The Struggle to Be More

I have been close yet distant, and vague yet detailed about my life. It’s so easy to show the best sides of one’s life, but not quite as easy to show the other sides. I think that I always feel that “everyone else is struggling, why would anyone want to listen to my struggle or hear me complain?” But I find myself in a more problematic predicament, that there is no way around. There is no way to change it, or sit around and hope that one day my schedule clears up so I can have my workout or blog time back.

Have you heard of the Facebook Depression? I was reading that its basically when you get depressed because you see all of the highlights of someone else’s life on their Facebook. Ha! Its true. I can’t tell you how many Stay at Home Mom’s Facebooks I stalk and Sigh at. Or see cute pictures of friends having a wonderful time with their cute kids, on the daily.

So, I’m just here to reiterate that my life isn’t always swell, and in fact, I struggle, I work and I know that most of you know where I’m at: Overstressed and injured with no time. And thus comes the struggle to be more.

We Support Each Other’s Dreams
There was a period of time where I could focus on my dreams completely, and then there was a period of time where I even had help achieving my dream. But right now, I’m in a period in life, where my husband needs my talents in order to achieve his dreams which is provide for our family and make us to be more than we currently are… but the journey is a lot longer than contest prep. It cannot be condensed into 12, 16 or even 20 weeks. In fact, this is now my life indefinitely.

When last year I anticipated that I would be busy, I did not stop to even consider the long term. I now work a 50 hour work week at my hospital job, and if I’m lucky, I only spend an extra 20 hours doing Administrative support for Bang’s Lawn Care. And I don’t earn a dime for this. And sometimes he needs help with jobs, which I also don’t get a cent for.

What I’m earning is a new life, a better life than what we have now. Supporting my husband’s dream has been even more challenging than trying for my own. This has meant endless meetings in order to learn accounting, learning all about owning a business, having employees and getting into radio advertising. I have become increasingly interested in Branding and Marketing, all to make this dream come true. Not to mention, just being a normal person and making time for anyone in my life is a huge struggle. One in which almost no one understands, and I get flack about it almost weekly – And I respond kindly, without excuses, even though that is not my first reaction.

But I’m Not Done!
And yet, when you spend all your time simply trying to make a living and support someone else’s dream… It’s not like yours goes anywhere. It’s still there. Inside my heart.Waiting for the time.

So this is the struggle. My heart feels the need to work toward my goals, even though I have almost no time to do so and have body limitations that are beyond my training knowledge. It’s depressing to look at workout plans and practically dissect them to weed out all of the exercises that are contraindicated for my conditions. Can’t squat. Can’t deadlift. Can’t machine hack squat. Can’t do some plyos. Can’t lunge. Can’t do any direct glute or hip work.

And don’t get me started on how long this has been. This has, by far, been the longest recovery period of my life. 6 months of hip healing, that has been incredibly painful both physically and mentally. I often feel lost.

In my lostness, there is a righteous anger. I’m fed up with hurting. Being in constant pain, makes me angry enough to work harder than I have in the past. I’m trying to work smarter and be in control of my plans… My plans that will be enacted the moment I have free time.

Upward and Onward

I’ve decided to no longer hide my struggles or hide my life. This blog IS about hard work isn’t it?? I'm weeding out the negatives in my life, and have decided to no longer spend my time "holding on". Because that is what it has seemed like. Holding on until the next moment where I can breathe and do what I want. But just like worry, there is no sense in being miserable if I don't have to be. And I definitely don't!

This now has to be what I want. In order for our business to become all that it can, and in order for me to achieve my own dreams, I have to want everything I have to do within each and every single day. I want to work. I want to do invoicing. And I NEED my workout time. I don't have time, I make time.

The Struggle to Be More
The interesting thing about life, is sometimes it requires you to become a better person. I never realized how incredibly selfish I was until my personal time was challenged, along with my patience, ego, commitment, and honor as a wife.

