Hardest Post to Write. Ever.

Like everything in my blog lately, I don't know how to say all the things that are in my heart and mind. I'm also really sick, which kind of exacerbates the confusion. :)

Breaking news: I have withdrawn from Night of Champions.

I'm just too sick with pneumonia. I know when to say "When." I realize that I have been looking forward stepping on stage, and I still look forward to that day. There were plenty of reasons why I was being advised by my family and doctor to not continue with Night of Champions... But I needed my own reasons if I was to withdraw. I started this for me, and if I was going to end it... It would be because of my own free will.

I wanted to compete being able to fully enjoy it. I wanted to do it knowing I did everything I could to be there in the healthiest way possible. And that just cannot take place at this time. As I went along, I wondered... do I want to spend all this money to get on stage (hair, makeup, nails, tanning, waxing, etc.) when I can't even feel like I enjoy it? Would that have made it worth it? Just simply completing the task? Just get on stage and pose, knowing my smile wouldn't be as genuine? Would I value that experience?

I started this for me and I cannot feel upset at ending it for me. I spent a good long 8 months bulking, 17 weeks leaning out, and now its time to go back into a bulk phase. And when contest prep comes again, it will be time to lean out again.

It would be really easy for me to let insecurity come in after making this decision. Insecurity and regret are the biggest stumbling blocks after a situation occurs that is out of our control. But,
I do not feel that I am a quitter, because I did not quit and have not lost resolve for the end result of the stage.
I have no reason to feel insecure about my decision because it truly was out of my control.
I have no reason to feel any regret because my time to hit the stage will come.
I have no reason to feel sorry, because I was making this all happen for me. 
I have no reason to feel disappointment, because I am not one. I am extremely proud of my progress.

I have already had a plan in place of my off-season plans and as soon as I am well, I fully intend to jumping straight into that and leaving no room or time for the negative emotions to overwhelm me. More blog posts about that later. :) There is no looking back. Only forward. And here was my last progress pic taken Monday.

I am just a little bloated from being sick... But at least you guys could kinda see what I look like in my new bikini. :)

This will only prove that I need work on my perseverance, which is getting a nice long 6 months to do so. This will begin work on dieting to maintain, and not lose... which is actually a task I have not ever had before. I've been losing weight for almost a 2 solid years!

I really appreciate the kind, solid, motivating, encouraging, uplifting, and memorable words you all have given me over the course of this contest prep. I really appreciate ALL OF YOU! Your words kept me going when I thought I could not inch up one more step on the stair mill! Your encouragement helped me get down the fish I didn't want to eat. And all of your lives inspire me to continue just being the kind of person I'd want to know! I love each and every one of you and the lives you live. Your lives and normalcy inspire me. Finding time to fit it all in within your busy schedules, makes me not feel quite so alone in the world with our mutual love of training, food, yoga, and health. All of you ladies who compete, I admire so much. I appreciate all of your wisdom and words from experience. You all have been completely invaluable in my experience!
Thank you all again!

The Big Surprise..

And so now I have Walking Pneumonia. Again, this is difficult to write. I have been an action taker... and it would be easy for me to continue... Which is probably why I have walking pneumonia. In fact, I was sworn not to do anything around my house today (SO HARD).

I thought this was just the flu because I was getting sick my stomach. Turns out that was probably due more to getting dizzy and short of breath at the same time. Probably easy to see by others, but I've also been feelings slightly confused due to the dizziness. I started coughing up brown stuff and knew it was time for the doctor. I have the rest of the week off from work.

I find myself in turmoil about competing. On one hand, I have trained so hard for this. 10 months and all of my hopes and dreams.

But on the other hand, shouldn't I be happy with what I've accomplished to this point? Do I need to step on stage to be satisfied? Or can I be satisfied with getting to this point? There are always other competitions... but is that a good enough back up?

I really just want to feel better. And at 5 days out, I was too sick to be up and down off the couch to keep up with 2 gallons a day. I was getting really out of breath sitting up, and walking around made me dizzy. Sad thing is some part of me was really trying, so I was taking in a lot of sodium... but like I said, just hadn't been able to keep up on the water. And my body feels excessively bloated. To the point where I feel like I am nowhere near ready to stepping on stage.

