|I have deadly sins. Deadly to fat. lol|
But part of me has found that being vain, isn't that bad... Especially when it is only half vanity. Yes I look and fix, no I don't think I'm perfect. And especially when you see the fault, and work to fix it. Nothing can be wrong about that.
As I lay here thinking about it, the more I get angry about trying to get passed this wall. Usually, if this happens, I begin to lose my motivation. Lose my determination.
But this time, as laying around here goes, you wind up watching reality tv. Somehow, I've gotten into Dog: The Bounty Hunter. I'm sure everyone has seen this guy, but he is very eccentric. And he can be aggressive, fierce, determined, and serious about catching these wanted fugitives. The more I watch this guy, the madder I get about wanting what I want. Lord, I want that feeling of accomplishment in reaching my goals. And not two minutes ago, as I lay here getting mad, Dog was sitting in a stake-out and said something very pertinent to my cause: "The sitting around bothers me. Even though you're sitting, your adrenaline is at this edge of peaking. (vibrating noise) You know because you're just trying to guess every possibility of what could happen."
Woah. Could he really have said into words exactly what I was feeling? How timely.
However. The longer I sit here, the more I get a righteous anger. Angry enough to find a fierce determination. Mad enough to try new things. Pissed enough to let it sink in. And I feel like the longer I can let this anger sit in, the more in control I can be and the longer this motivation will last once I go.
I finished out the week feeling better. I never went over my calories this week, and by Wednesday my calories and protein were back to normal. I ended up getting in 2 workouts.. P90x and 2 sets of cardio. I ordered a food scale for meticulous meal tracking, a pre-filled workout journal, and a blank journal to use as my workout journal in case I don't like the pre-filled ones. I am going to try some new protein powder flavors just to mix things up for me and treat this new round of working out like this whole deal is brand new.
If this is something I really want, this has to be my mindset all the time. I'm finding all sorts of motivation for it. My friend who is a trainer, said today, "Sometimes I get cocky and say 'I'm too strong for my puny weights.'" This is exactly how I need to be thinking. All the time. I think it is feasible to use my deadly sins to crush my goals. And I think it is acceptable to embrace this side of me to get what I want, when I want.
So I think I'll embrace my vanity and anger.