I'm struggling to be more of everything. Everything that life is requiring of me right now. Its almost like prep, you trust the plan that it will yield results. I rely solely on the hope that if I work hard and struggle long enough to be more... I will just be more.

Where do you struggle to be more than you are? How do you make yourself happy when committing your time to others??

25 Things You Didn't (Or Did) Know About Me

Just for some conversation and fun, here's 25 things you may or may not know about me. :)

1. After my first contest prep, I have not eaten a single piece of tilapia. And since my second contest prep, I have only eaten broccoli a handful of times.
2. My gag reflex is really strong.
3. I eat approximately 4 cucumbers a day - Love them! (In the past, this has been known to go up to 6 a day - btw, these are FULL of water as well as chondroitin which helps rebuild your joints!)
4. I have 4 sisters and adore all of them.

Jessica, Stephanie, myself, My mother Jan, Kasey, and Kari. Love. 

5. I wish all the time that I could see my sisters and their children more. They'll never know how often my thoughts go to them.
6. My first and third cars were Honda Civics. I now drive a Toyota 4Runner and will NEVER go back. I'm practically in love with that car.
7. I dream every single night, and usually remember my dreams. I get some of my best ideas through my dreams.
8. I think of new business possibilities for myself daily... But one day, (big dream) I'd like to own a coffee shop/bakery that sells high protein baked goods... and place it right by a bunch of gyms. :) I'd even do specialty protein shakes (because I make GOOD ones). I'd do protein coffees... I'd do vitamix shakes... Oh man...
9. I've tried to learn to knit at least 5 times, and usually re-start in the fall. One day I will get it!
10. It's likely that I could quote any miscellaneous line from Anchorman.
11. I HATE being on bad terms with anyone and will go out of my way to fix immediately.
12. Can't stand the smell of juniper or Gin - Otherwise known as Cat Piss. And I think my cat's pee actually smells better...
13. I have a thing for black cats. I'm not superstitious, more like I embrace the superstition.

14. I actually really just love animals. And frequently weep over our beautiful dane, Molly, that we lost last year.
15. I used to hope I'd turn out differently than my mother (because I'm the spitting image of her), but now I constantly wish I turn out more like her - especially with her patient nature.
16. I cannot find a workout buddy for the life of me! I can't even get my husband to lift with me... I've offered to be a workout buddy for lots of people, but it seems that in the PNW the fit people are loaners. One day I'll find a workout girlfriend so I can have any PR's.
17. I can't wear necklaces. I always want to, and will gawk over them at stores... but in reality, they bug my neck skin and I always take them off. The same with bracelets if I'm at work, they'll stay on if I'm at a social event. But never necklaces.
18. Lol sometimes I beat myself up for not being more girly. #17 case in point.
19. My favorite flower is peonies and wish I could plant them everywhere.
20. I cry a lot. I will spend whole yoga sessions crying and find myself spiritually struggling through a class. I always come out better. I swear, its better than therapy.
21. My dogs each weigh more than I do.
22. I can't stand people that yell at others. No one deserves to be depreciated.
23. My desk at work is ALWAYS tidy. I will lose things otherwise.
24. I have dreams about being able to squat 400 lbs. (Subconscious goal?)
25. The only diamonds I have ever received are from my husband when he proposed, to which I still beam over. I never thought I'd be worth diamonds to anyone. (You can catch me staring at it at any given moment of the day. It still makes me feel the exact same way as the day he put it on my finger.)

What's something about YOU that I don't know?? Would YOU workout with me?  (don't answer that. Most of you would kill me. lol)

Bringing Back the Body: Weeks 1 & 2

I'm super squishy! And yes, this makes me happy!! My fat is all soft all over, which I love because that means its starting to break down.

Bringing Back the Body - Week 1 has been a success, which means I am a success! But I made this week really easy on myself so compliance wouldn't be an issue and momentum will continue to pick up. I feel like my body is tightening up, and I haven't once had the temptation to weigh myself. My clothes are fitting better, and I even fit back into some size 2 pants! Okay, okay, they were snug, but we won't talk about that. ;)

Diet.
I'm following about the easiest diet plan ever. This may be something I come back to post-prep (whenever that may be)... While I don't believe in sharing meal plans, as everyone's should be customized to them only, I will say that this week... here is what I LOVE about my meal plan this week...