I was the couch, trying to assess myself, this journey, my dreams and current needs. I watched Legally Blonde; something about Elle Woods' confident and remarkably self assured attitude was exactly what I needed in my life.

{ "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't!" }

Elle is so wise. That actually makes me itch for working out. I haven't had one of those since Thursday! Wherever I am at and whatever I do in the next week, by the time I am able to workout, I will be craving it... And that I can feel good about.

And then it happened, I got news that a package I had been waiting for was indeed waiting for me at my mom's house (UPS won't deliver to the house, we have large freely roaming dogs. LOL!).

And what do you know. It was my big surprise. My BIKINI suit came in the mail. :) Although, I began this journey training for figure... the more I leaned out the better I felt suited for the Bikini Division, and I felt like my heavy figure training helped me gain the athletic physique Bikini seems to be looking for, but tend to have fat in some of the right places :) . It is what I like better on my body. But let me TELL you! Learning to pose has been one big challenge!

But putting on my coral pink bikini, gave me back my purpose and direction. I could be happy with not stepping on stage, but I wouldn't be proud. I can hold out for 4 more days. I might be bloated, but I genuinely feel that whatever I step on stage with on Saturday will be my best given my crazy situation. And for that I can be proud. And in the future, I can only expect to be better.

I had considered entering both divisions, and it was something I wanted to do... But I just honestly couldn't afford both entry fees. I was having difficulty paying for food so doing both entry's was out of the question at $75 each.

So there it is! LOL! That's the surprise! I was actually feeling slightly insecure about the decision at first, so I just wanted to keep it to myself until I felt most confident in my decision. Which I knew would be right before. And I could feel a lot of insecurity right now considering that I can be a very OCD person, and Peak Week isn't going at all how I wanted or imagined it going. But I am deciding to let this teach me a lesson:

~{ No matter if it is or isn't what I thought it would be or wanted it to be, whatever I bring to the stage right now, is perfect. It won't be perfect for future competitions, but it is perfect for me right now. It is my very best. }~

Movie line up for the week: The Patriot, Braveheart, and The Blind Side. Looking to have courage in my conviction! Just 4 short days! :)

Perspective

Not really sure how to start this because I don't really know how I feel about it. I started feeling kinda sicky around 8 days out. Yesterday at 7 days out, I wasn't going to workout. I knew I was feeling sick and didn't want to risk it. Just planned on a clean diet and rest. So, I decided to go to the gym and lay in the steam room for just a couple minutes. I got to the locker room, put on my swim suit and began to feel a tad light headed. I sat down. I felt like I was going to burp and did, and felt like it again only all the contents of my stomach came with it. I threw up all over the locker room. The front desk gal brought me a gatorade but I didn't know whether to drink it. I began to cry and helped clean up my mess...

But now, after training for 10 solid months and dieting for 17 weeks... At 7 days out, I get the flu.

After all my hard work. After all the sacrifices and lonely mornings in the gym. And my time to shine comes, and I push myself so hard that my immune system gives. Suck. I haven't been able to keep much down. And actually haven't been diligent about getting the necessary fluids down but have taken in electrolytes, thus... I am bloated.

And this has been a very emotional couple of days. I feel waves of disappointment and also peace. Sometimes I cry a lot over it and sometimes I am just fine with what I feel the outcome will be. But I am a do-er, and it is so hard to lay back and just wait during peak week. So hard.

What I am trying to remember in this, is that whatever I bring to the stage next Saturday will be my very best. No matter if it isn't what I thought it would be, no matter if it isn't what I wanted it to be. That gives me more to work for in the future. Stepping on stage is the real victory. All the trials we suffer make the victories that much sweeter.

9

Are we ready for this???

So, I have 9 days left of this madness, then cycling off my diet & so much cardio over the coming weeks. I have loved this process and am stoked to be in the best shape of my life and leaner than I have ever been. But I am ready for an off-season. I am ready to be my boyfriend's girlfriend. I am ready to make soup again every Sunday and bake whenever I felt like it. I am ready to have more time at home with my dogs and more time to give to my whole family in general. I am ready for some R&R (literally in every capacity).

