I Got Average.

Hey hey!

Life from my view..
Now, while I have been absent to this blog, I haven't been absent to life. I know I have stated before that I have just been incredibly busy (aren't we all?!), but most of it has been working overtime. MAJOR overtime. My workspace and the protocols in which we conduct our office has gone through a large over-haul which had begun during last prep and will likely continue through the next year to two years, and I have been a big player in creating new and innovative ideas that will reduce duplication and time-wasters.

Also! I've been studying for the certification of my position.. So anyway, my time is pretty limited.

Seasons.
I had thought at one time that if you truly love something, that is kept up all the time. Full-time, never goes away. EVAR. But when prep ended, I was flat burnt out. I couldn't even think about fitness and mostly didn't want to. I can tell you that I really really wanted to work out but was so short on time, because that's what I was telling myself. I kept trying to reinforce what I should be doing, and should be eating, created dozens of diet plans for myself, devised many cardio plans, and initiated some training plans... But this just wasn't the season for hard training.

And I was kidding myself. I could not just LET GO of what I wanted to use in life to make myself feel proud. Then I got injured. I strained my SI again. Which was probably the result of hard glute training and not enough stretching... And then just stopping the training.

When excessive behavior swings too far in to excess, we either 1-die or 2-change. And I've found that in the far excess, with enough desire to change, the pendulum finds itself on a swift path to the other side. And in that journey, I found myself passing over good healthy diets that kept me sane. I attempted diets that hooked me into results... which was fine at the time. Or so I thought it would be. Turns out I wasn't. Turns out when the metaphorical pendulum in me began to traverse back down, I lost the control to stop it.

Obviously the worst thing about all of this, isn't the weight gained. Of course it crosses my mind what people think about me.. They watched me lose 75 lbs, and then rebound back with 20 lbs post contest. And that hurts. Its honestly what has kept me away from this blog. I combat the embarrassment and anger all the time.

I whine about the season of life I'm in. I'll admit it. Right now I'm in the season of studying and working hard, which is honestly just as uncomfortable as prep was. To comfort where I actually wanted to be, which is the gym, is to eat and eat comfort food to make my day not so grueling. If it seems so opposite, that's because it is.

Its easy for some to say "Quit that behavior", but it is genuinely very difficult for some to do. Its a day to day struggle that I have to make a conscious decision on.

First of all, the back thing.
Yeah, so... 9 years ago I was a stupid kid who thought I was way better at rock climbing than I actually was. It was August and 100 degrees outside and I traversed a rock face that I had climbed before, but never without being roped in. Long story short, I ended up with a titanium cage around my spinal cord and a spinal fusion of the T12-L2. It still gives me issues to this day.

Recently my doctor found that there had been some loosening of my hardware which is causing me major muscle spasms. It feels like my whole Lat muscle on both sides has a charlie horse. ALL OVER IT. It sends electric pains down my legs. Needless to say it had me very worried. I talked to a neurosurgeon who felt that the risk of surgery would be greater than the benefit would be, so I am only to continue with physical therapy. I have always been afraid of this situation. Knowing what goes into surgical procedures is my job, and it is common knowledge that knee or hip replacements are only meant to last 10-15 years... How long could a spine replacement last?!

LUCKILY! This week, my overtime goes down and I start PT.

Well, I got average.
In all of this, I forgot my reason to be great. Since I have been in pain and forced to not lift, it was like a part of my soul had been forcibly taken. My standards fell, and so did my confidence. And thus, all my motivation.

I love the Biggest Loser, and seeing Jillian back!

I'm not interested in being a cardio bunny. Sure, I like a hard run, but I don't believe that ever doing one thing only will bring you good results. Our bodies were designed for adversity. Although I will not be running anytime soon, I crave the ability to sweat hard from a terribly hard workout. I can't even push my body that hard at this point. However, studies have shown that the best people, happiest, highest powered, most wise, recently wealthy, is due to the simple fact that they faced adversity and overcame it.

The same studies have shown that people who have everything handed to them in life, end up less wealthy, less wise, and more depressed. Excess isn't a positive thing when not earned. (I can certainly provide references, if someone REALLY has an issue with this statement. In which case, you're probably spoiled rotten. LOL!)

We CRAVE things to make ourselves proud.

And it isn't like I got overweight, I'm not. Just average.

But if there is anything I am positive about myself, is that I am not average.

So, in the coming weeks follow me on my journey to recovery. I will show what I am learning about keeping a healthy spine, and track my progress in getting back to my goal strength! I am less concerned about my body weight, as I am being strong and my body being functional.