Funny story: I was at work a few days ago and finished off my shake during a meeting. Afterward, I  was talking to a doctor who inquired about my shake. After I described the ingredients he goes, "That's nice. I'm gonna go get a donut." No one realizes how tasty these really are! 

Breakfast: Spinach, cucumber, fruit & egg white shake. I usually use some fresh strawberries or frozen blueberries, but man... tasty treat on my way to work!

But be careful if you use blueberries... You may inadvertently look like a wino in the morning. Which is never a good thing.

I always have to go and learn things the hard way...

Workouts.
Although I want to say that my workouts were easy, they were not for me. TONS of core work, my back is so very sore and tight... but I'm doing my best to get in lots of stretches and yoga.

For example! I love to incorporate BodyRock workouts. I think those girls' bodies speak for themselves, and they are tight!! Today, I did the Don't Wake Me Up Workout with some asanas at the end, mostly the spine strengthening series. Check this out!

I did 4 rounds instead of 3, pushed my hardest when I could... but the squats at the end got kinda taxing on my back so I had to take it slow and steady. Concentrating hard on my form, and being less concerned with pumping out reps.     Busted my ass! ;)

Progress on Goals.
GOT MY GARDEN PLANTED! Ahhh country life. :)

Here's what I have planted, let's just hope I can keep it all alive: Sweet corn, kale, green onions, red onions, sweet onions, green beans, red leaf lettuce, green leaf lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, carrots, red potatoes, spaghetti squash, watermelon, hothouse tomatoes, roma tomatoes, jalapenos, chives, rosemary, dill and cilantro!!! And my strawberries & raspberries came back from last year.

The only things I didn't plant that I still want to are asparagus, spinach & sweet potato. What is it about fresh home grown organic vegetables that I love?! Everything. Plain and simple. Everything.  (BTW, my hubs deserves major kudos - he put those huge raised beds made of rock together for me! AND he did all the dirt shoveling... AND!!!! He set up automatic timers to come on every 12 hours, so I don't even have to worry about watering. Just weed and pick veggies. Yes. - Mr. Bang, you just made a dream of mine come true.)

And prep...
Today marked one year from my first and only show. And I'm certainly getting that itch to get to work in starting a journey to the stage. I'm falling in love with girls' suits! I broke out my Cinderella heels, and have been aching to get to work on bigger lifts... But first things first, I really can't take it far until I'm out of the woodwork with my pain and tightness level.

Let's take a break and focus on some animal cuteness.... My babies.. 

Minka the snuggler

Andy hurt his foot a week ago and had to wear the Cone of Shame,  Zeke was keeping him company :)

Big dogs give big lovin.

Goals This Coming Week:

I did NOT make it to yoga these last two weeks. While I have been doing yoga at home, I'd really prefer to be making to a class where my form can be corrected. So, YES -> Yoga. 

Measuring. I have not been consistent about measuring my food, specifically the cream for my coffee and I have been eyeballing my brown rice. :) So, I'm gonna own up to that this week. Haha.

Posture! This past week I was walking to work, and as I was walking through a skywalk from the parking garage to the hospital, I noticed that I looked like I had a SEVERE bubble butt. And by that I mean, I think I was kind of hunching forward so it looked like my butt was really sticking out. And I think this is a hip flexor issue. So, this week... I vow to really try to stand up straight and walk with my hips forward, even if I have to walk slower. 

How many of you incorporate BodyRock type workouts into your workout schedule? If so, how often??

What are your goals this coming week?? If you haven't thought about it - Set some! It's a good practice to constantly have goals you're working toward! Have a wonderful weekend and week!! 