But not yet. :)

Facts.
This coming week will mark my 18th full week on Contest Prep and mark the 10th month I have been preparing to step on stage. I haven't loved every minute of it, I am ready for it to be over... BUT I am very thankful for it. I spent a solid 6 months building my back, shoulders & shaping everything. Then to have spent a long 18 weeks leaning out... I am beyond thankful. Contest Prep has put me into a pattern and I am embracing that, especially with my off-season plans.

I'm hungry.

Diet.
Sunday brought a change. No more casein before bed. Wahhhh! We are trying to let my system flush out anything processed and therefore shed any of the water weight it causes. I had the option of doing any meat source I wanted, so I've decided to do egg whites before bed...
First attempt: Egg whites, cinnamon, a dropper full of vanilla stevia, sea salt. Was trying to go for the breakfast for dinner kind of thing... It was alright!
Second attempt: Egg whites, pumpkin pie spice, a dropper of stevia & sea salt. It was okay this time. I liked the flavor better, but towards the end of my dish... It seemed less than appealing.
Third attempt: Went with hot sauce because I was too tired to be creative.

Diet Stories.
On Wednesday, I was peeling egg whites off of hard boiled eggs (like I do..), and my co-worker asked if she could have one of my eggs (... she meant just the yokes)... I can tell you I almost lost it. I freaked out, turned bright red, started sweating as I tried to explain to her that I am just on the bare minimum of nutrition and need EVERYTHING to keep going. As she explained she just wanted my yokes, I felt my blood pressure go down. But seriously people, don't ask to have my food. I will give you an emphatic and loud "NO!"
(Okay, Wednesday I was hitting a new level of crazy)
THEN, I got my diet plan for Saturday thru Peak Week. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!! That was the light at the end of the tunnel that I needed. And what is on it for show day?? PANCAKES! I can't believe carb up time is ALMOST here!! But until then, I have noticed I am always hungry. ALWAYS. Again, I'm eating every 2-2.5 hours... but getting hunger anxiety around an hour (Before my family chimes in that I'm not being healthy, I am getting PLENTY of water, electrolytes, vitamins, minerals, and protein). I can do this... Only a few more days...

Training.
Monday I went into cardio with full force. I had some extra energy somehow and pumped it out like nothing. To the point where I left the gym before work excited to go back in the afternoon to show myself what I was made of!
Tuesday I was tired. Almost always to be expected after pushing really hard one day. Except this time, I want to feel like I've done everything I could. And its my last chance. I was exceedingly tired and somehow pushed thru a run around in the country surrounding our home. :) It was incredible. I just kept saying in my head, "F**k this, I can do it." I keep being told to conserve my energy and walk if need be, but if I have the energy or desire, why not? What is the worst that could happen? I lose energy and walk like I was supposed to? I was proud of myself and went to bed feeling like a goddess. Because having the opportunity to go home gave me extra time for laundry and to catch up around the house. :)
Wednesday I woke up extra tired as for some reason, and for as tired I was... I didn't sleep a wink. I considered going for a run in the middle of the night, but don't really want to be eaten by anything. I got up at 345 and made it to cardio.

Posing.
Every day this week. There is no reason not to at this point. I might be tired etc, but it is necessary being this close. :) Fact, there were a couple days in there this week that I practiced before and after my PM workout session.
AND! On Tuesday, I got to pose in front of a lovely new friend, Stacy, who also uses my trainer for her nutrition! Thanks for being my guinea pig Stacy!! :) I am definitely trying to practice in front of new people, helps me take the edge off.
I do just want to say however, that I know that the point of this period of time is to squeeze every molecule of glycogen out of the muscles, but DAMN! I look super skinny. I look deflated and tired. I am very much looking forward to my rest day on Sunday and carbing up next week.

Stage Stuff.
All my appts are booked like I've said, but now its just waiting for them to happen.

Off-Season.
SO excited for a build. Like I mentioned last week, my body will be in prime condition for a build... I have been losing fat for so long (18 weeks, 12%, and 12 lbs later, maybe more before ...), my muscles are aching for something to hold onto. And I am going to give them just that! :) All of my off-season plans will be enclosed in a later post, but again... Just so excited to build in certain areas. I spent a good long time building before contest prep, and have much more experience this time around. But, I am looking at my physique as it is... and as I am very lean now... and seeing what muscles I want to improve... Its hard to wait when you want to work on something! Just like it was hard to wait for contest prep! ;)
But in all body-builder seriousness, that's kind of just what you do... You build, and then lean out... you build, and then lean out. Woot!

