Ramblings at 9 Weeks Out

I can't seem to form coherent posts lately. Contest Prep Crazy Brain thinks in very sporadic and crazy thought patterns, hence its given name.. So I'll just give everyone an update of life and stuff!

I finally got a cheat meal this last weekend, which was gluten-free pancakes with butter and sugar-free syrup (that was a me decision, not a trainer decision... I don't like how sugary syrups make me feel) and some raspberries. I'm now allowed a cheat meal every week, and realize that I'm one of my trainers clients that has to be told have one and has to be told not to make it too much of diet food. But those pancakes were exactly what I needed... Less about the taste and more about the texture. The dense pancakes that were very crispy on the outside (my favorite!) were exactly what I was looking for. Last time I had a cheat was around 16 weeks, and I can't even remember what I ate... but I do remember how I felt about it: It was highly dissatisfying. And nothing feels worse than having a cheat, and it didn't even feel worth it. Not the case this time. :)

I'm hovering right around 112 lbs (People think this is too small but please remember, I'm only 4'11"). And maybe I have not revealed this to anyone but this is something I have really come to value about my trainer: he doesn't care about my weight, body fat, or measurements. No kidding! We both, as a team, care about how my body looks. Period. I weigh myself and take measurements as small victories, like being able to see my body is changing, help keep me motivated. But I love that there is no significance in my weight; workouts and diet are changed based on how my physique is looking. It really is just a number, not a measurement of progress. (but on the side of progress, this means I've dropped 9 lbs during prep! And I am not using water weight as part of that... I've worked hard. Period.)


I realize that I am not posing like I said I would, I just haven't been able to get a moment where Patrick can take them. I promise I will soon!



But I am loving the definition I'm starting to see! My shoulders and back have it, love seeing it in the tummy!

There's a dude on bodybuilding.com who keeps commenting on my progress pictures wanting to adjust them to make my definition stand out. He sounds like a creepster, but my mind has been buzzing about this. I've worked hard for what little definition I have right now. And if I do not show definition, it just proves I am not done working for what I want. There is no faking real definition.

A LOT of my clothes no longer fit. Pretty much any of my pants. And of all things, my underwear has turned into granny panties. No joke, I get a wedgie every. time. I run. And not just that, but If I'm treadmill HIIT'ing it, I have to pick at it between every sprint. Its actually becoming a problem and now clothing needs to fit into the budget. But half glad, because it means I'm losing in my lower body right now and it means new clothes!

Crazy thing I've noticed this week, I've started clenching/grinding my teeth at night. Its weird and I have only barely caught myself doing it, but my jaw muscles have been very sore. Just as well, I've been feeling like I was getting ear infections. All apparently symptoms of teeth grinding/clenching. Strange, too. Because it seems like I've finally been able to sleep. Its like my mind traded one stress symptom for another.

Crazy Me is trying to convince me to do another competition 4 weeks after the competition I've already committed to. Not sure yet. Part of me is feeling like I will really need to enjoy October & fall foods (LOVE! Autumn is my favorite season!)... but Crazy Me really wants the experience of another, however smaller, competition. I guess I still have a few weeks to figure it out.

I haven't worked on my suit in a while. Ugh. Let me tell you, and I will do a whole post about making the suit, it is such a pain in the arse to do this when you already have so little time. I will be purchasing my next suit, completed. :) BUT, and I can't even tell you how much more this makes me love my man, Patrick cancelled our plans this weekend so I could have the weekend to decompress and work on my suit. How incredible is a supportive man like that?! I never thought contest prep would bring us closer, but it definitely has. He has been such an incredibly supportive man - I doubt that any man could handle my Crazy and schedule like he does.

I am loving this lifestyle. I AM a bodybuilder. ;)

Hump Day Inspiration

I'm tired today. Really tired. So tired I slept through my alarm. I've been told I look skinny twice today, which I can never tell if its a compliment or an insult.

