Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Big Surprise..

And so now I have Walking Pneumonia. Again, this is difficult to write. I have been an action taker... and it would be easy for me to continue... Which is probably why I have walking pneumonia. In fact, I was sworn not to do anything around my house today (SO HARD).

I thought this was just the flu because I was getting sick my stomach. Turns out that was probably due more to getting dizzy and short of breath at the same time. Probably easy to see by others, but I've also been feelings slightly confused due to the dizziness. I started coughing up brown stuff and knew it was time for the doctor. I have the rest of the week off from work.

I find myself in turmoil about competing. On one hand, I have trained so hard for this. 10 months and all of my hopes and dreams.

But on the other hand, shouldn't I be happy with what I've accomplished to this point? Do I need to step on stage to be satisfied? Or can I be satisfied with getting to this point? There are always other competitions... but is that a good enough back up?

I really just want to feel better. And at 5 days out, I was too sick to be up and down off the couch to keep up with 2 gallons a day. I was getting really out of breath sitting up, and walking around made me dizzy. Sad thing is some part of me was really trying, so I was taking in a lot of sodium... but like I said, just hadn't been able to keep up on the water. And my body feels excessively bloated. To the point where I feel like I am nowhere near ready to stepping on stage.

I was the couch, trying to assess myself, this journey, my dreams and current needs. I watched Legally Blonde; something about Elle Woods' confident and remarkably self assured attitude was exactly what I needed in my life.

{ "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't!" }

Elle is so wise. That actually makes me itch for working out. I haven't had one of those since Thursday! Wherever I am at and whatever I do in the next week, by the time I am able to workout, I will be craving it... And that I can feel good about.

And then it happened, I got news that a package I had been waiting for was indeed waiting for me at my mom's house (UPS won't deliver to the house, we have large freely roaming dogs. LOL!).

And what do you know. It was my big surprise. My BIKINI suit came in the mail. :) Although, I began this journey training for figure... the more I leaned out the better I felt suited for the Bikini Division, and I felt like my heavy figure training helped me gain the athletic physique Bikini seems to be looking for, but tend to have fat in some of the right places :) . It is what I like better on my body. But let me TELL you! Learning to pose has been one big challenge!

But putting on my coral pink bikini, gave me back my purpose and direction. I could be happy with not stepping on stage, but I wouldn't be proud. I can hold out for 4 more days. I might be bloated, but I genuinely feel that whatever I step on stage with on Saturday will be my best given my crazy situation. And for that I can be proud. And in the future, I can only expect to be better.

I had considered entering both divisions, and it was something I wanted to do... But I just honestly couldn't afford both entry fees. I was having difficulty paying for food so doing both entry's was out of the question at $75 each.

So there it is! LOL! That's the surprise! I was actually feeling slightly insecure about the decision at first, so I just wanted to keep it to myself until I felt most confident in my decision. Which I knew would be right before. And I could feel a lot of insecurity right now considering that I can be a very OCD person, and Peak Week isn't going at all how I wanted or imagined it going. But I am deciding to let this teach me a lesson:

~{ No matter if it is or isn't what I thought it would be or wanted it to be, whatever I bring to the stage right now, is perfect. It won't be perfect for future competitions, but it is perfect for me right now. It is my very best. }~

Movie line up for the week: The Patriot, Braveheart, and The Blind Side. Looking to have courage in my conviction! Just 4 short days! :)


  1. oh man!! SO sorry you are so sick! What a lame bummer, I hope you will be able to recover quick and feel so proud of the accomplishment you have made, just prepping for this journey. It is NOT easy, in fact it is SUPER hard, and you have handled it beautifully. Ill send good vibes your way you are feeling MUCH better by Saturday for your big debut.

  2. I am so excited for you! When you step on that stage, you will KNOW that you've done everything in your power to get there - including overcoming a major last-second challenge! Go, YOU!!! Can't wait to see pics!! Real rest is right around the corner. You're almost there! :-D

  3. Chica....first of all, so sorry that you are so sick! That must really blow considering it's your peak week. I know your emotions are running high, but do know that I think you are ready! I saw your picture!! I think the fact that you were training for figure and now are doing bikini (despite being sick) is going to work to your advantage. Maybe next show you can do figure :) Your shoulders are WONDERFUL. Be proud of where you have come and where you are now, because very very few people can even get this far! Step on stage and don't doubt yourself!!

  4. ok,i know its cheesy to "ditto" what evryone else said,but the others really did sum it up!!!!
    i know its frustrating being so so sick and nothing going as you had invisioned or imagined it would be during peak week. i know this has been a long,strage trip,full of ups and downs,but wow,lacy i have so much admiration and reslect for you pushing through where others may simply wouldnt!
    i do hope you feel better in the next day or so,im sure you are going to titally rock that bikini stage!
    AND regardless of titles or placements this weeknd,just realize this:
    you ARE the trophy!!!!!

  5. gah i cant spell today...
    sorr for typos!
    blame it on the prep and very little sleep,lol!

  6. Thanks ladies. I have to admit, my emotions about this really comes in waves. Sometimes I feel like I can do it, and sometimes all I can feel or see is the bloating on my body and don't honestly feel ready to step on stage and immediately want to bury my face in brownie batter (not really... just emphasizing how drastic it feels). But I am trying to see beyond what I think is possible right now... And that is taking a lot of building upon courage in every moment.

  7. OM GOSH! I am so sorry this is happening to you right before your big day. You have been such a trooper and it sounds like your trooper spirit is still alive and well. I say go for it! I think you will always wonder what if, if you don't and if everything is already paid for and taken care of then hit it with all you have. I compleyely understand the money situation though as it is something I have to think about too, BUT IF IT IS PAID FOR!! :) I know you will make the right decision for you and I will be so happy to have followed you through.

    P.S. I knew you were going bikini after one of the comments you made on a post of mine. :)

  8. So sorry to hear you're sick, chica! :( I think you have the right attitude, though, and I'm so proud of you for overcoming some challenging obstacles. It's totally ok to look bloated right now; a LOT can happen in 24 hours. In fact, most people don't start cutting water or sodium until the night before the show anyway, which means they're bloated up until that point.

    I'm excited for you, I'm proud of you, and I can't wait to hear about your experience!

  9. Being sick sucks big time!! Damn you, cooties!!!!

    Whatever you decide to do, we all support you!



  10. Lady! You're dong your absolute best and you have such a champion attitude, love it. You have done amazing and will continue to do amazing! We are all here for you, cheering you on. I am so sorry that you are sick. BOOO!!!

    I 'ditto' what Tenecia says. hah!

  11. Bikini! You will rock a bikini on stage Lacey! I really feel for you with being sick. I almost feel like I am sick because I've been along for your ride/journey. I hope you will feel well enough to compete, but if you are not well enough, you are such a winner in my eyes!!!!

    Do whatever feels right for you and only you!!!!