Changing My Capacity

I've recently received some random emails and comments on this blog and I just want to set one thing straight: I am not a trainer, nor do I claim to be.... And this blog, is for me. I'm not out here trying to get more followers or strengthen my brand as an athlete. Although its something I have wanted, I also need a place to express my feelings and sentiments... Judge if you wish, but this is a place for women to be empowered and find a friend in someone who struggles with their weight. I do not claim to be perfect, in fact, this is a major struggle of mine.

Please know, that if you visit this blog and need a friend in someone who battles with food issues, you will find it here. :) Also know, that if you visit this blog, I'm brutally honest about myself. Haha

Physical Therapy Status.

Ugh I hate talking about this. Not because I don't want to share, I just wish my news was a little bit more exciting. My SI strain is a slow healer. Originally my thoughts were to share my journey, but I'll be honest... Videos of me doing planks... Isn't like watching Erin Stern doing... anything. Jump squats, sprints, talking, anything. LOL! But seriously, isn't she amazing..

In discussing this journey, it really is the most boring, most basic, and yet most important work I could be doing. It has occurred to me that people who really do take it all the way back to basics, and work their strength back from the ground up, can have even more symmetrical bodies. 

And that is exactly what I'm doing! You want to talk basic? Let's talk 30 second planks, perfectly. Or doing balancing acts with only resistance bands. On one hand its completely humiliating, coming from a girl who once considered herself to be an athlete. At one point, I wondered if 8 separate exercises per body part with 4 sets a piece might  need to be cut back. LOL! 

But taking the time to basically start over in my fitness, is allowing me to fix any kind of muscular imbalances I have. I guess when I really first started lifting, I didn't work my core enough and now I'm on a mission to fix that. And maybe its cocky of me, but I think I'm going to have stellar abs when its all said and done. 

So, maybe a little humility was exactly what I needed. Don't take your own health and fitness for granted, that's the lesson to learn here.

Prep on the Brain.

All I can think about is prep lately. I'm sure it has something to do with all of my competitor-friends prepping, and I think its because I have achieved some clarity about what I would do differently next prep, and post-prep! But I think its also about the fact that I was my strongest at the end of last prep. Although depleted and completely weak, I was at my strongest. 

Changing my Capacity for All Things.

While I'm working intensely on the healing process, I'm also considering my goals and where I want to be. I'll be honest here, I didn't intend on gaining 20 lbs after prep and instead of beating myself up for it, its time to change it. I'm changing my capacity for it all. While life is so extremely busy (did I mention my husband got a job while our Lawn Care business is exploding?), I'm changing my capacity to take it all in and handle one thing at a time... But things for myself, above all else. 

During all of this, I've rearranged my schedule to allow myself consistency. Starting so so slow, with about the lowest cardio you could ask for: 10 minutes. It could be so easy to add in a bunch of cardio, and take my diet down to lose some poundage, but its times like this you must take advantage of your own metabolism. I don't mean abuse it, but let's be honest. My diet hasn't been 100% clean, and I'll be the first to admit that my workout schedule has been anywhere from 2-3 days a week for the last 9 months or so. NOT what I wanted for myself, but what I needed at the time. 

Since I know what my schedule has been, I don't need to add in a ton more for it to be effective on my metabolism. At this point, any consistent working out and clean eating will change my body. 

New Goals.

Entering the month of May, I've decided to take on some new goals. I'm a month away from my certification at work, so it will be time to take on some more. :) 

Bringing Back the Body Goal: I'm taking the next 12 weeks to put my clean eating skills to the test, with an easy meal plan and workout schedule. My goal is to add on a few pounds in muscle, and tighten up some inches. I no longer have any desire to have a weight goal, but more of a look I want. 

Prep Goal: I'd like to be able to prep again next winter, or sooner depending. 

Fitness Goals: This one in particular is long term, but I'd like to be able to squat 50 lbs again. 

I want to be able to run a 5K by the end of the summer.

