Ramblings at 9 Weeks Out

I can't seem to form coherent posts lately. Contest Prep Crazy Brain thinks in very sporadic and crazy thought patterns, hence its given name.. So I'll just give everyone an update of life and stuff!

I finally got a cheat meal this last weekend, which was gluten-free pancakes with butter and sugar-free syrup (that was a me decision, not a trainer decision... I don't like how sugary syrups make me feel) and some raspberries. I'm now allowed a cheat meal every week, and realize that I'm one of my trainers clients that has to be told have one and has to be told not to make it too much of diet food. But those pancakes were exactly what I needed... Less about the taste and more about the texture. The dense pancakes that were very crispy on the outside (my favorite!) were exactly what I was looking for. Last time I had a cheat was around 16 weeks, and I can't even remember what I ate... but I do remember how I felt about it: It was highly dissatisfying. And nothing feels worse than having a cheat, and it didn't even feel worth it. Not the case this time. :)

I'm hovering right around 112 lbs (People think this is too small but please remember, I'm only 4'11"). And maybe I have not revealed this to anyone but this is something I have really come to value about my trainer: he doesn't care about my weight, body fat, or measurements. No kidding! We both, as a team, care about how my body looks. Period. I weigh myself and take measurements as small victories, like being able to see my body is changing, help keep me motivated. But I love that there is no significance in my weight; workouts and diet are changed based on how my physique is looking. It really is just a number, not a measurement of progress. (but on the side of progress, this means I've dropped 9 lbs during prep! And I am not using water weight as part of that... I've worked hard. Period.)


I realize that I am not posing like I said I would, I just haven't been able to get a moment where Patrick can take them. I promise I will soon!



But I am loving the definition I'm starting to see! My shoulders and back have it, love seeing it in the tummy!

There's a dude on bodybuilding.com who keeps commenting on my progress pictures wanting to adjust them to make my definition stand out. He sounds like a creepster, but my mind has been buzzing about this. I've worked hard for what little definition I have right now. And if I do not show definition, it just proves I am not done working for what I want. There is no faking real definition.

A LOT of my clothes no longer fit. Pretty much any of my pants. And of all things, my underwear has turned into granny panties. No joke, I get a wedgie every. time. I run. And not just that, but If I'm treadmill HIIT'ing it, I have to pick at it between every sprint. Its actually becoming a problem and now clothing needs to fit into the budget. But half glad, because it means I'm losing in my lower body right now and it means new clothes!

Crazy thing I've noticed this week, I've started clenching/grinding my teeth at night. Its weird and I have only barely caught myself doing it, but my jaw muscles have been very sore. Just as well, I've been feeling like I was getting ear infections. All apparently symptoms of teeth grinding/clenching. Strange, too. Because it seems like I've finally been able to sleep. Its like my mind traded one stress symptom for another.

Crazy Me is trying to convince me to do another competition 4 weeks after the competition I've already committed to. Not sure yet. Part of me is feeling like I will really need to enjoy October & fall foods (LOVE! Autumn is my favorite season!)... but Crazy Me really wants the experience of another, however smaller, competition. I guess I still have a few weeks to figure it out.

I haven't worked on my suit in a while. Ugh. Let me tell you, and I will do a whole post about making the suit, it is such a pain in the arse to do this when you already have so little time. I will be purchasing my next suit, completed. :) BUT, and I can't even tell you how much more this makes me love my man, Patrick cancelled our plans this weekend so I could have the weekend to decompress and work on my suit. How incredible is a supportive man like that?! I never thought contest prep would bring us closer, but it definitely has. He has been such an incredibly supportive man - I doubt that any man could handle my Crazy and schedule like he does.

I am loving this lifestyle. I AM a bodybuilder. ;)