Stay tuned!  First PT appointment & beginning progress pics this week!

One Lesson To Learn

I often find myself enthralled with T Nation. If you've ever been on the website, it is NOT geared towards women. LOL! Its a funny thing to admit that it is genuinely the only fitness website that I subscribe to weekly emails. However, the men that write for T Nation really know their shizz, and even though they are mostly talking about extreme male body building, the lifting techniques discussed are applicable even to this 100 lb bikini babe (BIKINI BEAST!). I came across the following article in their weekly email yesterday, and it really spoke to my heart. (Please disregard any obscenities, for they are not mine haha)

Learn 1 Lesson in 2013 by Nate Miyaki
"My favorite T Nation series was the "X" Things I Learned in "Y" Year articles, in which top coaches gave us insights into the most valuable lessons learned each year.
These weren't bullshit health blurbs for entertainment purposes – a diversion that's become all too common in our industry today – these were raw and authentic lessons from legends; an accumulation of real-life knowledge chiseled down into some straightforward, practical tips. How can you beat that?
As 2012 came to a close, I thought I'd take a shot at constructing a similar piece.
Technically, my task should've been to give you the top 10 lessons I learned researching different nutrition approaches, writing educational material, speaking at companies, or working with private clients. And I have some pretty damn good lessons to share, if I do say so myself.
But as I started to put my pudgy fingers to keyboard, something began weighing on my conscience. I knew in my heart that all of these tips, while valuable, would really be useless until we solved an underlying problem much higher up the food chain.
Do you, at this moment, have a true purpose for executing any of the tips I was about to recommend, or any plan constructed by our elite coaches? Or would you just be going through the motions and wasting everyone's time?
Making my living as an author and consultant, I should be telling you that my nutrition approach is the one and only true "secret," the mythical key you've been waiting for to achieve all of your success in this upcoming year.
But I'd be lying.
The most valuable lesson I've learned in 2012 – and really over the last 15 years as a coach – has nothing to do with the nuts and bolts of training or diet. The true key, the secret to your success in physique transformation, strength sports, or any other sport, and maybe even in life, is this:

You gotta know what you're fighting for.

I could give you 9 more lessons I learned, but they'd really just divert attention away from the foundational one that's really going to make a difference.
Until you find what you're truly fighting for, all training programs and diets (even the best ones), will be relatively meaningless.

The Lost Generation

I'm going to sound like an old-timer here, but for the most part, our generation has become a bunch of whiney, lazy, entitled pussies.
People have lost their warrior spirit, their dedication, and their willingness to strive.
We've become highly skilled at acquiring facts and information, analyzing, and sounding intelligent, but we are doing less and less. We know distraction well, but discipline has become a foreign language.
We've gotten great at throwing forum and social media posts like right and left hooks, but run like cowards from any real life fights.
How do we change that?
Some modern guru is going to tell you it's all about drinking some magical tea and floating through space in a lotus pose. They'll spice it up with some mysticism and cultish codependency as well.
None of that is really necessary because, believe it or not, the answer is a lot more simple and straightforward.

Learn from Cinderella Man

If you haven't seen the movie, Cinderella Man, you should. But for our purposes now, here's the Cliff Notes synopsis:
It's based on the "true story" of James Braddock, a former up and coming boxer who retires due to injury. He works as a day laborer to support his family (wife and three kids) during the Great Depression. Having lost all his possessions and savings and unable to pay the bills, he gets an opportunity to return to the ring in a last-chance effort to save his family. Cinderella Man tells his comeback story.
As a side note, I give it a 4 Nutsack rating.
Some quotes from the movie show us the spirit of the movie. During his comeback, Braddock is pitted against a fighter that had beaten him earlier in his career. In the middle of this rematch, Braddock is winning, which initiates the following exchange between Braddock's opponent and his trainer in-between rounds:
Trainer: What are you doing? You beat this guy easy last time.
Fighter: He ain't the same guy.
Braddock had watched his family starve and suffer. Fueled by more than personal ego, vanity, or even mere competition, Braddock becomes a different animal in the ring, fighting for survival. He somehow finds a way to beat younger, stronger, heavier, and more skilled boxers. When asked by a reporter how the impossible became possible, he gives a simple answer:

"This time around, I know what I'm fighting for."