This Week's Goals: Keep on with my nutribullet shakes (hell yeah!), commit to the new workout schedule, get my ass to yoga at least once (day of my choosing), and get my garden planted so I can make delicious organic home grown food this summer. :)

What are your coming goals?? :) If you're just coming out of prep, what are your goals post-comp??? Can't wait to hear what everyone is planning this summer!!

I Got Average.

Hey hey!

Life from my view..
Now, while I have been absent to this blog, I haven't been absent to life. I know I have stated before that I have just been incredibly busy (aren't we all?!), but most of it has been working overtime. MAJOR overtime. My workspace and the protocols in which we conduct our office has gone through a large over-haul which had begun during last prep and will likely continue through the next year to two years, and I have been a big player in creating new and innovative ideas that will reduce duplication and time-wasters.

Also! I've been studying for the certification of my position.. So anyway, my time is pretty limited.

Seasons.
I had thought at one time that if you truly love something, that is kept up all the time. Full-time, never goes away. EVAR. But when prep ended, I was flat burnt out. I couldn't even think about fitness and mostly didn't want to. I can tell you that I really really wanted to work out but was so short on time, because that's what I was telling myself. I kept trying to reinforce what I should be doing, and should be eating, created dozens of diet plans for myself, devised many cardio plans, and initiated some training plans... But this just wasn't the season for hard training.

And I was kidding myself. I could not just LET GO of what I wanted to use in life to make myself feel proud. Then I got injured. I strained my SI again. Which was probably the result of hard glute training and not enough stretching... And then just stopping the training.

When excessive behavior swings too far in to excess, we either 1-die or 2-change. And I've found that in the far excess, with enough desire to change, the pendulum finds itself on a swift path to the other side. And in that journey, I found myself passing over good healthy diets that kept me sane. I attempted diets that hooked me into results... which was fine at the time. Or so I thought it would be. Turns out I wasn't. Turns out when the metaphorical pendulum in me began to traverse back down, I lost the control to stop it.

Obviously the worst thing about all of this, isn't the weight gained. Of course it crosses my mind what people think about me.. They watched me lose 75 lbs, and then rebound back with 20 lbs post contest. And that hurts. Its honestly what has kept me away from this blog. I combat the embarrassment and anger all the time.

I whine about the season of life I'm in. I'll admit it. Right now I'm in the season of studying and working hard, which is honestly just as uncomfortable as prep was. To comfort where I actually wanted to be, which is the gym, is to eat and eat comfort food to make my day not so grueling. If it seems so opposite, that's because it is.

Its easy for some to say "Quit that behavior", but it is genuinely very difficult for some to do. Its a day to day struggle that I have to make a conscious decision on.

First of all, the back thing.
Yeah, so... 9 years ago I was a stupid kid who thought I was way better at rock climbing than I actually was. It was August and 100 degrees outside and I traversed a rock face that I had climbed before, but never without being roped in. Long story short, I ended up with a titanium cage around my spinal cord and a spinal fusion of the T12-L2. It still gives me issues to this day.

Recently my doctor found that there had been some loosening of my hardware which is causing me major muscle spasms. It feels like my whole Lat muscle on both sides has a charlie horse. ALL OVER IT. It sends electric pains down my legs. Needless to say it had me very worried. I talked to a neurosurgeon who felt that the risk of surgery would be greater than the benefit would be, so I am only to continue with physical therapy. I have always been afraid of this situation. Knowing what goes into surgical procedures is my job, and it is common knowledge that knee or hip replacements are only meant to last 10-15 years... How long could a spine replacement last?!

LUCKILY! This week, my overtime goes down and I start PT.

Well, I got average.
In all of this, I forgot my reason to be great. Since I have been in pain and forced to not lift, it was like a part of my soul had been forcibly taken. My standards fell, and so did my confidence. And thus, all my motivation.

I love the Biggest Loser, and seeing Jillian back!