Misc.
*Chelsea, I know exactly what you mean. My list of recipes is getting very long. VERY long. :)
Although I have a thousand things I need to bake, I am limiting myself. But this way it (whatever I make) does continue to be viewed as a treat, and not normalcy that I can have everyday. Except for Sunday right after my contest. Sunday, I am allowing myself to bake 4 items. And most of it will be taken to various people that deserve a treat for putting up with my crazy these last 10 months, in this order:

1. Caramel Macchiato Cheesecake
2. Hazelnut Chocolate Chip Scones
3. Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies
4. Apple Crisp

I think that will suffice for my first bake-a-thon. After that, I plan to only choose 1 item a week to bake.
*Wednesday night, I didn't sleep again. I had taken medication last night to help me sleep, and I don't remember waking up at all... But at some point, I realized that I was awake and thinking. I didn't get back to sleep. Sleep and I need to be very intimate friends tonight. I am very much a zombie today.
*Still hanging out at 108 lbs, but I don't expect this for long. My hot flashes have been acting up allllll week. And I think we all know what that means!!! :) (my metabolism is up, just in case I was wrong and you all don't know lol)
*New Prep Pet Peeve: Slow down on dirt roads if you see someone running! The dust is killing my lungs...

Bloggers.

Oh my word I love you guys so much! You all are such a huge encouragement and I feel so flattered that you all think of me enough to say something every week! You all have made a huge difference in my prep and I thank each and every one of you!

Phew, Only 2 Weeks?!

Seriously. 2 weeks?? In all seriousness, about now... that feels like an eternity.

Facts.
*I have been on prep for 16 weeks. I'm tired, I'm hungry and I might stab you for a stick of gum. And I might stab your mum for a granola bar.
*I have ONE (1!!) workout left for each body part!
*I can't count the cardio sessions yet. :) Or the amount of fish I still have to eat.  YET. :D

Stories.
On Monday morning, my mother plopped a plate full of homemade chocolate chip cookies on my desk at work. They smelled just like they did when I was a kid. They immediately got shoved into my desk... I just can't handle them around. In the freezer they go.

And not only that, but I forgot to take the cookies home. So they taunted me for 2 days.

Also on Monday, someone mentioned that we have 19 days. And I was trying so hard to NOT know that!!! And now I can't UN-know that!

I had to remove the jar of natty pb from my desk at work, it was also taunting me.

Unfortunately, I have seen some VERY low lows during this part of prep. I mean, we all know I am wavering on the emotional PMS'ing side, but I have had some passive-aggressive family comments that are NOT helping. More unfortunately for them, I confront people.

Diet.
This last weekend was hard. I had a very emotionally charged weekend, along with being busier than I ever have been in my life. Wanna know what my Saturday last week was like?!

Saturday.
Couldn't sleep so got up at 4am (after sleeping approx 4 hours), did chores: laundry, dishes, meal prep, feed dogs, etc.
Gym for 50 mins stairmill & abs. Get ready, buy green tea, eat.
Volunteer for 8 hours.
Go back to the gym for incline sprints.
I got home at 7pm. Ugh. Cooked dinner, took a bath, fell asleep at 8. Got myself up at 9 to make a necessary shake. Then slept forever!
(All of this meant I spent more or less all day Sunday sleeping).

Back to Diet.
Diet has been a challenge, as always. I FINALLY figured out exactly how I like my tilapia so I can eat it day in and day out.... So fish is a lot easier. Kind of actually enjoying it now with soy. Okay, more than enjoying it. I'm savoring, alright. I drink the soy & fish juice out of the bottom of the container. Hungry.

Since I am no longer on whey, I get to space my meals out a tad differently now. I am actually eating every 2 hours. And I'm usually really hungry after an hour. :)

Diet on the weekend is still the hardest to get through. Although I still haven't cheated, I want things. lol

I spent... A solid hour on Sunday writing down all the recipes I want to make over the coming months after competition. It was a long list. Top of the list? Caramel Macchiato Cheesecake. I felt like I was soaring on my diet before, but now I just feel ravenous for anything with calories & filling carbs.

