Thursday, July 12, 2012

Some Blues & Some Bliss

Oh there you are, Blues. I wasn't sure we'd ever meet.

In retrospect, I should have known it would happen eventually. Its just nature. Cause and effect. Chew and swallow. Blues goes with competing.

After finally coming to a point to where I could talk about Molly again without bawling my eyes out, I finally became not-depressed enough to admit to myself that I was ready to change my body again. Work hard again, work for something. But what?!

Patrick suggested that I focus on the wedding and fitting into my dress. Now, even though I have gained weight, I haven't gone up any sizes.... So, although that's a good suggestion... It really isn't applicable. I have no worries about fitting into a dress. Plus, even if my goal was to shape up for the wedding... I wouldn't even know where to go from there! Is my goal to lose 5 lbs? 10 lbs? NO IDEA

Here's the thing about weight loss and sorry if I offend anyone (not)...

You have to actually want it. 

"Gasp! What's this you say? I have to actually desire eating fish and vegetables and eggs? I could never do such a thing!" or "I just can't handle SO much chicken and brussel sprouts.

Since I experienced the euphoria of competition, I have received many a email asking for weight loss advice. Asking how they could improve on what they are doing. Or more commonly, how do they do it... at all?!

I'm the first one to admit, that I have food addictions. Just like anyone else, I have my own vices. And we do all have them. I think some have it worse than others, but almost EVERYONE I know has something... They just can't resist cheesecake when they see it. Or the cinnamon rolls call to them in the morning (guilty). Most everyone has the confidence at some point to say no to those things. Adversely, most everyone experiences the loss of control to their feelings.

I think in fantasy land, women do exist that hold no food-related vices. I mean, I'm sure they do but if I met someone that claimed they genuinely did not, I would be a gigantic skeptic lol. Anyway, I'll give that there are medical conditions that result in weight gain. But don't tell me that most of the overweight population did not give into whatever they desire at any time.

When it comes to losing weight, it has to become about the simple fact that you want to lose weight. You just have to be willing to do what it takes. Whether you decide to go about it in an unhealthy or healthy way is your decision, but I'm about doing it the healthy way.

Not that I have really been eating very healthy. Haha... Oh... Yeah. Like I said, my first few weeks off... There were cinnamon rolls. And there was ice cream. Alright! I'm a fat girl at heart. But just imagine for being on a diet for two and a half YEARS. Sure, I had a week or two off here & there... but essentially, I was concerned, monitoring, evaluating my eating habits, keeping track of my diet cheats, and monitoring my cravings for 28 MONTHS. I needed a break, people. And I craved cheese, and capers, and lemon creme sauce, and tart cheesecake, and tastes that I had long forgotten.

By the end of my tryst with all the foods that had obviously still been somewhere in my heart, I remember why I had forsaken them. My body hurts. My stomach hurts, it pulls down on my muscles, I feel heavy when I workout, my muscles cramp often, and my back hurts again.

And then there was my goal. Working out simply to feel good again, what a beautiful thing.

That was a nice 5 minute chat, Blues. Thanks. :)

Here's some more engagement pics... For fun...

So this last week has been really fun. Also stressful at my job and my life job, but all around fun. Working on projects at home, mucho gardening, taking Zeke for runs, and doing wedding stuff... But have finally found that when I'm working out, I eat better naturally. Soooo nice to be back to THAT again!

I would be lying if I said that resisting sugar isn't hard sometimes, but right now, my desire to feel good again and feel great about myself again is greater than my desire for a maple scone. Now that I have gotten over the sugar slump, the idea is to find time to eat in my crazy work day. Just need to remind myself that my coworkers will be happier people when I'm not hangry.

Sooo... Bang's Lawn Care is going crazy. We've instantly become overwhelmed blessed with work. I have been spending hours at night doing Invoicing, Bidding, and reading about becoming an employer.. Because we need employees! But small business tax law is hard! And learning to save for the company long term... I can't even explain how much there is to do or think about. But I'll tell you one thing, it has made Patrick and I incredibly strong... Our communication skills demanded change almost overnight. And our ability to pick up slack from the other, its amazing.

And hey! Wedding is coming!! We set the date for September 22nd, which is very sadly the date of the local fall show! What freaking luck! Hopefully all my bikini, body builder & figure friends will come have a beer with me later. :) And I hear that people are gushing for details..

Since we live in the country we're going to do something kinda country. To set the record straight, I'm not a big country music fan... But I love other sweet country things. I just want our wedding to be sweet, romantic, and a freaking blast! I'm not doing specific colors, but doing a palette of blush colors... Pinks, champagne, copper, and even a little peach. Glowy. Check out what we made...

They say "Picture Booth" "Goin' to the Chapel" "GRUB" and "Drinks & Merriment"
Wanna guess which one is Patrick's?
It isn't done, but I'm stoked! We're gonna add some paper flowers and stuff to them. The signs themselves are from an old reclaimed picket fence. Patrick, his sister Sarah and myself hung out one night and stenciled our little full hearts out! :) Swoon! We have tons of reclaimed wood & doors and windows we are going to use, and I've been given and inherited a TON of mason jars I turned into lanterns:
And these suckers will be all over the place! Hanging from trees, on tables, and along the aisle. :)

Lastly, *sigh!* I am going dress shopping saturday!!! The crazy thing about being young but old enough to own your house and cars... You're financially responsible for your own stuff! So I haven't been able to afford a dress until now, and am banking on 'Saying Yes to the Dress' of my dreams on that day and it being off the rack. I somewhat have an idea of what I'll be looking for, and I'm sure that I will find THE dress on Saturday.

More updates next time, we have a bunch a wedding crafty projects coming... My home office has more or less turned into Wedding Central. And hey! If anyone wants to come help with a project, lemme know! It has been really fun getting random groups of friends and family together just for those things.

Talk soon! Love you all! :)


  1. Love love love the signs - so cute!


  2. The 3rd pic is my favorite! So sweet!

  3. I could have written that first half myself! I'm totally a fat girl at heart :) I love your honestly and find that I feel the same way as you. You really have to want it, because that's when you'll do what it takes.

  4. Finallyyyyy caught up on your blog - I love you, woman. I can relate to your posts so much, it's ridiculous. <3 You'll get to where you want to be and be stronger and better for it - all in due time ;). And LOVE the wedding decorations and engagement pictures!! Ahhh so excited for you!

  5. You guys are adorable and I am so excited for you. It is ok to be sad, one day you're going to be glad again.

    Huge hug! xo