I'm not interested in being a cardio bunny. Sure, I like a hard run, but I don't believe that ever doing one thing only will bring you good results. Our bodies were designed for adversity. Although I will not be running anytime soon, I crave the ability to sweat hard from a terribly hard workout. I can't even push my body that hard at this point. However, studies have shown that the best people, happiest, highest powered, most wise, recently wealthy, is due to the simple fact that they faced adversity and overcame it.

The same studies have shown that people who have everything handed to them in life, end up less wealthy, less wise, and more depressed. Excess isn't a positive thing when not earned. (I can certainly provide references, if someone REALLY has an issue with this statement. In which case, you're probably spoiled rotten. LOL!)

We CRAVE things to make ourselves proud.

And it isn't like I got overweight, I'm not. Just average.

But if there is anything I am positive about myself, is that I am not average.

So, in the coming weeks follow me on my journey to recovery. I will show what I am learning about keeping a healthy spine, and track my progress in getting back to my goal strength! I am less concerned about my body weight, as I am being strong and my body being functional.

Stay tuned!  First PT appointment & beginning progress pics this week!

One Lesson To Learn

I often find myself enthralled with T Nation. If you've ever been on the website, it is NOT geared towards women. LOL! Its a funny thing to admit that it is genuinely the only fitness website that I subscribe to weekly emails. However, the men that write for T Nation really know their shizz, and even though they are mostly talking about extreme male body building, the lifting techniques discussed are applicable even to this 100 lb bikini babe (BIKINI BEAST!). I came across the following article in their weekly email yesterday, and it really spoke to my heart. (Please disregard any obscenities, for they are not mine haha)

Learn 1 Lesson in 2013 by Nate Miyaki
"My favorite T Nation series was the "X" Things I Learned in "Y" Year articles, in which top coaches gave us insights into the most valuable lessons learned each year.
These weren't bullshit health blurbs for entertainment purposes – a diversion that's become all too common in our industry today – these were raw and authentic lessons from legends; an accumulation of real-life knowledge chiseled down into some straightforward, practical tips. How can you beat that?
As 2012 came to a close, I thought I'd take a shot at constructing a similar piece.
Technically, my task should've been to give you the top 10 lessons I learned researching different nutrition approaches, writing educational material, speaking at companies, or working with private clients. And I have some pretty damn good lessons to share, if I do say so myself.
But as I started to put my pudgy fingers to keyboard, something began weighing on my conscience. I knew in my heart that all of these tips, while valuable, would really be useless until we solved an underlying problem much higher up the food chain.
Do you, at this moment, have a true purpose for executing any of the tips I was about to recommend, or any plan constructed by our elite coaches? Or would you just be going through the motions and wasting everyone's time?
Making my living as an author and consultant, I should be telling you that my nutrition approach is the one and only true "secret," the mythical key you've been waiting for to achieve all of your success in this upcoming year.
But I'd be lying.
The most valuable lesson I've learned in 2012 – and really over the last 15 years as a coach – has nothing to do with the nuts and bolts of training or diet. The true key, the secret to your success in physique transformation, strength sports, or any other sport, and maybe even in life, is this:

You gotta know what you're fighting for.

I could give you 9 more lessons I learned, but they'd really just divert attention away from the foundational one that's really going to make a difference.
Until you find what you're truly fighting for, all training programs and diets (even the best ones), will be relatively meaningless.

The Lost Generation

I'm going to sound like an old-timer here, but for the most part, our generation has become a bunch of whiney, lazy, entitled pussies.
People have lost their warrior spirit, their dedication, and their willingness to strive.
We've become highly skilled at acquiring facts and information, analyzing, and sounding intelligent, but we are doing less and less. We know distraction well, but discipline has become a foreign language.
We've gotten great at throwing forum and social media posts like right and left hooks, but run like cowards from any real life fights.
How do we change that?
Some modern guru is going to tell you it's all about drinking some magical tea and floating through space in a lotus pose. They'll spice it up with some mysticism and cultish codependency as well.
None of that is really necessary because, believe it or not, the answer is a lot more simple and straightforward.