Looking to the prep gods for help!

My inspiration today is Miss Bikini Olympia 2010 - Sonia Gonzales.

I just love her. She is SO versatile. Even as a bikini competitor she continues to maintain her strong round shoulders. My trainer says, its all in the posing. She is 5'0" and 108 lbs at contest.

10 Weeks: So Close Yet So Far

More Facts.

1. Bitch Factor is up. I attribute this to lower carbs & PMS. I don't know if I really knew what depletion really felt like until now... Many would argue I won't know what depletion feels like until a couple weeks out. Which reminds me, TOM is scheduled for the week before Peak Week. Be expecting some sort of a bitch rant around then. But I might forget by then. See item 4.

2. Foods added to my post-comp list this week include: Hummus & raspberries. Not together. Will more than likely forget about these after comp. See item 4.

3. On the bright side, I keep being told I'm looking leaner. And I weighed in at 113.75 today(from 115 last Thursday)! AND just to confirm that the scale wasn't trying to pull a cruel joke on me, I had my mom measure my waist... down a full inch this week! Whaaaat?! Coworkers are apparently noticing it in my face. I don't see it. In fact, I feel like I look softer. If I had to take a guess, it would be that I'm not doing as much of a long heavy lift as I was prior to week 12 and my stomach is always so full. But on the bright side, I am truly leaner. Repeating my self. See item 4.

As promised at the end of June, I will actually pose next week and in my heels - suit isn't ready yet.

4. Depletion makes me forgetful. This week its water. I tend to forget about getting in my water during the workday, then I GORGE on water at night. Coupled with a few meals after my workout, I look knocked up between the hours of 6 and 9pm. Which also makes me grateful for TOM. Getting knocked up might be the least desirable thing that could happen about now. See item 4.

5. 40 minutes and a gallon of sweat later...

See item 4?

Have a lovely week friends! 10 weeks out and feeling like it might start going faster! This next week will truly mark the half way point in my prep!

A Few Noticings

1. Constantly craving apple juice. Part of me tried to convince the other part of me that we needed some crystal light to take care of the sugar craving. But part No. 2 of me convinced part No. 1 that sweeteners actually only making the cravings worse and make me feel bloated.

2. I'm aware I sound crazy. But I promise I feel more like a zombie. Did you know the CDC actually has a Zombie Disaster Protocol?? I go to bed at 7:30 every night. Its sad.

3. I miss cream in my coffee.

4. The anxiety about handling prep has worn off completely. I spend my days generally happy and calm. I love knowing that I only have to do exactly what Jacques tells me to, instead of trying to guess and do it all myself.
And honestly, I've been consciously maintaining this calm. I'm generally stressed about time during real life (as some how contest prep doesn't feel like real life just yet for me). But during this time I consciously maintain a presence that isn't going to stress about minor details, or being on time. But just go where I need to, do what I can, and enjoy the new feeling of strength and max relaxation from all of the cardio. Hoping this will help next subject.

5. It doesn't feel like summer. Hoping that not stressing as much will help me enjoy the summer. But somehow, I just don't think it will feel like summer without beer. Glad I'll be done in time for the best autumn stuff. :)

6. Down to 115.0. I guess I'm excited about that. But part of me isn't believing it. I think its because I just don't feel tight at this point in my diet. My stomach has expanded for all of this meat.

11 weeks!

Our Best Asset

As I stood in GNC, staring down the protein powders trying unsuccessfully to decide which flavor to try, I overheard a rather large woman talking to the rather large (as always) muscley GNC sales associate. "I do everything right, I eat right, exercise, and drink plenty of water. I just can't seem to get rid of this fat." Politely, this man suggested  a thermogenic for her to add to her regimen. She agreed, paid, and smiled on her way out the door.

Being in contest prep, I sat there blankly staring at the protein powders now for three reasons:
1- Because I was tired and carb depleted and couldn't quite focus on any one thing. :)
2- Still trying to decide on a new flavor.
3- Wondering how honest this woman was being.

