Blonde vs. Brunette

So, this blog is absolutely not about trends. This blog is not about hair styles. And this blog is certainly not about celebrities. With that being said, this post IS about hair color... If any of you know me, you know I'm an absolute wuss in changing my appearance because I'm one of those "stick with what works" sort of girls.

So, here's to those girls who can just change... And my votes. :)

Ashley Tisdale: Brunette




Jessica Alba: Brunette



Britney Spears: Blonde



Brittany Snow: Blonde




Cameron Diaz: Blonde



Denise Richards: Blonde

Isla Fisher: ? Um, they kinda look the same... but I like the lighter one..



Jessica Biel: BRUNETTE! Blonde is not your look sweetie!



Katherine Heigl: Blonde.

Scarlett Johannson: Blonde

Victoria Beckham: BRUNETTE! You look like Malibu Barbie, but in a bad way.

And lastly....

Me. :) Needed something new... Thoughts?

PS-For those who are curious about the results of my body fat test... Last time I was 125 lbs with 23.2% bf. Today I am 123 with 21.8% bf... AND I gained 2 lbs of muscle. :) The more I stay in the 120's, the more I am noticing that my body is becoming increasingly efficient at turning fat into muscle. Which is what I like to see!

Always And Never

This is a vulnerable post. FYI.

As I have said before, I am working on my mind. Part of what will get me to the stage is working on my own confidence and peace, not just working on my lats and quads. If I cannot heal the hurt and fear in my heart, I cannot set my clear heels forward to walk out with a smile.

Although this process is healing, it hurts. Plain and simple. Because when we work on the mind, it is not a simple 3 sets, 10 reps. It is complex and contemplative.

I remind myself.

You do not know when you're done, and the process isn't cut and dry. And most of the time, I just want to run away.

And in this process, I have given myself permission to dream. (this really makes me tear up..) As life has gone on, I honestly never felt I was worth enough to let myself have dreams. Never felt like I'd ever be good enough to try to achieve them. I have walked in isolation, shame, and grief. And mostly isolation. I'm shy and can be quite the loner which is not what I prefer, however. The shame and grief and fear were all bi-products of continual isolation.

Most fears are unrealistic. What are my fears?

• I will never make friends. I'm likeable, and although I do try to make friends... I rarely receive any reciprocity (See! Again, I'm working on this).
• I will always be alone in my continual quest for fitness. Not true, Handsome works out and I'm slowly making friends who also have this common goal.
• I will never win a competition (...and never go pro). I'm working on this one. I don't have anything positive to say on this one. Yet.
• I will always be smaller than everyone else.. and small girls never get anywhere. Not true. Ava Cowan, Heather Mae French, Melissa Cunningham... Lots of Class A girls are pro... or there wouldn't be a Class A. :)
• I will never get past this plateau and get my body fat down. Also difficult to battle, body fat test tonight will tell the tale. I don't have anything positive to say to this one yet.
• Personal: I will never get married. I realize this seems silly, but in my isolation all I have ever wanted was the ever-lasting relationship: Someone who sees past all of this and loves me anyway.
• Personal: I will always be in debt. Again, not true. I've made very large steps in the last few months and continue to work on it.

I realize these are all very personal. And most of the time I work through them just fine. I live, I work, I train, and I continue. I tend to go through life like these do not exist in me, and it is a battle I need to face head on. But most importantly, I have allowed myself to dream and own those dreams. They are mine.

Using any of these, and continuing to repeat them in your mind will almost always create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only way you can keep that from happening, is to remove the words that cause you to speak negatively about yourself.

Remove Always and Never from your life. Always and never will only designate your limits and  box in your dreams.

Less Is NOT More

Current battle: Less Is More Mentality.

This afternoon, I spread out my lunch on my desk as I began to prepare it: 1 cup of brown rice, 2 oz grilled chicken & 1 c of carrots. I throw my rice & chicken in the microwave, begin to munch on a carrot, and as I pull out my fish oil and gluatmine I hear from behind me...