Training.
More strength declining. Seriously, um 7.5 lbs lateral raises?! What a SERIOUS ego killer. I might be doing 5 sets with high reps and only 15 sec rest but still! I could do triple that weight in my off-season. But whatevs.

I am generally a person who likes to follow a plan, but I've learned that prep is always changing, so I have changed my attitude towards it... I train cardio when I have energy. Serious! I do cardio daily and everything, but I am doing cardio when there is energy for it... when I get to the gym, it could be before my lift, it could be after my lift, or half before half after... but I never know. And I am kind of liking that. Helps me ensure I can really focus during cardio... which is where I truly need the focus.

Stage.
All my appointments are booked! Hair color, mani, pedi, tanning, waxing, and hair blowout.

I haven't worked on my figure suit.... AT ALL. I have got to find some time this weekend. Unfortunately, my weekend is lining up just like the last one...

Any details I haven't got in line right now, I will this weekend... Like, getting my stage makeup, might want another bracelet, you know.. the usual. ;)

2 Week Check In.
Weighing 108 lbs. :) I was told I look two weeks out. Right on! That's right where I want to be. We discussed my diet, which won't change much this next week, except cutting out my shake at night for a meat source. Hurray! ;) But no cutting carbs. I also don't need to change my cardio, so that's cool now I can just buckle down and hold on!
My posing is feeling more confident all the time, so it was fun to pose for them and a different crowd of gym on-lookers lol.
We also discussed my peak week, which won't have a whole lot of tweeks because they don't feel I need them. Meaning, no carb loading (I'm not lean enough), no drying out, no diuretic, and only sodium tweeks for the last day. Woot!
We also discussed my off-season, which I am feeling really excited about. I truly believe that I am going to be able to by-pass the post-competition blues. :) I already have things I want to work on in my off-season, I will be in perfect condition to begin a build, I already have a plan in place on tapering off cardio, and have already worked on a post-comp meal plan to move into. So, I am feeling very confident that I won't gain much post-comp and will maintain a healthy mindset about my nutrition.

Posing.
Almost daily. I am very proud of myself that I was even doing it daily. And I must admit, both my attention span and stamina have decreased a lot in this last week, so posing is really happening like every other day.

I look CA-RAZY! But I was really excited about being able to see the cap, esp in that lighting! That is no joke right there.

TOM.
Yeah, this is real. I'm heading into my last full week on TOM. Hence the no progress pics this week, and maybe next week. I might do next week, you never know. I'm still feeling some anxiety about my physique at this point, TOM is really having me hold onto everything. It has been a struggle not to do more in order to see things, but that is really unsafe to do.

Bloggers.

Just wanted to tell you all that you are so awesome! I really REALLY appreciate your encouragement, texts, tweets, facebook comments... EVERYTHING. I have really needed it these last couple weeks and will probably for a couple more! But I love you guys!

Ps-I chose the Onion. :D

Upwards And Onwards to Week 1.....

3 Weeks Out, TOM, & Olympia Predictions

Am I excited to follow the Olympia? Yes. I am two weeks out from my own show and watching the biggest and best of the pros take the stage is SO uplifting! I can't wait to follow this as I head into my last full week of training next week!



Now, I don't know enough, or rather haven't followed up until this point, Men's Bodybuilding and Women's Bodybuilding... So I am not going to be able to speak to those. I know the bigger (no pun intended) names in the sport but haven't followed yet. I am only going to be able to make predictions on Figure & Bikini.
*Speaking of bigger names, apparently Jay Cutler rents out his house to students when he's gone. How do I know that? :) Yeah, I'll post pictures later.

Figure.
I don't think that there is any argument that it will come down to Nicole Wilkins (she dropped the Lee, huh?? Did she divorce?!) and Erin Stern. I think Nicole got lucky in the past with her softer Figure physique... but I think the judges do want a better figure shape as in the past, which Erin has. Erin had a big year, taking 2nd in the Arnold but then winning an impressive 3 shows at the Jacksonville, New Zealand and Australian Pros.