Facts.
Drinking water? Who lies about that? No one. Clearly, not the issue.
Exercise? She's probably walking or something. That counts.
Eating right? I wonder...

I thought back to my own experiences in losing weight. Then suddenly I remembered a similar experience I had going in to GNC and asking the Big Muscley GNC Guy about products. I remember in my head thinking "Please GNC Guy, give me a lovely magical product that will cause me to lose all this fat without having to put in any much work" but saying almost the exact same thing the woman I saw. I remember exactly what product I bought. And I remember how I felt walking out of that store. Even more vividly, I remember what I thought to myself walking out of the store "SWEET!"

And I think we all know, the dumb thermo did not take off all my fat without having to work. No, I put in time intensive labor into the body I have right now.

Years later, I would discover my best asset.

Not an ass, an asset, people! Geez! But seriously, I do love how my butt is shaping right now. ;)

Honesty.

I'm 11 weeks out from the Night of Champions and my first steps onto the figure stage. While I couldn't be more excited, I'm also EXTREMELY full. Consuming over a pound of meat and almost 5 cups of veggies daily is difficult (with little output... high protein causes... slow digestive system lol). Having to force feed the large volume of food (calories is not the issue) down, has caused me to be sick. Last night, I got very sick off of trying to finish more meat and ended up vomiting. Once my 8pm meal came, I made an executive decision and added a tbsp of pb to my casein shake... sometimes making sure you get enough calories is the important thing. Technically a cheat, even if it wasn't a horrible binge.

This morning I began composing an email to my trainer. An update email. I started out.. "Things are going good..." WAIT a cotton-pickin-minute. Things weren't just good.

I stopped typing. And thought about that moment in my early weight loss days. My greatest asset at the time, was not buying a thermogenic that obviously did not change my life. It was the moment I became honest with myself. I was not eating right, nor was I even eating well. I wasn't exercising. My intention was there, drive was not. The moment I realized that, was the moment I realized I have the ability to change my actions.

The ability to be honest with yourself, first and foremost, is your greatest asset. Don't kid yourself and think that you can stick to an hour of cardio in the morning and an hour of cardio at night, 6 days a week if you haven't been active up to this point. Don't kid yourself (And HURT yourself) and go on a 1000 calorie diet. The only person you are fooling is yourself, and that doesn't ever go far.

Be honest. Make real changes. Make changes that you know you can stick to day in and day out. Go on a walk with your honey instead of killer cardio that won't make you want to do it tomorrow. Start eating more veggies over chips. You will appreciate your own honesty with yourself later. Promise!
Would my trainer really have known if I didn't eat all of every meal? Or had a tbsp of peanut butter? Probably not. I re-started my email to my trainer:

Subject Line: Confession :) Its not that bad...

The reality is, I need to know where my flaws are so they can be fixed. And my trainer needs to know what my issues are, so we can find a way around them. Honesty is the best policy! ;)


PS- I went with Optimum Nutrition's Extreme Milk Chocolate Whey Isolate. It is really Delicious! Reminds me of Cocoa Puffs. :) Which at this point in my prep, sounds awesome.

Sick on Contest Prep

Indeed I felt it long before the symptoms pushed their way into full on sickness. But since I've been a very active and healthy person, my levels of sickness have gone way down. I almost never get sick anymore. Not like I used to. I used to get sick what seemed like monthly and be out for a week.

This time had to be different.

I felt the symptoms last week, but fought it. Kept at the gym, kept at my diet. The second I let my guard down, seems like my immune system did too. Which was Sunday and Monday.

But better at 12 weeks, than at 8, or 4. Or 1 week out.

Have I mentioned that I have the most impossibly incredible and supportive man that I could possibly have? Yes? Well, he is and there is nothing that can keep me from mentioning how awesome he is.