Overweight Co-Worker to me: I cannot believe how much you eat. You eat what seems like every hour and its a full meal.

Me: I need all of this to fuel me throughout the day and my workouts. I seriously can't even function without it.

OCW: Food is fuel, huh? Interesting.

Me: Yep, that is generally how any animal tends to use it. I'm pretty sarcastic. :) They know this.

Isn't it odd how we are constantly battling old mentalities? As a woman who battled weight, somewhere along the way I picked up "Less is more."

Well, I am here to tell you: Less is NOT more.

Nutritionally, our bodies can only be put through so much based on what we put into it and still function like we want it to. I'm not a nutritionist and do not pretend to be a trainer, I am just an observer. And what I have observed is amazing to me.

I spent approximately the last 4 months on 1200-1400 calories a day with low carbs, doing cardio 3-5x a week in the am with weight lifting and conditioning in the evenings. I am now currently on 1600 calories a day with high carbs, doing cardio 3-5x a week in the am with weight lifting 3 nights a week, conditioning 2 days a week, and yoga 3 days a week and my body has begun to burn fat again.

Eating more allows you do to more and therefore burn more!

It is true. Although, it is understandable that this has to be moderated. I recommend to almost no one to follow a workout schedule like my own. High calories can only follow high activity. If your body feels shaky and like you're not getting enough nutrition, you probably aren't.

I love the shorties. Heather Mae French.

I'm channelling the power of Heather Mae French today. I just love her. She's 5'0" and 105 lbs during contest season. She is seriously a woman I idolize. She's gorgeous and tiny and has her body worked out to a science! I mean seriously. Seriously! ;) And really?! She's only 100 lbs and look at those shoulders! Half of her lean mass is in those things. -Please oh please, can I will myself shoulders like those??-

Tying back into theme: Do we honestly think she built shoulders like that on low carbs and a stomach like that on low cals?

Unrealistic expectations of our bodies only lead to unrealistic goals. Give your body what it needs to attain what you want! :)

The Weight of Expectation

Just how I feel today.


That is all.


Oh wait!


Quick List of Reasons to Be Alive!

1. I get to go home and snuggle my best friend, who never judges or belittles me.
2. I get to go home and snuggle my furry babies, who also never judges or belittles me.
3. Protein crepes with pb... and maybe a tsp of Nutella if I train hard!
4. I get to train and take out my all frustrations and hurts.
5. I get to stretch out my muscles in the steam room if I train hard.
6. I only have 2 hours left at work.

The weight of expectations can be so great that even dragging yourself through a workout (which should be is my "me" time!) can be a chore. I am one of those people that happens to be very sensitive, I work on it. Handsome tells me I need to build a thicker shell, and with all the things I've experienced you'd think I would have by now. But the reality is that I have a very soft heart; I bruise as easily as I love. The reality is also that we all hurt each other, and forgiveness is a quality I continually learn.
I'm expecting to see waterworks during my training today, but as long as I get through it... I'm alright with letting the other regulars see me as a woman. lol!

April Workout Playlist

About every month or so I get really sick of almost all of my workout music and I have an iTunes binge... Here is the current damage:

1. Raining Men by Rihanna & Nicki Minaj - No explanation necessary. This song rocks.

2. Blow by Ke$ha - This song just makes you want to PUSH that much harder into the workout.

3. Time is Running Out  by Muse - Reminds you that every workout is THE time to put in your work!

4. I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island ft. Akon - Because it will lighten up your workout and make you laugh when you're too serious.

5. Awake and Alive by Skillet - This is a Christian band but man does it ever make you feel awake and alive while pushing yourself to the limit.

6. Massive Attack by Nicki Minaj - Attack those shoulders, girrrrrl! :)

7. Inside Out by Britney Spears - because its hot. :)

8. Feeling Good by Muse - This is a cover of a Nina Simone song, which I also love, but this song really makes you thankful for one more rep or one more step and one last push. Because this is what we do! :) Starts out slow, but moves into some awesome guitar... give it a chance!

