13. Oh and ps... FG isn't allowed an opinion anymore because the new Lacey is the boss now!

  14. I'll be your girlfriend :) I know neither of us has a lot of time, but . . . I do miss seeing you at the gym - I think I told you I've been downtown lately except on Saturdays. . . very curious what's going on up there???? Hang in there Lacey - you're doing great and looking FAB!!! You can DO THIS !


  15. stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to leave you a little blog luv! Def enjoyed reading this post!! sounds like a gr8 work out! and dont worry i fight with my FG almost EVERYDAY!

  16. That does it. I'm moving to Spokane to be your friend!! Ha ha ha! You tell that FG that you are in the driver's seat and your not her bitch - EVER! Love ya girl! You are going to look great.

  17. I definitely know how you're feeling!!
    "- I need girlfriends. I have ZERO in Spokane. All the girlfriends I have/had in this area either all got sick of my fitness fanaticism or started having babies in which they have no time to have friends. I'm actively working on making girlfriends at the gym. But most people (much less females) don't really get my brash/sarcastic sense of humor. Plus I'm so not about female drama, and somehow that makes me not click well with women. I genuinely feel closer to some of the ladies I interact with online than I do my friends in Spokane."

    I've been feeling exactly this recently too. I feel like no one understands me anymore, except my boyfriend (thank god).

  18. hey! you just started following me on twitter so I had to come chek out your blog! I love what ive read so far. I completly know how you feel. I went through the same thing when I was dieting for my show. Its so hard to diet and deal with real life on too few calories and workouting out like a monster all the time. but b/c ive been there I can promise its all worth it! lean on your man for support. mine was vital to my progress toward the stage. even if hes at work you can use him as motivation. if you need someone to vent to feel free to email me.

    @misslegallyfit -