Tuesday night, at the peak of fever, cold sweats, head gunk, chest gunk and coughing... He goes out of his way to buy gluten-free, low-carb, high-protein chicken vegetable soup for me... knowing my diet restrictions. Knowing how much competing means to me. AND! Last night he went out of his way to grill turkey, steam broccoli, and even portion and weigh it out correctly for me. *Sigh.* He gave me my supplements, constantly filled up my water, and rubbed my back.

I can barely imagine supporting him in a goal like this, and somehow he amazes me. Part of my contest prep this time around, is being very aware of my attitude toward Handsome and keeping calm when I get stressed. Contest Prep definitely puts stress on your loved ones, and I want to make this as easy for him as possible.

So, what does a competitor do while sick and on contest prep?

I don't know if any of you remember that I'm doing my own suit. GULP! Yes, its true. I felt a tad insecure about it at first, but the more I work on it... the more confident I feel about it. And being sick was the best opportunity to sit down with some green tea, watch some Glee, and iron on some rhinestones to my suit.


This side of the top is now mostly done, just need to finish the other side. I have the straps mostly done... and then I still need to do the bottoms. Handsome always tries to calm my sense of urgency, "Babe, you have plenty of time." Well, if I only have time to work on it on Sundays... That is a total of only 11 days. lol
But I spent a good 5 hours on it yesterday and am really pleased with my progress.



Had to go outside to really show the colors

 I'm getting back in the gym today for some legs and cardio. Diet has only barely strayed during being sick. Never over my calories or macros, but did stray from being gluten-free with a piece of toast.

Special shout out to Kari Keenan over at Figure Girl World who will be competing at Team Universe over this weekend in New Jersey going for her Pro-Card! Get on over to her blog at http://www.figuregirlworld.com/ or find her on Twitter @babytatten and give her some love!

Oh, the Temptations

Tomorrow I'm 13 weeks out and am happy to report, I've moved into the green zone. I'm not tempted by smells or random cravings at all lately, in fact the smell of fried chicken made me literally sick to my stomach the other day.

We are off for camping for the weekend... We're woodsy people. We live in the country and love to get lost in the woods for a couple days. :) But this is no excuse to cheat. I have my food all portioned and prepared (will post this part when I get back). And like I said, I feel that I've finally moved into the green zone, but am still keenly on guard for camping food. Food can seem like nothing when you're at home and busy with the stuff you have going on, but a tendency when camping is to eat because you don't really have anything better to do. So, my preemptive strike was 2 cases of water and tons of Mio and gum for in between meals. We are going with my mom, and Handsome's whole side of his mother's family and am not really stoked to have to explain why I can't eat prime rib & smores with them But! These are the sacrifices you make for your goals. And in the end, I won't even remember what I didn't get to eat. Does anyone really remember their meals a year later anyway? No. Case closed. I'll stick to my chicken & cucumbers.

My big temptation lately, oddly enough, has been the scale. I was never a "scale person."

When I was overweight, my goal was never a number, it was more about how I wanted my body to look.

Lately, and I think this is due to how hard I have been working, I have been really tempted to jump on that scale just to see if I've truly made any progress. :) But, I've resolved to only weigh once a week. And to be honest, it has really made me work harder. Today I even took my shoes off after spin class and walked over to the scale. I had close my eyes a minute and remind myself that while I really want to see how I'm doing, that I need to push for just a few days more... because I have another 13 weeks to push myself to the limit.

I'm seeing loads of definition right now, delts are popping, ab lines are coming in and it is really way more exciting than I ever thought it would be. When I made the decision in February to give myself more time to train, I didn't know how great of a decision that would be until this moment. I was disappointed in myself at the time, because I felt like I was giving up. But giving myself an 18 week prep and heading into this full force, I feel stronger than I ever have. Mentally my mind isn't playing tricks, I haven't had any emotional breakdowns lately, and my body is keeping up. I want this. Its mine to have. :)

Happy Independence Day everyone!