Learn from Cinderella Man

If you haven't seen the movie, Cinderella Man, you should. But for our purposes now, here's the Cliff Notes synopsis:
It's based on the "true story" of James Braddock, a former up and coming boxer who retires due to injury. He works as a day laborer to support his family (wife and three kids) during the Great Depression. Having lost all his possessions and savings and unable to pay the bills, he gets an opportunity to return to the ring in a last-chance effort to save his family. Cinderella Man tells his comeback story.
As a side note, I give it a 4 Nutsack rating.
Some quotes from the movie show us the spirit of the movie. During his comeback, Braddock is pitted against a fighter that had beaten him earlier in his career. In the middle of this rematch, Braddock is winning, which initiates the following exchange between Braddock's opponent and his trainer in-between rounds:
Trainer: What are you doing? You beat this guy easy last time.
Fighter: He ain't the same guy.
Braddock had watched his family starve and suffer. Fueled by more than personal ego, vanity, or even mere competition, Braddock becomes a different animal in the ring, fighting for survival. He somehow finds a way to beat younger, stronger, heavier, and more skilled boxers. When asked by a reporter how the impossible became possible, he gives a simple answer:

"This time around, I know what I'm fighting for."

Finding Your Fight

I don't know what that is for you my friends. And I don't think any life coach or guru can give you some magical formula to figure it out.
More than giving you any awesome diet or training plan, it would be my greatest pleasure in the world to be able to provide that answer for you. Unfortunately, I can't. I don't think even the great Ray Lewis could beat it out of you.
Ultimately, you're going to have to take some personal accountability, look at your life, look inside yourself, and come to your own conclusions.
As a matter of fact, part of finding your fighting spirit is realizing that you can't always rely on someone else, or wait for a savior to solve all of your problems. You have to solve them for yourself.
What I can do is tell you what has motivated others over my career. Maybe that will give you some ideas.
For some, it really was about survival. They had a health problem they had to fix, and their life, or quality of life, was suddenly on the line.
For some, their sport was how they made their living, and food on the table was dependent upon victories.
For some, it was to give them a competitive edge in a career outside of sports. Working out and eating right gave them better energy, cognitive function, and focus behind the desk, allowing them to push harder than the competition, and ultimately crush it.
For some, it was about being picked on as kids, and if the world wasn't going to give them respect, they were going to build themselves up and take it.
For some, it was just like what martial arts can be to others – a way to channel negative energy into positive, to learn lessons that translate to life, to find some kind of deeper meaning through physical challenges. Some used nunchucks; others used dumbbells. No matter, either served to fulfill their purpose.
For others, it was about getting to be a dick. By flexing their literal muscles in the gym and figurative muscles online, they take great pleasure in making themselves feel important, or making others feel bad about themselves. Although I don't necessarily agree with that approach, whatever works, man.
But don't let that hate fester in your heart like a bad, covered-wagon fart. It could become toxic and lead to your own undoing.
I can tell you some of the things I'm fighting for. I know you don't really give a shit about me personally, but it's just to give you ideas.
It's because I come from a family that's struggled with addiction, and linking my identity to athletic pursuits has given me a better obsession.
It's because I think we're all searching for the same three things in life: a passion, a sense of purpose, and peace of mind. We just go about it in different ways. It just so happens that I've been lucky enough to find all three in this game, and don't think I could find it anywhere else.
It's because I'm kind of a hippie, and I don't want to get a haircut and a real job. If I can make it through life and provide for my wife without ever having to "clock in," well I'll know I've accomplished something I set out to do, as meaningless as that might be to anyone else.