Finding Your Fight

I don't know what that is for you my friends. And I don't think any life coach or guru can give you some magical formula to figure it out.
More than giving you any awesome diet or training plan, it would be my greatest pleasure in the world to be able to provide that answer for you. Unfortunately, I can't. I don't think even the great Ray Lewis could beat it out of you.
Ultimately, you're going to have to take some personal accountability, look at your life, look inside yourself, and come to your own conclusions.
As a matter of fact, part of finding your fighting spirit is realizing that you can't always rely on someone else, or wait for a savior to solve all of your problems. You have to solve them for yourself.
What I can do is tell you what has motivated others over my career. Maybe that will give you some ideas.
For some, it really was about survival. They had a health problem they had to fix, and their life, or quality of life, was suddenly on the line.
For some, their sport was how they made their living, and food on the table was dependent upon victories.
For some, it was to give them a competitive edge in a career outside of sports. Working out and eating right gave them better energy, cognitive function, and focus behind the desk, allowing them to push harder than the competition, and ultimately crush it.
For some, it was about being picked on as kids, and if the world wasn't going to give them respect, they were going to build themselves up and take it.
For some, it was just like what martial arts can be to others – a way to channel negative energy into positive, to learn lessons that translate to life, to find some kind of deeper meaning through physical challenges. Some used nunchucks; others used dumbbells. No matter, either served to fulfill their purpose.
For others, it was about getting to be a dick. By flexing their literal muscles in the gym and figurative muscles online, they take great pleasure in making themselves feel important, or making others feel bad about themselves. Although I don't necessarily agree with that approach, whatever works, man.
But don't let that hate fester in your heart like a bad, covered-wagon fart. It could become toxic and lead to your own undoing.
I can tell you some of the things I'm fighting for. I know you don't really give a shit about me personally, but it's just to give you ideas.
It's because I come from a family that's struggled with addiction, and linking my identity to athletic pursuits has given me a better obsession.
It's because I think we're all searching for the same three things in life: a passion, a sense of purpose, and peace of mind. We just go about it in different ways. It just so happens that I've been lucky enough to find all three in this game, and don't think I could find it anywhere else.
It's because I'm kind of a hippie, and I don't want to get a haircut and a real job. If I can make it through life and provide for my wife without ever having to "clock in," well I'll know I've accomplished something I set out to do, as meaningless as that might be to anyone else.

How Do You Know, So You Know

I might not be able to tell you how to find your fight. But I can certainly tell you how you'll know when you've found it.
There will be no more beginnings or getting back on track. There will be no defined ends as some 90-Day programs promise. There will only be putting one foot in front of the other, in the next step of a never-ending journey.
Days will run into months, months will run into years without ever having to start over. You'll just keep moving forward.
You won't complain of the struggles. You'll embrace them, because you'll know that your ability to push through is what will ultimately separate you from the rest of the pack.
There will be no more New Year's resolutions, only daily ones. And sticking to them will not be an option. It will be a necessity.
You will not find excuses. You'll find ways.
You'll stop looking for short cuts and quick fixes, because you'll know that a worthwhile mission lasts a lifetime.
You'll stop training for gym or virtual high-fives, but rather for personal satisfaction and accomplishment.
You won't have a sport or a hobby. You'll have a way of life
All of a sudden those 20 different diet and training programs that didn't work in the past, will all work.
I'm not saying it's going to make the road any easier. Excellence is never easy – that's the point. There will be ups and downs, adversity, and setbacks. There will be days where you will absolutely want to quit.
But when you know what you're fighting for, you will find a way to persevere.
This is life, man, not the movies I keep quoting. The obstacles are never-ending. That's why it's imperative that you find a true reason to keep going, not some make-believe, self-induced, bubble gum fitness one.

Wrap Up  

The path to success lies in the purpose, not the person. We're all capable of great things.

Ordinary men that had a purpose have achieved great things. Extraordinarily gifted men with no mission have chronically underachieved. Society provides plenty of examples of both.
Rule #1 – Find what you're fighting for.
Rule #2 – First learn rule #1. Everything else is just details."

Do I even need to expand on why this is so awesome?? :)
Love. Love. Love.

To Think or Not To Think

I'm a stalker. Always in this board or that, just reading what people have going on and seeing if there is anyone out there that I can identify with and to offer some fit-encouragement. Recently in a board on FB, one particular comment was noticed upon reading that she felt certain things were funny that she did, but it was "all part of the lifestyle!"

Its very easy when you first get going on a healthy lifestyle to think about every. teeny. little. thing. To question whether something is effective and worth your time is a valid thought! Especially when we all have so little time to give.