Nicole, again, won the Arnold and also the St. Louis. Other top contenders are Ava Cowan, Felicia Romero, Cheryl Brown (she has one of my favorite figures, she pulls off the petite figure competitor perfectly!), Courtney West. SO!
1. Nicole Wilkins (btw, some friends were just noticing that she has put on some SERIOUS size to her shoulders! Anyone else notice that??)
2. Erin Stern
3. Ava Cowan
4. Courtney West
5. Felicia Romero

Bikini.
Among the top contenders as always, Sonia Gonzales as the reigning Ms. Bikini Olympia, Jaime Baird, Nicole Nagrani, Nathalia Melo, and Ali Rosen.

Bikini has seen some interesting Pro Wins this year, with Nicole Nagrani taking the Bikini International in March beating out all of the top contenders. But a lot has happened since then. Jaime Baird shed her nickname of the Perennial Bridesmaid winning the Jacksonville Pro & the Pittsburgh Pro. Alison Rosen won her first pro show at the NY Pro. Nathalia Melo won the Europa in Orlando. And the world has only seen Sonia Gonzales take the stage once since the Bikini International (which she placed 2nd at), which was at the Europa Supershow in which she placed a very surpring 3rd causing her to drop out of the Phoenix Pro show.

Seeing the changes made in physiques over this last year has been interesting. Softer bikini girls are now coming in tighter and more defined. I can't discount that Sonia is bringing her best package, but I see Jaime Baird giving her a hard run for her money... 2 pro wins in a year is nothing to take lightly. So:
1. Nicole Nagrani
2. Jaime Baird
3. Sonia Gonzales
4. Ali Rosen
5. Nathalia Melo    (I am probably so far off on all of these... lol! but its fun to try!)

I am also expecting Justine Munro to begin to move to the top of the pack... her physique is incredible and she has a cutesy way about her. And no offense to Amanda Latona, but I see her going down... her posing is just... well, irritating. Its so arrogantly presented and I think judges are put off (or will be) by that. And sadly, I don't see Jessica Paxon doing super well given the personal issues she's dealt with in the last couple months. I think she will put in her all, but stress does things... heartache can be seen on the face. But then again, you never know what kind of a will a person has inside them! :)

Fitness.
I love Adela Garcia, but you've won enough! I really think Tanji deserves to take a win. I would have loved to see Trish Warren take this but given her present condition, I think I can let it slide. :)

SO! I had my 3 Week Check-In!
I was kind of freaking out over the weekend. I hadn't seen my prep coach since Sat 9/3, and here I am 9 days later and looking MUCH softer than last time. I spent all weekend complaining about it, staring at my bloated belly snickering "Uh, I didn't really expect to look this way..." It mocks me by getting bigger with food over the weekend.
Yesterday, I blog and all of a sudden DING! DING! DING!
It was like all sorts of lights and bells and whistles went off in my head... OHHHHHHHH. It almost gave me a headache.

TOM.
Doesn't that look so daunting?

So, I am PMS'ing. Its very clear by my emotions and by my bloated belly, but for some reason it didn't click in my brain that TOM will be visiting next week and I can expect to be MORE emotional and MORE tired and MORE ravenous.

BUT! I am also glad for it. If I wasn't expecting TOM I would be freaking the frank out right now, even though I am actually weighing at 108 lbs! That is definitely the leanest I have ever been. Probably haven't weighed 108 since Junior High.

Anyway, met with my prep coach and feel 100% better about it... It is clear that although I am very close to competition that I may not see the necessary changes until late next week pending TOM's departure. Its crazy that I will almost be done by the time I see changes and then it will just be time to stress relax and enjoy the orange glow/stink. So, that also kind of explains my dilemma with progress pics at this point. Will update you all later in the week!

Enjoy the Olympia, Friends, and hope you all have a wonderful week ahead! What are your predictions of what is to come at the Olympia Weekend??

Conquering!