9. Can't Touch This by MC Hammer - Why not?! :) I dare you to try and NOT dance to this!

10. Uprising by Muse - Puts you in warrior mode.

Half is Mental, So is the Other Half

I'm working on re-training my mind. I think part of my over training, was mentally overtraining. I've spent months over analyzing my situation instead of just trusting the plan that works.

At one point, I was eating truthfully by the food pyramid on appropriate calories and it was absolutely working for me. I was losing a steady 1-2 lbs of fat per week and for some unknown cause... I changed my diet. Well, I know why... I was trying to narrow down certain macros to help me continue to lose. Which did not work as planned. But, I do not regret it, as taking in tons of protein really helped me gain a bunch of muscle. But now, I need to go back to basics. Very basic food principles.

Basic principles seem to help your body go the farthest, no?

I'm in this strange place with my fitness. Where it takes my body quite a bit more effort to get any the same results. And rightfully so: when I was 50 lbs overweight 60 mins of low intensity on the elliptical would make me sweat viciously! Now, it would take me 60 mins of serious conditioning to cultivate those same feelings in my muscles... So this is what I'm doing. I feel the best when I am training 2x a day (am cardio & pm lift/conditioning), so I am allowing myself to do this BUT only if I am taking in at least 1500 cals.

I have been considering upcoming competitions. I would be am 16 weeks out from the Washington State Natural or 25 weeks out from the Night of Champions (classic). My sane mental status is telling me to wait and do the Night of Champions... But the competitor in me keeps saying to go for the WS Natural. Or both? I'm not concerned about being weeks out, just more about whether or not I will be truly ready to compete on a state level or even for a pro-card. I'm concerned about getting my delts to peak, body fat to continue dropping, lats fill out, and quads peaking.

I've noticed a pattern in my thought processes as I consider competitions, it will be a long elated feeling of exact confidence, perfection, strength, pride, power, desirous, triumphant, and self-love. Which is almost immediately followed by the exact opposite of previous feelings: mis-trust, inferiority, weakness, shame, incapability, defeat, and self-hate. Somewhere along the way in the path of my life, someone or something told me I wasn't ever good enough. I've always struggled with all of those emotions and honestly, I am doing all of this because I want to give MYSELF something to be proud of.

In the last couple of weeks, I have felt conflicted in my yoga practice versus my lifting/conditioning schedule. I had planned on a 30 Day Challenge in May... but the more I convince myself I need to compete - the more the idea of a 30 day challenge gets pushed back. However, this is a conversation I have with others. There is always the possibility of the 30 day in May with morning lifting. I worry about it causing my muscles to appear deflated after May as June and July will be back to hypertrophy. Much to plan for, and much to act on.

If half of this is mental, so is the other half.

I'm looking to Ava for inspiration today. Ava is a Class A competitor, and while I not only admire her because she's a shorty... I admire her because she is currently in her rookie year as a pro and took 3rd at the Arnold... I had a feeling she wouldn't win... but 3rd place in the Figure International is a huge feat for a rook.

Ava Cowan

The Pinnacle

I doubt if anyone (besides my sister) can recall, when I first began my weight loss "project" I had one reward in mind and I was dying to own them.

I would look at them all day online, even add some to my online cart... And yet could never buy. You see, my calves were and are large. I gain weight first in my calves and lose it last in my calves, which are also just very naturally muscular. So I would try on pair after pair and the zippers would just never go all the way up.... That is, until today.

BOOTS

Thanks to my sister, who gave me a DSW gift card for my birthday, she is WANTED for aiding and abetting a known boot lover and could serve a term of up to ENDLESS HUGS.

I feel like a pirate in these... However! The flap also goes over the knee for a HOT knee high look...
And what's a little pirate without a little BOOTAY?! -Gosh, thanks plyos! ;) -

Happy weekend friends & yogis. I'm going to the casino in these tonight. ;)