In looking back at my own journey back into fitness, I did this all day long! If I was going to exert myself beyond my capacity, it had to be worth it. There had to be results and it HAD to continue to motivate me. I read all about weight lifting, techniques, rep schemes, effective cardio, watched videos on how to do a Push Press and learned what kind of training techniques would bring me results that I wanted. I researched supplements and found myself feeling adventurous!

As time went on, and I entered into prep, the diet became more rigorous and began to include food items that I wasn't used to and didn't always enjoy, and consequently, exclude items that made getting healthy the reason I had become successful. Fitness & my health became more about just trying to eat the things I was supposed to, instead of loving eating healthy.

Bad foods became a "can't have" instead of a "don't want."

Anyone who has done considerable dieting, knows that eventually you have to QUIT THINKING! Its one thing to think about something, and another to do. Managing your thought process will determine the outcome of your success. 

What happens when you overthink on the negative? You force yourself out of it. You begin thinking about all the things that can and will go wrong, so they do. It doesn't take an expert to tell you that will never move a person toward their goals. Definitely nothing good.

But it is also possible to overthink on the positive! You may find yourself day dreaming, scarcely getting through work, suffering from insomnia because your mind is so active you can no longer find rest. This can make you more tired and even somewhat miserable, because it takes SO Much focus to stay on task.

So, my suggestion: Quit thinking about it.

I have never wondered to myself, "I wonder if Erin Stern thinks about being healthy?" Of course she doesn't! Or do you think that Nicole Wilkins obsesses about what she can't have on prep? No. Healthy people, and people living a fitness lifestyle, don't think much about it because its simply routine.

Allow yourself to love the healthy, and to love the way your body and mind feels. Your mind can feel clearer, if you simply live.

So my only goal this prep: Is to live. Not think, and love the healthy life we have chosen for ourselves. I refuse to be scared, but to look forward to my workouts like I do in the off-season! 

My biggest mistake last prep, was that I spent way too much time with being concerned on all of the little things that I analyzed would help me achieve perfection, that I thought would help me get ahead, or that I thought was going wrong in my body, instead of living my life and loving my life! So much freedom. :)

18 Weeks Out: Off Season Gone in a Flash

There was a time, a few weeks ago, where I wasn't even sure if I was going to prep. I tend to get a little hard on myself, and the guilty feeling can weigh on a person like no other. However, it IS coming. I do not wish to continue wasting any more time... I want to see the improvements I have made in my muscularity, and I KNOW they are there! My booty is SUPA round... Am I itching to see some good booty contest photos? HELLS YES!

18 Weeks Out... From What?
I am currently 18 weeks out tomorrow from the Emerald Cup in Bellevue, WA (Seattle for those across the country). I have a few other shows I am considering, but really want to experience a big show like the Emerald. I am also considering the Empire Classic, which is the following weekend here in Spokane. A gf of mine wants to do the Tanji Johnson at the end of March, but I'm certain I won't be ready by then.

I have really been wanting to do the Emerald Cup (I cancelled on this last year due to a tight budget), and as we found out at my first competition last year, my muscularity is a bit more than the local shows. :)  At the Empire Classic, they were looking for a “softer” look in Bikini… (Side Rant: This seriously pisses me off. It’s an effing Body Building competition and judges were looking for a soft look?!) But I’m an adult and will be gracious about my placing (HAHA). It just goes to show that my physique would probably do better in a bigger show.

I've got a couple tricks (and perhaps a few more shows) up my sleeve, but we'll talk about that when the time comes. :)

Oh, improvement season.
Yeah sure, I liked my off season alright. A little too much some days. I can still barely imagine having gone through prep last year like I did. My work life went crazy and I'm a bit nervous about juggling it all again, in addition to Bang’s Lawn Care again… Which I fully expect to be busier than last year. Holy prep gods, help me.

But to be really honest, I found the off season just to be confusing! I almost felt like I ended up with a skewed view of food and working out. It took me a LONG time to not feel conflicted about eating a whole wheat english muffin with almond butter. And it took all of my mental strength not to use working out as a "punishment" for eating bad.

On the other hand, it was really nice to not NEED to be concerned with EVERYTHING! I slept in, I drank sugary coffees when I felt like it, I did lifts with NO CARDIO. Bliss.

Other bonuses about off season? Lifting heavy, bigger boobs, not being all shakey & depleted all the time. Oh yeah, and HAVING time!!