I love holidays. I am so thankful for Monday off to give me the opportunity to get in a full workout bright and early as well as get my head in the game after sleeping in. I sent myself to the gym on the sunniest of days with freshly prepared meals, and gave myself some courage to continue. The pep talk. :) It basically consisted of me reminding myself that every moment in the gym is my opportunity to make myself better.
                                      
Diet: Now eating fish for 5 of my 7 meals . Woah! To be really honest, the fact that I don't care for fish much is kind of exacerbating my cravings. This has made the diet a struggle. If it were all chicken and fish once a day, I could do that no problem. And I'm craving everything now. Ugh. Particularly like crusty stuff: pie, lemon bars, etc. I can do cravings during the week, I have no problems during the work week. Its the weekends that are the problem where my cravings peak.
Tuesday morning was interesting when I first was on all meals at work consisting of fish. I had to pre-apologize to my coworkers for potentially stinking up our office and inform them that I was probably less excited about than they were. ;)
And by the way, salsa does not make tilapia any better. Which is sad. I feel like salsa usually makes everything better. Soy is working.
This is my last week on creatine, although I still get my Super Pump before workouts.

Training: Training has been a tad different this week. We decided to switch up my cardio into a less intense schedule this week in hopes of pushing hard the last couple of weeks. I'm honestly excited to get out of doing the elliptical every day, but understand it was necessary to force a plateau and see a spike in weight loss.


Posing: Still daily :) I just don't want to say I could have done it more or learned to pose better in this period of time. Its kind of embarrassing to do this in our gym's studio when there are people there. But I figure its probably good to do it in front of strangers. When I practiced at home last night, Patrick said that I don't look natural. LOL! I quickly replied, "That's because it isn't natural to stand like this," as I tried to stick my bum out even further. I guess it will look more natural as I continue to practice.

Progress pics probably won't come again until right before. I just don't have a lot of time currently. :)

Week 3 Check-In: Not until Monday. Crazy weekend coming for me!

Stage Stuff: Appointments: Waxing & Hair appts booked. Still have yet to book my nail appts.

Misc:
I feel badly that I haven't been around to post much. But focusing on every little thing in life has to happen at this point to where I don't accidentally mess with my meals, etc. I admit that I am not the best with weekends, but meal prep is having to take place multiple times a week as I just don't have room in my fridge all the time for every piece of prepared fish or chicken. As well as veggies. And Patrick's meals. Blah.

I am also not trying to think about how many days I have left. I am fully aware that I am under a month and could therefore count down the days, but I cannot. I get really stressed out when thinking about how many days so I am still around 3 WEEKS. lol! I'll count the days once I'm less than a week.

I have to admit I'm a bit glad that I completed my last wedding of the summer. They are fun to do, but it has been challenging during contest prep. ;) Some of you know the wonders  I have to pull to make a wedding happen with flowers. lol... But let me tell you, it has seemed that the second I added prep into my life, life instantly got even more busy. Maintaining a balance is a struggle. :)

Some of you know, I have another personal struggle going on in my life. I could really use some positive thoughts if you think about it. :) The problem with internal struggles at this point, is I have to be very diligent to not mess with my prep at all... focusing hard on my meal times and water. The cliche saying that major life issues will come to light during contest prep is not a cliche. It is a reality. A lot of times you suddenly are finding that you are more confident than you have ever been in your life, and aren't willing to bend on your dreams. Or you find that your insecurities come to light amidst a very emotional period of time, and you have to do everything to not take to food. And sometimes not even that, but you almost have to be more diligent ABOUT eating. And getting in enough food. My problem is when I'm really emotional, I don't eat. So focusing on my meal times and water are a HUGE must right now.

Weight: Still 109 lbs. :)
Gamesies!!!
*TO1D (The October 1st Decision): Patrick seems to have a notion that I am not going to want to go out to dinner after my competition. I answered that with an emphatic, "Are you crazy?!"
I am fully aware that it will be a long day for me, but the night show starts at a reasonable 6pm.
-The Onion: I love their fat steak fries, they have amazing desserts, beer & cocktails, as well as a large diverse burger menu. :) AND they are open until 11pm! They also have a bar for our friends who want to hang out but don't want dinner.
-The Satellite: Very interesting burger menu, plus it is a bar so again, our friends who don't want dinner can hang out. :) Also open late.
-Waddell's: Sweeeeeeet Potato Friessss!!! Served with a chipotle sauce! Also a large burger menu. Only serves beer & wine but that is fine with me... Keep me from drinking too much. When I looked on their website, it said "Open 11am to close." That's helpful. But I imagine as they are a neighborhood pub, that it might be as early as 11pm.
This week, taken out of the running was Red Robin. I just decided that if I'm going out, it needs to be a better than a chain. 
*My Surprise:
-Nope, not knocked up!
-Nope, not engaged!