How Do You Know, So You Know

I might not be able to tell you how to find your fight. But I can certainly tell you how you'll know when you've found it.
There will be no more beginnings or getting back on track. There will be no defined ends as some 90-Day programs promise. There will only be putting one foot in front of the other, in the next step of a never-ending journey.
Days will run into months, months will run into years without ever having to start over. You'll just keep moving forward.
You won't complain of the struggles. You'll embrace them, because you'll know that your ability to push through is what will ultimately separate you from the rest of the pack.
There will be no more New Year's resolutions, only daily ones. And sticking to them will not be an option. It will be a necessity.
You will not find excuses. You'll find ways.
You'll stop looking for short cuts and quick fixes, because you'll know that a worthwhile mission lasts a lifetime.
You'll stop training for gym or virtual high-fives, but rather for personal satisfaction and accomplishment.
You won't have a sport or a hobby. You'll have a way of life
All of a sudden those 20 different diet and training programs that didn't work in the past, will all work.
I'm not saying it's going to make the road any easier. Excellence is never easy – that's the point. There will be ups and downs, adversity, and setbacks. There will be days where you will absolutely want to quit.
But when you know what you're fighting for, you will find a way to persevere.
This is life, man, not the movies I keep quoting. The obstacles are never-ending. That's why it's imperative that you find a true reason to keep going, not some make-believe, self-induced, bubble gum fitness one.

Wrap Up  

The path to success lies in the purpose, not the person. We're all capable of great things.

Ordinary men that had a purpose have achieved great things. Extraordinarily gifted men with no mission have chronically underachieved. Society provides plenty of examples of both.
Rule #1 – Find what you're fighting for.
Rule #2 – First learn rule #1. Everything else is just details."

Do I even need to expand on why this is so awesome?? :)
Love. Love. Love.

To Think or Not To Think

I'm a stalker. Always in this board or that, just reading what people have going on and seeing if there is anyone out there that I can identify with and to offer some fit-encouragement. Recently in a board on FB, one particular comment was noticed upon reading that she felt certain things were funny that she did, but it was "all part of the lifestyle!"

Its very easy when you first get going on a healthy lifestyle to think about every. teeny. little. thing. To question whether something is effective and worth your time is a valid thought! Especially when we all have so little time to give.

In looking back at my own journey back into fitness, I did this all day long! If I was going to exert myself beyond my capacity, it had to be worth it. There had to be results and it HAD to continue to motivate me. I read all about weight lifting, techniques, rep schemes, effective cardio, watched videos on how to do a Push Press and learned what kind of training techniques would bring me results that I wanted. I researched supplements and found myself feeling adventurous!

As time went on, and I entered into prep, the diet became more rigorous and began to include food items that I wasn't used to and didn't always enjoy, and consequently, exclude items that made getting healthy the reason I had become successful. Fitness & my health became more about just trying to eat the things I was supposed to, instead of loving eating healthy.

Bad foods became a "can't have" instead of a "don't want."

Anyone who has done considerable dieting, knows that eventually you have to QUIT THINKING! Its one thing to think about something, and another to do. Managing your thought process will determine the outcome of your success. 

What happens when you overthink on the negative? You force yourself out of it. You begin thinking about all the things that can and will go wrong, so they do. It doesn't take an expert to tell you that will never move a person toward their goals. Definitely nothing good.

But it is also possible to overthink on the positive! You may find yourself day dreaming, scarcely getting through work, suffering from insomnia because your mind is so active you can no longer find rest. This can make you more tired and even somewhat miserable, because it takes SO Much focus to stay on task.

So, my suggestion: Quit thinking about it.

I have never wondered to myself, "I wonder if Erin Stern thinks about being healthy?" Of course she doesn't! Or do you think that Nicole Wilkins obsesses about what she can't have on prep? No. Healthy people, and people living a fitness lifestyle, don't think much about it because its simply routine.

Allow yourself to love the healthy, and to love the way your body and mind feels. Your mind can feel clearer, if you simply live.

So my only goal this prep: Is to live. Not think, and love the healthy life we have chosen for ourselves. I refuse to be scared, but to look forward to my workouts like I do in the off-season! 

My biggest mistake last prep, was that I spent way too much time with being concerned on all of the little things that I analyzed would help me achieve perfection, that I thought would help me get ahead, or that I thought was going wrong in my body, instead of living my life and loving my life! So much freedom. :)