My main offseason focuses were the BOOTAY and my abs. I have had no abs to this point, and can't wait to see them poke out like little hawaiian sweet rolls (yeah, prep time=food analogies). And that ass has been hurting all year. I tried a difficult rep scheme & weekly schedule geared towards gains to see what I could pull out. I get accused of over-training ALL. The. Time. from people in the gym, but I'm not a huge believer in overtraining. I think its a lot more difficult to overtrain than people think. With proper nutrition, your body can do amazing things you couldn't even fathom.

That all being said, I trained my glutes 3x a week in my off season (Monday - quads/glutes, Weds- hams/glutes, Fri-glutes), and my abs 3x a week. Spaced all appropriately for rest, it was difficult and my legs always hurt. It is important to have the proper nutrition, sleep, and stretching if going this route! I will admit that I struggled with stretching toward the end of this year, and therefore hurt my SI (again) but this is a feasible thing if you're looking to make big improvements! Really hoping to see some big improvements in the leg overall! Quads, glutes, hams... I want it all!

Prep Time.
Lets go. Starting off nice and easy with low low cardio. Just nice, steady and consistent! I have a hard enough time getting the will to do cardio, so starting slow is my best bet. I’m starting at a higher weight this year, since I didn’t do as great of a job at keeping lean year round… Happy marriage weight! I guess it's just another chance to learn that lesson.

I’ve been dragging my heels a bit on the morning cardio, but it will happen! Diet is in lockdown, and I’m gearing up for a hard 5 months of training.

Who Makes Goals During Prep?
I want to know... Who out there has goals to reach within prep? Do you have a weight goal? Or a body fat goal? Are you looking for improvement photos?? I just want to know.

My top goal this prep, is to see improvements on my physique. I've continued to lift and lift a lot and lift a lot of heavy things, so I NEED to see what's under here. :) And the real improvement I want to see, is AGAIN the booty lol... I want stage Glutes better than this! (Justine Munro glutes, anyone?)

Let’s go BIKINI BEAST!!!

Quick List of Reasons to be Alive: November 28th, 2012.

I am really grumpy today. I'm trying to blame it on the full moon but I know what it really is... My body hurts.

I hate to sound like a complainer - and I HATE to be the constant complainer. But sometimes, you genuinely do hurt and things go wrong. Living in my body has been extremely tiring lately. I'm in pain from the moment I get up in the morning, feel the pain radiating in my legs, hips, & back all day long, and until I lay down at night. It gets more exhausting and I feel more hopeless as the days progress.

Since I hate complainers, and am trying to push this practice away from myself, I'm resurrecting my Quick List of Reasons to be Alive. And I don't mean that the alternative is not being alive & breathing... We're talking ALIVE as in thriving, happy and alert. The purpose is to retrain your mind to focus on the positive.

Try it yourself whenever you're feeling anything but happy, it really helps!

Without further adieu ---

Quick List of Reasons to be ALIVE: November 28th, 2012.
1. Because I am NOT a quitter and I am not weak.
2. Because the moment I conquer the pain will be sweet!
3. I have dreams and can't deny them the attempt to see reality!
4. I have a husband and family that need me to continue pushing.
5. Because I hate this pain and will do anything to kill it.

Hope you all are having a wonderful Wednesday! Push hard, keep smiling, and know that you are loved!

Suits For Sale!

Hey ladies! 

I'm selling a couple of suits - Always looking ahead into what I want to do with my look this year! ;)

Both are Suits For You pieces, with padded rounded B-Cup that would fit an A-C cup. Scrunch Back Bottoms fit a 0-2 jean, made for a 25 inch waist/around 32" hips.
Coral Lycra Suit - with Thin Silver Connectors, never worn on stage, paid $120 for it - will take $50 OBO.
The Burgundy suit -  Burgundy Mist Hologram fabric w/large silver connectors and Custom Crystal Galaxy detail. Was only worn once and was cleaned immediately after stage use. I paid $380 for the suit, will take $200 OBO.

Email me if interested! - AndAwaySheGoes@Yahoo.com - Never too early to think about a new suit for the upcoming season! :)

Down But Not Out (& Wedding Photos!)

Seems like this happens to me about once a year, where my body likes to remind me that I am not all powerful and to be humble. The onset of cold weather often makes my SI, hamstrings, and back tighten up which brings some immense pain. So, while I'm flat on my back... I'm planning some workouts, finishing a competition schedule for the spring, and put together a slideshow finally!

Enjoy!