Also, go give some love to Chelsea at Git It Girl and Doozy at Figure Girl Factory as they are both competing this weekend!! Good luck beautiful ladies!!!

Have a lovely weekend!!! :D

The Game

Prep has turned into a game for me. I know this is funny, but so much keeps being changed in my prep almost weekly that it has almost turned into a game of keeping up. As I'm writing this, that makes it seem far more fun than eating boiled chicken and doing 80 mins of cardio every day.

At 4 weeks out I am ecstatic. I can't stop thinking about being on stage. I wear my posing heels probably a good hour everyday. I practice my posing in our gym's studio before my lift every afternoon and semi-practice as I am making dinner.

Training Games: Still losing strength but doing it. I feel more tight than I ever have. I love the changes that are happening. I can honestly say I am loving the process right now. Seeing new definition every day is keeping me motivated. I moved my running to afternoon only so I've had some carbs (from veggies) before expending every ounce of energy on that. Eesh.

I've been kind of getting in a zone with cardio lately. I don't know what it is but my mind goes off... and then all of a sudden... its done. Crazy! I had a beautiful experience the other night running my dog... I had some Mumford & Sons playing as I was running into the sunset with my Big Boy and my mind just zoned for the full 40 mins. Sigh! :)

Diet Games: I am on a whole foods diet this week. For those who don't know what that is, it means I am not consuming any protein powder which I was about 3x daily. I was having tummy issues during cardio still and was running out of whey anyway, so I am now doing meat all the time. No shakes after my workout. I still have some casein for my pre-sleep shake and will continue on that for a bit longer. So I am now consuming... Let me think... OMG 2 lbs of meat every day! (WHAAAT?! Okay you guys, I honestly only just figured that out. Wow, no wonder I am having to do meal prep multiple times a week. Holy MEAT!)

I don't have a hard time with meat in the morning after my FMC. I do, however, have a hard time consuming 8 oz of tilapia right after my workout (500pm) and then consuming another 4 oz for dinner (6pm). And then a shake at 8pm. The evenings are hard. Should I feel hardcore??

I am also moving towards the direction of eating primarily fish for my meat sources. This is hard. Its being phased in this week, and I hope will be my primary my meat source next week. I hope I can handle that. But I only have a few weeks left and if there was anytime to do it, it would be now! I want to come in looking my absolute best and feel proud knowing I pushed myself, even in my food choices, to get there!

Posing Games: Again, almost twice daily. I know its crazy but I want to feel completely comfortable... Posing in our gym's studio really helps because the stage floor is a lot like the studio's! So, it helps to even be comfortable with that, so tripping is less likely. :) And I've noticed that I'm pretty shakey when I'm practicing... which I guess is helpful to know how I'll be feeling that day anyway. ;)


4 Week Check In Games: The check in was literally only 20 minutes. Because I am right on track. :) Noticeably different.

Miscellaneous Games:
Well, now that I've figured out why I am having to do meal prep a couple times a week... I think I'm going to have to figure out how to condense that. Its too much work, that will probably get forgotten, if I don't get it done in the weekend.
I wish I could explain to you guys how busy my life is right now outside of prep. I'm working, volunteering, doing chores... and we live in the country. Country chores are far greater than city chores, or take far more time anyway. I've got weddings (flowers) to do on the weekend. And driving time? Wow. I've noticed I run a lot of red lights during contest prep. Hmm.

Apparently, I am and have become the bag lady. I get a lot of flack about this. I typically only carry 3 bags around in a day: Cooler, handbag & gym bag. This day I was caught with a lot more... See my "I'm caught" face.

BUT THEY'RE ALL FUNCTIONAL!

Weight is down to 109.25 lbs! I love that I've been lucky enough to consistently see a decline.

ON GOING GAMES:
-TO1D! The October 1st Decision: This is an on-going discussion of where I am to get my burger post-comp. I like specifics and it needs to be a place that also has beer. Feel free to weigh in if you have a favorite place in Spokane or nation-wide chain!
-Competition Surprise: Getting ready to unveil, but am anxious about it. :) I have no idea how anyone will take this, but the reality is... its where my dreams are taking me. Stay tuned and I'll begin taking guesses anytime you all are ready. ;)